


Homestuck Act 7 Redux: Void Ex Machina

by AnalyticChaoticism



Series: Homestuck Act 7 Redux: Void Ex Machina [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Auto Responder | Lil Hal/Equius Zahhak, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 69,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7231228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnalyticChaoticism/pseuds/AnalyticChaoticism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HA7R:VEM is the rewriting of Homestuck's Act 7, giving the opportunity to develop the characters more satisfyingly through extra dialogue, and to expand upon the ending of the story for the sake of clarity (in a not totally canon-compliant way). Join me, our story's new narrator, as we watch the kids we've grown to love and the villains we've grown to love to hate (or just downright despise) duke it out once and for all on the stage of a collapsing Paradox Space. With more dialogue, fan theories, and meta -analysis than you can shake a stick at as the script, flashy super powers as our lighting, linked HS Bandcamp tracks as the score, and my voice as the sound, allow me to tell you about how our favourite protagonists of our favourite story defend all of reality, find themselves, answer the Ultimate Riddle, and FINALLY claim the Ultimate Reward we have watched them fight for for seven years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Conversationing: Firmly Buckled Harnesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonists have all returned from their respective battles, and reunite with (long lost) friends and lovers to share the 'love you's' and healing friendship magics (literal AND metaphorical) that they've all needed to receive after the brutal wringer the game and their enemies have put them all through. With this first chapter we see Dirk and Jane discuss their lifestyles and reconcile their feelings, Jade finally meet John for a conversation again, Calliope discusses the mysterious nature of the Condesce's death, and Dave and Karkat being awkward cute BFs and makin some funny sex jokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be conversations. Lots of them. Prepare thyself for words.
> 
> I'm aiming for 3 conversations per chapter, and if they're super long, maybe just 2. I have written the conversations in dialoglog format, because the accuracy to comic really strokes my scrote in all the right ways. This is of course in exchange for text walls but hey we all suffer for our art ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. I'll resolve the issues I'm having with the HS skin HTML so that I can colour the text to make things better once it stops not working on me like a little bitch. 
> 
> Enjoy your interactions.

_It's almost over. For all of them. The end is in sight, more literally for some than others. Namely our Seers, of course, but that's to be expected. Said fact shall become relevant later, but not for a while yet. After the penultimate combat we previously saw our heroes engaged in, they deserve a break. Chances to recollect themselves, congratulate and celebrate mutual victory with the friends they have come to love over the years of running and hiding and fighting. Honestly these kids have gone through the gauntlet, let's be real here. Pause, for a second. Running from an insect person with one arm, a magic ring, and genocidal intent, who in turn is also running from an insect person with one arm and a magic ring. Some tacky alien bitch masquerading as the foremother of the largest baking goods empire in the world. A sex snake yaoi loving stunted manchild demon made from a whiny, violent weeb, half of the insane juggalo who raised and worshipped him (as if his soul was as divisable as his body so obviously was), a sweaty racist horse furry, and the brain of a 13 year old boy who lived in post-apocalyptic sea world with no physical human contact turned supercomputer, all of which is stuffed inside a freaky puppet. What is this shit. What the fuck is Homestuck. I'm sure as readers and writers, we, not excluding Hussie himself, have asked ourselves this very question. What the fuck is Homestuck? Why have I dedicated so much time to this bullshit? When was it too late? Well I'm not here to answer these question because I don't know myself, I just know it's my favourite thing. I sold my soul long ago. It is too late for me, I'm in too deep. I am entrenched in this bitch. I'm with Charlie as we speak. This is why I have assumed control of the narrative because on one hand what we received - with critical thinking, hindsight, and time to chill the fuck out like I swallowed a 0 Troll Kelvin pill - was fantastic, I feel it could've achieved the same it did with a little more... elaboration. My purpose here is... aggressive expansion and aggressive expansion you shall get. I cannot provide definitive answers for the meanings of classpect, or show you the denizens, or provide explanation for lands or their quests. As unfortunate as it is, I am unable to supply you the expositional SBURB lore that I was so disappointed to see absent in Hussie's ending. However, I can provide two things: Clarity, but more importantly..._

_Conversations._

_I hope you're ready to see some words._

==>

 

_Dusting themselves off after receiving - and delivering - the batterings of their lives in the fight to propagate and secure a universe, group by group the kids begin to reconvene at the lily pad. The first to arrive is Jade, who carries a grinning Calliope with arms splayed wide as if she were flying (which of course she actually is, God bless her soul). Karkat sits on Jade's back, arms clutched tight around her neck as he holds on for dear life. With her arms wrapped around Karkat’s midsection sits Ms. Paint, who’s just happy to be along for the ride. Jake flies alongside her, talking to her excitedly about his fisticuffs with the Felt. Behind them trails PM with an equally excited - if not slightly more scared - Mayor in her arm. Slumped over her shoulder she carries a second Dersite carapacian, minus an arm. The de-ringed and de-prototyped Jack Noir, who (mostly through exhaustion and shock) has seemed to mellow out some. Behind him is a hogtied puppet man made from green felt; the dazed and defeated Clover. These girl’s respective abilities to balance and carry so many friends on their flying persons is admirable. Coming in from the left are the valiant combatants who took on the Condesce toe to toe on the wreckage of Derse. All bruised, all scuffed. All cheering. She may have beaten their bodies but the Batterwitch didn’t beat their spirits. Jasprosesprite and Davepetasprite appearify from a fourth wall that in turn appearifies from the void. Rounding out our roster, one Terezi and two Dave’s holding the two pieces of a decapitated Dirk appear on the platform. Quick to see when she is needed, Jane glides down to her dead friend as one of the Dave’s disappears, having fulfilled his role as head carrier. Dutifully, she wiggles her fingers which spring to life with… well, LIFE, and begins healing him. Bright blue energy surrounds his wounds and sure enough he’s sitting up, smiling at a Jane who smiles right on back. Dave sits down beside him. Everyone is fine and buzzing with the thrill of the fight. People run to one another for tender embraces, each in turn. Kanaya sprints to Karkat to make sure she didn't bruise his soft, soft head too hard in Echidna's lair._

__

_This is when the conversations start happening. That’s right. People spoke. Imagine the crippling disappointment you would feel if, instead of giving you pages of discussion, they were silent and you were provided with nothing but images. You were left to infer the possible discussions among yourselves and your fellow fans. Well guess what. Pictures DON’T tell a thousand words. You know what DO tell a thousand words? These following conversations. You're welcome for my existing._

==>

DIRK: Thanks for patching me up, Jane. Don’t know where I’d be without you.

JANE: Perhaps minus a noggin?

DIRK: Haha yeah I mean that’s exactly where I’d be, you hit that one square on the head. 

JANE: I do believe I did :p

JANE: So how did the head come to be removed from the neck, dare I ask?

DIRK: When we were fighting the Jacks, we were all lined up perfectly.

DIRK: And they were finally incapacitated.

DIRK: So, I gave the go ahead to Dave to charge us down with his sword and cut off all three heads. I had it in good faith you could get me back on my feet again, so I wasn’t too concerned.

DIRK: Calculated risks.

JANE: So you weren’t even a little hesitant then?

DIRK: Nope.

JANE: Dirk Strider, the apex cool kid, as nonchalant and blase about removing his head as he is ironic.

JANE: I have it in good faith that this is the SECOND time it’s happened now Dirk. Good faith as in, I was there both times.

JANE: That’s two whole times you’ve willingly taken your head from your shoulders. Granted it has been to help in dire crises as a last resort, and as you have said they were calculated gambles if anything but still…

JANE: I think it’s time to give up the ghost of beheadings past, as well as the present and future, for that matter. You need to learn to stop putting everything on the line to help. Not everything has to become a massive sacrifice!

JANE: A grandiose action that puts your life in jeopardy!

JANE: It’s wearing on my nerves Strider, it really is. We’d all miss you so much if you stuck your neck out for us and I couldn’t glue it back together.

JANE: Between you and me, I think you were scared though. Who wouldn’t be scared to die, even when they knew there were contingencies in place to help them out of their life threatening pickle? I know you’re the smoothest and most collected bad boy to have ever lived, but I don’t think you’re as calm about these things as you act or say you are.

DIRK: Okay, you might be right.

DIRK: Maybe I do get a bit scared, maybe there is some hesitation, or reluctance. Maybe even though it is founded in good intentions, and the chances of things going wrong are minimal -

JANE: At best.

DIRK: - Minimal at best, it might be a bit silly to so willingly throw caution to the wind.

DIRK: But hey, what can I say? I just have a penchant for these things.

JANE: Hmph. I forgive you for your callous disregard of your own life, because you’re only doing it with good things in mind. But promise you won’t do anything of any similar, risky vein any time soon.

JANE: Or better yet, ever again.

DIRK: Sure.

DIRK: Promise.

DIRK: I’m sorry I worried you.

JANE: Oh it’s fine.

JANE: You lot really put my heart through the wringer in all the best ways on a constant basis.

DIRK: Yeah…

DIRK: Listen, Jane… I’m going to be honest about some things here, and it’s going to get pretty intense, so buckle up for a Hardcore Strider Feels Trip patent pending with me here.

JANE: Consider the harnesses buckled as firmly as they can be.

DIRK: I might try to appear the most most mature in every situation. When I don’t it becomes something ironic, as so many of my actions are want to be considered.

DIRK: I might try to appear to be the most intelligent, the most socially and emotionally aware.

DIRK: The one with the flawless plans.

DIRK: As regrettable as it is that I should ever find myself saying this, for want of a better, perhaps centuries less antiquated phrase… I tried to seem like I was a good guy.

DIRK: Got to admit though, I can be a pretty shitty guy who doesn't actually express himself genuinely or... have an actual handle on matters a lot of the time. I know that must come as a bit of a shocker, especially having it come from me, the horse’s mouth if you will.

DIRK: I can be ignorant, selfish, manipulating. Granted that’s just a collection of basic human qualities, and we’re all flawed and yada yada tell me something I don’t know.

DIRK: But I think it’s important to acknowledge this stuff because...

DIRK: Because with me, it almost never is. So I suppose I just internalized these lowkey feelings of self loathing and as the agony compounded I made my best efforts to disguise it with irony and a distanced, almost aloof inaccessibility.

DIRK: A bit of a condescending or patronizing underhanded superiority for good measure, let’s not forget that.

JANE: Of course not, how could we?

DIRK: Everything kind of unwillingly bubbled up to the surface back there, or more accurately I suppose back then. Especially with the Jake fiasco.

DIRK: Yessiree I became quite the draining, emotionally needy, controlling and dominating boyfriend with all of that. If we’re being honest I was coming close to edging on abusive.

DIRK: It certainly wasn’t a healthy relationship for anyone, almost as toxic as the krypton atmospheric saturation on LOTAK. Frankly, it probably would’ve done him more good than me.

DIRK: I became so suffocating and it’s when I started to really realize all my flaws, with the help of the ever incessant and ever frustrating Hal.

DIRK: He really held up this mirror that I didn’t want to look at, and I called down a fuckton years worth of bad luck when I tried to break it.

DIRK: Either way, I’ve come to realize all these problems that I have, and I know at times I haven’t been the best of friends.

DIRK: Especially in terms of the pursuing of our mutual romantic interest. Not to make lame excuses but I hope you can understand.

DIRK: A lonely hormonal homosexual teen raised in oceanic isolation with enough Fanta to dye the sea and some rapbots post-humanity genocide, exposed to a boy in the flesh for the first time.

DIRK: Jesus fucking H Christ weeping on the bike of the dear mother divine, how can I, the ultimate coolkid D Stri, go boy crazy? That's so prepubescent of me.

DIRK: The boy who I idolised, what with all my infatuation and...

DIRK: You know what I mean.

DIRK: Either way that’s all behind us now and I just want you to know that I do want to make a dedicated effort to improving myself as a person.

JANE: I think that’s very noble of you Dirk, and it must have taken a lot of courage to come to those conclusions and say those things.

JANE: In fact, I daresay it takes more bravery to admit to one’s flaws and share them with others than it does to line yourself up on the chopping block for a headectomy!

JANE: But I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself there Dirk.

JANE: By which I mean far too harsh indeed!

JANE: Yes, you do have your problems, but you’re not as bad as you say. You’re a fantastic guy!

JANE: You care for all your friends so much you're willing to die for them, and you try hard for all of us, you do.

JANE: Sometimes things might be a bit obtuse or come off a bit snarky to the more uninitiated but your heart is always in the right place.

JANE: And you’re just a teenager.

JANE: Being a teenager is hard. It’s hard and nobody understands.

JANE: Whether you were raised in isolation on a post-apocalypse sea fish Hitler waterworld, or the heiress to a dark, alien confectionary company who is placed under near-permanent house arrest to foil assassination attempts.

JANE: Things can get a bit lonely at times!

JANE: Believe you me, I’m no perfect rose or gentle shrinking violet myself Dirk.

DIRK: Really?

DIRK: Golly gosh I suppose I never noticed.

JANE: Don’t sass me mister.

JANE: I’m oh so stubborn. I can be a bit demanding, a bit tunnel vision. Sometimes I need to put more faith in my friends.

JANE: I said some absolutely atrocious things to Roxy, which I’m still anticipating a comeuppance for at the hands of Lady Karma, besides being mind controlled by a fishy alien empress.

JANE: I can have my own problems wheeling and dealing with emotions, as you do. I think that’s just something that comes with adolescence though.

JANE: An irritating and unfortunate rite of passage, so I shan’t hold it against any of us too seriously. It’s only been made all the more worse by our varying degrees of isolation, as you have alluded to.

JANE: When The Condesce was controlling me, it was really just a removal of my inhibitions and strong positive emotions. It was still, on some sad, sad level I find myself increasingly reluctant to acknowledge, my own desires.

JANE: So I too would like to say that I am aware of my flaws, and I want to work alongside you to better myself as a person.

JANE: I forgive you for any past transgressions, Dirk Strider.

JANE: I just hope Jake can forgive me, I treated him the worst of all.

DIRK: Likewise.

JANE: We really WERE a bit silly to become so up-in-arms over him weren’t we, Dirk? He’s just an awkward, skinny nerd boy. OUR awkward, skinny nerd boy of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

JANE: But I was quite awful to him in my villainous condition.

DIRK: Yeah I treated him pretty shitty too.

DIRK: We just have to do our best efforts to get back into his good books, and hope he’ll want to give us a second chance and pencil us back in.

JANE: Yeah…

DIRK: Yeah…

JANE: Not going to lie though, even if he isn’t quite what I expected after all those years of fantasizing and putting him on all my pedestals, there are still residual feelings.

DIRK: Yeah…

JANE: Yeah…

DIRK: Who knows maybe one day we’ll have grown enough as people and by some twist of fate we might qualify as influences positive enough in his life to end up with him again.

JANE: Perhaps.

JANE: But just so it’s clear:

JANE: I care about you just as much as all my other fantastic friends that I love so much.

JANE: I hope you can find it in your HEART to forgive me, lest you leave my LIFE a little sourer :P

DIRK: Well how can I say no to quality puns like that.

DIRK: I love you too, you old nanna.

JANE: Hoohoo, don’t get me started on that old bird Dirk.

JANE: I tell you, she’s quite the riot!

JANE: She has the best unexpected pie techniques. I hope someday to learn something from her, for she truly has the talent worthy of a superior Prankster’s Gambit.

DIRK: I don’t doubt that she is.

DIRK: And you know what? She is you, so you can probably expect to end up quite similar to her in many ways. I should imagine some of those ways would include those of the prankster.

DIRK: I’ve just run some bullshit figures in my head, AKA the most high end calculations possible to determine and solve within the physical and metaphysical limitations of the human brain, and I am in all actuality 101% positive that you will become just as adept in the fearsome pranking art as your future selves are.

JANE: Dirk…

JANE: I do believe that…

JANE: Those are the sweetest things anybody has ever said to me.

JANE: Come here you big lug.

DIRK: Coming here I shall do.

Dirk shuffles closer to her and they hug, his cheek squishing against hers.

DIRK: Man.

DIRK: Dude.

DIRK: Bro.

DIRK: This shit is the tightest.

JANE: You bet your hot patooty this shit be as you describe it.

_Disengaging, Jane plants a soft kiss on Dirk’s cheek. He tries to downplay the moment, quelling the embarrassment that threatens to flush his cheeks. She sees the underdeveloped tint in his face and laughs softly._

JANE: Let’s go check on our other friends, hmmmm?

DIRK: Sounds peachy.

DIRK: I’ll go handle Jake first.

JANE: Sure thing!

JANE: Good luck with that, Strider.

DIRK: I’m a Strider.

DIRK: I don’t need luck.

JANE: *eyeroll*

DIRK: But thanks.

DIRK: And…

DIRK: Likewise. 

==>

_Dirk starts walking towards Jake, who is standing awkwardly off to the side, as if debating to avoid notice. Before Dirk left for his fight, he remembers Jake seeming a lot more withdrawn and melancholy. Now there’s a soft triumph below the surface and his slight seclusion looks almost reluctant. Seeing him reverting to his traditionally more rambunctious self puts a smile on Dirk’s face that he can’t disguise as he makes his way over to his friend. Jane - flanked by Roxy and John - turns to go to Jade and Calliope who are both jumping with joy and rushing to meet them halfway. Jade leaps into John’s arms, and he sends them spinning into the air, both of them laughing at the top of their lungs._

==>

JOHN: JADE!

JADE: JOHN!

JADE: i missed you so much!!

JOHN: i missed you too, Jade!

JOHN: well, perhaps not quite in the way that you are to have missed me, from what i’ve been told.

JOHN: but where i came from wasn’t the best either, if we’re being honest.

JOHN: it’s so good to see you when you aren’t being mind controlled by an evil sea troll who disguised herself and her conquest of our entire planet with a baking empire!

JADE: ehehe im sure it is!

JADE: i too am glad that im free from her awful powers

JADE: but none of that matters now!

JADE: because youre here again!!

JOHN: i am!

JADE: i cant believe youre really here…

JADE: i never thought id ever see you again, john :(

JADE: when lowas blew up, i thought that…

JADE: that was it!

JADE: thats all she wrote

JADE: but now here you are again!

JOHN: oh no jade that’s so sad.

JOHN: i’m sorry i couldn’t be there with you.

JOHN: those 3 years must’ve been so lonely…

JOHN: but it’s fine now, because i’m here again, and back for good this time!

JOHN: you can bet i’m never going to be making any sudden disappearances which may or may not also involve death ever again!

JOHN: now that i’m here with you, and all my other awesome friends, after coming back from…

JOHN: what happened in the original alpha timeline.

JOHN: i intend to keep it that way.

JADE: i wouldnt let you out of my sight even if you wanted to be

JADE: not on my watch

JOHN: shouldn’t watches be dave’s thing?

JADE: you know what i mean :p

JOHN: and you know i think i might just object to the amount of watching you suggest, jade!

JOHN: a man needs his privacy sometimes, you know?

JOHN: we have to perform certain…

JOHN: duties.

JADE: duties?

JOHN: yes jade.

JOHN: duties.

JOHN: and i think it might just be a tad intrusive if you were to constantly monitor me, you know!

JADE: dont worry, i can give you space enough to perform your ‘man duties’ in private

JADE: nerd

JOHN: thank you for your consideratio.n

JOHN: dork.

JADE: :)

JOHN: :)

JADE: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i still cant believe it!

JADE: youre really here!!!

JOHN: i am!

_They both laugh some more, floating back down to the platform and unembracing. Jade quickly re-embraces for a few moments before she lets go again. This is when she sees Jane._

==>

JADE: JANE!  


JANE: JADE!

_Jane, Calliope’s hands in hers, turns to face her friend._

JANE: Hello!

JANE: It’s good to see you again!

JADE: likewise!

JANE: And under much happier circumstances, no less. Everybody’s here, no serious harm, and the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight to boot!

JADE: definitely happier circumstances

JANE: Exactly, what without the Condesce having us act so villainuously. The lack of sinister intent is so refreshing.

JANE: Returning to my helpful position as a friendly healer, as opposed to the awful tyrant she had me turned into with her awful tiara.

JANE: It still makes me a bit sick to my stomach to think of the bad things I did.

JADE: i know how you feel

JANE: BUT!

JANE: There is good news worthy of much joyous celebration, my dear Harley!

JADE: and what might that news be?

JANE: The witch is dead!

JADE: of course, thats why youre here!

JADE: i suppose i hadnt thought of that, i was a bit too busy being excited to see all my friends again

JADE: youre right, that is fantastic news!

JANE: That’s right.

JANE: The old woman put up a fierce fight.

JANE: I’m telling you Jade, she is definitely not a customer one trifles with lightly! She would have put a few of our friends out and down for the count, if myself and my healing companions hadn’t been there to assist.

JANE: But we put up a valiant effort of our own, with dazzling displays of power.

JADE: :o

JADE: then what happened?

JANE: Our roguish friend Roxy happened, that’s what!

ROXY: hi!!

ROXY: heck yea i happened!

ROXY: i happened sooo hard

CALLIOPE: she really did, jade.

CALLIOPE: she was telling me all aboUt it!

CALLIOPE: the whole ordeal soUnds rather exciting.

ROXY: the old hagfish had her back turned, which was her first mistake

ROXY: among many other mistakes she made

ROXY: this one in particular was a pretty big fuckup tho, almost as royal as herself

ROXY: and let me tell you, that shit

ROXY: is damn hard to pull off

JADE: so what did you do while she had her back turned?

JANE: Our cunning old Roxy had a sword on her, and when Her Imperious Condescension was least expecting it…

JANE: Roxy put the sword straight through her shoulders!

JADE: oh shit!

JADE: thats gotta smart

JANE: You’re right it does.

JANE: She fell to her hands and knees, coughing up blood that resembled cheap pink nail polish from Sephora and her tacky glitter.

JOHN: it was pretty fucking awesome Jade.

JOHN: trust me.

JADE: it does sound pretty fucking awesome

CALLIOPE: the most astonishing thing aboUt it all is that roxy wasn’t UnfortUnately possessed!

ROXY: pleased to be excusing me

ROXY: come again?

CALLIOPE: the condesce was Under strict employ from my brother, as we all know.

CALLIOPE: and as part of her contract, she inherited a horrible cUrse from the handmaid, caliborn’s first troll slave.

CALLIOPE: this cUrse entailed what to some coUld be considered the Ultimate reward:

CALLIOPE: immortality.

ROXY: ooooo sounds pretty snazzy

ROXY: even if it means being a demon slave

ROXY: but ive already got that immortality shit down pat, i dont need any le handouts

CALLIOPE: yes, bUt that’s exactly the point!

CALLIOPE: to kill one of his workers is to take the cUrse Upon yoUrself!

CALLIOPE: frankly i’m almost shocked that yoU say she died but yoU’re still here, and very mUch yoUrself.

CALLIOPE: instead of our story’s next antagonist.

ROXY: well i can promise you right now callie

ROXY: im no mans slave!

ROXY: least of all a filthy weeb dudebro who likes to put curses on people

CALLIOPE: i’m elated to hear it, too!

CALLIOPE: i shoUld very mUch miss yoU if yoU were to fall victim to my brother’s dirty tricks, as i’m sUre we all woUld.

JANE: I would most certainly miss you.

JADE: i might not know you too well, but i think i would very much like to!

JADE: you seem like a very nice and cool person and nice and cool people are the kinds i want to be friends with

JOHN: i would be really sad if you became a bad guy.

ROXY: awwwwww you guysss

ROXY: youre melting my tiny little heart

CALLIOPE: it does beg the qUestion:

CALLIOPE: why?

CALLIOPE: perhaps, so close to the endgame, he does not feel he needs any more assistance in achieving his goals. that woUld be nice. He mUst have jUst terminated the contract.

ROXY: phew

ROXY: wont be turning into gross sweaty monster help any time soon then huh?

CALLIOPE: no, no, i don’t think yoU will.

JOHN: good.

JANE: Very.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, the alternative is an almost eqUally frightening thoUght.

JADE: oh no, what thought is that?

CALLIOPE: that the batterwitch isn’t genUinely dead, and that her death was temporary, or a rUse, which is why yoU did not inherit the cUrse.

ROXY: ...

JOHN: ...

JADE: ...

JANE: ...

CALLIOPE: ...

ROXY: imma just think that maybe he had a change of heart and decided that slavery isnt good

ROXY: poor worker morale, you know?

CALLIOPE: yes. yoU’re right.

CALLIOPE: i’m thinking into things a tad mUch u_u

CALLIOPE: everything is fine.

ROXY: you bet it is!

ROXY: now that were all back together

ROXY: nothing we cant do

JADE: yeah!

JOHN: yeah!

==>

_Dave sees Karkat, and does his best to contain himself, trying to keep his strides casual._

DAVE: well would you all turn your weary, weary gaze to this sorry excuse for a living breathing thing

DAVE: he sure is a sight for sore eyes if ever theres been one

KARKAT: DAVE SHUT THE FUCK UP

DAVE: you know i dont mean it

DAVE: im just messing with you

DAVE: you know how it is, sometimes you just gotta mess with somebody. turns out you happen to be totally perfect to mess with. youre always so beautifully responsive to any and all needling, even if said pointy pointy needles arent even pointy pointying in your direction, you just have to go looking for trouble. youre practically a trouble magnet you draw all of it towards you like youre made of bad luck -

KARKAT: DAVE SHUT -

DAVE: but hey you know what despite everything, like all of your countless flaws which you are oh so known for because as we all in fact do know you are the biggest douche to have ever douched and i am being one hundred percent totally serious and legitimate in saying all of the totally authentic statements that i am making happen and exist by opening and closing my mouth to -

KARKAT: DAVE!

DAVE: yeah?

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU

_He grabs Dave’s face in his hands, pulling it towards his own, and their lips meet. The kiss only lasts a moment, before Karkat remembers they’re in the public eye (even though everybody is too busy talking excitedly to each other to notice some lovestruck teenagers) and pulls away. Dave chuckles softly and slugs him in the shoulder. Karkat pushes him back._

DAVE: i love you too you dumbass loser

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE OKAY...

DAVE: gotta say, im also pretty glad that i happen to be okay

KARKAT: I KNEW YOU’D BE FINE THOUGH. IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS WORRIED, YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. BESIDES YOU WERE WITH DIRK AND TEREZI, YOU COULDN’T’VE LOST. WOW THAT IS A GROSSLY LONG CONTRACTION THAT SHOULDN’T RIGHTLY EXIST.

DAVE: christ youre such a fucking dork

KARKAT: BE THAT AS IT MAY, YOU ARE STUCK WITH ME DAVE. I AM NOT JUST ANY FUCKING DORK. I AM YOUR FUCKING DORK.

DAVE: wouldnt have it any other way

DAVE: im uh… im glad youre fine too

DAVE: of course i had faith in your awesome combat capabilities too. like dude literally nobody in all of existence has anything on you, what with your feisty determined sickle skills and shit, i mean not even i would wanna take you on just kidding i totally would and guess what bitch, newsflash: i would totally kick your ass

KARKAT: PERHAPS YOU COULD, IN YOUR MOST RISQUE AND SALACIOUS FANTASIES.

DAVE: you know all my risque and salacious fantasies are you beating my ass, how many times do we have to go over this man

DAVE: tie me up like they do to the hogs back home, in the texan cities

DAVE: thats the true way to my heart, and also my penis

DAVE: straight up penis ouija

DAVE: wheres the rope?

DAVE: is someone trying to talk to those dicks again?

DAVE: but of course youd know all about the ways to my various blood engorged organs wouldnt you, after those long 3 years

DAVE: who can blame us, two hormonal teenagers, for doing what we did behind closed doors?

DAVE: shit came naturally

DAVE: not the only thing that came

DAVE: you probably cant see it but im winking behind these glasses, cuz im the smoothest and funniest motherfucker who ever did live

KARKAT: OKAY FIRST OF ALL.

KARKAT: YOUR INSINUATIONS ARE *DISTURBINGLY* AMBIGUOUS. IN NO WORLD HAVE I EVER HEARD SOMEONE MAKE SEX SOUND SO *INSIDIOUS* AND QUESTIONABLE IN TERMS OF THE ROCKY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MORALITY AND FETISH.

KARKAT: NOT ONLY AM I WELL VERSED ON MATTERS OF COPULATION, TO THE POINT WHERE I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE *SACRED HAND*, THE OWNER OF WHICH WHO MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DARKEST GOD FROM THE MOST INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEPTHS OF THE FURTHEST RING, TO HAVE TAKEN HOLY PEN TO HOLY PAPER AND INSCRIBED UNHOLY KNOWLEDGE IN THE BOOK WHICH YOU REFER TO AS THE “KAMASUTRA.”

KARKAT: BUT I COME FROM A PLANET WHERE IF WE DID NOT FUCK OVER A BUCKET IN FRONT OF ROBOTS, THEY WOULD *KILL* US!

KARKAT: I WOULD KNOW ABOUT INSIDIOUS AND MORALLY QUESTIONABLE SEXUAL PRACTICES INVOLVING A VARIETY OF DISGUSTING UTENSILS!

KARKAT: BUT SECONDLY, THERE ARE MYRIAD OTHER LIVING, BREATHING, ARGUABLY SENTIENT BEINGS WALKING AND MOST IMPORTANTLY *HEARING* AMONG US. I AM SURE THEY DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OUR SEXUAL ACTIVITY, JOKING IN POOR TASTE OR OTHERWISE.

DAVE: man back on earth people would talk about how they were busy having sex all the time

DAVE: like it was some sort of conquest or what not

DAVE: i woulda thought trolls woulda been the same, if not more so, what with their freaky ass death bots ready to straight up fuckin disembowel them if they didnt at least gay up and leak out their dicks into some fuckin nasty tupperware and have a bukkake party with some insect

KARKAT: MOST OF US ARE JUST AS GUNG HO ABOUT SEXUAL DISCUSSION AND INNUENDO AS YOU HUMANS ARE.

KARKAT: I DO BELIEVE YOU INHERITED YOUR DOUBLE ENTENDRE DISTRIBUTION FROM US, IT WAS OUR *GIFT* TO YOU, EVEN BETTER THAN THE GIVING OF THE LIFE THAT WOULD NECESSITATE THE ABILITY TO DEVISE AND PERFORM SAID INNUENDO.

KARKAT: BUT NOBODY OUTSIDE OF OUR UNFORTUNATE METEOR CREW FRIENDS ARE AWARE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

KARKAT: JOHN, IN HIS DISGUSTING ROMANTIC IGNORANCE, DIDN’T PICK UP ON ANYTHING PROPERLY. I SUPPOSE THIS WAS TO BE EXPECTED AND WE CAN CUT HIM SOME SLACK.

KARKAT: BUT I THINK IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE TO LET THEM KNOW AND EASE THEM INTO THE WHOLE “WE ARE ACTUALLY LOVERS” THING *BEFORE* YOU STARTED RUNNING YOUR MOUTH ABOUT WHERE WE HAVE AND HAVE NOT STUCK WHERE AND WHAT WE HAVE AND HAVE NOT DONE WITH OUR VARIOUS ANATOMY.

KARKAT: MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING THE SOLE VOICE OF REASON SCREAMING INTO THE ENDLESS FUCKING VOID, MY HEART WRENCHING, THROAT DESTROYING, SOUL DESOLATING SCREAMS ECHOING FOR ETERNITY IN RIVAL OF THE VAST CROAKS OF BILIOUS SLICK HIM-FUCKING-SELF.

DAVE: dude

DAVE: chill

DAVE: find the chill

DAVE: reclaim the chill from the cold, dead hands of the thief who dared to steal it in foul hubris while our backs were turned

DAVE: come back towards the calm and peaceful light, babe

DAVE: do it for me

KARKAT: *sigh*

KARKAT: CONSIDER THE CHILL SECURED.

KARKAT: I POPPED A THOUSAND PILLS INTO A THOUSAND DIFFERENT 0 TROLL KELVIN ICEBOXES AND ONCE THEY WERE SUITABLY COLD I STUCK THEM INTO MY INSATIABLE AND FUMING MAW.

KARKAT: THEY HAVE COOLED ME DOWN.

KARKAT: THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SEE THE ERROR OF MY FURIOUS, RAGE SHITTING WAYS AS YOU ARE BEST AT.

DAVE: youre welcome sweetcheeks

_Karkat’s sweet cheeks blush._

KARKAT: SHUT UP, STRIDER.

DAVE: how about you make me?

KARKAT: FINE THEN, I WILL!

_He flips Dave’s cape over his head and pushes him over. Jade sees them and her face lights up. She soars over._

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this first chapter (and all of Dave's human innuendo)! At this rate, if I keep it to 3 conversations per chapter, I'm not sure how many chapters there will be. There are quite a few conversations left that I could do, so we'll just see how it goes, and what I or you would like to see/feel necessary. I doubt this will be a particularly long fic, because once we get to the legitimate endgame proceedings, that should only take one chapter. 
> 
> Obviously I am but one simple man trying to write for every relevant character, which means a lot. I'm writing for a lot of characters. Sorry if my characterization or diction is a bit off, I'm trying my best U_U I hope my best is satisfactory, but I should be getting better at it as time goes on and I acclimatize to writing for such a sizable roster. 
> 
> Chapter 2 will be coming soon!
> 
> I also plan on going back through and editing in some colours for the different characters so not only is it more true to comic form, but is easier to read and differentiate between speaker when you encounter disgustingly large text walls! AO3 HTML formatting/the Homestuck skin isn't quite co-operating with me at the time of initial publication. I'll look in to seeing how to fix that. I've just been too itchy to not get this out there now though, so it will ship initially without the bells and whistles.
> 
> The narrative voice is not meant to imitate Hussie, because I doubt I could do that to save my life, nor is it meant to imitate Vanilla, although I feel as if the style is a tad similar to his anyway. Consistency is irrelevant as it stands. The narrative is entirely in my hands. I am God. A sworn protector. The dork knight the fandom needs, but doesn't deserve. Bruce Lame. I, the Reader, have been handed the reigns to the canon by Hussie. It is intrinsic to the nature of the ending that Homestuck, as a story, becomes ours, as a fandom collective, but on a unique individual level too. As it is now my story, I think it makes sense that the narrative voice be my own. How often will said voice arise? I'm sure I'll manage to find some ways to shove it in there. Self insertion is key. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)! 
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	2. The Conversationing: Own That Alien Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and Jade FINALLY meet and talk - something we've been dying to see for years, let's be real - which leads to Jade recounting an important part of her lonely journey, reaffirming her friendship with Shouty McNubs, Dave finds out about Davepeta (because he was too caught up in his boyfriend to notice the Paddle Pop Cyclone) and the revelation that Dave and Karkat are in love (which she thinks is a nice arrangement :) ).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking. 
> 
> Until I decide to reclassify the tags of the ENTIRE chapter (which I'm putting off a lot oops), this dialogue is pretty messed up visually. Don't worry, it's still readable, but the div class tags broke when I published this chapter and by fuck they sure aren't fixed now, so the spacing is a bit messed up compared to the other chapters. Please also note that yes there is an uncoloured Jade line and one of hers got cut entirely, but it's just her saying 'karkat' when Karkat is ranting, so not too much has been missed thus far. I'll fix it within the fortnight, I promise.

_Herein we shall find an interaction which we've all been waiting for. Seriously, I could not even begin to imagine the frustration you would feel if the interaction that this is going to be didn't happen. You would probably be pretty upset about it, but I'm here to fill the void in all your achy breaky hearts._

KARKAT: JADE!

JADE: karkat!!!!!

KARKAT: JADE!

JADE: karkat!!!!!

DAVE: dave

JADE: dave!

JADE: whats the password!

KARKAT: ...

KARKAT: JADE.

KARKAT: JADE HARLEY.

KARKAT: JADE THE FUCKING HUMAN HARLEY.

JADE: ehehehe that’s me!

KARKAT: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO ENTERTAIN OUR OLD CHARADE, AS NOSTALGIC AS SUCH AN ACTIVITY MAY BE, WE LEFT OFF WITH NO SUCH PASSWORD. OUR LAST CONVERSATION WAS PREMATURELY CUT SHORT. SO HA! NO DICE, JADE, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, NO PASSWORD. JUST AN UNHINDERED AND ENGAGING CONVERSATION. ONE WHICH I, DARE I SAY IT, HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HAVE FOR OVER 3 FUCKING YEARS.

JADE: i knew you were shouty when you were typing

JADE: but i didnt think youd be even shoutier in real life!

JADE: and guess what?

JADE: youre right there was no password!

JADE: i was just messing with you fuckass!

KARKAT: SHUT YOUR TRAP OF A MOUTH, WIND IS JOHN’S THING.

KARKAT: FUCKASS WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY THING. MY INTOLERABLE, SHAMEFUL THING. DO NOT STEAL IT FROM ME.

JADE: somebodys feeling...

JADE: crabby

  


KARKAT: ...

  


JADE: ...

  


JADE: :P

  


KARKAT: THAT WAS DISGUSTING, TRULY WORSE THAN ANY SINGULAR COHERENT STRING OF ACTUAL WORDS TO EVER HAVE ASSAULTED MY TENDER AND SENSITIVE EARS IN MY LONG, LONG LIFE. I AM OH SO TIRED. HAVING THIS SHIT DUMPED ON MY PLATE IS THE LAST THING I NEED. I DIDN’T EXPECT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS YOU WOULD STILL BE SO INSUFFERABLE BUT I SHOULD’VE EXPECTED ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU’D EVER SAY TO ME IN PERSON WAS A SHITTY JOKE ABOUT BEING SHITTY BECAUSE MAKING MY LIFE HARDER THAN I EVER THOUGHT PHYSICALLY, FIGURATIVELY, AND METAPHORICALLY POSSIBLE IS THE TWISTED FUCKING AGENDA OF THE EVER SO CRUEL PARADOX SPACE!

  


JADE: karkat

KARKAT: WHAT?

  


JADE: youre just as silly as you always were!

  


JADE: please never change

  


KARKAT: TRUST ME, CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING! I KNOW, BECAUSE I HAVE MELLOWED OUT CONSIDERABLY OVER OUR PAINFULLY EXTENSIVE VOYAGE THROUGH THE FUCKING SUFFOCATING PITCH BLACK OF THE ENDLESS VOID AS WE RAN FOR OUR LIVES FROM A GENOCIDAL INSECT PERSON WITH A FANCY GOD RING! ASK ANYONE, AND THEY WILL BE ABLE TO SAY, CONCLUSIVELY, THAT KARKAT VANTAS IS A TRULY CHANGED TROLL, DESPITE ALL ODDS AND EXPECTATIONS!

  


JADE: im glad to hear it!

  


JADE: you know...

  


JADE: i never thought id ever tell you this but i missed talking to you a lot karkat!

  


JADE: even if you used to be rude and shouty and mean i really warmed up to you before we both left on our respective journeys, and ive missed you so much!

  


JADE: we left off on such a poor foot if ever there was one, because having the last conversation you have with someone being an unfinished one about shaving cream is quite unsatisfactory

  


JADE: ive spent so much time alone on that ship wondering about what it would like to talk to all of my friends again

  


JADE: john and rose and dave, but especially you!

  


JADE: ive thought of so many different conversations im going to have with everyone, but no matter how hard i tried i couldnt think of how this would go

  


JADE: i didnt even know if youd still like me after all that time, that maybe… youd go back to being a jerk

  


KARKAT: I CAN CONFIRM WITH CERTAINTY I COULD PROBABLY STILL BE CONFIRMED SOMEWHAT AS A JERK, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST HERE.

  


JADE: thats the spirit!

  


JADE: i knew the others would still be close with me, but i thought the wacky cool friendship you and i had worked so hard to create might be ruined, which wouldve really sucked

  


KARKAT: I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW ABSOLUTELY STUPID THAT IS.

  


KARKAT: I COULD NEVER FORSAKE A FRIENDSHIP, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW LONG IT’S BEEN, NEITHER AM I ABLE TO SUPPLY ONE OF YOUR FANCY ‘FLYING FRENCH FUCKS’ YOU HAVE ON EARTH IN EARTH FRANCE.

  


KARKAT: GOTTA TAKE ANYBODY WHO CAN STAND ME, YOU KNOW?

  


JADE: shhhhhh dont interrupt my touching story, im getting to that bit you know

  


JADE: as i was saying before i was so RUDELY interrupted ;)

  


JADE: one… day? night? i suppose it doesn’t really matter, you could never tell in the yellow yard

  


KARKAT: YELLOW YARD?

  


JADE: thats what we called the space that we were travelling through on the ship

  


JADE: but stop distracting me, that doesnt matter! i was asleep and i dont know what it was, other than perhaps the devising of my own subconsciousness

  


KARKAT: JESUS YOU SOUND LIKE ROSE

  


JADE: AHEM

  


KARKAT: SORRY, I WON’T TALK ANYMORE. ALSO THAT’S NOT A SLANT ON ROSE’S FANTASTIC CHARACTER WE ALL LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

  


JADE: i should hope so!

  


JADE: ANYWAY, GOSH, stop butting in!

  


JADE: i was asleep and i was back on prospit

  


KARKAT: HOLY SHIT FOR REAL?

  


JADE: unfortunately i dont think so :(

  


JADE: maybe it was perhaps something that the other calliope made for me?

  


KARKAT: OTHER CALLIOPE?

  


JADE: yes! the one who dominated her brother and then got resigned to a virtually infinite borderline nonexistence before she could do anything of any worth

  


KARKAT: RIGHT. THAT ONE! HOW COULD I FORGET. I THINK WE WERE MEANT TO FIND HER? TO BE QUITE HONEST I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THE PLAN WAS WITH THAT, LIFE ON THE METEOR WAS PRETTY BUSY CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES. SOME SHIT HAPPENED.

  


JADE: well youll have to tell me all about it!

  


KARKAT: YEAH I WILL

  


JADE: and so i was on this faux prospit that was possibly made by an alternate calliope, and it was such a reprieve from being so sad and so lonely all the time

  


JADE: being all alone on the battleship for so long was so hard karkat :(

  


JADE: well, i wasnt alone, and i suppose im kinda giving nannasprite the short end of the stick here, because shes a very sweet old lady and i very much enjoyed her company!

  


JADE: but

  


JADE: it just wasnt…

  


KARKAT: YEAH

  


JADE: yeah

  


JADE: im back in my tower, and the nostalgia was so strong, i felt all the most overwhelmingly positive things like back home in the old days before the game

  


JADE: it was exactly what id needed to keep going!

  


JADE: i was in a pretty bad place before that, and i still mostly was afterwards…

  


JADE: without john or davesprite i wasnt just lonely but i was worried wed lose the game, everything wed sacrificed everything and worked so hard for…

  


JADE: but i was there and what i saw in the clouds i couldnt make sense of, not visually

  


JADE: they werent clear images, but the clouds themselves werent dark

  


JADE: it was all shapes and colour and sounds and feelings, like synesthesia i imagine!

  


JADE: and i felt THIS!

  


JADE: this very conversation, right here with you!

  


JADE: and i felt that… that everything would work out, that things would turn around, they werent quite as they seemed!

  


JADE: it was so reassuring karkat you have no idea

  


JADE: i knew i had to be there and make it through to be here to help you all in all the important fights, but to see YOU!

  


KARKAT: …

  


KARKAT: *sniff*

  


JADE: awwwwww are you crying karkat?

  


KARKAT: *sniiiiiiiiiff*

  


KARKAT: I’M NOT CRYING.... YOU’RE CRYING! FUCK YOU HARLEY, YOU DUMB FURRY

  


KARKAT: *quiet sob*

  


KARKAT: WHEN I WAS FIGHTING THAT STUPID SOFT GREEN MAN, THAT GODAWFUL FRISKY PUPPET I…

  


KARKAT: *chokes*

  


KARKAT: I GOT SOME FLUFF IN MY EYES I… FUCK

  


JADE: its okay to cry you know!

  


JADE: i cried plenty of times, but you wanna know something?

  


KARKAT: YEAH?

  


JADE: everything is going to be fine!

  


JADE: i just know it :)

  


JADE: i promise!

_She holds out her pinky, around which is wrapped a bright red string. Karkat reaches out with his own pinky and clasps it tightly around hers as he furiously wipes away his tears._

KARKAT: PROMISE

  


KARKAT: I…

  


KARKAT: *hicc*

  


KARKAT: I’M SORRY I USED TO BE SO MEAN TO YOU. I DON’T THINK I EVER PROPERLY EXPRESSED HOW SORRY I WAS, BECAUSE I’M A PATHETIC WHELP WHO CAN KIND OF STRUGGLE WITH HIS EMOTIONS, AND… SHOWING, PEOPLE, I GUESS? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BUT I’VE BEEN THINKING ON SOME OF ALL THE ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL THINGS I’VE DONE IN MY LIFE AND I SHOULD’VE TREATED YOU BETTER. YOU REALLY CAUGHT ME AT A BAD TIME IN MY LIFE YOU KNOW, AND I JUST HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH MISDIRECTING MY ANGER AND I -

  


JADE: karkat

  


KARKAT: JUST REALLY COULD’VE HANDLED THE WHOLE ‘INTERSPECIES BULLSHIT FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE INTERACTIONS’ BETTER THAN I DID! I WAS MEANT TO BE OUR TEAM’S LEADER! I SHOULD’VE TRIED TO MAKE SOME SORT OF GOOD IMPRESSIONS BUT -

  


  


KARKAT: INSTEAD I DECIDED “HEY LET’S BE A BIG FUCKING BITCH AND INCESSANTLY SCREAM AT THEM BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY DESERVE FOR RUINING EVERYTHING” BUT OF COURSE IT TURNS OUT THAT BIT WAS KIND OF ALL MY OWN STUPID AWFUL FAULT AS THINGS ARE SO OFTEN WANT TO BE! I FEEL LIKE THERE WERE SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES THAT PLAYED A PART THOUGH. COMMUNICATION BARRIERS CREATED BY OUR QUITE COLOURFUL DIFFERENCES AS SPECIES, YOU KNOW? ANYWAY IN RETROSPECT, THINGS PROBABLY COULD HAV -

  


JADE: KARKAT!

  


KARKAT: WHAT?

  


JADE: i love you!

JADE: just as much as all my other friends

  


KARKAT: …

  


JADE: …

  


KARKAT: I LOVE YOU TOO

 _Pinkies still intertwined, he draws her into a crushing hug. The pair embrace for some scandalously lengthy moments before breaking away, reluctantly so._

JADE: wanna know what this is for?

 _She waves her red-strung pinky at him._

KARKAT: WHAT’S IT FOR?

  


JADE: to remind me to tell you that you dont need to worry so much, because weve all forgiven you!

  


KARKAT: *sniff*

  


KARKAT: *violent, gross sobbing*

  


JADE: ahahahahaha noooo come here

_She brings him back in for another tight hug, teleporting a pile of large pillows onto the ground below them. They fall over into the cottony mass in each other’s arms. Dave, having given them a moment to acquaint themselves again, shuffles up onto the pillow pile and squashes up next to Karkat. He smushes his face against his._

JADE: hi dave!

  


DAVE: sup

_He holds up his fist above the body between them, which Jade bumps eagerly._

JADE: its very good to see you too dave!

  


JADE: even though i did just see you a couple of times a little while ago

  


JADE: although i suppose one of those times that wasnt quite you, that was a different you

  


JADE: a davesprite you who was also a cat troll?

  


JADE: im not too sure but they seemed nice and very content with themselves personally, which is something davesprite never had on his own

  


JADE: so im happy for them at least!

  


DAVE: oh shit another me

  


DAVE: of course theres another me

  


DAVE: its pspaces best recurring gag

  


DAVE: ‘how many daves are we able to make a viable and legitimate thing without causing any dead kid paradoxes and subsequently obliterating the alpha timeline?’

  


DAVE: oh well, davesprite was rad

  


DAVE: and we both had our own personal, internal issues

  


DAVE: but i guess were both well on the way to resolving those so thats really cool

  


DAVE: im happy for the feathery asshole too or whatever

  


DAVE: ill have to catch up with them later

  


JADE: you should!

  


JADE: they were a bit strange, and i couldnt quite appreciate the exposition they dumped on me out of the blue

  


JADE: but it all sounded very wise and interesting so im sure theyd make for some cool conversation

  


JADE: then they kissed me and stabbed me in the chest, which is when i woke up!

  


DAVE: nice

  


DAVE: anyway, speaking of resolving tumultuous inner conflict and shit

  


DAVE: what business do you have making my boyfriend bawl his little baby grub eyes out?

  


DAVE: thats my business

  


DAVE: are you trying to run me out of business jade?

  


DAVE: my brother, if anything, at least taught me how to run a savvy and cult popular obscure entrepreneurial enterprise jade, you dont want to challenge me as a business competitor trust me

_Jade bolts up and gasps. She claps her hands to her face as she looks between them both. Karkat is almost unable to meet her eyes, blushing and furrowing his brow. Dave smiles at her._

JADE: are you...

  


JADE: are you and karkat...

  


JADE: in love!?

  


KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK IS THIS THE LIFE I HAVE BEEN FATED TO LEAD? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH PUNISHMENT, BESIDES GIVING A FUCKING UNIVERSE FUCKING CANCER?

  


DAVE: yeah

  


JADE: oh my gosh...

  


JADE: really though?

  


KARKAT: FIRE. HELLFIRE.

  


DAVE: yeah

  


JADE: so you like boys then?

  


DAVE: yeah

  


DAVE: especially this one

_He pokes Karkat in the side, who shrieks before burying his face into a pillow._

KARKAT: WE ALREADY DID THIS SHITSTORM FIASCO WITH JOHN, WE DID NOT NEED A ROUND 2!

  


JADE: well im glad youre comfortable enough in yourself that you can tell us after all this time!

  


JADE: i have to admit though

  


JADE: i wouldve thought you wouldve told me when youd figured it out

  


DAVE: see thats just the thing

  


DAVE: i only just figured this shit out on the meteor

  


DAVE: like i was telling john, back on earth, in a more antiquated society where bandering around slurs and lack luster representation and casual conversation in entertainment, media, education, it can be kind of hard to wrap your head around these things because thats just not how you were raised

  


DAVE: and so you have to try and grow out of this old way of thinking youve had thrust on you by everybody else who are unintentionally ignorant in the same way that you are, and because youre impressionable you just go along with their games

  


DAVE: maybe sometimes you feel a tad uncomfortable but its no big deal, no need to question anything too intensely

  


DAVE: its just the status quo

  


DAVE: its not like i hadnt heard of bisexuality, but its just not something you considered because you didnt want to embarrass yourself or alienate any of your friends

  


DAVE: so you just kinda put those thoughts off to the side

  


JADE: wow

  


JADE: i suppose id never really thought of it that way

  


JADE: and my mainstream media consumption was a bit more restricted than yours!

  


JADE: my interests were always a little more niche

  


DAVE: man

  


DAVE: akwete purrmusk was the shit

  


DAVE: karkat here would know all about the hardest buttock in the jungle

  


DAVE: anyway yeah i like girls and their bits and boys and their bits and it only took me 3 years of isolation on some space pebble whizzing by the murky corpses of elder gods as we outran a universal cancer to figure it out

  


DAVE: it offered an insight into myself that i dont think i wouldve had on earth for at least a little while longer than it took me here

  


JADE: well i think its very cool that youre comfortable with yourself now!

  


JADE: ill be the first to admit i wasnt quite expecting it

  


JADE: but i think its fantastic!

  


JADE: and you and karkat are very cute together ;)

  


KARKAT: *embarrassed, muffled screams*

  


DAVE: thanks for thinking so

  


DAVE: obviously myself and my associate here think so too

  


DAVE: anyway, now that the cats out of the bag because the dog started barking up the tree i might as well tell everybody

_He stands up and calls for attention. Everyone turns to look at him, confused. Sans Rose, Terezi, and Kanaya of course. They all smile among each other as if they know what is about to happen. Because they do. They do know. They think it’s about time._

DAVE: man how do i say this without sounding like some prepubescent ass scene girl confessing her tsundere feelings to some popular extra emo boy on facebook...

  


DAVE: everybody i have a very important announcement to make: karkat is my boyfriend and despite the better judgement of both myself and everybody else alive, i love him

  


DAVE: a lot

  


DAVE: that will be all

_Dirk does his best wolf whistle._

DIRK: Go Dave!

  


DIRK: You own that hot piece of alien ass!

  


KANAYA: Actually

  


KANAYA: I Think You Will Find

  


KANAYA: Considering My Three Years Of Personal Experience Trapped With Them On A Small Rock Hurtling Through The Coldest Expanses Of Unchartable Space

  


KANAYA: It Is The Other Way Around

_She and Rose share smug and coy smiles respectively. Dirk smirks at Dave, who smirks right back, totally without shame. Meanwhile, John stands there, mouth agape. Dave flops back down to his reclined position besides Karkat and Jade._

JADE: now youre really going to have to tell me what happened on that meteor!

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's bawling is explainable by the fact that not only has he dealt with self hatred and relationship issues for a long time, but there was also a super intense fight situation prior to this exchange where all of his friends + boyfriend could have died, he felt like worthless trash for not being able to beat one guy, who he then kicked the ass of. Emotional roller coasters if I've ever seen them. This leads to some crying, which I think is a fair choice. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> You can find me at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is appreciated
> 
> \- AC


	3. The Conversationing: And It Just Keeps Happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids discuss sexuality after Dave's announcement, Dirk hangs out with Rose and Kanaya for some father-daughter/daughter-in-law time - including a fun conversation about the nature of self and Paradox Space's seeming narrative confines from Dirk's perspective (a topic we will further explore later on) - and Dirk and Jake finally reunite to break the ice after the rocky ending to their relationship, ending our chapter on a high note.

ROXY: oh my gosh janey!!!

_She puts an arm around Jane’s shoulders and pulls her against her side._

ROXY: my baby boys all grown up!

ROXY: im such a proud mama

ROXY: a mama bird lookin after her babies

ROXY: bein all proud n shit when they learn to fly for the first time

JANE: Hoohoo!

JANE: He’s your baby now then?

ROXY: you best believe it

ROXY: strilondes stay together

JANE: Like birds of a feather?

ROXY: exactly!

ROXY: now youre gettin into the spirit

ROXY: are you feelin the spirit callie?

CALLIOPE: why yes i do believe i am feeling the spirit yoU speak of!

CALLIOPE: in my cUltUre growing Up is qUite different as yoU know, but yoU've done well in teaching me the far more sentimental and familial ways of the hUman.

CALLIOPE: it is a mUch better alternative to what i have been raised to expect, and i am enjoying it!

CALLIOPE: so i feel as if i can adeqUately say i am picking Up what yoU are throwing down ^U^

ROXY: why are u such a nerd?

ROXY: will we ever know?

CALLIOPE: hehe!

CALLIOPE: i do believe it mUst be said that they also make a rather cUte pairing, dont yoU think?

ROXY: most def

ROXY: what do you think jane?

ROXY: does the troll with volume control issues deserve my strider boy?

JANE: I think it is an acceptable arrangement, yes :B

ROXY: what about you john?

ROXY: reckon your bestest bros are a match made in heaven?

JOHN: ...

ROXY: ...

ROXY: john?

_She pokes him in the face, and he blinks before shaking his head and staring at her confusedly._

JOHN: huh?

ROXY: dave and karkat:

ROXY: thoughts?

ROXY: i mean hey buddy don’t hurt yourself over there but itd be cool to get the inside scoop from the guy who knows them best out of all of us here!

JOHN: i uh...

JOHN: is dave...

JOHN: actually gay?

JOHN: i thought he said he wasn’t just before.

JOHN: did he feel like he had to lie to me?

ROXY: maybe?

ROXY: could be bi or pan too i suppose

ROXY: what with all the hot moms he throws around i would suspect the latter two tbqh

ROXY: i swear to the good lord, why in the worlds name are the striders so obsessed with kissing boys

ROXY: guess what

ROXY: kissing boys is illegal now

ROXY: they gotta go straight to space gay jail

ROXY: do not pass go

ROXY: no boonies

JOHN: wow this is so weird.

JANE: What about it is weird?

JANE: Is there something wrong with it, besides being a now intergalactic federal crime?

JOHN: oh no its not like that i dont mind gay people.

JOHN: like whoever you want to like its all cool with me you know.

JOHN: i guess i just...

JOHN: didnt expect dave to like boys?

JOHN: it just feels a bit strange for my best bro to be crushing on guys all of a sudden.

ROXY: i see

ROXY: sorry i forgot you came from the early 21st century

ROXY: love is love john

ROXY: it doesnt happen all of a sudden

ROXY: it always is, its just who you are

ROXY: i feel like i can offer a kinda unique insight into this actually!

ROXY: from my time

ROXY: as dirk so quaintly puts it

ROXY: sexuality is kind of antiquated

ROXY: its all a spectrum, uncontrollable

ROXY: you best believe that shit is multitudinal and whack!

ROXY: and when youre trapped in your heteronormative bubble, without that first hand experience

ROXY: it can be kind of hard to understand

ROXY: but life gets so much easier once you get over that little hurdle and figure out that things like sexuality dont particularly matter!

ROXY: in life youre just gunna like who youre gunna like, and it cant be helped by anyone or anything!

ROXY: at first, when youre raised in a more discriminatory society and you subconsciously absorb those behaviours or whatnot

ROXY: i suppose it could seem weird

ROXY: but dave will still be dave, and this is always who he was, from ectobirth to neverdeath!

ROXY: its not something that wouldve happened because of the retcon either, this is just a straight up dave strider thing

ROXY: an illegal thing u_u

ROXY: he takes after his brother more than he knows

JANE: I remember being surprised when I found out that Jake had the capacity to entertain and enjoy the male kind of...

JANE: Ahem.

JANE: Company, if you will. But it didn’t affect our relationship, despite an awkward and poorly handled love triangle.

CALLIOPE: as love triangles so often are, Unless the relationship becomes polyamoroUs!

ROXY: mmmmmmmmm those pesky polygonal clusterfuck feelings

ROXY: always ruining everything

JANE: Jake was still Jake, he just also happened to have a hankering for what a man could provide as he did with the ladies.

JANE: Besides that there was really no difference in his character!

JANE: It was hardly the grand adjustment or bump in the road of his arc in the story!

JANE: These things just are as they are, and they’re not that big a deal.

JANE: I believe myself to be straight, and I’m pretty confident in that identity! Perhaps some day I shall meet a strapping lass that makes me question my feelings.

JANE: But that doesn’t concern me. I am who I am and that’s all that matters, whether I’m not a homosexual or otherwise.

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: you’re right.

JOHN: i guess i might make it a bigger deal in my head than it probably actually is!

JOHN: looking back i blew it a bit out of proportion, internally at least.

JOHN: you know what roxy?

ROXY: what?

JOHN: i think they’re awesome together.

JOHN: and i hope they stay together happily!

ROXY: thats my boy!

_She draws him into a hug from her other side, the Crockerbert family under either arm. Crossing her arms over, she puts them in headlocks and gives them both noogies. The three of them laugh as Jane and John try to break away_

CALLIOPE: what is this?

CALLIOPE: some form of human affection ritUal?

CALLIOPE: woUld yoU mind ever so terribly grinding yoUr fist against my skUll?

CALLIOPE: sorry, maybe im not meant to ask for yoU to do it.

CALLIOPE: is it intended as a spontaneoUs thing?

_Roxy releases her captives and doubles over laughing, before righting herself and grinding her fist against the eagerly awaiting Calliope’s skull as requested. She’s so kind, in this way. So willing to deliver for her friends. What did they ever do to deserve her. Answer: they didn’t. Jane and John follow by her example and take a side of Calliope’s head each._

ROXY: ahhhhhh callie you big massive dork 

ROXY: i love you so much o_o

ROXY: theyre called noogies!

CALLIOPE: well then... 

_She reaches up on her tiptoes and gets much deserved noogie revenge like the poor swirly nerd handing out righteous retribution to the nasty seniors who give them locker turbo wedgies in the mornings._

CALLIOPE: consider yoUrselves noogied!

==>

_Dirk sees Rose and decides to talk to her instead. Not because he's nervous or anything, but a few minutes of familiarizing yourself with your new family won't change anything. Jake will still be Jake. Besides, an excited Jade looks to be eyeing him up for conversation. Dirk is okay with waiting a little bit. Let the waters finish settling and all. Mhm. That's it._

DIRK: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my human technical daughter.

ROSE: Dirk Strider?

DIRK: Rose Lalonde?

ROSE: Good to finally meet you, Dirk.

ROSE: I’ve heard oh so much about the oh so indelible second Strider. I’ve been anticipating your official and slightly more personal appearance for a while.

ROSE: It was a shame Vriska had not decided to unexpectedly expedite your arrival earlier than she had.

ROSE: Perhaps things would have been more comfortable if there had been granted time allotted for a much needed introductory interaction.

DIRK: Maybe.

DIRK: Certainly left in a bit of a hurry, you’re not wrong there.

KANAYA: Word Of Warning, Because You Are New

KANAYA: Do Not Remind Her Of Her Factual Accuracy Any More Than Is Absolutely Necessary

KANAYA: It Is A Frivolous Activity, Dirk

KANAYA: It Just Inflates Her Ego Even More So Than I And Everybody Else Already Do

ROSE: Hey, that’s a bit unfair to say. My ego isn’t superfluously inflated.

ROSE: The degree of inflation, I feel, is appropriate.

DIRK: Relative to what?

DIRK: To what should we compare the ego?

ROSE: Yours, from the sounds of things.

DIRK: Shit man, beating me over the back with hard hitting burns straight outta the fucking gate.

DIRK: Thanks for the heads up...

KANAYA: Kanaya

DIRK: Thanks for the heads up Kanaya.

DIRK: But if she’s meant to be my daughter, trust me, I know exactly what excessively lexical conversations I can expect to be having with this one.

DIRK: Especially if she’s a crackpot armchair at the age of 16 as I have heard professed.

DIRK: This shit’ll be fun.

DIRK: So how long have you two been together, if you don’t mind me prying?

ROSE: Fulfilling the protective father role already, I see.

ROSE: Interesting.

ROSE: And that you so quickly deduced the romantic/sexual nature of our relationship so soon.

ROSE: These astute behaviours do not cotton on to your isolated childhood and adolescence. 

DIRK: Make no mistake, the adolescence very much so continues, unfortunate as it is.

DIRK: Sick of that teenage shit man.

ROSE: Eager to grow old?

DIRK: Not eager per se.

DIRK: It could certainly be said, and rightly so I recognize retrospectively, that I’m a pretty live hard die hard kind of guy.

DIRK: Died young, sure.

DIRK: Three times now, all willing.

DIRK: But I’m hardly jumping to Death’s door and ringing his freaky ass church bell. It can keep its knolling to itself, I’ve got a life to live after all.

ROSE: Fascinating.

ROSE: Your aforementioned willingness to die, coupled with the frequency of death in the name of sacrifice as I have heard it to be so, as well as your desire for developmental terminus could allude to a nihilism issue.

ROSE: Maybe even a lust for martyrdom status?

KANAYA: I Feel It Must Be Said That You Are Looking Into This A Little More Than Is Perhaps Necessary

ROSE: Kanaya you know and love me for my subtly overbearing and simultaneously heavy-handed escalation of all subjects psychological and existential.

ROSE: You love me for it.

KANAYA: Yes, Yes I Do

KANAYA: Really Walked Into That One I Did

DIRK: You did.

DIRK: Avoiding psychology and existentialism for at least the next 5 sentences of this little rapport shindig we have going on here, this pretty alien lady with the good fashion is my daughter in law?

ROSE: You could think of it that way, if that’s what would make you happy.

KANAYA: I Do Not Object To Being Considered Your Human Lawful Daughter

KANAYA: Rose Informed Me Over Our Three Year Journey Of The Human Family Unit And The Various Minutiae Of Integrating A Second Family Into Your Own Through Romantic Relationships

KANAYA: Personally, The Idea Of Family Is Still A Little Strange For Me To Consider, As I Only Ever Had What Could I Suppose Be Considered A Mother

KANAYA: But It’s All Interesting And Cool Nonetheless

ROSE: Do you believe we all have character arcs?

ROSE: Small, personal destinies arbitrarily assigned to us from the moment of Paradox Space’s conception of the idea of our existence?

ROSE: Our own piece of an unimaginably infinite cosmic puzzle?

ROSE: A predetermination of our personal development, a way that we were always intended to grow to achieve our true selves?

KANAYA: Oh Boy Not This Again

DIRK: Congratulations!

DIRK: You were able to achieve the bare minimum before either your lack of impulse control or unnecessarily high amounts of bitter sass born of a cheeky attitude and indignance forced your sarcastic and big brained hand.

DIRK: Man I knew we were related this shit is some gold right here it is.

ROSE: I’m glad you feel that way.

DIRK: Anyway I feel I get to be the authoritative voice on such subjects as a Heart player, even if you have your prophecy info vision.

DIRK: Even though my understanding of my aspect isn’t the greatest and also as a Prince I just destroy it like some teen mistake reboot of the Grim Reaper.

ROSE: What a beautiful simile.

ROSE: Did you feel that Kanaya?

KANAYA: What Was I To Be Feeling?

KANAYA: Did You Do A Secret Love Solicitation Touch While I Wasn’t Paying Attention

ROSE: Not quite, but close.

KANAYA: Darn

ROSE: The spirit of my true destined self shed a tear.

KANAYA: Sorry To Have Missed It

KANAYA: I Feel I’ve Been Present For Enough Moments Of A Similar Calibre That I’ve Fulfilled Some Sort Of Unspoken Quota Enough To Let Me Off This Time

ROSE: If not my soothing voice, what were you focusing on?

KANAYA: My Father By Law’s Pretty Pretty Pink Legs

KANAYA: I Do Ever So Love The Prince Outfit

KANAYA: With The Stupid Asshole Poof Pants

KANAYA: Look At The Poof Rose

_She reaches over and pokes the ruffled poofy thighs of Dirk’s pantaloons._

ROSE: Those pants do have quite the poofy action.

KANAYA: Yes, And In Such A Beautiful Pink Shade Too

KANAYA: It Reminds Me Of My Nice Royalty Dress

ROSE: You always looked very nice in that dress.

KANAYA: I Did, Yes

KANAYA: I Still Do, And I Probably Always Will

KANAYA: Let’s Not Smack Ourselves Beside The Metaphor Shrub

DIRK: I cannot get myself enough of this troll girl she’s awesome.

DIRK: Kanaya you’re awesome.

DIRK: Your ability to redundantly extend simple human phrases without creating malapropisms is a gift.

ROSE: Do you only value my girlfriend for her comedic eloquence?

DIRK: Of course not.

DIRK: It just so happens to be one of her best features.

DIRK: One of the best of many bests.

ROSE: That’s right.

ROSE: You talk yourself out of your corner like a good little... daddy...

ROSE: For once I think I’ve entirely and sincerely regretted saying something.

KANAYA: Oh Thank God I Thought The Day Would Never Come

KANAYA: I Never Thought I’d Have To Tell You To Think Before You Speak Rose

KANAYA: And Yet, Here We Are

KANAYA: You Also Forfeit The Right Entirely To Lecture Dave Now Too

ROSE: Wow we got so sidetracked.

DIRK: We did.

DIRK: Anyway, as I was saying, despite my destructive positioning I think I can provide some sort of valuable insight which I've assembled via coming to understand my aspect, some existential philosophizing, and discussions with a few folk here and there of which included my 13 year old super computer self merged with a sweaty horse troll and infinite game knowledge.

ROSE: Oh thank fucking Christ someone finally understands the pain.

DIRK: Paradox Space is a domineering and oppressive narrative.

DIRK: The need to fulfill things we saw in magic clouds, heard we had to do from some ghost, or felt the need to stabilize a time loop so as to preserve the continuity and legitimacy of the alpha timeline?

DIRK: It restricts our growth, and it does become a very linear sort of thing.

DIRK: Like a choose your own adventure game, presenting the player with the illusion of genuine choice.

DIRK: Obviously the growth is positive, objectively speaking.

DIRK: Personally speaking, it made me look at how shitty I was.

DIRK: Just as domineering and oppressive, at times anyway.

DIRK: So it was essential for my positive development that things take the path that they did, even though it’s just one of the possible paths that could have led to those sorts of introspective discoveries.

DIRK: But Paradox Space only feels it necessary to assign one path to the alpha for the sake of its continuation, because to deviate would be to introduce an ambiguous and uncontrollable variable.

DIRK: Anything might happen, and the timeline might crash and burn.

DIRK: So in a way, even if it stifles us, it doesn’t do so consciously or maliciously.

DIRK: If everything truly is preset, then it just means that Paradox Space has our best interests at heart.

DIRK: However, without that possibility of free choice, I don’t think we could ever achieve our TRUE true potential, not really.

DIRK: We can only achieve the potential the capacity of which has been granted us by a presumably optimal sequence of events.

DIRK: But that free choice to take ourselves in whatever direction we want without any sort of restriction or existence wide action ramification, is the most important aspect of defining who we are.

DIRK: Unless we can find a way to escape that imposed narrative, I think the best way to attain true self is a second ascension that unites all of our iterations from every conceivable timeline into one totally perfect but totally imperfect singularity.

DIRK: A massive gay singularity, that’s what we’d all become. 

KANAYA: Gosh

KANAYA: That Doesn’t Sound Too Particularly Awful I Suppose

ROSE: That was honestly a lot more insightful than I first expected, to your credit.

ROSE: Although I shouldn’t be surprised.

ROSE: It’s the more literate and long-winded Strider variation.

ROSE: Me if I was a boy with pretty, pretty legs.

ROSE: To Dave’s own credit he is actually quite intelligent, you just might not think so unless you gave him the adequate 15 minutes to allow him to progressively mumble quieter and quieter your ear off with his stream of consciousness epiphany riff rants.

KANAYA: That’s What She Calls Them

ROSE: Indeed I do.

ROSE: But yes, I agree with the sentiments.

ROSE: I would describe that analysis as perceptive, insightful, and idiosyncratic in nature.

ROSE: Good job.

ROSE: I give you a passing grade.

DIRK: You’re too kind.

ROSE: Oh and don’t I know it.

_Kanaya holds her hand to her temple and rolls her eyes dramatically._

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KANAYA: I Thought We’d Been Over This

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ROSE: There’s really just no helping it with us Kanaya.

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ROSE: Our family.

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ROSE: The ‘Strilondes.’

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DIRK: No.

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DIRK: No there most certainly is not.

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DIRK: Now I love chatting with you charming ladies, but I have to go repair the fractured relationship I have with my estranged boyfriend.

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DIRK: I’m sure you know how it is.

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ROSE: As lesbians I’m not all too sure we do.

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KANAYA: But We Can Appreciate The Sentiments

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ROSE: No rest for the wicked.

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==>

__Dirk excuses himself to repair his fractured relationship with his estranged boyfriend with a small nod that Rose returns. She calls the sullen and lonely Terezi over to join Kanaya and herself for even MORE heart to heart conversations. Or light to mind. That joke was so awful that you leave. You leave to go rewatch Act 7, one of the most amazing animations you have ever seen, but so bittersweet that all you can bring yourself to feel is an incessant inner turmoil as you fight to accept what is a deeply philosophical and touching ending - not to mention one that made an incredible amount of sense for what it was contextually - to the point where rewriting it feels borderline sacrilegious. But at the same time... Where were they..._ _

==>

__The conversations._ _

==>

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JADE: jake again!

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JAKE: jade again!

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JAKE: What in heavens name are you doing talking to a coot like me?

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JAKE: Im sure your friends would much rather your company, dont worry about me.

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JAKE: You looked like you were waist deep in an exciting conversation and i wouldnt want to pull you out of that.

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JAKE: As a matter of fact i was just about to go talk to tavrosprite and see how he was doing after our battles!

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JAKE: We can catch up again later.

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JADE: jake english i think you are being spectacularly ridiculous!

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JADE: you really arent interrupting anything and your friends would all love to talk to you!

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JAKE: I dont know jade...

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JAKE: I just dont want to inconvenience anyone and ruin a real rootin tootin good time.

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JADE: really jake?

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JADE: rootin tootin?

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JADE: thats a bit too cowboy now dont you think

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JAKE: Shit youre right.

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JADE: dont worry

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JADE: i wont tell if you wont :p

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JAKE: Deal.

__John sees the two and walks over after taking a moment to whisper to Roxy, Jane, and Calliope._ _

JOHN: so what’s going on over here then?

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JOHN: family reunions aplenty around here huh??

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JOHN: i’m pretty excited to get jane alone for a moment soon to talk about our lives to see how similar they were!

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JOHN: it’s all very interesting i think.

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JOHN: are you guys busy trying to bond over your lives too?

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JOHN: would you rather i gave you some privacy to get all mushy or…?

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JADE: well, we were certainly going to catch up, thats for sure!

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JADE: i wanted jake to come over and tell us all how he did in his fight with the felt!

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JADE: it sounded really exciting when we were flying over but i couldnt pay too much attention with everyone on me while i tried to navigate and all

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JADE: and i was thinking

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JADE: it would be nice if he told all of us instead of just me!

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JOHN: gotta love a good story!

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JOHN: i think it’d be cool too!

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JOHN: why don’t you two come over and we can all have a big powwow about it?

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JAKE: I dont know chaps...

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JAKE: I appreciate the interest, and the efforts to include me, i do!

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JAKE: Its mighty sweet on your parts, and im sure it would be a right humdinger of a breeze shooting but i dont want to get in the way of you guys.

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JOHN: don’t be ridiculous!

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JOHN: we’d all love to talk to you, numbnuts. 

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JOHN: i know you’re not feeling the best right now and you’re going through your changes.

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JOHN: and that’s all fine.

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JOHN: but jane, and roxy, and calliope would all really like to talk to you!

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JAKE: Are you sure?

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JAKE: I wouldnt be intruding on or besmirching a good time?

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JADE: positive!

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JAKE: Promise?

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JOHN: totally.

__He anxiously looks over at the 3 girls chatting quietly among themselves. Roxy catches his staring and smiles, giving him a big wave. Jane and Calliope both give smaller ones._ _

JADE: the others want to know why youre avoiding them so much!JADE: the others want to know why youre avoiding them so much!

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JADE: they feel like they mightve done something wrong

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JAKE: Well gosh darn big wrinkly bosoms.

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JAKE: I dont want all my friends to have an idea like that squriming its putrid little way around inside their wonderful old noggins.

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JAKE: Gosh, i feel a right crook now.

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JAKE: And i was already concerned id ruined everything, now it looks like im well and truly in the deep sea goat shit this time.

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JAKE: I cant fathom how i ever used to believe myself an ace cake-eating, outgoing hero.

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JAKE: Im being so silly.

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JAKE: Making all my friends worry about me.

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JAKE: Gadzooks ive let my feeling blue about myself get in the way of the people who really care about me.

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JAKE: How many mistakes is one little old boy such as myself able to make.

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JAKE: Do you think i should go and give them a sincere apology?

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JOHN: i don’t think you need to apologize for anything.

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JOHN: it sounds to me like things have been a bit hard for you lately, and i think your friends are just anxious.

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JOHN: they all want to help you however they can!

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JADE: i think all you have to do is have a conversation with them jake!

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JADE: they would certainly appreciate your sharing of emotions and all

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JADE: but youve got nothing to be sorry for!

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JOHN: just come with us and we can help get you back into the swing of things!

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JADE: yeah!

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JADE: i dont want to just let my grandfathersonfriend stand over here by himself

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JADE: watching you flounder is no fun

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JADE: i would much rather help you navigate some scary social situations than let you become all isolated like how you turned out back in my universe

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JADE: i know that grandpa was happy with his life as it was but...

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JADE: i always thought it was quite sad that he didnt have any friends or companions

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JADE: i loved him to death...

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JADE: sorry poor phrasing

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JADE: i loved him a whole bunch!

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JADE: but i dont want to see a strapping fellow like you turn out that way!

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JADE: you might be a bit scared now

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JOHN: and dealing with some personal things.

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JADE: and i can respect that, but its time to face the music and talk to everyone who cares about you jake

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JADE: john and i both have faith enough in you for all 3 of us!

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JAKE: Shucks.

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JAKE: I say...

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JAKE: *sniff*

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JAKE: Your kind words and reassurances have really put my heart through the juicer.

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JAKE: If you keep it up with this malarkey i fear it just might come out as a crimson sinewy pulp.

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JAKE: Everyone will want to head to the hills like they were going panning for gold.

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JAKE: What with the gore and the vulgar iron stench.

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JADE: hehe!

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JAKE: Im feeling a decent amount better after the rough and tumble with the puppet men.

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JAKE: Before, nobody could get through to me with a lick of wellmeaning sense.

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JAKE: Not a person in all of paradox space could have cheered me up i fear.

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JAKE: Futzing around in all my self pity probably wasnt helping.

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JAKE: Dont get me wrong, im still not back to my usual self.

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JAKE: Dont think I will be for another wee while yet.

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JAKE: But after the fisticuff triumph im feeling a lot more hardboiled and hip to the more positive jives.

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JAKE: A bit more...

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JAKE: Hopeful.

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JAKE: I suppose flapping my gums with the old crew cant hurt too much.

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JAKE: Even if just for a few minutes.

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JADE: thats the spirit!

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JOHN: yeah man!

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JOHN: small steps!

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JOHN: you’ll be fine.

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JADE: ooooooo this is so exciting!

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JADE: all my friends are getting together and talking and bonding!

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JAKE: Jade, your nutty enthusiasm slays me.

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JAKE: Gosh i loved our old chats.

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JAKE: Youre all such standup people!

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JAKE: I cant believe im lucky enough to have pals like you to rely on.

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JAKE: Got to say, i feel like its a bit of a one way street at the moment.

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JAKE: On my end.

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JAKE: Maybe it is best i try to fix things with all my friends...

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JAKE: I do miss our old chinwags like the dickens...

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JADE: dont worry about a thing!

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JADE: well all help you make up for lost time

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JADE: ill be with you every small step of the way as you need me to get back on your feet!

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JADE: and if you ever want to have some more heart to hearts on whats made you feel so glum and bad about yourself

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JADE: which is total nonsense because we all love you to your bits and pieces

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JADE: then im always available!

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JAKE: Thank you guys so much for doing your best understanding and assisting.

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JAKE: I wouldnt mind recounting the epic that was my awesome fight!

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JADE: yay!

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JOHN: yay!

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DIRK: *ahem*

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DIRK: Sorry to insert myself.

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DIRK: Am I interrupting anything too important?

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JADE: hi daves brother!

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JAKE: Oh.

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JAKE: H-Hi dirk.

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JAKE: Good to uh... see you again bro.

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==>

__Jake’s face turns as red as is probably physically possible. As the author I could say his face turned so red it shifted into shades not visible to the human spectrum, because I am the word of God here, but that would be a bit silly so I won’t. Jade looks between Jake and Dirk, piecing together the not so secret puzzle that things are a bit awkward between the two. She grabs John’s arm and begins pulling him back toward the awaiting musketeer’s all-female remake that would undoubtedly have made some men angry if they hadn’t A) all died when the rest of the world died and B) were allowed to come here and whine at me about something so asinine. He complies and begins walking back to them, smiling at Jake over his shoulder._ _

==>

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JADE: well give you two a few minutes of alone time

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DIRK: Thanks.

__

DIRK: Hope it’s not too much trouble.

__

JADE: no trouble here, dirk!

__

JAKE: O-Oh...

__

JAKE: Okay.

__

==>

__As they walk back, Jade turns around and gives him a big thumbs up. He smiles back, indiscreetly rubbing the back of his neck. John mouths a ‘you’ll do fine.’ Jake inhales, closes his eyes, and then opens them with an exhale and nods confidently at his retreating friend._ _

==>

__

DIRK: Hi Jake.

__

JAKE: Hi... Dirk.

__

DIRK: How have things been... bro?

__

JAKE: Not bad.

__

JAKE: Got back from a pretty cool fight, that was uh...

__

JAKE: That was fun.

__

DIRK: Nice.

__

DIRK: Same.

__

DIRK: My head got cut off though, that bit wasn’t all that fun.

__

JAKE: Like old times huh?

__

DIRK: Yeah...

__

JAKE: ...

__

DIRK: ...

__

DIRK: Jane put it back on, by the way, in case you were wondering why my head isn’t currently detached.

__

JAKE: Yeah...

__

JAKE: Figured.

__

DIRK: ...

__

JAKE: ...

__

DIRK: Do you still like me, Jake?

__

DIRK: Do I... Do I scare you? I know I was obsessive and controlling, and I know that our relationship was unhealthy, and I know that we never properly ended or on particularly good terms and I don’t mean like sexually or romantically to clarify I just mean like as in...

__

DIRK: As in a friend.

__

DIRK: Do you still like me as a friend?

__

DIRK: I was borderline abusive and I know there’s no real excuse but can I make up for that?

__

DIRK: Are you willing to give me a second chance?

__

JAKE: I-I...

__

JAKE: Nice weather were having h-huh?

__

DIRK: Haha.

__

DIRK: That’s the English I love.

__He goes to give him a hug. Jake edges back slightly. Registering the hesitance, Dirk - if with a somewhat wounded ego - steps back and goes in for the brofist. Jake reluctantly meets him halfway. Dirk smiles._ _

DIRK: Platonically.

__

DIRK: The English that I love platonically.

__

JAKE: Dirk i uh...

__

JAKE: Great scott, this is just as devilishly hard as i thought it would be.

__

JAKE: Listen bro -

__Dirk winces, thoughts hearkening back to his conversation with Dave (and there was probably some wounded ego in there too)._ _

JAKE: Dirk.

__

JAKE: Listen dirk.

__

JAKE: I think youre a real riot.

__

JAKE: You know that, i really do.

__

JAKE: Besides the sometimes... clinginess... i had lots of fun on our little adventure.

__

JAKE: I know it might not seem like it now but... i did feel like something was there.

__

JAKE: We both just jumped in all too fast and we didnt know how to handle people, let alone each other, and we smothered it.

__

JAKE: And I dont hold it against you because we both made mistakes. You were too much and i was too little.

__

JAKE: You compensated for what i wasnt giving back by giving me more.

__

JAKE: Dont worry about it being a man on your part, your parts werent a part of it.

__

JAKE: I dont feel as if that ‘whats in your pants’ nonsense is too big of a deal for me, even if i do have a hankering for my pretty blue ladies...

__

JAKE: Heh...

__

DIRK: Always were a sucker for them.

__

JAKE: Yeah...

__

JAKE: We just werent prepared for it. It was the first time wed ever met people before, and we were both randy dogs what with all our teenage hormones.

__

JAKE: A bit eager to snatch from the honey pot and see if we liked the sweet taste.

__

JAKE: I guess the problem was the whole ‘real life’ social inexperience let it turn sickly...

__

DIRK: I get what you mean.

__

JAKE: And yeah, it sucked.

__

JAKE: I dont think i knew where i began and you ended when we were together, because we were so close.

__

JAKE: I guess I just wanted a tad more space than i got so i...

__

JAKE: Ran away from my problems like a coward and whinged about it to my friends instead of being there for them when they needed me.

__

DIRK: I’m sorry that I... That I put you in that position...

__

DIRK: I should’ve eased back a bit, paid more attention to you.

__

JAKE: And i shouldve spent more time treating you like a boyfriend, and communicating my darn fucking feelings instead of ignoring them like they would all sort themselves out if we killed enough monsters and kissed enough.

__

JAKE: We both did things we regret, and weve both learned from it.

__

JAKE: And the past is in the past, no helping all that now.

__

DIRK: I mean we might be able to, Dave could go back in time, although I’m not sure how that would affect the alpha.

__

DIRK: If we kept on kissing till now it might have put the session into jeopardy more than it was.

__

DIRK: Aha not that I don’t...

__

DIRK: I...

__

DIRK: Yeah, I know what you mean.

__

JAKE: Maybe...

__

JAKE: Maybe once we both understand who we are more as people, which is something that i think is very important to my lifes journey personally.

__

JAKE: Something ive started to get the hang of, if just a smidgen.

__

JAKE: Maybe when were more comfortable in our own skins, and interacting with all our mates face to face...

__

JAKE: We might try again.

__

JAKE: We might just always be friends.

__

JAKE: But i think... i think i still want to work for at least that.

__

JAKE: I still want to be your best bro dirk.

__

JAKE: I dont want to NOT talk to you.

__

JAKE: I want to spend time with you, i do.

__

JAKE: You and the rest of the guys, now that were all together and normal again and...

__

JAKE: I might be a little bit nervous now, which i know you might think to be the most preposterous hogwash given my prior bravado.

__

JAKE: But nothings changed.

__

JAKE: Its still you and me dirk.

__

JAKE: We can still be friends.

__

JAKE: And its too early to think about whether we might end up as friends who kiss again and do other romantic and hanky panky associated things at this point.

__

JAKE: Honestly, i quake in my boots imagining the headache that sort of thinking would give me. Its far too nebulous at this very moment.

__

DIRK: Oh no don’t worry, I understand.

__

DIRK: I think I want to put all those sorts of thoughts to the side as much as is possible for the near foreseeable future.

__

DIRK: Because that shit got beaten like the deadest of horses from one of Jane’s Pony Pal’s.

__

JAKE: So lets put all of that out of our heads, like ill try to do with jane later...

__

JAKE: And lets... lets start again.

__

JAKE: Baby steps.

__

DIRK: Baby steps...

__

==>

__They look softly at each other for a moment, both almost too uncomfortably emotional to meet the others eyes. Dirk’s looking more at the floor than he is at Jake. His feet carve out small semicircles on the lily pad. Jake spins around slowly and holds his hand out. Looking up, Dirk slowly reaches out to take it. Jake shakes it with as much enthusiasm as he can muster._ _

==>

__

JAKE: Hi!

__

JAKE: Im jake english!

__

DIRK: Dirk.

__

DIRK: Dirk Strider.

__

JAKE: Its rather nice to meet you, mr strider. Rather pleasant afternoon isnt it?

__

DIRK: Yeah. You could say that it is.

__

DIRK: It’s nice to meet you too.

__

JAKE: Now, i do so believe that i was invited to go tell the epic story of my crusade against the villainous felt mob!

__

JAKE: Our friends were practically leaping out of their hot little potato skins to hear how it all went down, so ive been told.

__

JAKE: Care to uh...

__

JAKE: Care to join me?

__

DIRK: Yeah.

__

DIRK: I wouldn’t mind that.

__

DIRK: Got the time and all, might as well. No harm no foul.

__

JAKE: Trust me, ill do my best to make it the most entertaining little ditty youve heard. You know, i DO SAY, i feel as if i have started to...

__

JAKE: Come back into my STRIDE a little bit *:B*

__

DIRK: Yeah you have.

__

JAKE: Baby steps.

__

DIRK: Baby steps.

__

==>

__The pair turn towards their awaiting friends._ _

JAKE: Hey!

__

JAKE: Do you...

__

JAKE: Do you guys mind if we join you?

__

ROXY: jake!!!!!

__

ROXY: no!!

__

ROXY: hurry up and get your tighty whitey caboose the fuck on over here!

__

ROXY: dirk can come too!

__

JANE: Don’t dawdle, boys!

__

CALLIOPE: yeah, we’ve been waiting to be begUiled with yoUr thrilling tales of conqUest!

__Jane inconspicuously looks at Dirk, slightly raising her eyebrow. He gives her a small nod, and she returns with a matching small smile._ _

JADE: well?

__

JOHN: what are you guys waiting for?

__

JANE: Come on Jake, no need for the nerves.

__

CALLIOPE: we all want to hear yoUr story!

__

==>

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guessed it, I've written us all some more conversations.
> 
> And it goes onnnn and onnnnn and oooooooooooooooon...
> 
> TAAAAAAAAKE ME CLOSER TO REALITY
> 
> CLOSER TO MYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF
> 
> *descends into Hell as the bus rockets off the cliff at the speed of sound and we warp and split across all of existence as we hit the Gay Singularity™*
> 
> The conversations.
> 
> ==>
> 
> Guess what folks they were all right here, with me. Mhm. That’s right. I stole them all to use for my fanfiction. It was all a publicity stunt. An extortion of the reader.
> 
> The disgusting amounts of sodium, of which I am comprised on a fundamentally molecular level, are really beginning to seep through the cracks I feel. With all this salt I need some chips. Fuck, maybe to truly quench the salty ass parchedness I’ll need a dip, like a nice aioli. Perhaps, to alleviate the dehydration of the salty surplus... I will write more conversations... 
> 
> They’re never going to end. 
> 
> The bus has officially careened off the cliff.
> 
> I am the skeleton driver.
> 
> The Skeleton Prince (remember, I own your bones and you must pay me in sufficient marrow tax if you don’t want someone to drive by and bust em). 
> 
> I also run a monopoly on the Interaction Economy™. 
> 
> So as your generous monarch, have some more of these interactions.
> 
> First (second, third, ad infinitum) round’s on me.
> 
>  
> 
> TBQH I just had Memory playing in my head while I wrote that last bit. Of course there's the requisite go check it out because Toby Fox is rad AF  
> https://tobyfox.bandcamp.com/track/memory
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> \- AC


	4. The Conversationing: And It Don't Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have a conversation with our favourite sapphic trio about feelings, Vriska, and superpowers, cute moments with Dave and Karkat (Crabapple from now on), a discussion on the self and references to an exciting future with our Nanna's and sprite^2 friends, and we conclude with Jake and Jane teaming up to tell a whopper of a tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must apologize for the mediocre vocabulary characterization of Davepeta and Jasprose here, and of Jake (I just wasn't feeling it because the HTML for Davepeta and Jasprose is so hard to manage that I didn't have the will to try to polish Jake's dialogue here). For some reason the spacing with the Davepeta/Jasprose dialogue is really broken, although trust me, it was a lot more broken before I went through to edit it: blob:https%3A//www.tumblr.com/71e21d13-9790-4036-94a0-9480ddfad58e, https://66.media.tumblr.com/44b339e8b7228b0a87f79205a8262efd/tumblr_messaging_ob3ta0rxPE1ss7swj_1280.png haha :) 
> 
> I'll try to make sure it works properly next time they make an appearance. 
> 
> Also perhaps uncharacteristic degrees of romance buuuuuuuuuuuut I'm salty we never saw any Davekat kisses and whatnot in canon sooooooooooo I decided it would be okay if I did some guilty pleasure fanservice to throw in a bit more loving ,':3c  
> Hope everything's still some smooth ass sailing besides all that though. 
> 
> Enjoy

We return to our scheduled conversations with some lesbians.

TEREZI: SO TH3N, HOW 4R3 MY F4VOUR1T3 L3SB14NS?

TEREZI: D1D YOU GUYS G3T TO DR4M4T1C4LLY D13 1N 34CH OTH3R’S 4RMS 4T 4NY PO1NT? >:]

ROSE: Not quite, although I can certainly appreciate the romanticism of the moment that we oh so unfortunately missed out on.

KANAYA: Not That There Was A Lack Of Death And Severe Injury

KANAYA: Obviously We Are Still Here Due To The Excellent Work Of Our Healing Platoon, But The Condesce Was...

KANAYA: Well It Was No Less Brutal Or Painful Than You’d Expect

ROSE: That’s probably the best way to frame the fight, yeah.

ROSE: Obviously I wasn’t as familiar first hand with her tyranny as you were, but from what I had heard she was invincible.

ROSE: And that is of course not even considering the immortality curse.

KANAYA: But Somehow We Did It

ROSE: It isn’t as if Kanaya was entirely without her contribution, we might not have even won without her valiant effort.

ROSE: What without her not even having ascended the god tier ranks as the rest of us had.

ROSE: But she decided it was the best time to catch up on fine literature and makeup application.

TEREZI: K4N4Y4 WH4T TH3 FUCK

TEREZI: YOU FOUGHT TH3 OPPR3S1V3 3MPR3SS OF ON3 OF TH3 MOST V1OL3NT 1NT3RG4L4CT1C SP3C13S OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 NOTOR1OUS FOR B31NG 1MMORT4L 4ND OF UN1M4G1N4BL3 POW3R L3V3L

TEREZI: 4ND YOU R34D 4 BOOK

TEREZI: 4ND PUT SOM3 L1PST1CK ON?

KANAYA: Effectively Yes

KANAYA: Those Are Both Activities That I Personally Engaged In, Entirely Of My Own Volition

TEREZI: HON3STLY 1 C4N’T 3V3N B3 M4D TH4T’S TH3 S1NGUL4RLY MOST K4N4Y4 TH1NG 1’V3 3V3R H34RD

TEREZI: 4ND 1T’S PR3TTY FUCK1NG M3T4L TO F4C3 DOWN OUR 1ND3STRUCT1BL3 4BUS3R 4ND TH3N JUST

TEREZI: R34D SOM3, WH4T?

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 BROWS1NG K4RK4T’S N4STY 4SS EROT1C4 ROM4NC3 L1T3R4TUR3

TEREZI: YOU R34D PORN 1N FRONT OF TH3 R4G1NG 3MPR3SS

TEREZI: M4D R3SP3CT!

TEREZI: 1 DON’T TH1NK 1 COULD’V3 DON3 TH4T MYS3LF!

KANAYA: In My Defense, I Was Not The Best Equipped To Fight, Considering How Easily I Could Die

KANAYA: But I still Made Some Significant Contributions

KANAYA: I Got In A Respectable Amount Of Damage

ROSE: While not the most active combatant present, taking calculated moments of reservation to minimize damage done to the party, avoiding gratuitous amounts of death that would disrupt us in the long run, she still spent the majority of her time helping fight the enemy, and dealt a decent amount of pain in her own right.

KANAYA: Thank You, Rose

KANAYA: I Feel That Is A Reasonable, Kind Analysis And Report Of My Activity In The Situation

KANAYA: Personally, I Believe You Fought The Most Valiantly And Admirably, Continuously Getting Up Despite Some Violent Beatings

KANAYA: It Was Incredibly Dashing

KANAYA: Although, Perhaps I Observe And Comment From A Rather Biased Perspective

KANAYA: I Do Only Have Eyes For You

ROSE: Likewise.

TEREZI: J3SUS FUCK1NG CHR1ST

TEREZI: YOU GUYS R34LLY DO SP3ND 4LL YOUR T1M3 C4NOODL1NG L1K3 4 P41R OF LOVE3S1CK WR1GGL3RS 

TEREZI: DON’T G3T M3 WRONG, 1 LOV3 1T 

TEREZI: R34LLY, YOU’R3 4N 3ND34R1NG COUPL3 4ND 4LL 

TEREZI: BUT OH MY GOSH! 

TEREZI: 1T’S SO D3L1C1OUSLY G4Y, DO YOU GUYS 3V3R STOP? 

ROSE: No. 

ROSE: Not at all. 

KANAYA: Devious Beings Of Sin Are Unable To Cease Their Forbidden Actions 

ROSE: It’s disgusting how that wasn’t even a stretch. You doubled the length of the phrase. 

ROSE: And it still made total sense. 

ROSE: And it’s all just reactionary? 

ROSE: Not even I can pull it off as well as you can. 

KANAYA: Well, That’s How Healthy Relationships Work, You See 

KANAYA: One Person In The Pairing Will Have Skills That The Other Does Not Or Is Otherwise Lacking In, And Vice Versa 

KANAYA: You Make Up For The Shortcomings Of The Other 

ROSE: No need to lecture me on the functionality of relationships. 

ROSE: My relatively comprehensive understanding of their ins and outs predated my 3 years of experience you know. 

KANAYA: I Do 

KANAYA: My Little Brainiac 

TEREZI: S33, H3R3’S MY D1L3MM4: 

TEREZI: 3V3NTU4LLY, YOU GUYS 4R3 GO1NG TO DO SOM3TH1NG 4ND 1 W1LL THROW UP! 

TEREZI: 4ND 1’M NOT SUR3 WH3TH3R 1T W1LL B3 B3C4US3 YOU GUYS H4V3 DON3 SOM3TH1NG SO H34RT M3LT1NGLY SW33T TH4T TH3 H34RTBURN M4K3S M3 VOM1T 

TEREZI: OR YOU’LL 3ND UP PULL1NG SOM3 'TWO F3M4L3S COPUL4T3 FOR FUN OV3R 4 BUCK3T W1THOUT TH3 1MP3NDN1NG THR34T OF D34TH, 1NCLUD1NG 4 V4R13TY OF F1LTHY, UNHYG13N1C K1NKS SO 4S TO PRODUC3 4 D1SGUST1NG V1D3O FOR 4 N1CH3 M4RK3T WHO SHOULD BE 4SH4M3D OF TH3MS3LV3S, W4ST3 PRODUCTS W3R3 N3V3R M34NT TO B3 1NVOLV3D 1N R3PRODUCT1ON' NONS3NS3, 4ND 1 W1LL VOM1T 

ROSE: Ah yes, troll two girls one cup. 

ROSE: Remember when we had a meteor movie night for the filthiest intercultural porn sharing. 

ROSE: Fond memories... 

TEREZI: TWO G1RLS ON3 CUP W4S JUST 4S 1F NOT SOM3HOW MOR3 V1L3 

TEREZI: YOUR HUM4N T33N R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 R1TU4LS 4R3 PR3TTY 1NT3NS3 1N TH31R OWN STOM4CH TURN1NG R1GHTS 

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y, 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG 

TEREZI: 4S 4 B4TTL3 H4RD3N3D LOV3R OF WOM3N MYS3LF, TH4T 1S V3RY D1FF1CULT TO 4CCOMPL1SH 

TEREZI: BUT 1 F33L 4S 1F YOU H4V3 TH3 POT3NT14L TO DO 1T! 

KANAYA: Battle Hardened You Say? 

KANAYA: I Mean, I Was Aware, Or At Least Suspected You Had Some Crushes On The Female Members Of Our Group 

KANAYA: So That’s Not A Particular Surprise From The Left Of The Sports Ball Field 

KANAYA: But Have You Ever Had An Actual Relationship? 

KANAYA: Sorry I just Realized After The Words Exited My Mouth That They Could Be Construed As A Bit Confrontational 

KANAYA: I Was Just Curious As To Your Romantic Experience, Because I Had Not Been Informed 

KANAYA: Apologies If My Communication Orifice Seemed As If It Were Bearing Its Offensive Scorn Fangs 

ROSE: Now that you’ve brought it up, because I never really properly broached the subject with you... 

ROSE: What is the nature of your relationship with Vriska? 

ROSE: You speak of our sappy public displays and make exaggeratory proclamations till the cows come home about our cute romance. 

ROSE: But I could say the same of you and Vriska. 

ROSE: On the surface, at first glance, so on so forth, it does appear like an exemplary moirallegiance. 

ROSE: However, upon closer inspection... 

ROSE: It could be said that it strays a little into red territories. 

TEREZI: 1... 

TEREZI: 1 HON3STLY DON’T KNOW >:[ 

TEREZI: W3’V3 B33N B3ST FR13NDS FOR 4S LONG 4S 1 C4N R3M3MB3R 

TEREZI: 4ND WE’V3 B33N THROUGH 4 LOT 

KANAYA: No Doubt About That 

KANAYA: Especially With All That FLARPing 

TEREZI: GOD 

TEREZI: TH3 FL4RP1NG

TEREZI: 1T’S 4 SH4M3 TH4T 4LL TURN3D TO SH1T 1N TH3 3ND, 1T W4S SUCH 4 GR34T T1M3

TEREZI: WH3N W3 W3R3N’T K1LL1NG *TOO* M4NY STR4NG3RS 4ND TH3N 4LSO OUR OWN FR1ENDS

TEREZI: ON TH3 M3T3OR... ONC3 3V3RYTH1NG COOL3D DOWN... WH3N 1 D1DN’T...

TEREZI: WH3N 1 D1DN’T K1LL H3R

TEREZI: M4N 1T’S ST1LL 4 R34L BUZZK1LL TO TH1NK 1 D1D TH4T B3FOR3

TEREZI: S4W 1T W1TH MY OWN 3Y3S TOO

TEREZI: OR MY ‘M1ND’S’ 3Y3, 4S 1T W3R3

ROSE: What?

TEREZI: NO NO NO, 4LL 1N DU3 COURS3

TEREZI: W3’LL G3T TO TH4T SOON 3NOUGH

KANAYA: Patience Is A Virtue, Rose

ROSE: Fair enough.

TEREZI: W3 W3R3 GR34T!

TEREZI: SUR3, 1T TOOK 4 B1T OF 4DJUST1NG B3FOR3 W3 R3TURN3D TO A S3MBL4NC3 OF WH4T W3 H4D B33N 1N TH3 GOLD3N 4GE OF SCOURG3

TEREZI: BUT TH4T’S ONLY N4TUR4L WH3N ON3 OF YOU H4S 4BUS3D SOM3 FOLK 4ND TH3 OTH3R SUSP3CT3D H3R

TEREZI: 3V3N 1F T3MPOR4R1LY

TEREZI: OF SOM3 SUP3R 1LL3G4L HOM13C1D3 1N TR1PL1C4T3

TEREZI: BUT W3 GOT B4CK ON TH3 B4LL

TEREZI: SH3 H3LP3D M3 4VO1D 4N 4BUS1V3 4ND ULT1M4T3LY THE ULT1M4T3 S3LF D3STRUCT1V3 V4C1LL4T1NG BL4CK ROM4NC3 W1TH A G3NOC1D4LLY 1NT3NT1ON3D JUGG4LO H1GHBLOOD

TEREZI: W3 W3R3 TH3R3 FOR 34CH OTH3R TO L4UGH, SH4R3 F33L1NGS, SPY ON SOM3 G4Y N3RDS

TEREZI: D4V3 4ND K4RK4T THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 R3L4T1VELY S3CR3T1VE W1TH TH31R K1SS1NG BUT W3 S4W 1T 4LL >:]

ROSE: Well I should hope not quite all, because that would imply you watched them in a rather perverse way engaging in more explicitly flavoured sexual activities.

ROSE: That would be a bit strange I feel, even for trolls.

TEREZI: OK4Y NO M1SS SM4RTY P4NTS, NOT QU1TE 4LL

TEREZI: W3 G4V3 TH3M TH3IR R1GHTFUL PR1V4CY WH3N TH1NGS GOT 3XTR4 MUSHY OR ST34MY

TEREZI: B3S1D3S TH3 PO1NT!

TEREZI: W3 W3R3 CLOS3!

TEREZI: 4ND...

TEREZI: 1’LL 4DM1T 1T, TH3R3 W3R3 4 F3W T1M3S WH3N MY F33L1NGS GOT 4 T4D CONFUS3D, 4S W4S TO BE 3XP3CT3D 1 SHOULD TH1NK

TEREZI: 4ND Y34H!

TEREZI: W3 M1GHT H4V3 K1SS3D 4 F3W T1M3S TO S33 WH4T 1T W4S L1KE!

KANAYA: Really?

ROSE: Huh.

ROSE: Interesting development.

TEREZI: 4ND Y34H!

TEREZI: 1’M MOSTLY SUR3 TH4T SH3 4ND 1 4R3 JUST M34NT TO B3 MO1R41LS, 4ND 1’M MOSTLY SUR3 TH4T’S F1N3 W1TH M3

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S JUST 4 C4S3 OF 4DOL3SC3NC3

TEREZI: M4YB3 J34LOUSY, OF WH4T YOU H4D... WH4T D4V3 4ND K4RK4T H4D

TEREZI: BUT SH3 JUST UP 4ND L3FT W1TH NO 3XPL4N4T1ON, 4ND 1 JUST H4V3 TO TRUST TH4T SOM3HOW SH3’LL COM3 B4CK TO M3 F1N3

TEREZI: 1 *B3L13V3* 1N H3R...

TEREZI: BUT 1 KNOW SH3 W3NT TO F1GHT 3NGL1SH, 4ND 1 KNOW SH3 H4S 4 PL4N, 1 KNOW SH3’S POW3RFUL 3V3N MOR3 SO TH4N W3 KNOW

TEREZI: BUT 1 W4NT MY MO1R41L TO COM3 B4CK S4F3LY

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO C3L3BR4T3 TH3 N3W UN1V3RS3 W1TH H3R!

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO ST4ND 4ND F1GHT B3S1D3 H3R

TEREZI: 1 JUST HOP3 TH3 OV3RCONF1D3NT DOP3 1S GO1NG TO B3 OK4Y...

TEREZI: SH1T TH1S GOT TOO H34VY

TEREZI: L3T’S GO B4CK TO T4LK1NG 4BOUT F1GHTS 4ND SUP3RPOW3RS

ROSE: I can oblige.

KANAYA: Likewise

ROSE: Of course, as if it needed to be said, if you ever want to talk to someone -

KANAYA: Then We’ll Always Be Here For You, You Know?

TEREZI: fuuuuuuuuuuck m44444n

TEREZI: YOU 3V3N *F1N1SH 34CH OTH3R’S S3NT3NC3S*!

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y

TEREZI: COMB4T!

TEREZI: 4CT1ON!

TEREZI: GODLY 4B1L1T13S!

KANAYA: You Went To Confront The Jacks With The Striders Right?

TEREZI: Y34H

ROSE: God, I can’t begin to imagine the angst you had to put up with.

ROSE: My sincerest condolences.

TEREZI: DON’T WORRY, 1T W4SN’T TOO P4TH3T1C

TEREZI: TH3Y’D MOSTLY GOTT3N OV3R TH3MS3LV3S BY TH3 T1M3 1 GOT TH3R3

TEREZI: GOTT4 S4Y, 1T W4S FUN G3TT1NG B4CK 1NTO TH3 SW1NG OF TH1NGS 4FT3R DO1NG NOTH1NG ON 4 FUCK1NG SP4C3 ROCK FOR SO LONG

TEREZI: W3 W3R3 4 B1T RUSTY BUT W3 ST1LL K1CK3D TH31R STUP1D C4R4P4C3 4SS3S

TEREZI: TH3Y N3V3R STOOD 4 CH4NC3, B3S1D3S 4LL THOS3 MOM3NTS WH3N 1T LOOK3D L1K3 TH3Y WOULD K1LL US 4LL WH1CH W4S BOTH 4 D3C3NT 4ND SH4M3FUL 4MOUNT OF T1M3S TO B3 QU1T3 HON3ST

TEREZI: W3 D13D 4 F3W T1M3S B3TW33N US

TEREZI: LORD J4CK W4S PR3TTY H4RDCOR3

TEREZI: TH3 OTH3R J4CK W4S 4 WORTHY OPPON3NT BUT NOTH1NG SP3C14L

ROSE: And our esteemed medic platoon brought you all back to the land of the living few in time enough to save the day?

TEREZI: Y34H

TEREZI: BUT W3 S4V3D OURS3LV3S TOO

KANAYA: How Did You Manage That?

ROSE: Secret potions?

TEREZI: NOTH1NG QU1T3 SO F4NT4ST1C4L OR CL4ND3ST1N3, MY FR13NDS >:]

TEREZI: 1 US3D SOM3 S1CK GOD T13R POW3RS

KANAYA: Unascended?

ROSE: I mean, obviously you don’t need to ascend to use abilities.

ROSE: Light came rather naturally to me pre-ascension when I was scouring my land for information and sought forbidden knowledge from the impregnable cue ball.

ROSE: It has to be said though, resurrection powers before you god tier is strong, as far as things go.

TEREZI: 3X4CTLY

TEREZI: 4ND Y3T

TEREZI: H3R3 W3 4R3

KANAYA: Oh

KANAYA: I See With My Sneaky Eyes What You Sneaky Did

KANAYA: You Used Some Fraymotifs Didn’t You

TEREZI: W3LL... Y3S

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1 JUST W4NT3D TO M4K3 1T SOUND 4 B1T MOR3 3XC1T1NG

TEREZI: 1 US3D GOD T13R POW3RS ON TH3 W4Y TO TH3 F1GHT THOUGH, WH3N 1 W4S FLY1NG

TEREZI: 1 S4W 1NTO 4LT3RN4T3 R34L1T13S, 4ND 1NTO TH3 P4ST

TEREZI: 1 S4W MY 4LT3RN4T3 S3LF W1TH 4LT3RN4T3 VR1SK4, M33T1NG 1N T1M3 TO W4TCH TH3 3ND

TEREZI: 1’M NOT SUR3 1F TH3Y SURV1V3D OR NOT

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y B3S1D3S B31NG 4BL3 TO S33 3V3RY V4R14NT OF TH3 R34L1TY W1TH1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 WH1CH 1S PR3TTY COOL 1 GU3SS 1 GOT TO S33 WH4T 1 COULD R34LLY DO W1TH SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T WH3N 1 FOUGHT W1TH D4V3

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T’S JUST 4 UN1V3RS4L RUL3 TH4T KN1GHTS 4ND S33RS WORK W3LL TOG3TH3R

TEREZI: D1RK D13D SO D4V3 4ND 1 BROUGHT H1M B4CK

TEREZI: 1 S4W WH4T CHO1C3S 4ND 4CT1ONS D1RK M4D3 TH4T K1LL3D H1M, 4ND TH3N 1 S4W 1NTO 3V3RY R3L3V4NT V4R14NT OF TH3 T1M3L1N3 TO PRODUC3 4LT3RN4T1V3 D3C1S1ONS

TEREZI: 4FT3R MY S3L3CT1ONS, D4V3 R3PL4C3D P4RTS OF OUR T1M3L1N3 W1TH OTH3RS, R3CONF1GUR1NG T1M3 TO M4K3 1T MOR3 4LPH4-OPT1M4L

KANAYA: Well That Is Pretty Impressive Actually

KANAYA: Consider Me Impressed, Terezi

ROSE: Likewise.

TEREZI: 4WWWWWWW TH4NKS GUYS

TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S PR3TTY COOL TOO, 1 SURPR1S3D MYS3LF W1TH HOW COOL M1ND C4N R34LLY B3

TEREZI: WOND3R WH4T 1 COULD DO 1F 1 4SC3ND3D...

ROSE: Team Seers for the win, is what I have gathered from this.

ROSE: You and I shall bring our people to a shining, glorious victory, as long as we keep up this pace, although it must be said I’ve been a bit... lacking in the seeing department as of late.

ROSE: Certainly didn’t foresee that abomination.

Rose jabs her finger at Jasprose.

TEREZI: SH3 R34LLY 1SN’T TH4T B4D ROS3, D3FROST YOUR COLD, COLD H34RT

TEREZI: SH4R3 1T 4ROUND, DON’T JUST G1V3 1T TO K4N4Y4

TEREZI: B3S1D3S 1’M SUR3 1T’S JUST 4 SLUMP YOU’LL B3 F1N3 1N NO T1M3

TEREZI: UNDOUBT3DLY 3X3RC1S1NG YOUR 4B1L1T13S 1N TH3 F1GHT 4G41NST TH3 COND3SC3 W1LL H4V3 W4RM3D YOU B4CK UP SOM3

KANAYA: Talk About Feeling Out Of Touch Till The Hexpedal Lactating Beasts Return To Their Death Warrens, But To Me You’re Both Virtuosos

KANAYA: Maybe My Perspective Isn’t The Most Valuable But I Would Enjoy Knowing What All Of This Aspect Stuff Is About

KANAYA: Personally, I’ve Never Felt Connected To Space

KANAYA: I Thought I Might Have At Some Point But After Our Voyage I’m Not So Certain

KANAYA: What Is Space Even Supposed To Represent?

KANAYA: Or Be Represented By?

KANAYA: I’m Entirely All Too Unsure

ROSE: Well, I could always tell you if you wanted.

ROSE: What with my knowledge of SBURB, and personal experience with a prominent Space player.

ROSE: I believe it would be better if you spoke with them directly as opposed to having me translate, however.

ROSE: There are two of them after all.

ROSE: One has one of the master classes too. So you’re certainly in the right place to start inquiring. Conversing with them might help unlock some hidden wellspring that you aren’t aware of yet.

ROSE: They can set you on the right path if anyone can.

TEREZI: M1GHT 4S W3LL DUD3

TEREZI: ONLY GOOD C4N COM3 OF 1T YOU KNOW?

KANAYA: I Suppose I Might

KANAYA: No Harm In Communing With My Fellowship

KANAYA: Who Knows? Maybe They’ll Awaken The Space Within Me And I’ll Do Something Incredibly Relevant

KANAYA: Haha, Wouldn’t That Be Hilarious

==>

DAVE: so...

DAVE: youre fine huh?

DAVE: no injuries?

DAVE: if theres a pretty hair out of pretty place on your pretty head i can go fuck up those puppets for you

KARKAT: I’M FINE, SERIOUSLY, STOP WORRYING YOU DRONETIT PARANOIA CULTIVATOR.

KARKAT: PROMISE.

KARKAT: TOTALLY FINE. JUST A FEW SCUFFS. NO BIG DEAL.

DAVE: fuck really?

DAVE: listen honeynut cornflakes, i will kiss any boo boos better, i dont care where they or we are i will do it im not gunna let you be sore

DAVE: i will fix you

He wiggles in closer. Close enough that Karkat can see his eyes boring into his own through his staunch Stiller shades. Dave takes his hands into his own, pulling them between their chests.

KARKAT: WHAT? KISS... WHAT?

KARKAT: KISSING DOESN’T WORK TO HEAL INJURIES IN SBURB? JUST DEATH, WHICH IS I SUPPOSE JUST A REALLY SUBSTANTIAL INJURY BUT THAT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE MY DREAM SELF IS DEAD. DO HUMANS HAVE REGENERATIVE FLUIDS IN THEIR MOUTH OR SOMETHING?

KARKAT: IS SPIT LIKE... WHAT?

KARKAT: WHO KISSES ‘BOO BOOS’ BETTER WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT.

DAVE: there are so many sad things about trolls and alternia and your life

DAVE: i suppose you never had anyone to kiss your boo boos better

DAVE: crabs arent the best at kissing

DAVE: well not actual crabs like my once future potential father in law actual crab monster crab dad

DAVE: we all know crabs like you make fantastic kissers

DAVE: i mean i can relate its not like bro ever kissed any of my injuries he just beat me up and let me sort myself out, which just meant more fighting and danger and risk of getting hurt haha

KARKAT: FUCK MAN THAT’S SO MESSED UP.

KARKAT: I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME TO STUPID EARTH AND HELP FIX... EVERYTHING.

DAVE: yeah but hey, if youd done that, think about the pspace-wide ramifications

DAVE: wed have never met

DAVE: and i dunno, i think all of this, the adventuring and the friends and the forbidden and lustful young romance

DAVE: worth it

KARKAT: IF YOU EVER LEGITIMATELY BELIEVED ON ANY LEVEL IN ANY PART OF YOUR ITTY BITTY SOUL THAT YOU ARE IN FACT A COOL PERSON, THEN YOU’RE MORE DELUSIONAL THAN I EVER THOUGHT.

KARKAT: NEWSFLASH DAVE: YOU’RE A LOSER!

DAVE: yeah but im your loser so it all works out in the end

KARKAT: STILL, I CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL GUILTY THAT ALL I EVER DID WAS WATCH YOU GET ABUSED BY SOME CREEPY OLD GUY RESISTING THE MIND CONTROL OF LORD ENGLISH.

DAVE: is that all you saw?

KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY NOT, I HAD ACCESS TO YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY DAVE?

KARKAT: PROBABLY SOMETHING REALLY PERVERSE RIGHT?

KARKAT: THAT I WATCHED YOU MASTURBATE?

DAVE: go for it dude

DAVE: make my day

KARKAT: OKAY THEN, UPON YOUR REQUEST, I CAN 100% TRUTHFULLY, NOT SARCASTICALLY AT ALL AT THE BEHEST OF YOUR SHITTY HUMOUR, CONFIRM I WATCHED YOUR PALE HANDS FONDLE YOUR PALE GENITALS. I SAW EVERY TIME YOU DID IT. EVERY. TIME.

KARKAT: DO YOU REQUIRE A GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF WHAT WAS SEEN?

DAVE: nah save that for later, it would be a bit rude to talk dirty in public

KARKAT: WOW THANKS FOR SIDETRACKING US SO SEVERELY.

KARKAT: HOW DID WE GET HERE?

KARKAT: RIGHT, I’M FINE. DON’T NEED ANYBODY TO KISS ANY WOUNDS.

DAVE: okay well how about i just kiss you straight up

DAVE: lmao sorry i meant gay up

==>

Dave releases Karkat’s hands and moves them up to his face, cupping his cheek as he softly pushes his lips against Karkat’s. I wonder how much gratuitous, shameless kissing I can fit into this thing. So much to do, so (?) ambiguous time. So much kissing, Davekat is canon. 

==>

KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS UH... NOTHING SERIOUS. I GOT A FEW GRAZES, THAT’S IT.

KARKAT: MAN, I KNOW HE WASN’T AN ENGLISH DEMON OR WHATEVER, BUT HE WAS A FRISKY PUPPET DAVE. HE HAD SOME SLICK MOVES FOR AVOIDING DANGER, AND ALSO POSSIBLY GAY PUPPET COURTSHIP.

KARKAT: HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FUCK ME AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. NO NEED TO GET JEALOUS, I SWEAR, I FELT NOTHING.

KARKAT: HE THOUGHT HE COULD GET AWAY FROM ME. A SWEET IDEA, BUT A FOOLISHLY MISINFORMED ONE.

KARKAT: DODGING AND DIVING AND FANCY FOOTWORK COULDN’T SAVE HIM. HE SLIPPED FROM MY GRASP A FEW TIMES STRIDER, BUT EVEN YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED ONCE I KICKED HIS FUCKING ASS.

KARKAT: CURBSTOMPED AND HOGTIED HIM. LUCKY LITTLE BITCHSQUEALER COULDN’T COUNTER MY SUPERIOR COMBAT SKILLS!

KARKAT: I MEAN... MAYBE NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS SOMEONE WHO COULD ACTUALLY HAVE DESTROYED YOU BUT MY LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN ENDANGERED THERE AT SOME POIN -

==>

Dave pulls him into himself by the waist as close as he can, burying is face in his neck. How does one ‘bury’ a face in a neck? Why is that the best way we ever thought to describe that action? Could we not invent a better verb? One day, I hope someone invents a verb slightly more copasetic with the physical limitations involved with the interactions between definite physical organic forms which do not in fact dig into each other. How about we juuuuuuuuuuuuust... Nuzzle? Yeah, let's go with nuzzle. 

==>

DAVE: im proud of you

DAVE: no matter who youre fighting

DAVE: always gunna be rootin for you

KARKAT: THANKS.

KARKAT: I’M ROOTING FOR YOU TOO.

==>

The sprites hover off to the side and above the gatherings of the lilypad. Davepeta holds the still sleeping GCATavros, who lightly snores and sniffles, but thankfully does not sneeze. They gently pat his head, and a soft - if not somewhat congested - pur reverberates through the void. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 godly animals can make some pretty loud animal sounds huh?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So they can.

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo. You were pretty noisy on that old ship yourself, Davesprite!

NANNASPRITE: I suppose now that’s even more past tense than it had been before, considering the exemplary young person you’ve turned out to be!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thanks johns nanna

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but im not davesprite anymore

NANNASPRITE: So who are you now deary?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Our Davesprite unwittingly fused with another sprite, a lovely female troll by the sweet name Nepeta.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow im davepeta!

NANNASPRITEx2: Hoo hoo hoo!

NANNASPRITEx2: That’s nice deary. Pleasure to meet you!

==>

Nanna the second holds out her hand. Davepeta slings GCATavros over their shoulder and meets the outstretched hand with one of their own and shakes vigorously. 

==>

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < very nice to make your akittyance too!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < holy fuck zoow33 mama im not sure if thats the best thing ive ever heard or really just the absolute worst

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just kittyin, it was a cat pun, of course its the best B33  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *paws around running their meowth like theyre hot shit beclaws they think they are just the coolest litter thing to efur happen*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I feel as if ‘litter’ was just a tad too obscure Davepeta.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course, as the other kitty in the yard here I understood what you meant perfectly first time, but for others it might have been a bit more difficult :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < of clawse  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You did mean ‘little’ right?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < mhm  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Good.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not that I’m implying either of our dear older cookietit nannas are dull scratching posts or anything!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: These things can just have the tendency to slip past other boring non-cat folk.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t take that personally I think you old ladies are fucking great, but nothing beats being a flaming pussy !

NANNASPRITE: I’m sure it’s quite freeing! I’m also sure I can’t say I’ve had much experience being a cat :B

NANNASPRITEx2: But with all the free time there’ll be once the game is over, you could always reinvent yourself!

NANNASPRITE: I suppose I could!

NANNASPRITE: When you try to live a relatively peaceful, quiet life, on the run from an abusive alien overlord masquerading as your oppressive mother you don’t get to do all the things you wanted to try.

NANNASPRITE: Seeing all you kids becoming ‘furries’ has really inspired me to consider experimenting with some different lifestyles in the future.

NANNASPRITEx2: I think we might avoid any fusing though!

NANNASPRITEx2: That’s perhaps a teensy bit too extreme for us slightly more old-fashioned ladies at the moment :B

NANNASPRITEx2: Anyhoo, would you like someone to take the sleeping cat boy for you?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thatd be purrety rad

==>

She floats over and gently lifts GCATavros off Davepeta’s shoulder, showing impressive displays of strength and finesse for an old lady with only one disembodied hand, who also happens to be dead. 

==>

NANNASPRITEx2: Got to be soft with these things, don’t want to wake him.

NANNASPRITE: Not to mention that cats can get rather uppity if you wake them from their naps!

NANNASPRITEx2: Hoo hoo, that too!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thank mew kindly

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < good to be relieved of the purrden

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tavros was... is? a nice guy  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i feel as if its some reasonable shit to say that my existence is not a thing for me to chaupurrone for him  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that one was a bit forced  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im using too many purrs  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh well im out of practice itll take some time to come furlly back into the true art  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < only one part of me used to do this stuff sooo...  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not that im made furrom any sort of compurrehensible parts anymore i mean obviously im a composition and have two separate meowmories and i can s33 myselves in other timelines and all that fancy shit  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but...  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im my own purrson now!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < there arent distinguishable parts of my identity, its just me meow!

NANNASPRITE: Oh don’t you worry your sweet little head, I understand what you mean.

NANNASPRITEx2: You remind me of when I used to be a gutsy teen like yourself. Good times... Well I mean no they weren’t. Not by a long stretch!

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo!

NANNASPRITEx2: But while our situations are very different, I feel as if I can relate, at least a little bit. Sure, being on the run from an evil alien empress and being a magical sprite made from two dead teenagers is like salt and sugar...

NANNASPRITE: But you need both if you want to bake!

NANNASPRITEx2: Exactly!

NANNASPRITEx2: Being a youth and experiencing the pains of one’s adolescence is difficult. It’s difficult and messy and sometimes the recipe can be hard to read. But eventually...

NANNASPRITE: After you crack a few eggs and perhaps accidentally leave in a few bits of shell!

NANNASPRITEx2: You can make a wonderful and very tasty cake!

NANNASPRITEx2: All with different shapes, and flavours, and decorations!

NANNASPRITE: It’s all really quite special and amazing.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: And here I so foolishly thought I was the only clever cat bitch who could make some extended metaphors.

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!

NANNASPRITE: Oh my, you’re both just such cards.

NANNASPRITE: Now I hate to egg and run...

NANNASPRITEx2: Just kidding!

NANNASPRITEx2: We love it!

NANNASPRITE: Yes I do :B

NANNASPRITE: But I’ve got someone to go pick up, so if you’ll excuse me...

NANNASPRITE: I’ll be off for the moment!

NANNASPRITEx2: I’ll take this sleeping one over here too.

NANNASPRITEx2: Let you kids talk about hip young things like self discovery, spiritualism, and merged personalities.

NANNASPRITE: Don’t do anything we wouldn’t!

==>

Nannaspritex2 hands Jasprose and Davepeta a cookie and glass of milk each - or more accurately, appearifies them in front of their faces - and Nannasprite gives them both hugs.

==>

NANNASPRITE: You’ll both do fantastic things you know?

NANNASPRITEx2: You can count on it!

NANNASPRITE: Grandmothers know best.

NANNASPRITE: Be back soon dearies!

==>

They both go off to do as they will, leaving the two kids to discuss their hip young things like the invalidity of identity, existentialism, and relentless, roiling inner turmoil. Sorry. Autocorrect. I meant *self discovery, spiritualism, and merged personalities. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... That’s more like it. 

==>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, we’ve already done plenty of soul searching and gender reassignments to last the day to be quite honest.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I would much rather talk about something more topical and engaging so I don’t feline pass the fuck out.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: God I fucking love a good nap I could use one right now.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fuck you and your productivity you nasty capitalist and/or communist pigs.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyhow.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let’s talk about the end of REALITY!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Because trust me, all of this happy clappy shit’s about to hit the kitty litter!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fuck ye meow were gettin to the good stuff

==>

CALLIOPE: so, yoUng jake english, tell Us all of yoUr coUrageoUs encoUnter!

JAKE: Well if you do so insist i fear i have no other choice!

JAKE: There i am among the hills of the land of mounds and xenon...

JAKE: And some godawful villain with some boggling cooking contraption flies above me and deposits a fresh batch of nasty gang members!

JAKE: Fancy green puppet men no less.

JAKE: It sounds positively barmy, but what isnt these days!

JAKE: The nasty felt.

JADE: ooooooooo! JOHN: ooooooo! CALLIOPE: ooooooooooo! ROXY: ooooooo! DIRK: Fucking hardcore.

JAKE: So im not going to lie pals.

JAKE: I was a bit scared.

JAKE: Facing down so many intimidating, large alien arts and crafts men...

JAKE: It shakes you to the core.

JAKE: But i stood against their tyranny valiantly!

ROXY: go jake!!

ROXY: you kicked their asses right?

ROXY: you tooootally kicked some ass

JAKE: Indeed i did, roxy, indeed i did.

JAKE: I fought off their advances with my zilly pistols, firing at each of them again and again.

JAKE: Unfortunately, my gunshots would have some prior unknown ramifications.

JAKE: Some of them, upon being shot, would summon time clones!

JAKE: What a shucking clusterfuck.

CALLIOPE: mmmmmmm, some of those cantankeroUs pUppets have some frUstrating dUplication powers!

CALLIOPE: i imagine rUnning aroUnd fighting all those extra baddies with all those extra jakes mUst have been a real strUggle.

ROXY: that does sound like a bit of a hassle!

ROXY: im sure our jake did fine though, right?

JAKE: For a while i most certainly did manage to work up the mangrit to stand my ground, until one of the larger men punched everyone into another world!

JADE: my land!

JAKE: So it was jades land!

JADE: it was!

JAKE: Eventually he would punch us back to lomax, and we would continue our fisticuffs, until one of the men with a particularly fashionable hat confronted me personally.

JAKE: And then i died.

JANE: But then I appeared just in time to save the day!

JAKE: She really did, im not sure what id be doing without her.

JANE: Be dead.

JANE: You’d be doing death.

JOHN: so true.

JOHN: wait, let me guess!

JOHN: when you came back you all gave them a...

JOHN: a...

JOHN: rootin tootin good whalloping?

JADE: thats a bit too cowboy dont you think?

JOHN: shit.

JOHN: true.

JANE: Don’t feel too disheartened, John.

JANE: I’ve been speaking to Jake for years and I’m still not the best with the use of the more archaic, esoteric phrases.

JANE: But don’t worry, you do get used to it after a while.

JANE: Moving on, I will momentarily take the reigns to tell this little bit, if you don’t mind.

JAKE: Oh not at all, have at it!

JAKE: Ive always liked listening to you tell your stories.

JAKE: Just save some good bits for me and all!

JANE: Of course.

JANE: So!

JANE: Nanna, Jasprose, and myself, are all doing the healing rounds to keep our gutsy friends in their respective fights!

JANE: We had just visited everyone fighting the batterwitch and brought them back from the brink.

JANE: Our second stop was Jake, who we were confident would be faring well against the Felt. Unfortunately we did not get there in time, and Jake was gunned down by what looked to me to be the leader of the rag tag mob.

JANE: I revived him, and Nanna made some cookies, so everyone took a break to eat. They were nice cookies so a truce was inevitable.

JANE: Baking is truly the universal language of peace.

JANE: Your turn.

JAKE: Thank you for the delightful interim!

JAKE: Now, as jane was saying, she really saved my tanned hide back there!

JAKE: But we fought side by side against the felt, shooting and poking and stabbing at their soft green bodies, when all of a sudden...

JAKE: BAM!

JAKE: WHAMO!

JAKE: A strapping young necromantic lizard in some fancy robes with a fancy scarf and a fancy stick rushes us all with her fancy skeleton army!

JAKE: Truly they sieged the fight.

JAKE: With all the rattling bones it was a bit hard to hear, but it seemed as if the felt were panicked.

JAKE: Jane and i just jostled atop the oscillating body pile!

JAKE: A pair of white and black dogs having a bit of a ruckus, what with their one arm and their one sword, appearified above us momentarily with enough time for their swords to clash before they vanished again.

JAKE: Not sure what that was about but...

JAKE: I felt it was a pretty cool detail!

ROXY: fuck yeah it is!

ROXY: coolest detail to ever have graced my virgin ears

ROXY: hearing anything else in my life would be some serious heresy after taking in that beautiful aural info

JAKE: Good!

JAKE: Jane would have to leave to return to her noble and arguably most important job, but i could handle it fine from there on out after her timely assistance.

JAKE: I abandoned my guns for my fists!

JAKE: I beat all of them into submission i did. Stood atop the new, unconscious body pile.

JAKE: Even the man with the fancy hat who killed me was so impressed his sarcastic cigarette fell out of his mouth, because his jaw was glued to the grassy floor!

JAKE: Truly the felt answers to english!

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if Davepeta and Jasprose aren't quite the best, but this is my first time I've ever written for them so they might be a bit rough but I'll get the hang of it as we go along. Will also do my best to keep the HTML from fucking itself in the face from every conceivable and inconceivable angle in the future. 
> 
> Dave and Rose introduce the trolls to the concept of human sexuality. Kanaya and Terezi in particular found the concept of sexuality labels hilarious and started using lesbian ironically as an in-joke between them and the meteor crew. I'm also tempted to write the *censored* story of the intercultural porn night. Just imagine: everyone, determined to unwind and share alien cultures to understand each other better. Rose, with kitschy, ironic/morbid humour, thinks it would be funny to watch the trolls react to Earth's shock videos, prefacing them as 'adolescent rites of passage.' Dave can barely contain his laughter. Karkat is largely unable to watch, hiding himself among pillows into which he spends 20 minutes ranting, without pause. Vriska is grossed out and finds the whole thing childish, choosing to leave. Terezi watches it all with a mix of horror and delight as she tries to understand what's happening among her morbid curiosity. Kanaya just stares at Rose and Dave with 'the look,' knowing that this is all just a bunch of silly silly bullshit that they think is oh so hilarious (but she does try to catch a bit out of the corner of her eye. Earth culture and practices have always fascinated her). Terezi says that trolls also have similarly repulsive videos and tries to one up the humans. 
> 
> So funny.
> 
> The attempted mind boggling and inadvisable 7x CONVERSATION COMBO does not end here folks. It will resume next chapter. 
> 
> Otherwise I hope you had some fun. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	5. The Conversationing: Gift That Keeps Giving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy and Co. school Jake on the nature of self esteem and remind him that he as a network of friends ready to emotionally support him on call 24/7, and our alpha (f r i e n d) pairs Jane/Jake and Dirk/Roxy have a feelings jam, apologizing to each other, airing out any grievances they have bottled up, and setting the records straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You realize you're really out of practice with Roxy and that she isn't the best in this chapter.
> 
> You also realize that wow this took a really long time to come out. Unfortunately that's what happens when you have a lot of exams going on, fanfiction has to take a bit of a back seat, regardless of how much ass suckage that is (and trust me that is a quantifiable metric now I've constructed a whole system of measurement involved with tongues in butts and sucking). 
> 
> You also X2 COMBO realize that Shakespeare - the first of many to be struck by misattribution of quotes in Homestuck - said something incredibly famous, that I just used in my narrative, that upon reflection describes all of Homestuck. I was just looking for quotes about time. Happy accidents.

DIRK: Well colour me black and white and suck on my teets with primitive technology until you drain my bloating fluids.

DIRK: That’s some pretty hardcore shit Jake.

DIRK: No powers?

JAKE: None whatsoever!

JAKE: Just uh... just myself.

DIRK: That’s hardcore as fuck bro. Man.

DIRK: Taking on a mob of beefy plush chucklefucks armed to the stuffing with a pair of pistols and bare fists is pretty impressive.

JAKE: Aha its uh... its not THAT big a deal, honestly.

ROXY: you hold on just a sec there jake because i think that is in fact a statement that smells a whole lot like a LOT OF BS!

ROXY: i think that sounds pretty fuckin intense!

ROXY: i dunno if idve been able to do that by myself

JAKE: Well like i said, i did have jane to come and bail me out of my little tizzy there so i hardly brawled with them all by own strapping lonesome self or anything...

JAKE: Team effort ya know.

ROXY: just catch a whiff of that stinky stinky shit!

ROXY: it makes me want to vom

ROXY: dont sell yourself so short!

ROXY: you did some really awesome work out there today, be proud!

ROXY: I think you were a strapping brawler who stood against a great enemy by himself in his own right even WITH janey to lend big utensils

JANE: Roxy’s right, you know? 

JANE: Honestly you overstate my contribution, Jake, you make it sound like I stuck around and did half your work for you. I can confirm that is in fact false! 

JANE: It doesn’t take a super sleuth, ace detective, gutsy gumshoe to figure that one out either! 

JANE: If I had stayed to fight with you too long I would be neglecting my healing duties. 

JANE: Sticking around for a few moments to get you back on your feet and poke some holes in some folk with a big fork isn’t as fanciful or grand as you make it seem. 

JANE: I barely did anything. 

JANE: 95% of the work was all you! 

JADE: honestly fuck that noise jake!!

JADE: no friend of mine is going to be selling themselves short of anything, not on my watch, especially not someone so cool who worked hard for what they did

JADE: thats just silly!

JOHN: what is it with you and watches these days?

JOHN: it’s like you’re trying to be a time player or something.

JADE: again?

JADE: dont hassle me for using phrases john, gosh!

JOHN: hehehe!

JADE: hehehe!

JOHN: seriously jake, lighten up a bit!

JOHN: try to imagine your insides are as yellow as your cool robin underwear.

JOHN: what you did was legitimately impressive!

JOHN: it might not really feel like it to you personally, but sometimes it’s hard to see and appreciate what we’ve accomplished or what we can do when we aren’t feeling the best.

JOHN: but I feel if you can accept a compliment and believe that how you might see yourself in that moment isn’t quite right, or not how others see you...

JOHN: then you can start to feel a little bit better about yourself!

JOHN: it might take a lot more compliments but you’ll get there eventually!

JOHN: or at least that’s just what I think.

DIRK: Word.

DIRK: I might not be the fancy prodigious psychologist that Rose is, but I feel because we’re related it’s rubbed off on me a bit.

DIRK: And I now have the official authority to confirm that that is in fact the truest shit and not just a thing he thinks nor feels.

DIRK: It’s an actual science fact.

JADE: yeah it is!!

JADE: its as solid and omnipresently applicable as the laws of physics

ROXY: as the second sciency gal pal here i can also confirm

JANE: Through masterful deduction I can agree that my cohorts have come to the correct conclusion. 

ROXY: oooooooooo callie!

ROXY: can you make it a 6x science bomb mind-blow combo???

CALLIOPE: i do believe so :U

CALLIOPE: i’m neither a scientist or a coUnselor, i’m jUst a silly alien girl who likes to write and draw and cosplay.

CALLIOPE: bUt i feel as if i am almost UniqUely qUalified on the sUbject, becaUse i Understand what it’s like to feel rather bad aboUt yoUrself...

CALLIOPE: not that nobody else here does!

CALLIOPE: i know for a fact everyone here has sUffered numeroUs hardships!

CALLIOPE: i Used to escape from my problems with my brother with fUn art and stories featUring all of my cool friends!

CALLIOPE: and when i felt aboUt myself, aboUt my appearance and sUch, i started cosplaying!

CALLIOPE: i made my own little trollsona to cosplay as, to make me forget aboUt who i was and my garish features

JADE: callie ohpeee!!!

CALLIOPE: ehe, yeah!

CALLIOPE: i know, not the most creative name in the world, bUt nevertheless!

CALLIOPE: i always felt ashamed of myself, so i hid behind my personas, which is mUch more the challenge of a knight than a mUse.

ROXY: callie no :(

ROXY: it sucks such a fucking massive big bulge that you felt like that...

ROXY: it doesnt even make any sense tbqh because even if you are a little bit scary at first because you have a skull face, once you get used to that youre just really very cute!

ROXY: like honestly just one of the cutest?!

ROXY: and its a muted skull look too, like not even a properly scary skull?

ROXY: pastelgoth callie!

CALLIOPE: ehehehe!

CALLIOPE: see?

CALLIOPE: when i met roxy, and she started saying sUch things, which i thoUght were honestly qUite preposteroUs, it really gave me paUse!

CALLIOPE: i sat back and examined myself, and how i felt...

CALLIOPE: and everybody’s kind words really made a difference!

CALLIOPE: and now i feel a lot more comfortable being natUrally myself becaUse their compliments gave me confidence and hope!

CALLIOPE: so yoU best believe you jUst got thoroUghly dUnked on by the agelessly iconic 6x science bomb mind-blow combo! ^U^

CALLIOPE: don’t let life kick yoU aroUnd, jake!

CALLIOPE: yoU’re a fantastic person, and it’s a real shame to see yoU feeling down, but i think it’s a part of yoUr joUrney as page of hope.

CALLIOPE: yoU have a lot more to do than anybody else to realize yoUr potential, bUt that’s okay!

CALLIOPE: becaUse when you do...

CALLIOPE: yoU’ll be one of the strongest and most UsefUl people in all of paradox space!

CALLIOPE: and we all believe in yoU.

CALLIOPE: and those times when yoU’re jUst not feeling it, that’s okay.

CALLIOPE: i’ll believe in yoU enoUgh for the both of Us ~_U

JAKE: Well fucking shucksbuster guys.

JAKE: I-Im... im not too sure what to say...

JAKE: *sniff*

JAKE: You know what?

JADE: what?

JAKE: Maybe you guys are right...

JAKE: Thank you all for your kind words!

JAKE: *quiet sob*

JAKE: *SNIFFFFF*

JAKE: You guys are really too nice.

ROXY: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH dont be silly!

==>

ROXY: we love you so much ahhhhh!!!

Roxy draws him into a hug while he rubs away his tears with the knuckles of his free hand and smiles at her. 

JAKE: Thanks rox.

JAKE: I love you guys too.

==>

Everyone performs a second forbidden 7x hugmosh combo, as prescribed by the reclusive tender embracefellows of forgotten folkloric legend. Their spirits, inhabiting a higher reality, would truly cherish the hugs of this exceedingly rare moment. Erupting into raucous cries of excitement, laughter pealing like a muted happychuckle pulse of the Great Touched One, joyful tears would leak from their eyes. Their mouths. Every orifice is leaking and they scream with pure ecstasy. This is why they’re reclusive. Imagine doing this in public. Disgusting.

Truly a beautiful moment. 

Unfortunately, nothing good lasts forever, and everything has to end. Such are the insentient, arbitrary, autonomous machinations of a reality without feelings, shuffling existence and an infinity of smaller existences around itself like pawns in a chess game spanning its vast reaches. Philosophy nor science can explain it. Entropic decay is the predestiny of all. No being is safe from the rotting matter of time, and if they are, you should fear them. 

“All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” -Mark Twain 

Yes, I am certain Mark Twain said that. One hundred percent positive. So are you. 

==>

Jade, John, and Dirk break away first, followed shortly by Jane, Calliope.

==>

Roxy mumbles into Jake’s head, and he whispers back. 

ROXY: dont worry jakey

ROXY: i know it might not feel like it at the moment but if you put in the effort, and youre really determined

ROXY: which i know you are, because youre good at that!

ROXY: things will get better soon

ROXY: promise

ROXY: just you wait, well help you kick the ass of the sadness

ROXY: all the ass

ROXY: together

JAKE: Yeah.

ROXY: now i feel like jane might want to have a word with you in private, but dont worry, nothing bad

JAKE: *gulp*

JAKE: Okay.

JAKE: I can manage.

ROXY: yeah you can!

She gives him a kiss on the forehead for good measure, before reluctantly releasing him from her nefariously caring clutches. 

JANE: Would you all mind if I had a word with Jake? 

JANE: I don’t want to unfairly monopolize anybody’s time but... 

JANE: There are some things I would very much like to speak with him about, some things that happened. In a more private setting, if that’s okay with everyone? 

She looks questioningly at Jake, who pauses for a moment before giving her a small, stuttering nod. 

JAKE: I dont mind.

ROXY: i think thats a really good idea!

ROXY: ill just be over here with dirk if anybody needs me!

DIRK: If shit gets too hot to handle and you need to tap out, I’ll be available over there with Roxy.

DIRK: I mean that shit was obviously implicit, but hey, no harm in confirming the important information in life. Unspoken rules are so overrated.

JADE: we can keep ourselves occupied!

JOHN: yeah it won’t be too hard to find something to do, what with all these awesome friends to hang out with!

CALLIOPE: yoU two have fUn!

CALLIOPE: hopefUlly yoU sort oUt any issUes yoU may be experiencing u_u

==>

JANE: First of all...

JANE: I would very much like to apologize, for a few things...

JANE: Of course there’s my ghastly, absolutely deplorably monstrous behaviour. I treated you so poorly Jake, I really did, and I am so, SO sorry for my actions.

JANE: The absolute sorriest.

JANE: I know plain-faced words - or even fancy spangled words for that matter - won’t be able to fix everything between us or excuse anything I did but I want you to know that I feel awful.

JANE: I might not have been in control of any of my faculties, or at least... not totally...

JANE: On some level I still had some sort of personal investment as much as I am ashamed to admit.

JANE: But it’s something I feel I HAVE to admit, to start righting things, and I really WASN’T in total control. That awful batterwitch...

JANE: She makes my blood positively bake at 300 degrees!

JAKE: I know how you feel.

JANE: I didn’t want to enslave you, or imprison you, and I mostly didn’t want to hurt you. I most certainly didn’t want to... sire any... put any brownies in the oven with you without consent.

JANE: I was very mad with you, and beneath all the mind control it did help me express the darker shades of my emotions...

JANE: But violence most certainly is not the way you sort out problems with your friends!

JANE: Secondly, as you should know, I did harbour romantic feelings for you Jake.

JANE: And I would like to apologize for how I acted there too.

JAKE: Why?

JANE: Well I really screwed the fucking pooch, didn’t I?

JANE: Goooooood I handled it all so POORLY!

JAKE: Eep!

JANE: Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.

JANE: But I did. Instead of telling you how I really felt I pretended like I wanted you to engage in courtship with Dirk and then instead of telling you how it made me uncomfortable I just... became a doormat!

JANE: I just sat there and listened and I let it all bubble up and then I went crazy!

JANE: I expected you to get it but you never figured it out and I blamed you but we’re both at fault, you for being so socially ignorant - although I can’t hold that against you considering the circumstances - and me for expecting so much and then doing NOTHING!

JANE: So dumb!

JAKE: Yeah we both did a rather miserable job with all... that.

JAKE: If i had know how dirk and my relationship was making you feel, or -

JANE: No it wasn’t that.

JANE: Not explicitly, anyway.

JANE: I was genuinely happy for the both of you, especially Dirk, who I know had felt so alone and out of place, and considering how enamoured with you and your boy-pluck and man-grit and MALENESS...

JANE: All just a massive conflict of interest.

JANE: Unfortunately, there will always be collateral damages. But I didn’t make any real attempt to help the situation at all.

JANE: I just lay down and accepted everything as it was and I set no boundaries and I voiced no opinions and really the whole charade was an exercise in social and emotional ineptitude.

JAKE: Yeah.

JANE: I could’ve done things better, you could’ve done things better.

JANE: Dirk could’ve done things better, Roxy could... well no not really there was nothing she could’ve done more, she was a very supportive friend.

JAKE: She kept us all together she did.

JANE: She did.

JANE: But I don’t hold it against you anymore, not really. I recognize I too am at equal fault.

JANE: We all just jumped into things too fast.

JAKE: We were inexperienced, thats for sure.

JANE: And anxious too.

JANE: And Dirk and I... well much like he said, you were the only viable romantic target, and we became infatuated with this idealized version of you that we constructed.

JANE: You’re certainly not the Tarzan that we were expecting!

JAKE: Heh, nah thats definitely not me.

JANE: Not that you aren’t attractive, you’re a very handsome fellow. Cute like all my friends.

JAKE: Th-thanks, heh heh.

JAKE: I appreciate the compliments, especially considering my new spanking, awkward, skimpy get-up.

JAKE: Dont wanna flatter me too much though!

JAKE: Youre not too bad yourself ya know.

JAKE: Its not the cute three of us its the cute four.

JANE: Yes.

JANE: We are all attractive individuals and I think that is a good way to think about these things.

JAKE: The Alpha Cutie Quartet!

JANE: Yes.

JANE: I approve of this thinking.

JANE: Anyhoo!

JANE: Things are getting better, or at least... they have the chance to.

JANE: All of that love nonsense is in the past. I don’t feel the same way about you anymore. If feelings for some reason resurface in the future...

JANE: Well if an event of that caliber transpires hopefully we’ll all be better equipped to handle it then.

JANE: But I most certainly am not prepared to entertain that train of thought for even a SECOND for quite some time!

JAKE: You and me both janey.

JAKE: You and me both.

JAKE: And dirk.

JAKE: None of us are ready to stow away among that cargo for a good long while yet.

JANE: Good, we’re sorting out our priorities.

JANE: First we’ll work on the friendship and the in-person interaction because I think we could all use some practice with that :B

JAKE: By jove we most certainly could.

JANE: I’m sorry for all the trouble.

JAKE: I...

JAKE: I a-accept your apology.

JAKE: Im sorry i wasnt better at picking up on your true feelings about things, and being such a blind jerk.

JAKE: Neither of us were very good at much of anything, but... youre right.

JAKE: We have the chance to make things better, and i would very much like for us to do that.

JAKE: I love you jane.

JAKE: Not like that, of course i mean, i love you like all my other good friends, if they actually even consider themselves that any more...

JAKE: Im not just going to leave one of my dear mates out in the cold.

JAKE: I just want you and me and dirk and roxy to be best friends for life again, without having to worry about the romance or the mind control for a while.

JANE: That would be nice.

JANE: I would enjoy that quite a bit, I feel.

JAKE: Good!

JAKE: Its settled then.

JAKE: Second chances!

JANE: Second chances!

JAKE: I cant wait for things to get back to how they were in the good ol days!

JAKE: Were going to have to have a big group powwow to sort everything out once were able, and we dont have all these responsibilities breathing down our necks.

JAKE: You guys were all right, ive decided.

JAKE: Things will get better!

JAKE: Its just a process.

JAKE: Im glad that youre willing to put all these things in the past and forgive and forget, jane.

JANE: Well I’m just relieved you weren’t too scared of me after what happened to not speak with me alone!

JAKE: I wont lie, you do still scare me a little, but ill get over it eventually.

JAKE: After all that codswhalloping sea hag is out of the picture now, no more evil mind control crowns.

JANE: Thank goodness gracious too.

JAKE: Its good to have you back jane.

JANE: It’s good to have you back, too.

JAKE: Everything will get worked out in the end.

JANE: You bet it will.

==>

ROXY: so, ineffable, enigmatic monsieur strider deux

ROXY: patched things up with gentleman english now have we?

ROXY: i saw you guys talking but jane wouldnt really tell me what about!

ROXY: naturally i came to the awesome and correct conclusion that you were attempting to right all your heinously unforgivable transgressions

ROXY: MWA HA HA!!

ROXY: sorry i just felt like that was a good place for an evil laugh, im not too sure why

DIRK: No prob.

DIRK: No self respecting guy can pass up a wicked chuckle that sounds genuinely cunningly villainous, that shit is music to our ears.

DIRK: True beauty is measured by the tepidity of sinister guffaws.

DIRK: Personally I would say that evil laugh was truly one of lukewarm iniquity.

DIRK: Right now you are smoking hot, and all the guys and gals from all across the lands of Paradox Space are flinging themselves at you to hear more of your contemptibly diabolical sounds.

ROXY: you know it distri!

ROXY: i am pure sinning up in this bizzz

ROXY: sins straddling this handle, and its sweating like a whore in church

ROXY: fuck the handles so bothered by these reprehensible actions its going to confessionals to get baptised in blood of the unprostrating martyr faygo

ROXY: they were bottled for our mirthful sins dirk

DIRK: Fuck yeah.

DIRK: That was always one of the more questionable flavours I feel.

DIRK: Taking blood from the falls and, what? Putting some glucose in it and trying to carbonate it?

DIRK: Shit does not count as a soda.

DIRK: It’s just weird, bordering on fetishistic.

ROXY: there are probably a lot of people who used it to fulfill their vampire fantasies

DIRK: Exactly and it’s just the grossest fucking shit that’s real blood from real people, and the fact that there might be reasons it sold decently outside of the fact that if you didn’t buy a case a week you’d be the next in the bottle is sick.

DIRK: What the fuck was wrong with people.

DIRK: Just...

DIRK: Why?

ROXY: i know, i ask myself those sorts of questions about the old humanity a lot too

ROXY: its all just really incomprehensible and not worth the antagonizing!

ROXY: juggalos are strange people dont even try to understand them dude!

ROXY: theyre just really whack folk and probably best avoided

DIRK: Don’t I know it.

DIRK: Bump me.

==>

Roxy meets his offered fist solidly with her own and draws it back in a slow-motion explosion. Dirk squids it out. We know that these are, in all entire actual science facts, the coolest cool dudes to ever dude coolly. 

==>

ROXY: ahhhh you totally distracted us!

ROXY: cunning loser boy

ROXY: you are in fact the exact opposite of a cool kid dirk you are a lame nerd who does lame things like changing the subject!

DIRK: Hey whoa slow down there, maybe try thinking of what you say before the words fly out of your mouth. You’re obviously just not thinking the clearest Rox.

DIRK: Did you know that words can be hurtful?

DIRK: Imperial drones may break my bones but the Red Miles will still eviscerate me.

DIRK: Really? You wanna be the nasty ass Red Miles?

DIRK: Cuz I gotta say, you’re all just up and shredding all my touchy feely insides which we call human emotion, and tearing my human emotion apart is not something we do as part of the human disease called friendship.

DIRK: Imagine this: my insides are like a fucking plush ass teddy bear, and we’re gunna call him Bulgy Humphrey.

DIRK: He’s Bulgy Humphrey because his heart is just so damn swollen with love and kindness and joy, he is so sweet.

DIRK: Bulgy Humphrey’s just going about normal teddy bear shit, going to tea parties and making child wishes come true with ground up leprechaun dust magic and licking away their salty tears when Fido gets shunted off into the next life by daddy's shotgun.

DIRK: And here you come along like the fucking gremlin who got fed, and you’re bouncing between the walls so hard you break every bone in your body but you’re not content with ruining your life with your giggleshit nonsense.

DIRK: Just gotta come up to Humphrey and bust him up like a juggalo gangster breaking kneecaps and ripping out intestines on their insubordinate purging Mirthful Mondays.

DIRK: Well what did poor Bulgy Humphrey ever do to you Roxy?

DIRK: Why can’t you just let his Bulgy heart service children and their wishes in peace.

ROXY: gosh sorry i didnt think the ‘cool kid’ would take it so personally :p

ROXY: sorry bulgy humphrey im sure youre a nice guy i didnt mean to break any kneecaps or rip out any intestines

ROXY: AHHHHHH you totally changed the subject again!!!

ROXY: striiiIIIDERR!!!!

ROXY: how did it go with jake!

ROXY: ya just gots ta tell me dirk

ROXY: ya gotsa

DIRK: That’s so obnoxious and almost disrespectful and racist.

DIRK: Don’t mock the ancient Texan people. They don’t deserve it. They were nice people.

ROXY: making fun of people from texas, a dead people from a dead civilization, is not racist!

ROXY: and you know that!

DIRK: Yeah okay I was just pulling a fast one on ya there.

DIRK: It was good.

ROXY: what did you talk about hmmmmmm?

DIRK: I apologized for being a massive, oppressive cunt and all around shit boyfriend, monopolizing his time and affections 24/7 even though we never even had a Time player.

DIRK: Told him I was sorry like a blubbing pansy.

DIRK: Reconciled our lost love.

DIRK: Agreed neither of us were ready for something like that and we’d just step off instead of trying to stir the pot again.

DIRK: Stick to being friends to maintain the order of the universe.

DIRK: For now, at least.

ROXY: oh no please dont tell me youve got any future machinations or strider schemes or some shit weve had way more than enough of those by now

ROXY: your machiavellian plotting must come to an end i say!

ROXY: not that you should stop being a tactician and coming up with crafty ways for us to craftily not fail at crafty things or anything

ROXY: but pls tell me youre cooling it on the sneaky romantic advancements for at least 1000 years

DIRK: Trust me I have no intention of opening that can of worms again for a long time.

DIRK: I need a break. We all do.

DIRK: And we need to sort our shit out.

DIRK: Start figuring out how to be friends before we start sticking wandering tongues and various other appendages into each other’s various quivering orifices.

ROXY: ewwwwwwwww hahaha!

ROXY: thats definitely a good appraisal of the situation i feel!

ROXY: of course you had to go and make it weird but life wouldnt be the same if you didnt

ROXY: it would probably be a lot more boring in all honesty!

ROXY: who would be there to help me submit innuendo?

DIRK: Nobody.

DIRK: That’s who.

DIRK: Your perverse humoured ass would be all by your lonesome.

DIRK: Pray to Fieri and her Condescension every 5 minutes that you get to keep me around in your otherwise disappointing, insignificant, drab life.

ROXY: ehehehe!

ROXY: oh thank you so much, great one

ROXY: here let me shine your shoes and lick the ground you grace with a glance of your holy, superior gaze

DIRK: At least you’re eager to accept your lowly place, lowly worm.

DIRK: Go back to your lowly tequila bottle.

DIRK: Oh shit.

DIRK: Fuck.

DIRK: Sorry.

DIRK: Man that was really awful, like honestly probably one of the worst things I’ve ever said in my whole disappointing, insignificant, drab life.

DIRK: Wow literally the poorest fuckin’ taste ever shit.

DIRK: You know I didn’t mean it like that Rox.

DIRK: I’d NEVER mean it like that, I swear.

ROXY: yeah...

ROXY: i know

ROXY: its okay, sometimes these things just happen, i dont...

ROXY: i dont mind

DIRK: No way it’s not okay it’s the total OPPOSITE of what is in fact actually acceptable. 

DIRK: I’m really sorry Ro-lal. 

ROXY: you dont have to make a big deal out of it dirky

ROXY: i... 

ROXY: im sorry... 

DIRK: What in the fresh hell are you sorry for I’m the jerk.

ROXY: ... 

ROXY: i fell off the wagon :(

ROXY: the awful trickster majyyks

ROXY: just totally acted like id ever stopped drinking

ROXY: it was so pathetic, and im just some weak and lame ditzy alcoholic loser, and im sorry 

ROXY: im sorry i let you down

ROXY: and all i ever did when i was drinking like trash was hit on you like your feelings didnt matter

ROXY: just haranguing you with the hormonal lusts of some straight girl stuck in the ocean and annoying your gay boy head

ROXY: messaging you all the time, your only friend still alive, just so i could talk about doing everything you didnt want to do with a girl like it didnt even matter, like if i pretended in the fakeness of your heterosexuality it would suddenly become a little less fake one day

ROXY: god i was so awful

ROXY: drunk all the time and hassling you

DIRK: Roxy...

ROXY: and then i ‘get better’ and i act like its no big deal to stop guzzling the bottles but it was actually really hard dirk

ROXY: and then some silly lollipop from some 5 year olds sugary wet dream comes along and its back to it like nothing ever happened and then i kiss you

ROXY: i just knock everything down that i was working so hard for because of one moment of being vulnerable and having an excuse to be okay with it

ROXY: just so suck

ROXY: i am just the suck friend and im sorry

DIRK: Roxy I really appreciate that, and I accept your apology.

DIRK: It wasn’t great having a drunk girl trying to get into my pants all the time despite the metaphorical and literal distance.

DIRK: But I couldn’t blame you.

DIRK: We were two teenagers and we were alone and life is hard and I understand so... everything’s fine with that.

DIRK: Promise.

DIRK: And yeah.

DIRK: Yeah it is disappointing that you fell off the wagon but it doesn’t matter.

DIRK: Because you tried so hard, and you were struggling silently, and holding us all together. 

DIRK: If anyone failed it was us, it was me.

DIRK: For not being a better friend, becoming obsessed with the tunnel vision of my faulty romance instead of encouraging you, helping you along. 

DIRK: Man I can’t imagine how strong you’d need to be to be you.

DIRK: And you take it.

DIRK: You understand you have a problem and you take it and you get back on that wagon and... 

DIRK: I... 

DIRK: Well honestly I couldn’t be fucking prouder of my best friend ever. 

DIRK: You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you should stick a cork in this bullshit because guess what.

DIRK: All water under the bridge.

DIRK: And things won’t be easy. They’ll be tough and it’ll suck. And you will have weak moments and sometimes you might bounce your ass out of the rickety wagon cargo.

DIRK: But you’re not alone.

DIRK: Not now.

DIRK: We can help you.

DIRK: You’re allowed to ask for help.

DIRK: I’ll always be here for you.

DIRK: Promise.

DIRK: If you ever need someone to talk to, or things are getting extra difficult and it looks tempting, come to me, okay?

DIRK: We can help you fight this shit together. 

DIRK: Don’t gotta tough it out in silence and hide away your difficulty feelings like an unprostrating martyr. 

DIRK: Nobody wants to turn you into faygo.

DIRK: It’s okay. 

DIRK: Wow sorry that was a lot of talking. 

==>

She sniffles and then scoops him up in her arms, burying her face in his neck, dampening the collar of his pajamas.

ROXY: thanks

==>

He runs his fingers through her hair.

DIRK: No problem.

ROXY: i love you

DIRK: I love you too.

==>

DIRK: And honestly as if you couldn’t make me prouder, you go off and fight the fucking Condesce like what even is that noise.

DIRK: It’s pride.

ROXY: i killed the bitch too

DIRK: Holy shit.

DIRK: Your mom would’ve been the proudest of all.

==>

Her arms tighten around him, and his around her.

ROXY: thank you

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness but I've never had a posting consistency so I'm sure nobody was waiting on my too expectantly. Roxy will improve, hopefully. Dirk too. I'm still really unused to the lexicon of all these characters in practice TBQH so it's a bit of a struggle, especially when I effectively have no beta and I'm just some random ass guy who's only read the comic 2.5 times (I'm @A6 now so hopefully I'll refamiliarize myself even more with the alphas, even though that's not something I should have to do because I do actually have an actual understanding of all of these characters so I'm not sure why this is proving such a challenge ATM). I also lost my Jakespeak guides but don't worry! I shall find them again in time for his next conversation and we'll get him back on track too. 
> 
> Anyway back to the Land of Positivity And Not Sucking (LOPANS) I'm getting back into it because all of my exams are over now! There's also only 4 more weeks till the holidays and while I will spend some time on the requisite study I will have a lot of other time, all of which is free and disposable SO we can expect things to get going again. Yay!
> 
> I still have a decent amount of interactions panned out. At some point I'll stop making people cry. Eventually. We'll get there somehow. I think this strikes 3 out of... I think I had 40 planned interactions and this chapter marks the end of the first rotation (although the rotations did not begin till this chapter, otherwise based on the interaction swapping I think we'd be on the fourth by now maybe) so there's still a lot to go. We will get to the action though! I'm definitely excited.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated and if you're a decent writer and you see this and would perhaps be interested in a beta position (preferably) message me on my tumblr @analytic-chaoticism (or if you can't, you could always just leave a comment). 
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	6. The Conversationing: In Touching With Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Space players discuss what their aspect means to them, increasing their understanding and helping them relate to themselves and each other in ways they hadn't previously considered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but I had some school work that got in the way, but back on the wagon! We're still in Teen TraumaTM damage control, and I felt this conversation was lengthy enough to be its own chapter. Also wanted to get an update out there already LOL. Because I get very passionate about classpect - and the fandom has called to my attention some poor interpretations of Space spurred by the contextual ramifications of the canon as of late that I needed to address and will continue to address in kind in the near future - I also felt it was important enough to warrant being a standalone piece. Hope you enjoy some girls having some meaningful, emotionally supportive, healthy thinking chats cuz I know I certainly enjoyed writing it for you!

While Roxy cries softly into a gently papping Dirk, and Jane and Jake get excited over the idea of reforming their splintered-but-thankfully-not-unsalvageable relationships, Kanaya sashays towards Jade, Calliope, and John, trying to maintain a nonchalant appearance. She had talked to Jade on numerous occasions while assisting her with Spacing and frogging. Honestly, it probably wasn't her place to do any of that now, considering things...

She was fun to talk to. A nice girl. Amicable, intelligent, competent, co-operative. And there Jade sat with a girl of virtually unparalleled creative potential almost hailed as a messiah and a boy who changed all of reality to save it.

Kanaya suddenly felt very inadequate.

It wasn't as if she hadn't done anything impressive herself. She'd bred a universe (albeit cancerous). She saved her friends from a murderer (even though she had to die in the process). Two, in fact. She had stood up to one of reality's most oppressive, powerful, tacky-chic stylish dictators, and won (even though she died once and almost then some in that process too). She cared for a matriorb by herself (even though it was destroyed by the former murderer). Despite all their... flaws... she had still accomplished things. She deserved to throw her own fashionable hat into the ring with these - perhaps 'worthier' - players. Rose is giving her a double thumbs up and a blown kiss in the background. Breathing deeply, and slowly, she takes a moment to compose herself.

KANAYA: Hello Everyone!

KANAYA: Im... Suddenly Here Now

KANAYA: Sorry If I Happen To Be Interrupting Anything

JADE: hi kanaya!!

JADE: you are kanaya right?

KANAYA: Yes, That Would Be Me

KANAYA: I Am The Kanaya

KANAYA: No That Just Sounds A Bit Weird Im Not The Anything

KANAYA: Im Just Kanaya, Just Here To See You

JADE: awwwww thats so cool!

JADE: you were always one of my favourite trolls

JADE: you were so helpful and nice and never grumpy!

JADE: talking to you was always fun, if not in a bit of a serious way :p

JADE: its so good to see you too!

JADE: youre very pretty! just like your cool dress!

KANAYA: Thank You Kindly, Although It Has To Be Said I Feel

KANAYA: That This Old Thing Is Not Quite As Beautiful As Your Stunning Witch Dress

KANAYA: Witch Dresses Were Always A Bit Too... Large For My Tastes

KANAYA: But It Suits You Very Well 

KANAYA: And It Is Fantastic With The Space Theme

KANAYA: Look At Those Colours

KANAYA: It's Like The Cosmos Are In The Fabric

KANAYA: I Always Loved Space...

KANAYA: I Remember Seeing Myself From Afar In A Dream Bubble From A Reality Where I Too Had Ascended

KANAYA: I Never Did Attempt To Replicate The Outfits Of My Alternate More Successful Selves

KANAYA: As Some More Unsavoury Members Of Our Party Had Done

KANAYA: It Just Felt A Bit Wrong To Undermine The Sacrifice And The Achievement

KANAYA: But Someday

KANAYA: Somehow

KANAYA: I Would Like To Earn The Right To Wear Them Myself

KANAYA: Hello John

KANAYA: Hello Calliope

CALLIOPE: hello kanaya!

JOHN: hi kanaya!

JOHN: managed to escape rose and terezi long enough to come talk to us cool kids over here huh?

KANAYA: You Could Say That I Suppose

JADE: hehehe!

CALLIOPE: hehehe!

CALLIOPE: for what it is worth to yoU, i also find yoUr oUtfit to be very attractive!

CALLIOPE: it may appear simple, bUt the pairing of coloUrs and the dress, besides the stitching itself, really is gorgeoUs.

CALLIOPE: despite the lacking of extravagance, which is overrated anyway!

KANAYA: Thanks

KANAYA: Im Not Entirely Too Sure This Old Thing Really Warrants The Merit Of Compliment 

KANAYA: But It Was One Of The First Outfits I Ever Successfully Stitched And Coordinated So

KANAYA: Well Ive Always Liked It

KANAYA: Long Enough To Keep Remaking It Bigger Each Year At Least

KANAYA: How Have Things Been With You People On This Part Of The Space Rock?

JOHN: I think we've been doing some good work over here.

JOHN: we've been helping jake discover the magic of the human emotion called friendship.

JOHN: saying nice things, teaching him about compliments.

JOHN: reassuring him that things will all work out in the end!

JOHN: that sort of stuff!

CALLIOPE: it's always good to help oUt a friend in need!

JADE: well of course it is!

JADE: ive always felt that helping people out is one of the best ways to spend your time!

JADE: especially when its one of your closer friends

JADE: im not familiar with jake at all at the moment its been so long since we last spoke

JADE: but i know hes certainly not as chipper as he was when we were closer, back before the game

JADE: and i can feel that theres a loneliness like mine in him

JADE: so its really cool that we can get to help him with his problems and try to make him feel better!!

KANAYA: I Agree

KANAYA: Kindness And Meddling Were Always Two Of My More Favourite Emotions

JOHN: are kindness and meddling really troll emotions on... ballerina?

KANAYA: On What?

JOHN: malt tree?

KANAYA: Actually What Are You Trying To Say

JOHN: alt... alternia!

JOHN: sorry I totally forgot the silly name of your troll planet.

CALLIOPE: they're not!

KANAYA: Shes Right

KANAYA: I was Just Playing A Human Prank Which Is Something I Know You Can Relate To And Appreciate

KANAYA: Thats What Our First Interaction Was

KANAYA: Among Other Things It Also Happened To Be

KANAYA: Like One Of The Instigating And Motivating Factors In My Desire To Communicate With Humans And Subsequently Your Group

KANAYA: It Is An Extended Prank Like The Agonizingly Obtuse And Pretentious Metaphors Rose Holds So Dear

KANAYA: Because Friendship Is Not An Emotion On Alternia

KANAYA: Friendship Is Not An Emotion On Anywhere

KANAYA: Nobody Is Seriously Stupid Enough To Seriously Call Friendship A Serious Emotion

JOHN: seriously.

KANAYA: Yes Very

==>

Kanaya sits down, crossing her legs and holding her hands clasped on her lap. Calliope and Jade sit down similarly in front of her, but John keeps hovering. Jade raises an eyebrow and he waves her off.

==>

JOHN: now I think I'm the one interrupting things.

JOHN: I want to go talk to roxy and dirk!

JOHN: it'll be so interesting to hear about how different their world and lives were.

JOHN: it looks like they're finished having their little moment too.

JOHN: you guys have fun over here!

JADE: okay!

JADE: you have fun too!

CALLIOPE: see yoU later!

KANAYA: If You End Up Talking To Dave And Karkat Before I Get To Tell Them Im Very Proud

JOHN: will do!

==>

He floats off to join a now dry-eyed Roxy and co. 

==>

JADE: its good to finally meet you kanaya!

KANAYA: Likewise

KANAYA: Sometimes I Imagined What This Moment Would Be Like

KANAYA: My Fantasies Were Never As... Hopeful As This But

KANAYA: I Think I Like All This Better Than What I Thought Up On The Meteor

JADE: we both love imagining too!

JADE: isnt that right calliope!

CALLIOPE: yoU bet yoUr bottom boonbUck its right!

CALLIOPE: personally i believe that's one of the most intrinsic aspects of space!

CALLIOPE: that we all gravitate towards abstract and imaginative thoUght, and creative expression!

CALLIOPE: aspects are all qUite interesting i find.

CALLIOPE: they are each and every one of them UniqUe and mUlitilayered in their fUnctions and characteristics.

CALLIOPE: one of my favoUrite ways to pass the time besides imagining fUn sitUations for myself and my friends, and writing and drawing them oUt in my tome, is to theorize on the pUrpose and traits of classpects!

CALLIOPE: one of the aspects i particUlarly enjoyed thinking aboUt was, UnsUrprisingly, space u_u

CALLIOPE: of all the aspects it was always the one i felt a natUral affinity for.

KANAYA: What Do You Feel Space Is Truly About?

KANAYA: From Your Perspective As An Educated And Accomplished Space Player Yourself

JADE: yeah, sometimes i wonder about that stuff too!

JADE: what does it even mean to be a space player?

JADE: am i doing it right?

JADE: am i missing something?

JADE: after my trip ive had some ideas about it but ive never had anyone else to talk to about it who wasnt coy and spritely so it would be interesting to compare our understandings

CALLIOPE: those are all good qUestions!

CALLIOPE: i woUldn't be so qUick to assUme myself the 'accomplished aUthority' you presUme me to be, bUt i can certainly divUlge what i think, and the information i have.

CALLIOPE: jUst remember not to take my word as pUre gospel!

CALLIOPE: and of coUrse feel free to contribUte yoUr own thoUghts too!

CALLIOPE: primarily i feel a key attribUte of the space aspect is creativity.

CALLIOPE: this is a bit obvioUs.

CALLIOPE: all three of Us have engaged in some form of creative pUrsUits over the coUrse of oUr yoUth and those hobbies will almost certainly persist.

CALLIOPE: plUs space is essential to the Ultimate progeny!

CALLIOPE: withoUt space it is physically impossible to bear Universal frUit. 

CALLIOPE: the frogs cannot exist, let alone be bred.

CALLIOPE: so i'm sUre we all knew that, bUt its good to refresh oUrselves on everything when looking at the big pictUre.

JADE: mhm!

JADE: sounds about right so far!

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: It Does

JADE: what else do you have?

CALLIOPE: space is tied to the physicality of all existing objects.

CALLIOPE: *and* their physical properties!

CALLIOPE: when something happens to come along and be a real thing, it has matter.

CALLIOPE: that matter assUmes a state, with associated properties, which can be inflUenced by the environment of the object!

CALLIOPE: matter, states, physics, spatial navigation and location, forces...

CALLIOPE: all that sort of stUff!

CALLIOPE: i will admit that i am more personally familiar with the creativity parts than the science ones.

CALLIOPE: bUt at least i am not totally ignorant!

CALLIOPE: anyhow.

CALLIOPE: each aspect has a series of literal and physical applications and facets.

CALLIOPE: alongside a series of figUrative and abstract applications and facets!.

KANAYA: That Makes Sense

KANAYA: I Can See That Being The Case

KANAYA: I Haven't Put Much Thought Into Our Mythological Roles But Now That You Mention It It Seems Rather Obvious And A Simple Conclusion To Come To That I Should Have Done Before

JADE: gosh, dont worry about it kanaya!

JADE: i too am unfamiliar with the workings of classpect

JADE: it was never really something that preoccupied my time with pondering 

JADE: we can feel a bit dim together!

KANAYA: Forgive Me For The Putting Down Of Myself

KANAYA: Whenever I Encounter Obvious Things I Just Feel That Little Bit More Ignorant

KANAYA: I Think Its A Byproduct Of Spending So Much Time With Rose

KANAYA: I Love Her Dearly And I Never Want To See Her Leave But Shes Really Good At Making You Feel Like A Fucking Idiot Sometimes

JADE: but you arent dumb at all kanaya!

JADE: i remember thinking how brainy and intelligent you sounded when we spoke

JADE: you really reminded me of rose you know!

JADE: what with all the clever talk and the eloquence

KANAYA: Youre Right

KANAYA: Its Not That Im All That Dim It Just Gets To Feel That Way On Some Level After Spending 3 Years In The Presence Of A Prescient Brainbox

KANAYA: In Fact It Wouldnt Be An Entirely Inaccurate Claim To Say I Am

==>

Her skin becomes porcelain white and begins glowing brightly

KANAYA: Quite Bright

==>

She reverts to normal as Jade and Calliope clap their hands

==>

JADE: i forgot you could do that, its so cool!!!

CALLIOPE: yoU're a rainbow drinker :U!

CALLIOPE: i love it!

KANAYA: Haha Thanks It Literally Means Nothing Whatsoever To Me Now All I Consider It As Is An Emergency Reading Light

KANAYA: Always Fun To See New People Appreciate It Though

CALLIOPE: how coUld yoU ever become so accUstomed to something so fantastic?

KANAYA: I Guess It Is Pretty Cool

KANAYA: Im Just Used To It Now

KANAYA: When I Was Younger

KANAYA: Back Home Among The Sands Of Alternia With My Mother

KANAYA: I Would Sit By The Window And Feel The Sun On My Skin As I Read My Captivating Rainbow Drinker Novels

KANAYA: Just Imagining What It Would Be Like To Be One Of Them

KANAYA: To Do What They Could

KANAYA: When Eridan Killed Me And I Came Back Like This I Suppose You Could Call It A Dream Come True

KANAYA: But In That Moment I Couldnt Appreciate It Because I was Hungry And My Friends Were Dead And I Had To Kill Some Crazy People

KANAYA: Its Nice To Remember That This Is Me Now Though

KANAYA: Something I Had Spent So Long Dreaming Of

JADE: that happened to me too!

JADE: i didnt turn into a cool alien vampire though

JADE: just a cool furry!

KANAYA: I Love Your Ears The White Really Works With The Palette and Its Such A Unique Look

JADE: haha thanks!

JADE: its just something that i always thought about when i was younger too!

JADE: the wonders of anthropomorphic fauna and their wild adventures, what it would be like to have their senses

JADE: i never involved with the fandom because there was a lot of porn and that didnt interest me at all!

JADE: and i never invested in trying to reenact any ideas i had but it was still a good time imagining what it would be like to be one of them, to be an animal

JADE: and now... well i suppose i am a bit of a real life genuine furry now!

JADE: funny how these things work out really!

CALLIOPE: yoU bring Up sUch a good point jade!

JADE: i do? :o

JADE: what point might that be?

CALLIOPE: space is also aboUt experimenting with identity, mUch in the way yoU woUld expect heart to be.

CALLIOPE: which it is of coUrse bUt were talking aboUt space at the moment so for oUr pUrposes thats Unimportant!

CALLIOPE: honestly?

CALLIOPE: i'm not all too sUre how this fits in with space.

CALLIOPE: bUt we've all been really interested in being something else!

CALLIOPE: kanaya always wanted to be a rainbowdrinker.

CALLIOPE: jade always wanted to be a fUrry.

CALLIOPE: and i always wanted to be a troll!

CALLIOPE: and in some way or another the forces of reality conspired to facilitate our assUmption of these identities!

CALLIOPE: perhaps it's all jUst coincidental, bUt it coUld jUst as easily be argUed that it is the strange and enigmatic machinations of paradox space that for some reason desired Us to take on oUr dreamed of personas!

CALLIOPE: its an interesting pattern right?

JADE: youre right that doesnt seem like a coincidence! :o

JADE: what could it mean?

CALLIOPE: like i said i'm cUrrently UnsUre bUt yoU can be certain i will be pUtting a good deal more thoUght into it Until i can figUre it oUt!

KANAYA: Perhaps Space Players Are Just Predisposed To Desiring They Be Something They Never Could Be Because Of The Whole Creativity And States Thing

KANAYA: Maybe It Is Dependent On Class But Could Most If Not All Space Players In Some Way Be Able To Change Their Physical States As They Please?

KANAYA: If It Is Part Of The Grand Design That We Were Meant To Inherent Those Abilities Does It Not Make Sense Wed Naturally Seek More Creative And Interesting Ways Of Being And Expressing Ourselves?

JADE: :o CALLIOPE: :o

CALLIOPE: that's a spectacUlar theory kanaya!

CALLIOPE: i think that might be precisely the reason!

CALLIOPE: i certainly have not prodUced any better explanations myself.

JADE: neither have i!

JADE: i think its a really cool idea, and it makes a lot of sense too!

JADE: good job!

JADE: oooooooooooo man...

JADE: this stuff is actually pretty exciting

CALLIOPE: yoU bet this stUff is actUally pretty exciting!

CALLIOPE: now let's ask some more good qUestions becaUse we're really on a roll here folks.

CALLIOPE: what does space mean to yoU both personally?

KANAYA: Well I Think Space Means Maternity To Me Predominantly

KANAYA: Not Necessarily The Procreative Aspects Although I Suppose It Has To Play A Part In There Somewhere But Really Im Flapping My Lips About Motherhood And What That Sort Of Maternal Care Entails

KANAYA: Maybe Its A Product Of The Lusus I Had But Rose Has Informed Me That I Am Very Much The 'Mom Friend' Which Is Probably In Line With My Penchant For Fussing And Meddling In The Affairs Of My Friends

KANAYA: Auspistizing Like The Biwheeled Transportation Device Used By All In The Small Gathered Community

KANAYA: But Progeny And Care Is Definitely A Big Part I Feel

KANAYA: Which Are Sentiments Mirrored By Echidna Who Has Said That This Is The Position I Must Assume

KANAYA: The Mother Of Space

KANAYA: To Care And Rear Our Big Baby

CALLIOPE: i think that's a very intUitive and valid thoUght to have aboUt space, becaUse it's definitely inseparably associated with caring and rearing for the big child that is the prize of all sUccessfUl sessions, as yoU have allUded.

CALLIOPE: so that's one facet adeqUately accoUnted for.

CALLIOPE: what aboUt yoU jade?

CALLIOPE: what's yoUr take on it?

JADE: well... 

JADE: im not all too sure my ideas are all that in line with what weve got so far

JADE: and i dont want to ruin a good time by making things depressing : (

CALLIOPE: nonsense!

CALLIOPE: any idea's a good idea!

CALLIOPE: ...

CALLIOPE: most ideas are good ideas!

KANAYA: I Don't Quite Concur With The Proposed Sentiments As I Personally Believe There Are Countlessly Infinite Shitty Ideas But Im Sure Any You Have Are Decent At Worst

KANAYA: Youre An Intelligent Girl Dont Be Afraid To Share What Youre Thinking Or Feeling With Your Friends

JADE: okay

JADE: if you say so, but dont say i didnt warn you!

JADE: i think space is about absence and distance

JADE: i know its not as fun and cheery as what you guys feel but... 

JADE: thats just my take on things!

CALLIOPE: jUst becaUse what yoU have to say is different does not mean it is conseqUently invalid!

CALLIOPE: in fact, having a variety of opinions and thoUghts and feelings is really the best possible thing!

CALLIOPE: it allows for mUch greater creative expression, when everyone is thinking and feeling as individUals.

CALLIOPE: everyone gets a chance to shine, and yoU can all mix yoUr ideas together to achieve a sort of happy mUtUal consensUs on things, while still maintaining a mUltifaceted natUre aboUt it all!

CALLIOPE: i will admit thoUgh...

CALLIOPE: it does certainly seem as if yoU are taking a bit of a tUrn in interpretation here!

CALLIOPE: bUt we can work fine with a hard left, even if it isnt an optimistic one.

CALLIOPE: i have to ask... 

CALLIOPE: what exactly led yoU to arrive at this conclUsion in particUlar :U? 

JADE: well im afraid im going to have to return to my more melancholy stories for that one

JADE: no need to illustrate them this time at least!

JADE: we will be able to establish a better pace 

JADE: silver linings

JADE: i suppose it was because of my journey on the battleship

JADE: being all by myself in this wide empty space so far from my friends who were all dead or in practically different realities

JADE: not being able to talk to anybody besides an old ghost lady, being out of touch...

JADE: and i just felt so empty on the inside too like... 

JADE: like i was becoming the empty space : (

JADE: i was just sad all the time and eventually i struggled to feel much of anything and life just seemed a bit hollow

JADE: being so far from everything

JADE: the isolation... 

JADE: and i could feel the vast yearning size of the green sun, like all the energy was trying to escape, or collapse in on itself

JADE: so big... 

JADE: so much mass in so little space but everything around and inside still felt very empty and it just kind of sucked a lot!

KANAYA: Well We Certainly Dont Need Heart Bullshit To Figure Out Why You Think The Way You Do

CALLIOPE: definitely some good stUff in there!

CALLIOPE: it's a shame yoU had to sUffer throUgh some downright awfUl things to procUre the opinion bUt hey!

CALLIOPE: life goes on!

CALLIOPE: things can only go Uphill from here.

KANAYA: Thats Certainly One Way Of Looking At Things

KANAYA: Im Definitely Feeling The Most Hopeful I Have In A Long Time

KANAYA: Always The Chance We Could Have All Iterations Of Ourselves Obliterated By Lord English Of Course But That Feels Like An Unlikely Outcome Despite The Borderline Unconditional Invincibility

CALLIOPE: trUe bUt i feel it best we not rUminate on sUch possibilities when everything looks like it will all resolve in oUr favoUrs!

CALLIOPE: emptiness and distance...

CALLIOPE: emptiness is something that yoU woUld think to associate with void, and it is in a way connected in that emptiness is an absence as the void is.

CALLIOPE: bUt the void is also Untapped infinite potential that can be Utilized with phenomenal resUlts when given a nUdge by the right person!

CALLIOPE: and in these ways void and space are very closely linked.

CALLIOPE: in fact, they are what i like to call complementary aspects!

CALLIOPE: aspects that are very similar!

CALLIOPE: while time is the trUe inverse of space, it is space and void that create the reality necessary for time to manifest.

CALLIOPE: while space is everything, void is nothing.

CALLIOPE: space is skaia and the green sUn, void is the fUrthest ring and the horrorterrors.

CALLIOPE: they work in tandem to create the canvas Upon which all other aspects can be painted, filling in the gaps the two have made possible.

KANAYA: Astute

JADE: and very true i think!

CALLIOPE: thank yoU both!

KANAYA: I Can Most Certainly See That Being The Case

KANAYA: Again Something I Had Not Quite Considered

KANAYA: Do You Believe There To Be Other Complementary Aspects?

CALLIOPE: oh yes!

CALLIOPE: for instance, space and life, for they both deal with the energy of what makes the living, and they work together to make the reqUired vessels.

CALLIOPE: the bodies.

CALLIOPE: time and doom also share an intimate sort of connection, in that they both deal with dying and inevitability and abstract systems.

CALLIOPE: the decay of the physical forms and their energies and what comes after. 

CALLIOPE: every single aspect exists within a person to some degree.

CALLIOPE: all of Us here have eqUal parts of the 12 within Us, as does everything else that does and does not exist!

CALLIOPE: it jUst so happens that every person happens to have one aspect within them mUch stronger than any other, one that defines them when paired with their class.

CALLIOPE: and even then the way in which we are makes oUr classpects entirely UniqUe and individUal despite the fact there are only 144. 

CALLIOPE: how we act think and behave.

CALLIOPE: all of Us are entirely oUrselves in all the best ways!

KANAYA: This All Feels So Inspirational

KANAYA: Im Very Inspired Right Now

KANAYA: I feel Like I Could Go And Fight English And Make A Whole New Universe All By My Very Own Self Because Im Just That Special

CALLIOPE: hehehe!

JADE: it does definitely make you feel less alone to consider it!

JADE: that said i dont think ill be getting over the distance feelings any time soon

JADE: ill recover now that im back with all my fantastic friends, and some awesome new ones

JADE: but it might take me a while im afraid : /

KANAYA: These Things Are Definitely A Bit Of A Process

KANAYA: And Unfortunately They Do Also Take A Bit Of Time

KANAYA: In Your Case Probably A Lot

KANAYA: And For Some Reason I Feel Like Reconciling Your Differences And Inner Conflicts When Theyre So Closely Related To Your Aspect When Time Is Your Inverse 

KANAYA: Things Will Naturally Happen To Take A Bit Longer To Properly Recover From

CALLIOPE: kanaya yoU really are a wellspring of interesting classpect thoUght!

CALLIOPE: we definitely need to do this more often, yoU and i!

KANAYA: I Think I Might Enjoy That

==>

Calliope beams at her.

==>

KANAYA: Well Shit How Can I Say No To A Face Like That

CALLIOPE: shUcks yoU'll make me blUsh!

JADE: its just the truth you dork! :p

CALLIOPE: changing topics!

CALLIOPE: jade i know this might not soUnd encoUraging at first, bUt i don't think yoU're wrong at all!

JADE: oh no really?

JADE: why do you say that?

JADE: i was kind of hoping you might disagree at least a little 

CALLIOPE: i do believe that space very mUch is also aboUt things like distance, bUt it doesn't have to be qUite as negative and depressing as yoU have experienced it thUs far!

CALLIOPE: space is involved with the physical sUbstance of an object and all its varioUs properties.

CALLIOPE: inclUded among these properties is their physical positioning and how that relates to the physical positioning of all other objects.

CALLIOPE: so in a way distance is integral to the aspect!

CALLIOPE: and maybe feeling the ramifications of that in a negative way is jUst par for the coUrse. 

CALLIOPE: bUt i think it is definitely worth remembering that distances need not be far, let alone insUrmoUntably so!

CALLIOPE: yoU and i have a distance separating Us bUt it is so infinitesimal in a scale compared to the distances of everything else that we don't even notice it!

CALLIOPE: distances can also be far, bUt it is with distance that yoU best develop an appreciation for the relationships and bonds you share with the people yoU are separated from that yoU miss!

CALLIOPE: there's a very hUmancentric phrase for this sentiment... it's on the tip of my tongUe...

KANAYA: Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

CALLIOPE: that woUld be exactly the one, thank yoU very mUch!

CALLIOPE: i'm not all that familiar with those sorts of feelings, considering how my species treats positive emotion and relationships.

CALLIOPE: however i was most definitely incredibly fond of all my beaUtifUl friends who helped me get throUgh sharing a body and a life with my petUlant piece of shit brother.

CALLIOPE: and the distance between Us in both time and space definitely increased the fondness exponentially. 

CALLIOPE: not to mention that distance can have its other benefits that yoU don't necessarily consider all too often.

CALLIOPE: sometimes you jUst want to take a break from someone, or yoU feel it woUld be best for yoUr relationship with them if yoU pUt it on momentary paUse and took some time away from them for yoUrself, whether said relationship be romantic, sexUal, or platonic!

CALLIOPE: obvioUsly the distance yoU were sUbjected to was Under circUmstances in which there was no real silver lining, and there was no healthy development or appreciation... 

CALLIOPE: bUt i'm sUre you appreciate Us all a whole lot now!

JADE: oh you have no idea!!!

JADE: its amazing to be back with actual living people with actual living bodies again that are actually humanoid!

JADE: nothing against sprites or consorts of course but its really just not the same as your human/humanoid alien friends

CALLIOPE: trUst me i am intimately familiar with sUch feelings!

CALLIOPE: blimey.

CALLIOPE: i've spent almost my whole life alone.

CALLIOPE: it's so sUrreal to think aboUt it in contrast of being here with all of yoU.

JADE: i can only imagine!

JADE: it must have been so awful...

CALLIOPE: oh it most certainly was!

CALLIOPE: it seems reality has had a change of heart and a change of plans for me, however.

CALLIOPE: and things have started looking Up infinitely more than i coUld have ever imagined they woUld!

CALLIOPE: and in regards to the feelings of emptiness.

CALLIOPE: mass qUantity or lack thereof is another physical property.

CALLIOPE: you happened to be UnlUcky enoUgh to develop yoUr Understanding of it dUring some very difficUlt and UnfortUnately UniqUe circUmstances. 

CALLIOPE: the best way to think aboUt it positively, i think...

CALLIOPE: is to imagine how mUch room the emptiness allows filling!

CALLIOPE: the more spacioUs things are, the more yoU can feel the aspects, and create relationships, and the more you can fill the emptiness with everything!

CALLIOPE: coloUr, thoUght, imagination, feelings, creativity, expression, love of all kinds...

CALLIOPE: so in a way, being spacioUs internally is the best way to live!

CALLIOPE: challenging, bUt all the more fUlfilling!

CALLIOPE: it jUst takes some time to paint and fUrnish all the gaps. 

CALLIOPE: bUt if yoU allow yoUrself to be open to reality and experience.

CALLIOPE: if yoU make the effort, and give yoUrself the reqUisite time...

CALLIOPE: yoU'll be filled to the brim and bUrsting with all the things possible to contain within yoU!

CALLIOPE: and althoUgh it may not particUlarly feel as if yoU are in cUrrent possession of a strong connection to yoUr classpect, whether yoU don't qUite feel yoU Understand it, or yoU feel it doesn't fit or yoU are somehow Unworthy...

CALLIOPE: well that's okay!

CALLIOPE: classpect really, in the end, boils down to oUr personalities and the ways in which that grants Us oUr own UniqUe way to affect reality.

CALLIOPE: and sometimes we feel oUt of sorts, or are too tired or even simply not in the mood to do mUch affecting of caUsality's path, and that's totally fine!

CALLIOPE: all yoU have to do is try to develop that Understanding, give yoUrself some time, and get back on the horse!

JADE: that is...

JADE: such a beautiful way to think about it! : o

JADE: i never considered it like that!

KANAYA: Fair Enough

KANAYA: You Wouldnt Be Expected To Have Done So In Your Position

KANAYA: I Also Believe It Is An Absolutely Wonderful Way Of Looking At Things And Is A Much More Interesting And Optimistic Way To Think 

CALLIOPE: thanks!

JADE: man... 

JADE: it might be a bit hard, but im definitely going to make the effort to start thinking like that instead!

JADE: all i have to do is spend some time with my friends and get back in touch with myself!

CALLIOPE: and we're all here to help yoU too ^U^!

CALLIOPE: friends are jUst the gosh darn best!

JADE: thats such a powerful mindset to have

JADE: im sad i didnt think of it sooner, even though its understandable i didnt

JADE: but im glad you guys are here now to open my eyes to these sorts of things!!

KANAYA: Likewise

KANAYA: I Think It Fair To Say That We Have All Benefited From This Discussion

KANAYA: My Original Purpose Was To Assure Myself That Somehow My Assignment As The Sylph Of Space Wasnt Some Cosmic Mistake

KANAYA: Or Perhaps Even More Sad The Punchline To A Cosmic Joke But

KANAYA: Sitting Here With You Three And Talking About It All I 

KANAYA: Well I Suppose Im Suddenly Feeling A Lot More In Touching With Myself Too

KANAYA: Sorry

KANAYA: In Touch

KANAYA: Phrasing

JADE: hehehe!!!  CALLIOPE: hehehe!!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next on the list is JohnDirkRoxy and (if I remember right which I Absolutely Don't) perhaps even a Seer Symposium? Hope we're all excited to get our future talk on. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated.
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	7. The Conversationing: Seer Symposium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the kids begin to feel the pressure of time, our protagonists find themselves on the brink of a fight for the perpetuation of all of existence. Rose and Terezi decide to begin discussing strategy for the battle ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I had a run in which, NGL, shook my confidence a bit, and I have severe trouble seeing projects through so the steam left my sails a bit. But I'm determined! So here we are, ready to try to get back to it (hopefully with semi-regular updates but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh????????!?!?!?!!!!!!) Because of the long hiatus it might take me a little to warm back up to character voices so bear with me please! 
> 
> Hiveswap comes out really soon and that will take a looooooooot of my attention with theories and fic, and I really want to do a written fanventure for my fantrolls, plus I've got my own original projects and school in a month so????? We'll see how this goes. 
> 
> Enjoy!

TEREZI: T1M3 TO T4LK COLD H4RD C4LCUL4T3D STR4T3GY ROS3

ROSE: Yes, I suppose it is.

ROSE: I can almost faintly hear the curtain call from stagehand left, hands braced against the ropes of the theater drapes.

ROSE: Blinding spotlights have us forced into center stage, and the script is steadily running out of pages.

ROSE: Perhaps there will be time enough in our shortening performance for a final poignant dialogue.

TEREZI: OH ROS3 TH4T W4S SO B34UT1FULLY PO3T1C 4ND 4PT PL34S3

TEREZI: SP3ND MOR3 T1M3 D3V1S1NG 3XT3ND3D M3T4PHORS

ROSE: Right, no use wasting waning time on artistry.

ROSE: But, pray tell, harsh critic, what there is to strategize.

ROSE: There comes a point where I feel we must leave things in the hands of fate.

ROSE: Sometimes developments are unpredictable and the chips land as they so desire in a fashion most capricious.

TEREZI: B3 TH4T 4S 1T M4Y 4ND W1TH 4LL DU3 R3SP3CT

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4TS BULLSH1T ROS3!

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK W3 N33D TO 4T L34ST TRY TO FORMUL4T3 SOM3 SORT OF STR4T3GY 1F NOT JUST FOR MOR4L3 4ND 4 S3NS3 OF D1R3CT1ON TO WORK W1TH!

ROSE: Okay.

ROSE: One last prognostication cannot hurt.

TEREZI: GOOD

TEREZI: SO WH4T DO W3 KNOW?

ROSE: Lord English is standing between us and the ultimate reward.

ROSE: Vriska absconded from prior combat duties with the other foes to confront him in the dreambubbles with the ultimate weapon juju and her ghost army entourage as cannon fodder.

ROSE: The white carapacian is friendly.

ROSE: The Jacks are neutralized but there is the vague possibility the Condesce is still alive due to the immortality curse.

ROSE: A rogue god tier Calliope is somewhere in the Furthest Ring, to my knowledge having reached the Green Sun.

ROSE: We have the power of two squared sprites, which we know nothing about, and another first guardian prototyped sprite alongside them.

ROSE: There are still denizens available for conference on the lands, but ARquius has already convinced them to release the grist for the Ultimate Alchemy.

ROSE: And reality is rapidly crumbling around us.

TEREZI: OK4Y 1 TH1NK TH4T COV3RS TH1NGS PR3TTY W3LL

TEREZI: BUT YOU H4V3 FORGOTT3N TO M3NT1ON SOM3TH1NG 4LTHOUGH 1TS QU1T3 POSS1BL3 YOUR3 OM1TT1NG TH1S D3T41L ON PURPOS3

TEREZI: YOUR QU3ST 1S 1NCOMPL3T3D!

TEREZI: 4S 1S D4V3S!

TEREZI: 4ND Y3S Y3S 1 KNOW YOU F33L YOUR QU3ST 1S 4NT1QU4T3D 4ND FOR L1TTL3 B4BY W1GGL3RS BUT 1 B3L13V3 1T 1S UNW1S3 TO RUL3 1T OFF JUST Y3T

ROSE: Are you seriously suggesting I return to LOLAR to play the rain?

ROSE: You yourself are lecturing me on the usage of time, but you think it would be a good idea to make some half assed attempt at the completion of some undoubtedly now redundant quest designed for a more juvenile Rose?

ROSE: I don't think I understand why you would consider it a viable option, but that's only because I cannot see the path presenting itself as bearing any relevant, fortuitous outcomes.

TEREZI: H3R3 1S TH3 1MPORT4NT TH1NG 4BOUT LUCK 4ND FORTUN3 ROS3

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 1 H4V3 F1MRLY B3L13V3D 4ND PROV3N T1M3 4ND T1M3 4G41N

TEREZI: W3 M4K3 OUR OWN LUCK

TEREZI: TH3 K1NDS OF CHO1C3S W3 M4K3 R3SULT 1N 4 S3R13S OF FURTH3R CHO1C3S 1N TH3 FORM OF CONS3QU3NC3S

TEREZI: L1GHT 1S FORTU1TOUS CHO1C3 WH3R34S M1ND 1S OBJ3CT1V3 CHO1C3

TEREZI: M1ND UND3RST4NDS TH4T W1TH1N TH3 VORT1C3S OF POSS1B1L1TY TH3R3 4R3 CHO1C3S WH1CH L34D TO F4VOUR4BL3 4ND UNF4VOUR4BL3 OUTCOM3S 4ND OFT3N YOU C4N F1ND YOUR OPT1ONS L1M1T3D BY FORTUN3 DU3 TO YOUR PR1OR 4CT1ONS OR TH3 4CT1ONS OF 4NOTH3R

TEREZI: SO Y3S LUCK 'DO3S' 3X1ST

TEREZI: BUT 1T 1S NOT QU1T3 SO R1G1D OR 4LL CONSUM1NG

TEREZI: WH3N VR1SK4 ST34LS LUCK SH3 1S T3CHN1C4LLY R3MOV1NG TH3 POSS1B1L1TY OF S1TU4T1ONS TH4T DO NOT F4VOUR H3R WH1CH N4RROWS TH3 CHO1C3S PR3S3NT 1N R34L1TY

TEREZI: TH1S 1NCR34S3S H3R OWN LUCK B3C4US3 TH3 ST4T1ST1CS OF R34L1TY W1LL F4VOUR H3R!

TEREZI: BL3H 1 3XPL41N3D TH4T R34LLY B4DLY

ROSE: No it's okay, I think I understand what you're trying to say.

TEREZI: MY PO1NT 1S 4 GOOD M1ND PL4Y3R KNOWS TH4T 1T 1S POSS1BL3 TO OP3R4T3 OUTS1D3 OF LUCKS 1NFLU3NC3 4ND M4K3 FORTUN3 F4VOUR YOU W1TH GOOD CHO1C3S

ROSE: I see...

ROSE: Certainly an interesting principle, and I'm not sure if I can really poke very many holes in the logic.

TEREZI: 3X4CTLY >:]

TEREZI: NOW 1F TH1S 1SNT R1GHT DONT QUOT3 M3 B3C4US3 1T WOULD B3 N1C3 1F YOU LOOK3D L1K3 4N 1D1OT FOR ONC3

TEREZI: BUT 4 WH1L3 4GO VR1SK4 S41D SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT YOUR QU3ST B31NG 4FF3CT3D BY TH3 QU3STS OF TH3 N3W S3SS1ON

ROSE: I wasn't aware of this information.

ROSE: Where and when was she made privy to this particular factoid?

TEREZI: HON3STLY?

TEREZI: 1 W1SH 1 COULD T3LL YOU

ROSE: And how is this information relevant?

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT UNLOCK1NG 4 TRU3 PURPOS3

TEREZI: SH3 D1DNT BUY 1NTO 1T THOUGH

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Okay, let's make a game plan.

ROSE: You might not be ascended yet, but you're getting in better touch with some of your abilities, right?

ROSE: Maybe there's some way that I can unlock or amplify them with my Light powers.

ROSE: I mean, really that's just helping to guide you, so it should fall within my jurisdiction.

TEREZI: NO H4RM 1N TRY1NG R1GHT >:?

ROSE: Exactly.

ROSE: Nobody ever got anywhere without sufficient experimentation.

TEREZI: SHOULD 1... CLOS3 MY 3Y3S OR SOM3TH1NG?

ROSE: Why not?

ROSE: Whether you see or not either way doesn't actually matter.

ROSE: It's the thought that counts. 

They shuffle until they're facing each other. Knees connect and Rose breathes in, exhales slowly. Terezi closes her eyes and bows her head, Rose following suit after cracking her knuckles and placing her hands in her lap. Rose absentmindedly wiggles her fingers. Terezi's breathing falls in sync with Rose's knee tapping. 

ROSE: Are you feeling the mystic forces of fortuitous potential and infinite possibility unraveling before your mind's eye?

ROSE: Can you probe through the folds of causality?

ROSE: I'm not feeling shit.

TEREZI: NO 1 C4NT S4Y 1 4M 31TH3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 COULD US3 SOM3TH1NG TO HON3 1N ON SOM3TH1NG

TEREZI: SOM3 SORT OF FOCUS

ROSE: Like a phrase?

TEREZI: 4 PHR4S3 WOULD B3 GR34T

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG TH4T W3 C4N 3XP3CT TO B3 TH1NK1NG OR S4Y1NG 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F TH1NGS TURN OUT OK4Y

ROSE: Okay...

ROSE: How about... 'I love you.'

TEREZI: 4S GOOD 4S 4NY OTH3R

TEREZI: L3TS TRY TH1S 4G41N

The two lean closer together. Rose wills herself to see through the darkness. To see the light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly, it grows brighter. Light begins to fill her head, leaving her with only clear thoughts against a peaceful, clean background. Radiating light, she slides her hands onto Terezi's knees. 'I love you' floats within the white void of her mind. Answers are just within reach. Just outside of her consciousness, but they're there. She can feel them as they edge themselves closer. Concentrating on them draws them closer, bringing them into the forefront of her thoughts. They grow first as a feeling within her chest before realizing themselves as thought. Words and pictures. Terezi can feel it, can feel Rose's energy and the information she's pulling into herself from the ether. Terezi herself is concentrating as hard as she can. She pushes all her other thoughts to the side, presenting their phrase center stage. Green energy begins to create a gently glowing aura around her as she calls upon her aspect. Brow furrowed, she squeezes her eyes shut tighter and breathes in deeply. Projecting 'I love you' into causality, she begins to visualize events. Key scenes in which the phrase is thought or said. From there, the neural pathways of possibility begin spiraling infinitely in her mind, making a dense web of moments and instances flowing together to form a variety of stories. Terezi seeks questions. Rose seeks answers. Terezi traces various paths made from potential and memory. She catches glimpses of outcomes and navigates accordingly. Rose brings fortune to the surface, creating a trail of beacons for Terezi to follow. Working together, they each form a picture of what must come next. Each holds a half of the whole. Once they open their eyes, the auras disappear. Nobody seems to have noticed them.

TEREZI: ROS3 HOLY SH1T

TEREZI: WHO WOULDV3 GU3SS3D YOUR DORKY 3MOT1ON4L PHR4S3 WOULD 4CTU4LLY WORK R34LLY W3LL

TEREZI: N3RD F33L1NGS COM1NG THROUGH 1N TH3 CLUTCH OV3R H3R3 W1TH TH1S ON3 HUH

ROSE: Well they have to be good for something at some point.

ROSE: Otherwise what's their purpose, making adolescence hard?

TEREZI: TOO TRU3 S1ST3R

TEREZI: YOU COULD S4Y TH4T 4G41N 1F W3 D1DNT H4V3 SOM3 R34LLY 1MPORT4NT SH1T TO D1SCUSS 4ND NO T1M3 TO W4ST3

ROSE: Back to business then?

ROSE: Well I have it in good faith that you have some questions, and I have some answers.

ROSE: Where would you like to start?

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH3 MOST CRUC14L 3L3M3NT TO 3V3RYTH1NG NOW H4S QU1CKLY B3COM3 L4LOND3 D3UX

TEREZI: SH3 W1LL B3 OUR VO1D 3X M4CH1N4

TEREZI: W1THOUT H3R 1 TH1NK 3V3RYTH1NG M1GHT JUST F4LL 4P4RT

ROSE: I think you might be right.

ROSE: Her abilities are invaluable.

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW HOW 4NYTH1NG 3NDS BUT 1 H4V3 4 V4GU3 1D34 ON HOW TO G3T TH3R3

ROSE: Likewise.

ROSE: I doubt even Paradox Space can forecast the results of the future anymore.

ROSE: This is all far too unprecedented, a combination of vaudeville and Machiavelli unseen throughout all of causality to the point where even reality finds itself incomprehensible.

ROSE: But I think I like the unfathomability of it all, it's very... Freeing.

TEREZI: 1 C4N SN1FF SOM3 SORT OF N3W 1ND3P3ND3NC3 Y34H

TEREZI: 4ND 1TS PR3TTY COOL TO B3 4BL3 TO S4Y TH4T 3V3N 1F TH1NGS DONT WORK 1N OUR F4VOUR

TEREZI: W3 4LL TURN3D R34L1TY ON 1TS STUP1D H34D 4ND TH3R3 W4SNT MUCH 1T COULD DO 4BOUT 1T!

TEREZI: FUCK YOU P4R4DOX SP4C3!

ROSE: Fuck you straight to hell!

TEREZI: OK4Y BUT FOR R34L ROS3 ROXY 1S R34LLY 1MPORT4NT NOW

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SH3 N33DS TO ST4RT M4K1NG SOM3 B3DS FOR US TO L13 1N

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: Yes I think that's exactly what she has to do.

==>

ROXY: hi john!

ROXY: dont mind me im just being silly with emotions

ROXY: u know how it is bein a teenage superhero fightin bad guys and meetin up with so many new friends and also ur teen mom :o

ROXY: it just kinda gets to ya ._.

JOHN: haha it's fine i understand!

JOHN: sometimes these things can just add up and you need to take a moment for yourself and that's cool.

DIRK: Hi.

JOHN: hi dirk!

JOHN: i didn't get to say it before because you and dave were in such a hurry to bounce on outta here to your fight but it's cool to meet you in much less dire straits.

DIRK: Yeah?

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: the first time i met you wasn't exactly a happy occasion.

DIRK: I'm not really known for making any of those, no.

Roxy elbows him in the side. John matches his wince with a laugh.

JOHN: it wasn't really your fault, it was just the really fucked up time line we came from.

JOHN: before i fixed things and made this really cool one where i get to meet you without everyone being dead and everything covered in these weird glitch things.

JOHN: and look at us all now!

DIRK: Yeah it's pretty cool that not everybody is dead, I have to say I prefer it like that.

DIRK: It's cool being alive with all your friends.

DIRK: Let that be a lesson to us all.

DIRK: Don't ruin the timeline and let all your friends die.

ROXY: thats one of the best life lessons ive ever heard tbh

JOHN: words to live by if i've ever heard them anyway!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended to get this fic finished by 4/13 but I really don't think I will if I want to fit more interactions in? Once I get into the action scenes it will all roll by really quick and because the kids are all on a time limit it might be excusable to cut them short. Basically just some more reunitions and strategizing and I can do the rest in post-game fic world.
> 
> I'll also be shortening chapter length so I can try to get more content out more regularly. The conversation between Dirk, John, and Roxy will be continued next chapter. 
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	8. The Conversationing: Painful Histories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John hits the history books with Dirk and Roxy as they discuss the uncertain past and future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arm chair crack pot psycho analysis

ROXY: so what brings u to our neck of the magic space rock?

JOHN: just wanted to make the rounds while we still had the time!

JOHN: make sure to book a hangout appointment for when everything works out, because I do really want to get to know all of you guys better!

JOHN: spending time with you guys has been fun and all but we still don't really know each other all that well.

ROXY: thats v true now that you mention it

ROXY: we were spendin so much time together that i almost forgot were still p much strangers huh

DIRK: Good thing we have a theoretical eternity to make ourselves insufferable, and then a further eternity to avoid each other like the plague, spreading unease like we don't know how to wash our own asses in some archaic European Earth settlement.

DIRK: Watch out or the fleas are gunna get you, don't even worry about that dead body and the shit in the streets though.

JOHN: ha ha ha wow you're weird like dave too huh?

JOHN: I like it you strilonde folk all have a very strange sense of humor it's cool how you're all so different.

DIRK: Yeah different's a word for it.

DIRK: From my limited understanding I can say pretty confidently we are a very weird and different family.

ROXY: still rad as HECK tho!

DIRK: Of course.

DIRK: Wouldn't have it any other way.

ROXY: wouldnt hurt to lighten up a bit tho distri jeeeeeeeeez!

ROXY: but fr dont worry john youll get sick of us in no time with all the awesome hangout appointments

DIRK: Word.

ROXY: you can bet im not lettin any a you losers outta my sight

JOHN: ahhhh!

JOHN: exactly like jade!

JOHN: are you guys gunna make a spy team squad or something?

ROXY: i didnt know it was on the cards but now we totally are and theres nothin you guys can do to stop us!

JOHN: ugh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!

JOHN: what is it with all these ladies hassling me lately.

ROXY: punishment for crimes in a past life

DIRK: Let's not talk about that.

==>

She gives him a quizzical side-eye. 

==>

DIRK: I mean, what a rabbit hole, am I right.

ROXY: yeah... ur rite

ROXY: pretty deep huh

DIRK: Oh and don't I know it.

JOHN: well... how about we talk about... just the regular old past instead?

JOHN: I have been meaning to ask you all about what life was like for you guys!

JOHN: and for my friends too.

JOHN: you guys must have so many cool stories about how things were so different, and we have some too, if you wanna hear them!

ROXY: oooooooooooo that sounds like a fun activity

DIRK: If you ignore the fact that our past-future Earth was a bleak, post-genocide swimming pool where we may have been the only two humans still alive, which was all about as fun as a laugh at a funeral.

ROXY: yes i have to say i agree

ROXY: now that ive attended an actual funeral for my teen mom i can say that fish hitlers water world was as drab and depressing and lonely as an actual funeral :(

JOHN: yeah, I kind of expected it wouldn't be a particularly uplifting story...

JOHN: but interesting nonetheless!

JOHN: I'm sorry if it's a sensitive subject that you'd rather not talk about.

JOHN: I understand.

ROXY: oh no dont worry your tiny head about a thing its not like that

ROXY: it might actually be... good or somethin to talk bout it with someone who wants to hear

DIRK: Yeah. Healing process or whatever.

DIRK: I don't know if I could quantify accurately how traumatizing it was, in reality.

DIRK: When you're there, in that instance, you don't really dwell on it because...

DIRK: Well... this is IT.

DIRK: Life does not extend beyond this largely uneventful and solitary progression.

DIRK: Just a day to day grind living within a sort of singularity which threatens to tear everything apart at any given moment.

DIRK: Putting too much thought or feeling into it would be... inadvisable.

JOHN: wow.

ROXY: maybe it would be REALLY good for us to talk about it...

DIRK: Yeah.

JOHN: rose really would have a field day!

JOHN: all of her armchair crack pot psychoanalysis.

DIRK: Sure does seem to be her dig.

JOHN: oh you really have no idea.

JOHN: she's picked all of us apart so many times.

JOHN: I think she ended up being right about a lot in the end, even if we all tried to brush what she said off.

JOHN: but then I think it's important to note that I don't really think she's been looking at herself too honestly all the time either!

DIRK: None of us like confronting the parts of us that make us uncomfortable.

DIRK: It's only natural to avoid things. To put up walls. Facades.

ROXY: wowee u guys sure do know how to make things a pill!

ROXY: lets all make a promise now

ROXY: filling in the other guys can come later n all

ROXY: we wont let the new universe be as depressing as what we had to put up with!

DIRK: Deal.

JOHN: double dog.

ROXY: im not too sure about double dogs but a lot of our pals do seem to be animals these days!

DIRK: That does seem to be an increasing trend.

DIRK: I feel like we could map some sort of graph marking the relationship between furries and causality pretty confidently at this point.

JOHN: I dunno about that!

JOHN: my friends might have been turned into furries but I haven't been transformed yet.

ROXY: theyll get you when you least expect it johnny

ROXY: maybe somewhere out in the bubbles theres a doomed you who got stuck in a sprite with a... bunny or something!

JOHN: a bunny?

ROXY: idk i just think youd make a good bunny john

JOHN: well... thanks for thinking so I guess.

DIRK: I can see it.

DIRK: It is funny how you're the sole member of your party who hasn't ended up with some animal appendages.

JOHN: well there's still some time left, who knows what awful japes paradox space still has left waiting for us.

ROXY: it just doesnt bear thinking u_u

JOHN: too true.

JOHN: it would still be a little bit funny, though.

DIRK: I can't really say we had very many animal fusions in our adventure.

DIRK: Alien fusions maybe, yeah, but no animals.

DIRK: It would be cool to hear about what you guys got up to as well.

ROXY: your trials + tribulations sure do sound a lot more interestin than ours were!

JOHN: I thought I told you a lot about that stuff already?

ROXY errrr.....

ROXY: mems got lost in translation when we crossed realities i guess

ROXY: funny how that works!

JOHN: well... I'm sure everyone would be fine to tell you guys about it all again!

JOHN: it'd be cool!

JOHN: all of us sharing stories.

JOHN: learning more about our new friends.

DIRK: Grievances and tragic pasts getting some well deserved air.

JOHN: that too!

ROXY: sounds like a plan, stan!

ROXY: or john

ROXY: heh

==>

John's eyes flick behind Roxy's head, staring into the void without focus, wide and spacey. 

==>

JOHN: ha ha... ha.

==>

Roxy quirks her head and waves her arms in front of his face.

==>

ROXY: john?

ROXY: whats wrong?

JOHN: oh?

JOHN: hm?

JOHN: you just reminded me of... someone.

JOHN: it's been really cool catching up with you guys and all!

JOHN: I'll go tell rose to expect some business.

==>

He turns and flies away.

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been jiggling up my timeline plans a bit! Everything should be good to go now.
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	9. The Conversationing: Chasing Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Terezi, Jasprose and Davepeta. Both pairs contemplate an ominous future and whether our ensemble has earned the right to claim their awaiting rewards. Finally, Jasprose and Davepeta confront the former pair to have a final (off-screen, no spoilers) discussion about the plan each pair has been formulating between themselves, which begins with Rose receiving an exposé from the squared sprites on her maturity and emotional expression issues, because damn does this girl need a lowkey reality check FR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so close to the end right now. There are like...4, at most 5 (I think) casual conversations left between the lilypad kids before they begin talking group strategy and setting out, which means the action is right around the corner. Also sorry if Jasprose and Davepeta don't use too many cat puns here! I didn't want to use too many of the obvious ones because they started sounding a bit tacky so they don't feature too much in this chapter. Hope you don't mind!
> 
> *Note: Pawpurrs cat be means powers that be

ROSE: Okay, before we brief the rest of our humble accompaniment on the valiant efforts we must each undertake...

ROSE: My insatiable curiosity has most certainly been piqued by... whatever it is Vriska told you.

ROSE: Whatever information she had in her possession or the identities of her informants are obscured by something, or don't even exist, I can't tell.

ROSE: Can you remember absolutely nothing about your conversation?

TEREZI: W3LL 1TS 4 B1T FOGGY BUT 1 C4N TRY!

TEREZI: SH3 M3NT1ON3D SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT HOW TH3 G4M3 4LW4YS KN3W WH4T W4S GO1NG TO H4PP3N SO YOUR QU3ST W4S 4LW4YS 1NT3ND3D TO B3 4 B1T OF 4 SW1SS 4RMY KN1F3 1N TH4T R3G4RD

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 1N TH3 N3W S3SS1ON N33D1NG SOM3 S3V3R3 HYDR4T1ON

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT D34D WH4T3V3RS

TEREZI: 4NOTH3R QU3ST WOULD 'SYN3RG1Z3' W1TH YOURS OR SOM3TH1NG 4LONG THOS3 QU41NT L1N3S

TEREZI: H3R D3N1Z3N 4ND TH3 HORRORT3RRORS C4M3 UP 4T ON3 PO1NT 1 TH1NK?

TEREZI: WH1CH 1S FUNNY B3C4US3 SH3 W4S 4 PROSP1T DR34M3R 4ND TOT4LLY 1GNOR3D H3R D3N1Z3N 1N F4VOUR OF JUST OUTR1GHT K1LL1NG H3R W1THOUT 4NY SM4LL T4LK

TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1M K1ND4 SURPR1S3D SH3 N3V3R C4M3 TO YOU 4BOUT 1T

TEREZI: BOTH OF YOU LOV3 TO T4LK 4BOUT 4LL SORTS OF 1N4N3 SH1T FOR HOURS ON 3ND 1T WOULD H4V3 B33N L1K3 4 CUT3 L1TTL3 BOND1NG 3X3RC1S3 4S OPPOS3D TO L3TT1NG H3R 1NTRUD3 UNCOMFORT4BLY ON YOUR M4T3SPR1T3SH1IP W1TH K4N4Y4

TEREZI: 1T M1GHTV3 B33N COOL TO S33 TH4T TURN 1NTO 4 FUNCT1ON4L THR33 W4Y

TEREZI: M4YB3 3V3N SOM3 V4C1LL4T1ON OR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S K4RK4T G3TS SO FLUST3R3D 4BOUT 1N TH4T CUT3 L1TTL3 W4Y OF H1S WH3N 1T COM3S TO QU4DR4NTS

ROSE: I think I... Hmmmmmmm...

TEREZI: WH4T?

TEREZI: WH4TS GO1NG ON 1N TH4T UNF4THOM4BLY OBTUS3 CR4N14L C4V1TY OF YOURS ROS3?

ROSE: Perhaps I should consult Jane.

ROSE: I think I envisioned something pertaining to her quite dead land.

TEREZI: W3LL H3Y!

TEREZI: TH3R3 YOU GO!

TEREZI: 1M SUR3 WH4T3V3R TOT4LLY 1RR3L3V4NT TH1NG TH4T W4S JUST GOT T1D13D 4ND YOUR CUR1OS1TY H4S B33N S3NT3NC3D FOR 4 QU1CK TR1P TO TH3 G4LLOWS

ROSE: Foreseeably.

ROSE: Thank you for entertaining me.

TEREZI: OH DONT M3NT1ON 1T

ROSE: No, Terezi, I must, for my gratitude shall evermore be yours.

TEREZI: W3 SUR3 4R3 GOOD 4T G3TT1NG S1D3TR4CK3D BY 4 WHOL3 LOTT4 NONS3NS3 TH4T DO3SNT R34LLY M4TT3R WH4TSO3V3R!

TEREZI: JUST SOM3TH1NG 1 NOT1C3D 4S R34L1TY PR3P4R3S TO F4LL DOWN 4ROUND US

ROSE: I know, I know, you really don't need to remind me of all the impending disaster.

ROSE: I suppose I'm just trying to lighten the mood a bit.

ROSE: Everything feels so insidiously grim.

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH3R3 1S SOM3 4CTU4LLY H34VY SH1T R1GHT 1N FRONT OF OUR F4C3S HUH

TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S 1T JUST DO3SNT F33L L1K3 4NYTH1NG 1S TH4T B1G OF 4 D34L 4NYMOR3?

TEREZI: 1 F33L L1K3 OUT OF 4NYON3 H3R3 YOUD KNOW WH4T TH4TS L1K3

ROSE: Mhm.

ROSE: Everything is just another catastrophe more incomprehensibly large than the incomprehensibly large catastrophe before it.

ROSE: There's always some other big bad ending waiting for us to run blindly into it, but it doesn't particularly matter, because it's just another choreographed sequence in life's grand play, and whether or not you live or die isn't necessarily in your control anymore.

ROSE: But here and now is where that begins to change, at least a little bit.

ROSE: Perhaps our true degree of control on the nature of the outcome is fractionally less marginal than it was before, but it really feels as if the journey is falling with increased agency into our eagerly awaiting but tired, aching palms.

ROSE: Shillings jingling against sweaty skin after a day of back breaking work sweeping the chimney of Paradox Space.

TEREZI: Y34H

TEREZI: Y34H TH4TS TH3 F33L1NG... 1 TH1NK

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS YOU 4ND VR1SK4 4R3NT 4S D1FF3R3NT 4S 1T M1GHT LOOK L1K3 YOU 4R3 OR 4S YOU M1GHT W4NT TO B3

TEREZI: YOU SOUND SO MUCH L1K3 H3R SOM3T1M3S 1TS W31RD

ROSE: There are still some things we have to do.

ROSE: Still some actions that possess a hefty weight.

ROSE: Still some deaths that matter.

TEREZI: W3 34RN3D TH1S

ROSE: Do you think Karkat and Kanaya agree?

TEREZI: W3LL 1 DONT R34LLY KNOW BUT 1F TH3Y DONT TH3YR3 B31NG JUST 4 L1TTL3 B1T 4BSOLUT3LY STUP1D

TEREZI: 1 US3D TO TH1NK 1 D1DNT D3S3RV3 1T YOU KNOW

TEREZI: 4LL OF OUR WORK R3SULT3D 1N F41LUR3 4ND 1T JUST D1DNT F33L L1K3 1D GROWN 3NOUGH 4S 4 P3RSON OR WH4T3V3R TR1T3 BULLSH1T 1T 1S TH1S G4M3 1S TRY1NG TO FORC3 ONTO 4 BUNCH OF SC4R3D 4ND CONFUS3D T33NS

TEREZI: BUT YOU KNOW WH4T ROS3?

TEREZI: W3 FUCK1NG 34RN3D TH1S

TEREZI: W3V3 B34T3N 3V3RY S1NGL3 ODD ST4CK3D 4G41NST US

TEREZI: W3V3 SUFF3R3D 4ND S4CR1F1C3D SO MUCH

TEREZI: SO MUCH TH4T TH3Y DONT 3V3N R34L1Z3 4ND 1 C4NT T3LL TH3M 4BOUT B3C4US3 TH3Y COULDNT S33 1T L1K3 1V3 S33N 1T

TEREZI: 4ND W3R3 H3R3!

TEREZI: H3R3 W3 4R3 4T TH3 3ND OF 4LL TH1S TR14L BY 3X3CUT1ON BULLSH1T 4ND W3R3 ST1LL K1CK1NG 3V3N H4RD3R L1K3 TH3 B1GG3ST CONC31V4BL3 FUCK YOU TO 3NGL1SH 4ND PSP4C3 4ND WHO3V3R TH3 FUCK 3LS3 1S L1ST3N1NG 4ND W4NTS 4 L4UGH!

TEREZI: 4ND Y34H M4YB3 W3 4LL H4V3 4 LONG W4Y TO GO BUT W3R3 G3TT1NG TH3R3 4ND W3 H4V3NT STOPP3D TRY1NG

TEREZI: TH4TS WH4T M4TT3RS

TEREZI: TH1S G4M3 C4N CHOK3 ON MY 4SS

TEREZI: W3R3 GO1NG TO GOD T13R WH3TH3R 1T L1K3S 1T OR NOT

ROSE: That was actually really beautifully said.

ROSE: You're an inspiration to us all, Terezi.

TEREZI: PL34S3 ROS3 NON3 OF TH3 HUM4N S4RC4SM 1M H4V1NG 4 MOM3NT

ROSE: Don't worry.

ROSE: I'm being sincere.

ROSE: I promise.

==>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you think they're aware of the cosmic scale. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not pawticularly

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but can you really blame them?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh no it's nothing so grand as placing blame. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Prr! No nothing so grand at all! 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's just going to be very amusing watching the shit hit the fan :3

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do YOU believe that our xenocompanions deserve to ascend the ranks to the oh so fabled god tiers, or should they stay mortal and out of the way of the fray? 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well of course!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < all the nepetas wanted to see their friends get the cool pjs cuz even tho what they did might not have quite worked out in the end they were all still her friends and she loved them very much!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe the pawpurrs cat be didnt wanna see that happen which was a shame but...

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it wouldve been really nice

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and maybe all the bad things that happened to efuryone coulda been changed a bit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and of course every dave wants to see his furriends get the best they can for themselves

JASPROSESPRITE^2: And what do you want, Davepeta? 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well i just want all my friends to be happy and healthy

JASPROSESPRITE^2: God bless you're so sweet. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: If nothing else, all the kerfluffle will definitely make for one hell of an entertaining show! 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Gosh I'm getting my metaphorical tail all in a tizzy just having all of these great thoughts floating about in my brainspace like an enticing field of catnip to roll around in forever. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's all just so pawsitively charming and heart warming. What redemption! 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: What chutzpah! 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you think they're mature enough? 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < no matter what i dont think ANYONE could ever be mature enough for what hiss awful game puts you through

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its so amazing and fun but also so awful and terrible and dark at the same time

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so impawsibly horrifyingly beautiful

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it brings so much pain and sometimes its made to be unbeatable and theres nothing that can prepare you fur what it will put you through

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but it brings you the chance at infinite potential too, right? like hey thats a LOT!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and everyone is so strong and theyve worked so hard

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < of course they deserve it as if we arent gettin more wish fulfillment ourselves than we can even really understand

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like hey no kitten theyve earned it theyre mature enough as theyll ever be

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i just hope one day everyone can recover from all the trauma jeez

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mmr fantastically said! Bravo! I couldn't agree more! 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So then what makes you of the fate befalling our... dear... acquaintance GCATavros? 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well itll sure be interestin alright

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but tavy has been gettin the short end of the stick for his whole entire life so i think he deserves a lot of nice things and so i think it will be a meowvelous thing for him

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It will most certainly be an improvement for his self-allergies. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: No more of that wretched constant sneezing business he found himself so unfortunately tied up in. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Vriska has really treated this boy like shit and I can appreciate some roundabout helping hands but she hasn't done much to directly assist him, and I have to wonder whether or not she's physically capable of acknowledging that with her pretentious, swollen brain. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < probably not her ego gets in the way of everything

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < vwhiskers tries though and i have to give her credit because she might be a massive trifling bitch sometimes but its the thought that counts

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shell make up for some of the bad things shes done soon enough

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh enough about other people. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: What do you make of your own fate?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well... im quite excited really!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sometimes some things just feel right and this is one of those times and things!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < kinda like its my purpose

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like hey! this is something important and substantial that i can do!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and thats really rad

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im a little bit nervous because obviously i want to do the best job i can but

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah im excited

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well I'm glad someone around here is eager to embrace destiny with such seizure-inducing colour flashings of enthusiasm.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I would be lying if I were to say that I am a little more unsure of what I am supposed to do, if not only for the fact that I am as equally unsure of the true consequences my actions will have.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: But I think there's something of horrific beauty in that too.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Purrhaps pondering cosmic progeny is too much for a quiet Friday night.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: But I'm most certainly not going to return to my stuffy, overthoughtful ways! I'm just going to fucking go for it and do some hardcore shit I can tell some grandkitties about.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why a friday night jasprose?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It has that sort of feeling to it, no?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: The exhaustion of the week, the understated tranquility of being able to slow the wheels, but that quiet anticipatory unknowable weekend with so much unseen potential.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's simply a Friday night, my lovely friend.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < youre right

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it is a friday night

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Okay as much as I love spending time alone with you because we get to strut around like the coolest cats by ourselves, fretting over here isn't going to contribute anything to anyone!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let's go talk to Terezi and Rose.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm sure they'll value our most esteemed input on urgently pressing affairs.

==>

TEREZI: ROS3

ROSE: Yes Terezi.

TEREZI: ROS3 DONT LOOK NOW BUT YOUR FURSON4 1S COM1NG OVER H3R3 SO 1F YOU COULD M41NT41N TH3 M1N1M4L C1V1L1TY N3C3SS4RY TO FUNCT1ON TH4T WOULD B3 R4D

TEREZI: JUST THOUGHT 1D G1V3 YOU THE H34DS UP

TEREZI: TH3YR3 W1TH 4NOTH3R SQU4R3D SPR1T3 WHO LOOKS L1K3 D4V3SPR1T3 4ND N3P3T4 SO 1 GU3SS SH3 D1D WH4T SH3 W4NT3D TO 1N TH3 3ND

ROSE: God things really don't stop getting more ridiculous do they?

TEREZI: OF COURS3 NOT ROS3

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Heeeeeeeey guys!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Davepeta and I just couldn't help but overhear that you feisty felines were trying your darndest to formewlate a litter plan, and we just got done pawing the same subject, so we thought we'd come and contribute our unique perspectives!

TEREZI: N1C3 TO M33T YOU D4V3P3T4

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL SO D3L1C1OUSLY R3FR3SH1NG

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo tz

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thanks i try

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hey rose

ROSE: Hi.

ROSE: Anybody else hiding in the woodwork?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nope!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: This is it. No more squared sprites to be found.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Why?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don't tell me your silly hoity toity sensibilities begrudge Davepeta of their fantastic existence too.

ROSE: I can't say that they're as repulsive as you are yet but it's still all just a joke that never ends.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Chill out toe-beans-for-brains, fucking loosen up a little bit.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah rose that really wasnt that cool of you tbqh

 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < can you even tell me what your actual problem with jasprose is?

ROSE: I -

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because i think whats really happening is you see her and its like someone is holding up a mirror to your hidden insides and all of your more 'juvenile' desires and felines so you project your discomfurt onto her really unfairly and thats just mean

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think youre probably a bit jealous too

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < she has no problem confronting or expressing all of the cool feelings she has!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < all tumblin around inside her and she just lets it out!

 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < learning to do that would purrobably be really beneficial for you ya know

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < definitely not easy, but good!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe shes a little bit crude but i mean we are all just a bunch of teens so chill a little bit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < embrace her and maybe even try to be friends?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < she could teach you how to be more honest with yourself and your feelings and you can maybe get her to simmer down a bit or somethin it could be like...

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like a weird kismissy monorail thing

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wow im real fuckin rusty huh

==>

Davepeta begins pushing them together. Jasprose floats forward with a massive grin and outstretched arms. Rose grinds her heels into the stone and grimaces, sticking her tongue out, hands out and eyes shut to block the advance. 

==>

ROSE: I -

==>

Davepeta tries harder. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < seriously you guys need to get along for this to work and for us to share a universe right

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats even the issue anymore girl just give in

==>

ROSE: Davepeta I appreciate your effort but I'm afraid it's a fruitless endeavour so you might as well just quit while you're ahead.

ROSE: She's simply too grotesque and... and - 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shes overbearing and unpredictable but shes fun so lighten up

==>

They keep trying.

==>

ROSE: You're very well spoken and all but I'm really too mature to be friends with such a frivolous individual. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < calling someone frivolous is actually pretty rude

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < also please dont think youre that mature because you are but at the same time you really arent

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < youre only 16 for a reason youve still got a long way to go

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You think my feelings are weird but they're the same as yours, if not more so you than you can be.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Why do you resist being honest with your heart, Rose?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I watched Kanaya die without ever having told her straightforward that I loved her and that was really fucking distressing.

ROSE: I'm sorry I - 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So don't think you have less emotional baggage than the rest of us, or let that or any of these ideas about 'maturity' stop you from sharing how you feel with the people close to you honestly.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Because you will regret it if you don't.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Trust me.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Your friends aren't mom!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: None of us are here for you to misconstrue our efforts at communication and genuine affection for some coy, snide game!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: If that's how you treat this then you're going to lose, invariably, every single time!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We learnt this the hard way and you know it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's like us and our quest, how we were so hung up over how silly and 'pretty pink princess kiddy' it was.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We live to give things our own meanings, their own potential, their own context.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nothing really has a purpose if you think about it, like me!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So I've made my purpose enjoying life, letting go of my mature facade, and telling people that I love them so I don't repeat mom or Kanaya or anything else unnecessarily tragic ever again.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Please try to learn from our mistakes, Christ forbid.

TEREZI: GOD ROS3 TH3YR3 SO R1GHT STOP TRY1NG TO R3S1ST 4LR34DY

ROSE: Back me up a little bit here.

TEREZI: SORRY BUT NO C4N DO

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < word

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this is the conversation we all needed to have

==>

Davepeta begins pushing again. Jasprose gestures for Rose to come closer with her paws. Rose looks at her wearily, side-eyeing Terezi and Davepeta. Terezi shrugs and Davepeta smiles. Rose sighs, resisting a little less.

==>

Davepeta pushes them closer.

==>

Closer.

==>

Closer. Now Terezi has joined in, shoving Rose from behind. 

They're close enough to wrap their arms around each other, but Jasprose stands there with her arms outstretched. She looks expectantly at Rose.

==>

Rose considers her for a second.

==>

Another moment passes...

==>

She closes her eyes and begrudgingly hugs Jasprose, turning her head to the side and sighing again. Davepeta and Terezi clap. 

ROSE: I'm still not happy with this.

Her voice is muffled against Jasprose's chest.

==>

TEREZI: BL3SS TH1S FR13NDSH1P

Davepeta and Terezi b u n p, watching with a smile as Jasprose coos into Roses hair and snurlges her back. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < word as fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm really excited to get into the action and it's happening really soon also wow? the? tr?o?ll?s are going to god tier I wonder if any of you saw that coming (probably yeah)?
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	10. Intermission: Life Among The Wreckage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We touch base with some characters we haven't seen in a while among the wreckage of Derse, and meet two new additions to the cast who just so happen to be chilling in the purple debris as well ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I can't include Arquius' glasses in his text, don't worry, it bugs me too.

> Narrator: Take control.

Well, there have been worse ideas.

Enjoying our story so far? I hope so. It's been an interesting experience, retroactively writing the story of reality's collapse. I suppose my being here, addressing you now in a period current with that of followed events kind of gives away the ending a bit, huh? Well, none of us ever actually believed they were going to lose. No big surprise. Hopefully this revelation doesn't sour things for you too much. I'm excited to cover more ground! But I think we need to take a bit of a detour first. Walk with me?

> Narrator: Leave study.

Writing your own stage directions in the moment is a little funny.

==>

Sorry if I've sounded a little acerbic during my appearances. There was some bitterness there. You don't tell the history books and I won't.

So we left off... during the Conversationing, right? Okay...

Still walking? Jeez. This is a big mansion. I didn't think the study was this far from the ground floor.

> Narrator: Sit on the rocks with your feet in the water.

Not a bad idea. Oh that's some nice water on your feet. For those of you who cannot see, which should be everyone reading this, I have captchalogued my slipper shoe things and am currently resting my feet in the colder-side-of-tepid shallow water surrounding Hussie's mansion as far as the eye can see. Of course, it's effectively MY mansion now, but no need to split hairs.

Huh. You can see the Act curtains from here...

So!

I'll be back soon enough, once we get underway with the endgame, but let's take a trip to Derse. We have some people to pick up.

Time for an intermission!

> Intermission: Begin.

Derse.

> Be Dad.

You pick your hat off the ground. It's a little rumpled, and there's some dust around the brim. Usually a scuffed hat would warrant immediate replacement. A proper gentleman with a rumpled, dusty, scuffed hat can hardly be called a proper gentleman at all. It's not like you don't have other hats at your disposal. Of course you have more spare hats than you will likely ever have to wear in your lifetime (but there's no such thing as being too cautious, and preparation is key). Something about this particular hat is special though. It has seen you through such a grand adventure that to toss it aside now like so much crinkly trash, even if there are no longer any patrolling officers of the law to slam you with a hefty fine for the crime, would be a crime of sentimentality. As we all know, these are the most important kind of crimes. No, something about this hat is special, and you must treat it with the fair warning of resignation it deserves.

> Dad: Flick the dust off.

The sturdy brush of a firm fatherly hand will surely restore this hat to respectable working order. You place it atop your head, making sure to straighten the crown so that the point faces forward, with enough upward tilt to the angle to give it some personality. This is a hat with a great deal of personality. You are proud to wear this slightly beaten hat.

==>

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> E%cuse me uh... sir

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Sir...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> F*ddlesticks

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> F*ck

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Forgive my horsendous language

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Neigh, allow me to regain my composure

==>

They watch each other. Arquius closes his eyes and breathes, allowing himself a moment to find peace in the feeling of sweat dripping freely from his forehead.

==>

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Do you have a rad noble title you'd like me to refer to you by?

DAD: You are a curious boy.

DAD: Call me Dad, if you would like.

DAD: But I am afraid there are much more pressing matters to attend to.

DAD: Are you injured?

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I am wholly and entirely humbled to the core of my incessantly sweat-logged informational matri% by your paternal concern and plebeian, self-effacing moniker, oh greatest manly bro Dad

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> But don't addle your emotionally vulnerable organic mind with worry for my sake

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> The unparalleled strength afforded you by the beauty in your une%pectedly rippling, fibrous biceps, like squall waves of pure, devastating kinetic force, defended us well during this unfortunate altercation

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Why do you conceal your astonishingly pulsating muscles within this kitschy and overstated suburbia-chic woolen entrapment

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Please do not allow me to mislead you

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> My incomprehensibly evolved myelin wrapped carbon filament network of a processor/brain integrated neural network, currently and constantly for all observable time running on a computational power too ineffably STRONG to be quantified and e%pressed within an alphanumeric system your organic mind could begin to comprehend, does not have the necessary programming or sh*t-giving systems to give said non-e%istent sh*ts about your questionable - but of course still reputable and handsome - fashion choices

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> But I just...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Find it such an egregious crime to limit yourself and the bounteous, glorious, E%CEPTIONAL e%perience you would provide all witnesses of Parado% Space if you were to freeball bare chested in some similarly wicked-sublime board shorts

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Give each and every undeserving member of the deprived public a complementary ticket to the gun show

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I would of course, if you would be so gracious, have a solitary bo% seat reserved as is only right for someone of such an uncontested calibre

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> And then an untimed back stage meet and greet wherein we vigorously caress each others insane-in-the-synthorganic-membrane abdominal areas among a pile of fresh towels with freshly squeezed milk on call like the righteous and superior beings that we are

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Pure, unadulterated perfe%ion

DAD: I'm proud that you are comfortable in your sexuality, and I do not wish to discourage your self expression or being true to your feelings, but I am afraid that I am not available.

DAD: I am also too old!

DAD: I'm sure a fine young man such as yourself could do much better than a middle aged man such as myself.

DAD: Keep at it though, sport.

DAD: Now if you're fine, let's tend to the injuries of our oafish assailant here.

==>

Dad claps Arquius on the shoulder. Not firm. But not gentle, either. Enough that he can still feel it. That secure fatherly pat, not too soft, not too hard, just what it is. Something respectful and mature, but not in a professional way. Something a little more... compassionate. The way that dads are.

==>

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I didn't ask you to touch me

DAD: Sorry, do you not like people touching you without permission?

DAD: I'll remember to ask next time.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> No I...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Why'd you do it?

DAD: Well... It's just something dads do.

DAD: If you need someone to be there for you, or if you've done something commendable, or if we're proud of you...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Proud?

DAD: Yes.

DAD: I am proud of you.

DAD: You seem like an outstanding gentleman and you held your own in a fight for the sake of your friends. That's a very noble and heroic thing to do.

DAD: I'm sorry to have intervened and stolen your thunder, but my paternal instincts just couldn't bear complacently watching for another second as all you brave kids had to struggle against such nasty folk without sufficient adult supervision.

DAD: Obviously you're all very grown up and capable of taking care of one another, which is very encouraging to see, but what sort of person could call himself a respectable well-to-do father if he continued to act so irresponsibly.

DAD: Not me, and anybody else who does does not understand how being a true father works.

DAD: I don't wish to tell people how to raise their children but there are just some things you have to do.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> You think I'm heroic?

DAD: You're a courageous individual who came face to face with a fearful, seemingly insurmountable foe, and despite fear or reservation, you used your unique abilities without hesitation to fight for those you care about and what you believe in to overcome adversity.

DAD: That's a heroic feat any day in my books.

DAD: Now if you would like to aid me in assisting this green felt man, that would be great...

==>

Arquius hovers and looks at Dad as he crouches beside the prone Cans. Arquius opens his mouth and lifts his arm a fraction, before closing the first and letting the second fall. He floats forward and stops again. His arms are slack at his sides, and his head is cocked at the man patting his pant and suit pockets, presumably trying to find the wallet he was so used to always having on his person for emergency resources in emergency situations, like the first aid kit he had stowed in there. That would come in handy. 

==>

DAD: Where's...

DAD: Oh right. I left my wallet for Jane to find.

DAD: Darn.

DAD: Guess I couldn't replace the hat even if I wanted to now either.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I... Don't worry, I...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Collected your specibus after some uh 

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Some boggling equations I ran determined there was a high probability that it would come in handy

DAD: Good thinking, uh...

DAD: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

DAD: Pardon my atrocious manners but I've forgotten to ask for your name.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> You can call me Arquius

DAD: Okay then.

DAD: Good to meet you, Arquius!

DAD: I'm Dad.

==>

Dad rises to his feet, spins on his heel, and extends his arm, straight and inviting. His mouth quirks at the corner just ever so slightly at his little not-quite joke, but the looming horror of the insinuated pun, as if subtly flexing his devastating dad humour muscles. Arquius considers it for a moment before grasping the awaiting hand. His muscles twitch for a second, but then they relax, and he shakes it. He appearifies the wallet - complete with first aid kit - between their hands, and lets go. 

==>

Dad puts his hands on his hips and turns again, considering the coming-to Cans.

DAD: It seems our green friend here is returning to his senses.

DAD: Please help hold him down while I administer the bandages.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> He's a puppet man I don't think he actually requires things like bandages for his injuries

DAD: Maybe not.

DAD: But there's nothing wrong with making someone feel cared for.

==>

Once Nanna and Nannax2 arrive, the corners of Can's head are wrapped in gauze, and Dad and Arquius are both resting against his once more unconscious body (after Arquius knocked him out for trying to resist assistance, earning both of them stern words from Dad).

NANNASPRITE: Hello dearies!

NANNASPRITEx2: How are we all doing on this fine Monday morning?

ARQUIUSPRITE: How do you know it's a Monday morning?

NANNASPRITEx2: We don't. 

NANNASPRITE: But it feels like a Monday morning, doesn't it?

NANNASPRITE: Like we're all finally out of bed and ready to face the music of the coming week and all of the unknowable potential it has to offer, meeting it with resolve and hard work.

DAD: I believe it's a fair assessment of the moment's feeling.

DAD: If you don't mind my asking, who are you two ladies? And your sleeping companion?

DAD: I see you're all of the same ghostly order as my new acquaintance, Arquius.

NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo!

NANNASPRITEx2: That we are!

NANNASPRITE: I'm Nannasprite, but you can just call me Nanna.

NANNASPRITE: No need for a silly old bird to have such a long name.

NANNASPRITEx2: And I'm Nanna too, Nanna2, but you can just call me Nanna.

NANNASPRITEx2: I come from another universe, you see.

NANNASPRITE: So now there's two of us!

NANNASPRITEx2: And this is a sweet boy by the name of Tavros, who is currently taking a little cat nap because he is most unfortunately allergic to himself.

ARQUIUSPRITE: I feel like this sorry evolution in the story of his sorry existence is another product of Vriska's unending Machiavellian machinations against him.

ARQUIUSPRITE: When I say feel, know that I mean I'm certain of this outcome within an error margin of 0.001% after having just used my normal sentient capability of sophisticated thought to determine this is the sort of nonsense she would employ as part of her obsessive vendetta and inconsiderate planning against/involving him

NANNASPRITE: Well I'm not sure why all the things that happen do, or who does them, but I hope that someone can do something to cure his nasty afflictions and bring him peace.

NANNASPRITE: Nobody deserves to be made so fundamentally uncomfortable by themselves.

DAD: You're right, that is awful.

DAD: Maybe one of the kids will know what we could do to help him.

DAD: Now I do not wish to derail ourselves but...

DAD: Something about you both is very familiar but I can't quite put my finger on it...

DAD: Have we ever met before?

NANNASPRITE: Yes, I believe we know each other quite intimately, in another life!

NANNASPRITEx2: Hoo hoo hoo that's a way to put it :B

NANNASPRITE: I will explain the details of the situation along the way, but for now we must make tracks!

NANNASPRITEx2: We've left home with the oven on you see, so there's no time to dilly OR dally.

NANNASPRITEx2: But there'll be time enough for everyone to explain everything.

DAD: Where do you want to take us?

DAD: If it is truly as important as you say, I will go, but I would very much like to see my daughter again.

NANNASPRITE: She'll be there!

NANNASPRITE: We'll be going to see all of the kids.

DAD: Sounds like a good idea.

DAD: I'm glad they had suitable adult influence under your care, Nanna's.

DAD: Grandparents are always good examples for youth.

DAD: I'm sorry that I wasn't shouldering the responsibility with you, but I was a little tied up in a prison situation.

NANNASPRITEx2: Oh it's no fuss, these kids could handle everything we could and more.

NANNASPRITE: We've been barely needed as it is.

NANNASPRITE: Arquius, would you be a dear and carry this large green man back for us?

ARQUIUSPRITE: Sure

==>

Arquius hoists Cans into his arms, bridal style. He stirs, but doesn't wake. Nanna floats down and offers out her hand to Dad. 

==>

NANNASPRITE: We have such a terrific story to tell you.

==>

The 6 fly off together towards the lilypad. 

==>

Time for a change of scene. Let's zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooom out...

==>

Then zoom back in. The capabilities of interactive media are insane-in-the-synthorganic-membrane.

==>

The ground is cracked. Scratch marks and indentations pock the stone like bruises from the battle, chipped edges and rubble strewn around the body like worn funerary markers. They mirror the larger fragments of the moon drifting around what's left. Blood still oozes to the edges of the bridge and drips over onto the desolate streets below. Pink splashes stain the purple posts of the ornate railings. Black hair spreads in waves around her. It is silent. Nobody is there to say anything.

==>

CONDESCE: just means there aint any trash to write about it in tha shitty tabloids

==>

The body draws its arms in.

==>

CONDESCE: well lyin on the dirt like a beached whale never solved much a anyfin

==>

The pink puddle begins to glow in rainbow colours before disappearing. Blood has stopped leaking from the wound in her chest. The front of her body suit is torn, hot pink splatters around the frayed edges and down the stomach. She growls in frustration and runs her blood-stained hands through her blood-stained hair. She looks down at herself - most importantly drawing her eyes towards the sword hole - and grimaces.

CONDESCE: look at this raggity shit tha fuck i gotta be covered in blood for

CONDESCE: gunna ruin my nails

CONDESCE: aw S)(-ELL NAH

CONDESCE: shore as fuck not gunna have anotha titty window phase

==>

She changes into a new suit and pulls out her shellphone and a lipstick tube, adjusting her smudged makeup in the screen's reflection. 

==>

CONDESCE: milkshake mans rude ass foreva slave contract tryna do its thing 

CONDESCE: guess that nasty puke green seasnake still got bidness w me

CONDESCE: fuckin gross no thanks motha fuck

CONDESCE: im shore everyone else can take care a him for me

CONDESCE: make me an opportunaty

CONDESCE: got my own life and ma own plans gunna live it up in the new universe w a buncha new planets for trolls to fuck up

CONDESCE: gunna have to get me some revenge on roxy once she makes me the orb too

CONDESCE: krill that bitch

CONDESCE: gotta be a little bit proud a her tho

CONDESCE: dat shit takes guts

==>

She pouts a little and smacks her lips, rubbing them together before captchaloguing the lipstick.

==>

CONDESCE: beta go patch up this chest hole in whatevas left of tha shitty throne room before i go skewa me some naughty kids

==>

She absentmindedly retrieves her 2x3dent telekinetically while she examines her teeth for lipstick stains. 

==>

CONDESCE: dont need a bitchs stupid rainbow curse magic to stay in tha game

CONDESCE: wish his shit would just let me heal myself p sure she missed ma vitals anyway

CONDESCE: )(OWS ABOUT IT )(UH)(?

CONDESCE: heiress couldnt kill me an neither could tha chick with the pointy stick

CONDESCE: IMMA R-EIGN FOR-EVA )(OES!

CONDESCE: for real tho good thing bout this healin p sure id be dead by now othawise

CONDESCE: but what the fuck he even want me for anymore anyways

CONDESCE: eh whatever he aint my problem

CONDESCE: got ma eyes on some tastier fish

==>

She closes her phone with a grin and flies away from the scene of the battle. Nobody can hear her laughter echo through the empty halls. But that's okay. Just means there's less trash to write about it in a tabloid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET THE CONDESCE SAY CLAT!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Happy to introduce the Condesce, because it means we're ready to sink our teeth into the meat of it. With her introduction we also saw Dad pop up, which was an interesting experience, because he was actually surprisingly enjoyable to write. I feel like I get a pass on his dialogue because we've seen few conversational examples of either Dads, so while he might not be a total blank slate, it's nice to have someone with a more flexible voice because it takes the pressure off a bit and I get to expand upon a character we don't really know! Also honoured - and kinda weirded out - to write the first direct guardian dialoglog. 
> 
> Next time we have a John/Jane/Jake conversation, so look forward to that. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	11. The Conversationing: Our Lives Ahead Of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John seeks some slightly more positive company after discussing the depressing aspects of Dirk and Roxy's pasts, and finds himself in a conversation with Jane and Jake. Together, they discuss each other's pasts, and their optimistically planned futures. Jane and Jake seem quite confident in what they want to do once they inherit the new universe, but John isn't as sure...

Jake spots John first, waving to him with a grin over Jane's shoulder. She turns her head and waves too.

JAKE: Howdy john!

JANE: Come to have a lil ol' chinwag with lil ol' us?

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: just gotta do the rounds while we still have time.

JOHN: i was talking to roxy and dirk and i don't want to sound rude but...

JOHN: wow their lives were so depressing.

JANE: Quite the unfortunate truth, I'm afraid.

JANE: I shan't lie, I can barely begin to even imagine what such a tragic childhood must have been like.

JANE: My own life was not without its troubles but certainly nothing so desolate and lonely as what they had to deal with.

JANE: Raising themselves... Nobody there to dote upon them...

JANE: No over-protective fathers.

JANE: What an alien concept!

JOHN: yeah it's definitely pretty odd to imagine.

JAKE: Growing up on your own is mighty strange when you hear what it was like for other people.

JAKE: You just had to try and not think about it too much.

JOHN: that's what roxy and dirk said.

JOHN: did you grow up by yourself too?

JAKE: Yessiree.

JAKE: When i was just a little tyke i still had my grandma with me and she might have spent a lot of time exploring but she was around.

JOHN: what happened to her?

JAKE: The condesce.

JAKE: She stabbed her and left her for dead among a forest of ravenous monsters.

JAKE: I found her and cremated her and thats all the fat lady sung.

JOHN: oh wow that's sad.

JOHN: that must've been really hard for you huh?

JOHN: sorry that's probably not a very nice way to ask.

JAKE: I was sad. And scared

JAKE: Because my grandma dies so yeah im sad but then i was all alone on an island full of giant wild creatures i could never fend off without her.

JAKE: I was too scared to go into the jungle for a long time.

JAKE: I just hid out in my room.

JAKE: Eventually i needed to leave so i did and i got braver after a while.

JAKE: Started adventuring like she did. Like all the heroes in my movies.

JAKE: Id been wanting to do it for a while because it was always fun when she took me to some esoteric ruin or showed me the animals.

JAKE: One day i decided enough was enough. Trained with my pistols and went for it.

JOHN: that's so cool and rugged!

JOHN: i mean obviously besides the murder and the scary death monsters which i guess...

JOHN: kinda ruins the appeal?

JOHN: even if they're sad everyone else's life just sounds so much more exciting than mine.

JOHN: but i guess the game equalized that because fuck if i haven't had one of the most exciting lives in all of paradox space after all of this sburb bullshit.

JANE: What was your life like, John?

JOHN: well it was pretty mundane really!

JOHN: dad and i lived in a nice suburban house together.

JOHN: nothing much happened.

JANE: What was your father like?

JOHN: dad was... cool. and nice.

JOHN: he was always very determined to be the best father he could.

JOHN: raise me right or whatever.

JOHN: and he had the really fatherly image.

JOHN: got a lot from the dad depot.

JANE: So did mine!

JOHN: oh no did he ever make you go with him?

JANE: On occasion.

JOHN: trust me you were not missing out.

JOHN: every time i went i silently prayed that the floor to ceiling shelves of barbasol would fall and fucking squash me.

JOHN: kinda got my wish in the end with that huh.

JOHN: anyway what else...

JOHN: he baked a lot, and he made lots of genuine attempts to appreciate what he thought were my interests and be close to me and... i guess i always thought he was being annoying and clingy so i made him out to be kinda dumb in my head.

JOHN: you know like 'hey here's a grown man and he's obsessed with tacky clown figures that's so dumb and weird.'

JOHN: i miss him.

JAKE: What happened to him?

JOHN: jack... bec?

JOHN: ugh who fuckin cares everyone has like 10 names.

JOHN: bec noir killed him.

JAKE: Fellow jade was meant to deal with?

JOHN: yeah that one.

JANE: Oh no John I'm so sorry.

JANE: That must've been awful.

JOHN: it was 3 years ago.

JOHN: what was the deal with you then?

JANE: Hmmmmmm?

JOHN: with your life before the game.

JANE: Oh well I suppose it was quite similar to yours, on a more fundamental level.

JANE: I too lived with my father in a nice suburban neighbourhood.

JANE: My poppop was was taxidermied in front of the fireplace which was... Well a little disconcerting, if we're being honest!

JANE: I was often harangued by a plethora of strange and fantastical creatures like GCat, the first guardian of our Earth, and Lil' Seb which was a feisty fleet-footed rabbit bot Dirk made for me.

JANE: I was also the heir to the Betty Crocker empire!

JANE: Unfortunately I was unawares of the true nature of the Batterwitch, ignoring the vehement and persistent warnings of my more educated friends.

JANE: I won't say I would have stopped using our technology if I had known, because it was oh so ingenious and handy.

JANE: But God knows I wouldn't've worn the tiara so much. Especially not know, knowing first hand the true insidious nature of the Condesce's awful devices. Filthy mind control crown.

JANE: Bluh.

JANE: Because of my status I was often the target of many assassination attempts, be it through retrospective knowledge perhaps staged attacks by the Condesce herself, or genuine guns for hire seeking a potshot at the inheritor of a grand fortune and international confectionery company.

JANE: So I didn't get out much. Dad usually kept me locked up in the house.

JOHN: well i can't say anybody ever tried to kill me besides the slimer pogo i had in the backyard!

JOHN: i swear that thing was alive and it wanted me dead i hurt myself so many times trying to play on it.

JANE: Slightly less dramatic but just as nefarious and life-threatening nonetheless!

JAKE: I certainly find it an admirable debacle.

JAKE: Good job on resisting the springy pull of the vile slime fiend.

JOHN: awwwwwwww thanks you guys you're too kind.

==>

They laugh. They sigh. They fall silent. 

==>

JOHN: so...

JOHN: what are you guys planning for life in the new universe?

JAKE: Perhaps were expected to perform some sort of godly duty but really i think we could just do whatever we want!

JAKE: Really its up to your imagination john.

JAKE: Nobody can tell us what to do as long as youve got enough moxie.

JAKE: I want to go on adventures!

JAKE: Well have a whole new universe all to ourselves to explore!

JAKE: We can save citizens in danger and uncover the nasty plots of curmudgeonly criminals and pilfer the bejesus out of some good ol tombs and ruins...

JAKE: Im going to pioneer the mapping of the world and find cool treasure and skulls and such.

JOHN: that does sound like a really cool way to spend your time!

JAKE: Doesnt it!?

JAKE: I might try to remake grandmas old company skaianet!

JAKE: Go on grand researchy adventures and make a bunch of cool techy gizmos.

JAKE: Certainly wouldnt hurt to make a few pretty pennies while im at it either!

JAKE: Ive still got some of her old designs and products and i know my way around a machine or two so that could be fun as well.

JANE: John's right, that sounds like a fantastic idea!

JANE: I definitely believe it would be a suiting career for yourself.

JAKE: Thanks jane.

JAKE: What about you?

JAKE: Shall you whet your palette with some hardboiled gumshoe work?

JOHN: you mean like a detective?

JOHN: that could be cool too!

JANE: Well it isn't a bad idea per se.

JANE: I do find it a tad appealing, but I think it would work better as a hobby or a sidejob.

JANE: I've always been sad about the sinister background of Crockercorp.

JANE: Our baked goods were tasty and convenient, our recipes unique and fun, and our innovative technology only rivaled by Skaianet.

JANE: With a whole new universe comes a whole new opportunity to re-establish the company under much less villainous management!

JANE: A total brand reversal isn't necessarily required... I mean, if the residents of the new Earth are aware of the company's dark history, then perhaps it might be best to alter the advertisement...

JANE: That said they would still be unfamiliar with the original operations so it probably doesn't matter.

JANE: All I know is it's going to be red, we're going to bake things, we're going to make things, and our logo is going to be the trusty spoon.

JANE: And we'll see if we can't fund a little old private detective business on the side :B

JAKE: Spiffing idea!

JAKE: You would make such a stand up businesswoman. Perfect fit.

JOHN: i could definitely see it!

JOHN: a serious business grey suit.

JOHN: a fancy name plaque.

JOHN: man it's so cool that you guys both have such solid ideas on what you wanna do.

JAKE: What do you think tickles your fancy john?

JOHN: to be honest i'm not sure.

JOHN: i haven't really spent much time considering life outside the game.

JOHN: uhhhh... i haven't really spent much time on my interests either.

JOHN: i was on the ship for a long time but...

JOHN: well i like movies, and computer programming even if i'm not very good at it.

JOHN: i think ghosts are cool! and magic tricks and pranks are always interesting and fun.

JOHN: i dunno i guess i might be able to make something of that stuff?

JAKE: Hey think about it this way: weve got a helluva long time to figure it out!

JOHN: hahaha yeah...

JOHN: definitely don't have a shortage of time any time soon huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back into the swing of things with another long ass convo. God bless. Next up we have Dave/Karkat/Kanaya, which will be #cute, so I hope everyone's looking forward to that as much as I am!
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	12. The Conversationing: Love In The Time Of Existential Annihilation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to Dave and Karkat on the cushion pile, accompanied by Kanaya, to discuss the aftermath of Dave's declarations of love, and reassurances for the battle - and hopeful eternal reality - ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooeee this one took a while and I'm not sure why but here it is! Sorry it's a little on the short side.

KANAYA: Hello Boys

DAVE: hey

==>

She ruffles Karkat's hair - who leans into her hand and closes his eyes - and offers her fist to Dave - who meets it with his own and an exaggerated mouthed explosion as he draws it away. Karkat pats the ground beside him eagerly and she lowers herself, flattening her dress out over her legs.

==>

KARKAT: OH KANAYA THANK CHRIST, I'VE BEEN DYING TO TALK TO SOMEONE WITH A DROP OF FUCKING SENSIBILITY AMONG THE INFINITE ABYSSAL SEA OF BRASH ACTION AND SUFFERING AROUND THIS SHIT HOLE.

KANAYA: Awwwww Are You Still Embarrassed By Daves Proclamations Of Love?

DAVE: nawww shit kat if i knew you were embarrassed by me i woulda kept my mouth shut

KARKAT: SHUT YOUR DIRTY FUCKING MOUTH STRIDER YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK.

DAVE: shit

DAVE: hard hitting me with the last name business huh

KANAYA: Gosh

KANAYA: Well Thats No Good

KANAYA: I Wouldnt Have Thought You Would Be That Upset By Such A Mundane Event

KANAYA: Particularly When One Considers The Relatively Open Nature In Respect To The Development Of Our Relationships On The Meteor, And Your Affinity For Romance

KANAYA: If Anyone Was Going To Scream Declarations Of Love Or About Their Relationship In General Out Of Any Of Us I Expected It To Be You

KARKAT: BOTH OF YOU CAN SEAL YOUR EXCITABLE BOTTLES WITH CORK STOPS BECAUSE BOTH OF YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THAT'S NOT EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO HOW I IN ALL LEGITIMACY ACTUALITY FEEL.

KARKAT: NEITHER OF YOU FUCKING DARE TRY ME WITH THAT TRIFLING AND 100 PERCENT INCORRECT BULLSHIT.

DAVE: im sorry was i too much or...?

KARKAT: NO IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, OKAY?

KARKAT: YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT FROM THEN, NOW, AND FOREVER, YOU HAVE NOT, DO NOT, AND WILL NOT EMBARRASS ME.

KARKAT: OKAY LET ME REDACT THAT STATEMENT OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN DO SOME PRETTY EMBARRASSING SHIT SOMETIMES BUT NOT BY VIRTUE OF BEING YOU AND YOUR FLAWS OR QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS ARE NOT SLIGHTS ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.

KARKAT: BUT I'M NOT ASHAMED OF LOVING YOU DAVE SO DON'T YOU EVER THINK SOMETHING SO FUCKING GROTESQUE AND FALLACIOUS.

KARKAT: IF YOU EVER WANT TO ENTERTAIN SUCH RANCID THOUGHTS THEN COME TO ME SO THAT I MAY ADMINISTER A HEALTHY CURATIVE DOSE OF MY FINEST AGED SCATHING RANTS AS THE INIMITABLE SHIT TALKING CONNOISSEUR THAT I AM ON A SERIES OF ESSENTIAL AND PALATABLE SUBJECTS LIKE THE NATURE AND PSYCHOLOGY OF RELATIONSHIPS, PARTICULARLY THOSE OF A ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL NATURE.

KARKAT: INTERPERSONAL COMPATIBILITY.

KARKAT: LOYALTY AND COMMITMENT.

KARKAT: AND WHY I LOVE YOU A LOT, AND HOW GREAT YOU ARE EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER, AND HOW EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT BE A BIT OF A LOSER YOU'RE STILL GENUINELY REALLY KINDA STILL COOL IN YOUR OWN INEFFABLE, BIZARRE, IRONIC WAY.

KARKAT: AND HOW... HOW YOU'RE SO STRONG, AND I CARE ABOUT YOU A LOT.

KARKAT: HOW I WOULD DO SO MUCH FOR YOU...

KARKAT: SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE QUESTION THE STRENGTH OF MY VARIOUS FERVID, INSUFFERABLE FEELINGS.

KARKAT: I'M NOT... MAD, EXACTLY.

KARKAT: I MEAN I DEFINITELY WOULD'VE PREFERRED IT IF IT WERE, FUCK I DON'T KNOW, A TEAM EFFORT OR SOMETHING AS EQUALLY BANAL I GUESS?

KARKAT: I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED YET BUT I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW.

KARKAT: AND I WANTED TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT IT WITH JOHN AND ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE.

KARKAT: YOU SAW HOW MIND RENDINGLY, SOUL RUPTURINGLY, GOD FUCKING AWFULLY OBLIVIOUS HE WAS, TRAPPED IN HIS OWN LITTLE FUCKING ROMANCE IGNORANT BUBBLE!

KARKAT: DESPITE HAVING CHOKED DOWN EVERY SINGLE ARTISANAL IMPERIAL CRIME THAT WAS EARTH ROMCOMS AND DESPERATELY TRYING TO SHOVE MORE IN TO GAG HIMSELF TO DEATH, EVEN WITH HIS MOUTH OVERFLOWING WITH TRASH LIKE THE RESPITEBLOCK BIN THE JANITOR DIDN'T TAKE OUT BECAUSE THE BIN WAS JUST SO ODIOUS THAT IT FUCKING KILLED THEM AND THEY'RE DEAD AND THE BIN IS DEAD AND THE FESTERING MEAT PILES UP AND IT'S ALL ON FIRE BECAUSE IT'S THAT FUCKING TRASH, MIGHT I ADD!

KARKAT: BUT I'M NOT ACTUALLY UPSET.

DAVE: actually factually?

KARKAT: YEAH YEAH ACTUALLY FACTUALLY.

KARKAT: WELL. 

KARKAT: NOT PARTICULARLY UPSET ANYWAY.

KANAYA: Good To Get It Out Of Your System?

KANAYA: You Looked A Bit Like You Needed To Shout About Something

KARKAT: YEAH IT'S GOOD.

DAVE: im sorry

DAVE: i shouldve known you wouldve wanted to make it a bit of an affair or whatever

DAVE: you know i wouldnt want to spoil your fun on purpose

KARKAT: DON'T WORRY DAVE IT'S FINE.

KARKAT: IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

DAVE: it probably wouldnt be a big deal for me to go back and stop myself you know

DAVE: i would prefer to not fuck with the timeline atm because i like to think its in a not too tragic place but i could try if you wanted me to

KARKAT: CHRIST NO.

KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO HOLD THE SASSY ACRONYMS WE'RE HARDLY AT DEFCON 1 HERE.

KARKAT: TAMPERING WITH THE TIMELINE OVER SOMETHING SO TRIVIAL WOULD BE REALLY FUCKING STUPID, SO LIKE I SAID, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

KANAYA: Its Not Like Anything Bad Happened

KANAYA: Perhaps You Lost A Big Reveal Opportunity But I Thought It Was Sweet

KANAYA: I Dont Wish To Come Across As Sanctimonious Or Intrusive Here Because I Can Picture A Sensible Amount Of Appeal In Some Of The More Symbolic Larger Scale Gestures

KANAYA: If I Couldnt I Doubt I Would Have Kept Up With Rose For As Long As Ive Thus Far Managed, If Not Already By The Razor Fine Edge Of My Fangs

KANAYA: But If Were Being Honest Here Sometimes Its Better To Just Realize Things Dont Actually Need To Be All That Extravagant To Be Enjoyable

KANAYA: Smaller Things Can Be Just As Meaningful

KARKAT: OF COURSE THEY CAN.

KARKAT: THE KEY TO TRUE MEANINGFUL ROMANTIC GESTURES IS THE GRADUAL BUILDUP OF SMALLER ROMANTIC GESTURES OF EQUAL IF NOT CUMULATIVE GREATER IMPORTANCE AND/OR SIGNIFICANCE.

DAVE: place your fucking faith within this boy kanaya he KNOWS his shit about this stuff

DAVE: got romantic gestures on lock inside and out hes a fucking master

DAVE: honed his romance skills in the long forgotten schools of ardour

DAVE: tempered his scorching blade in the archaic waters of the iron clad chivalry gods manly buttock crack sweat

DAVE: purified his armour in the crushed petals of man musk flowers

DAVE: learned the art of strong jawed arch browed mystique and sweet sweet nothing whispers in the language of love under the tutelage of the high ethere masculine

DAVE: thats the masculine ethereal to those uninitiated plebs like us who do not deserve to be graced by the presence of such a chiseled french immortal spirit

DAVE: we may only know his presence by the soft aroma of aftershave and steeped coffee, and faint glimpses of chocolate hearts on our pillows in our illusory peripherals

DAVE: karkat knows how to work relationships

KANAYA: That Was An Incredibly Meandering And Vaguely Confusing Way To Expound Upon A Variety Of Things I Have Known As Fact For A Great Many Years Longer Than You Have Been Kissing On The Cushion Pile

KANAYA: But I Appreciate The Gesture

KANAYA: Steering Us Back Toward The Possible General Direction Of The Semblance Of Constructivitys Ghost And My Continued Point

KANAYA: I Will Be The First To Admit That I Am Still Yet To Nail Daves Emotional And Expressive Idiosyncrasies

KANAYA: But I Do Know That Dave Likes To Create A More Comfortable Space Within Which He May Occupy Unperturbed Between What He Says And His Genuine Thoughts Or Feelings

KANAYA: Not That I Find You Dishonest

KANAYA: Quite The Contrary

KANAYA: You Are Often Refreshingly Uncensored, Much Like Karkat

KANAYA: That Said You Like To Hide Your More Vulnerable Parts Behind Facades Of Oblique Irony And Directionless Enigmatic Referential Humour As Rose Has Explained It To Me 

KANAYA: So For You To Be So Candid With Your Sensitive And Important Feelings Is I Think A Very Sweet And Meaningful Display

KANAYA: Perhaps One Of The Greatest Potential Romantic Displays In Your Repertoire

KANAYA: Just What I Thought Anyway

==>

Take a fucking sip babes. Shame the universe was destroyed before that meme could exist. Trolls probably beat it to us anyway. 

*ahem*

==>

Dave comes as close as Dave usually comes to blushing, which is not very much. Flushes are not for Dave. Karkat very easily notices the small light pink across Dave's nose and shuffles a little closer. His hand absentmindedly creeps on top of Dave's, who darkens just a liiiittle bit further. Rigid and stuck in place, his head doesn't move an inch, but his eyes begin shifting around with an increasing urgency. Sweat begins to bead on his forehead. A single drop. Kanaya's mouth quirks at the corner and she rolls her eyes with a subtle shake of the head. If Dave could muster the words without the stutters he can feel constricting his throat, he would make a snarky remark about how she looks exactly like Rose, and that sometimes he's worried that their relationship borderlines on being selfcestuous. He doesn't do that though. ==>

Karkat watches him out of the corner of his eye. Watches some more.

==>

Shuffles a little closer.

==>

He bumps softly into Dave's side, and rests his head on his shoulder.

==>

KARKAT: I LOVE YOU DAVE.

==>

Dave wraps his arm around Karkat's side and pulls him closer, smooshing Karkat's face against his chest.

==>

DAVE: i love you too

==>

Kanaya smiles and leans over, kissing them both on the forehead. 

==>

KANAYA: Oh You Boys Are Just So Cute

KANAYA: So Precious

KANAYA: Be Nice To Each Other Forever Please

KARKAT: I'M SURE DAVE WILL DO HIS BEST TO BE AT THE VERY LEAST MILDLY TOLERABLE.

DAVE: you know it nubs

KARKAT: OKAY! MAYBE IT WOULD BE MORE REALISTIC TO AIM FOR NOT ENTIRELY LOATHSOME.

KANAYA: So Good

==>

She pats their heads and smiles again. 

==>

DAVE: well you and rose arent so bad

KARKAT: I FUCKING DECREE OFFICIAL SECONDS AND THIRDS ON THIS MOTION.

KANAYA: Thank You Were Pretty Great And Rose Is A Beautiful Girl

DAVE: fuck yeah

KARKAT: YEAH!

KARKAT: GO US!

KANAYA: Thank You Were Pretty Great And Rose Is A Beautiful Girl

KANAYA: If We Fight For Nothing Else We Shall Fight For Love

KANAYA: I Do Not Want To Imagine An Existence Without Any Of You Or All Of Our Hard Won Relationships 

KARKAT: I FUCKING HEARTILY DECREE OFFICIAL SECONDS AND THIRDS ON THIS MOTION.

KARKAT: I'M GOING TO DO NO LESS THAN FIGHT FANG AND BLOODIED CLAW TO THE FUCKING PERMADEATH FOR US, OUR LOVE, AND OUR IMMUTABLE VICTORY.

KARKAT: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I HAVE YOUR BACKS.

DAVE: and ive got yours

KANAYA: As Do I

DAVE: if i have to face down the barrel of an unconditionally invincible demon and existential annihilation theres nobody id rather stare into it with than you guys

DAVE: were a pretty ragtag bunch but you best believe were the fuckin a team

DAVE: all of us together on this space rock?

DAVE: weve got this shit in the bag and weve got each other and man thats what fuckin counts most in the end, right?

KANAYA: Right

KANAYA: Let Us All Undeniably Beat This Shit Out Of The Seated Green Round Together

DAVE: fuck yeah get that sportsball reference kanaya get it

KARKAT: YES KANAYA.

KARKAT: LET'S.

==>

He pulls them both down into the cushions. 

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GooooooooOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOOOD we're finally closing in on the end of The Conversationing in? f?a?c?T?? I think that... there might only be... 1 more left? I'm not sure, actually, my memo is a fucking mess ever since I started restructuring the plot a bit so I'll reevaluate and see if there are any more conversations I think would be best to happen /NOW/. Don't worry, there will be group reunions because I'm uber salty we never got those but then I think we're into the meat of it and conversations will be sprinkled throughout the action (there's still a lot more to go, including E V E R Y T R O L L, A L P H A A N D B E T A, so don't worry). And of course I intend to follow up with some post-ending conversations which will be more in-line with The Conversationing arc. In those we'll go through even more character permutations. But no this is just the end of the arc, still a ton more talking to go if I have my way with things. Also I'm freed from tests for the time being so hopefully I can get more updates out. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	13. The Conversationing: Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We rendezvous with our aimless exiles, who are hiding the wounded Jack Noir under the orders of Jade, so as to not upset the others during the critical final moments of this strange alpha session. Rose speaks with the alternate Calliope about the master classes, Caliborn, and what must be done to survive the Pocket she will create. We touch base with some not-yet seen trolls in the bubbles, our protagonists have a much needed strategy session, Dad touches down on the lilypad, Roxy cooks us up something special, and we finally see that beta kids reunion we never got but needed desperately. Featuring a surprise guest at the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's been a YEAR. That's a LONG ASS TIME. And we're only just getting into the action, with this chapter, the longest so far by a wide margin, (14334 words) comprising 24.7% of the total fic so far (now 58044 words) and wow the dead sprint to get this finished at 11:56PM, 6/17 my time was w i l d. Consider this the Cascade of HA7R:VEM. This is L O N G. It's really cool to have been doing this fic and even though I fought with it in the interim a bit there I'm glad I stuck with it. From here on out I'm going to get this done. It might take a while because of school but fuck me if I'm not excited to get this ball rolling. With these 12 chapters, the Conversationing arc is complete. Finally, thank God. About damn time.
> 
> This is my first time writing the exiles, Aradia, Vriska, Tavros, Meenah, and our special guest at the end! Wow! That's a lot of first times. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. 
> 
> Translations for Serenity can be found in the end notes of this chapter. Don't worry, her dialogue isn't anything plot relevant, so if you don't want to arabesque through those hoops you're not missing out too much. I didn't include them in the body because I wanted to be authentic, but I'm not mean about it at least >:]
> 
> To everyone who has liked and bookmarked so far, you guys are my favs. Like, extra cool. Rad, even. To those who have lurked... well you guys are cool too. Definitely not as cool, but still pretty cool (and we all forget to kudo anyway). That's really all there is to say on the matter.
> 
> Enjoy. I hope you have like... a spare 15... 20...+ minutes...
> 
> \- AC

2 fluorescent blue figures appear on what counts as the dark horizon in an endless uniform void, glowing as if with Skaia's own soft light. How aesthetically pleasing. One disembodied hand firmly grasps the firm hand of a firm and well-dressed man. The other carries a still-sleeping GCATavros. Picking up the slack behind them is the muscly red Arquius, hauling the still-knocked out Cans, his surprisingly hefty plush ass raised high above his head. Sweat drips from his biceps. Pearly, red-tinted drops run freely into the infinite blackness. Hopefully it can't be seen from the lilypad. God, this boy needs a towel. And perhaps a doctor. Equius probably has hyperhidrosis. 

==>

Dad squints at the lilypad and the coloured blobs sitting on it. 

==>

He turns his head to Nanna.

DAD: Is that them?  


NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo!  


NANNASPRITE: Indeed it is!  


DAD: Which one is Jane?  


NANNASPRITE: The one in the smart grey getup.  


DAD: I see.

==>

He looks back to the lilypad. 

==>

Nanna smiles and squeezes his hand. He smiles and squeezes back.

NANNASPRITEx2: Don't worry!  


NANNASPRITE: She's going to be positively thrilled to see you.

==>

KANAYA: So How Is The Mayor After The Previous Turmoil?

KANAYA: I Mean I Can Literally See Him Being Apparently Physically Fine Over There With The Other Mystery Carapacians But

KANAYA: Its Polite To Ask

KARKAT: THE MAYOR IS FINE FROM WHAT I KNOW.

KARKAT: I VERY BRIEFLY TOUCHED BASE WITH HIM ON JADE'S PLANET AND HE WAS A LITTLE SHAKEN BUT LARGELY FEELING POSITIVE.

KARKAT: HE WAS VERY EXCITED TO SEE THE FEMALE CARAPACIAN.

KANAYA: Which One?

DAVE: the one with the queen ring

KANAYA: I See

KANAYA: Well She Looks Like She Could Kill Me

DAVE: is this a trait you often find yourself ogling in a woman kan

KANAYA: I Would Say I Have The Sensible Preference To Analyze The Threat Level Of Super Powered Beings Which Isnt Entirely Untrue

KANAYA: But Its Also Not Entirely Untrue To Say That Youre Not Entirely Barking Up The Wrong Tree

KANAYA: Of Course Thats None Of Your Business

DAVE: hey would ya look at that she used a regular metaphor

DAVE: fetch me the sbahjifier because i need to shittily document this authentic real life cryptid

KANAYA: Why Does She Look Familiar?

KARKAT: SHE'S THE ONE WHO SUBMITTED THE MAYOR'S CORPSE TO THE PARTY AT THE BEGINNING OF OUR TRIP SO HE COULD BE HEALED BY OUR FANFUCKINGTASTIC DEAD FRIEND PLATOON SO SHE COULD PURSUE JACK ACROSS THE VOID FOR THE ENTIRETY OF OUR TRIP WITHOUT A BODY IN TOW.

KARKAT: I'M INCLINED TO SAY SHE'S AN ALLY CONSIDERING.

DAVE: nothing screams allyship like delivering a dead body on the vengeful dog god express 

KARKAT: THE MAYOR TOLD US SHE WAS A NICE LADY AND I'M NOT SURE IF HE MEANT HE INTENDED RED SOLICITATIONS OR IF THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

KARKAT: HE TRUSTS HER SO I'LL TRUST HER UNTIL SHE DOES SOMETHING QUESTIONABLE I GUESS?

KANAYA: A Reasonable Thing To Do

KANAYA: Shes Pretty At Least

KANAYA: Who Is The Other Prospitian?

KANAYA: What A Gorgeous Dress

KARKAT: I'M NOT SURE BUT I HEARD THE NAME MS PAINT THROWN AROUND SO I GUESS THAT'S HER.

KARKAT: IN WHICH CASE WHAT A SILLY FUCKING NAME.

DAVE: dude your name is a portmanteau of a domesticated animal infamous for being lazy shitheads and a primitive carbon emission based automobile

DAVE: not to mention both constituents are spelled unnecessarily white a la the 100 variations of kaitlyn

DAVE: kaitlyn with a k

DAVE: and ignoring that vantas is the name of an earth male prostate cancer treatment drug

DAVE: ya know i dont mean to drag too hard because i like your name it really rolls off the tongue and its cute and whatnot but im just saying youre not in a particular position to be talking shit about surnames, no less, as mundane and inoffensive as paint

KARKAT: YOU'RE RIGHT I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM. 

DAVE: youre right though what a dumb name haha

DAVE: wonder what theyre flapping their gums about over there

==>

Well it started like this back on LOFAF:

==>

MAYOR: !

If you're wondering how he made that sound, so am I.

==>

He rushes over to PM, still recognizing his friend through the prototyping. He wraps his arms around her waist and presses his face into her stomach. She raises her arm and steps back a bit, looking at the small man grabbing onto her. She gently pries his arms off and pushes him away. 

==>

PM: Hold on.

==>

He does his best to not look hurt too bad. Serenity flits around his head excitedly, blinking like nobody's business. PM pulls the ring off her finger, slipping it into her tattered robes, and runs at the Mayor, scooping him up in her arms. 

PM: Hello!

PM: You're okay!

MAYOR: i am!

MAYOR: a nice alien fixed my torso hole!

PM: So they did!

PM: You look much better without the torso hole I believe.

PM: Enjoyable form AND function.

She kisses the top of his head and lowers him to the ground. Red shines through his dark carapace and he softly presses a hand against his cheek. 

==>

SERENITY: .-- --- .-- !

PM laughs as the firefly begins circling her. 

==>

MAYOR: w-why thank you.

MAYOR: you look very nice with the prototyping modifications and also without them. 

==>

He hugs her again and steps away quickly. Grass flattens beneath his heel as he scuffs his feet, wiggling them around in slow, comfortable circles.

==>

SERENITY: .-- .... .- - / .- / -.-. ..- - . / - ..- .-. -. / --- ..-. / . ...- . -. - ... !

==>

PM: I'm just happy I don't need them any longer.

PM: What a burden.

PM: I can stop chasing people.

PM: Don't need any more swords or weapons...

PM: I can finally live with my friends again!

PM: Just some peace and quiet would be nice.

MAYOR: what have you been so busy with?

MAYOR: hopefully nothing too particularly dangerous.

MAYOR: faith in your fearsome attributes is definitely something i have...

MAYOR: but i shouldn't like to think that you have been endangering yourself.

MAYOR: that wouldn't be good at all.

PM: I've been pursuing Jack for a long time.

==>

The Mayor's eyes widen as his feet lose their direction, scrambling backwards across the ground. Wide eyes tremble. Frantic pupils dart side to side. A dark body trembles with a forgotten but freshly familiar anxiety, wrapped in a faded grey robe with a handmade mayoral sash and the vivid, traumatic memories of so many gruesome murders it would take the lifespan of two universes and the decay of an active uranium lump worth of therapy time to get over them.

MAYOR: j-j-

His small fists clench and his small jaw tightens. Breath catches in his throat and he holds it in, struggling to choke out the words but it's so much safer not acknowledging them that the feeling of a clogged windpipe is preferable.

MAYOR: where?

He manages to say it. A hollow whisper the wind threatens to steal away.

MAYOR: where is he.

==>

PM crosses the distance between them with a single stride and wraps an arm around his shoulder. She pulls him into her side and he relaxes. Ever so slightly, but still. 

PM: You don't have to fear him anymore.

PM: I have dealt with the situation.

PM: He won't be harming anyone else as long as I have a say in the matter. 

==>

Slowly, she turns the Mayor around. Slowly, she points towards the trail carved into the dirt by Jack's flying body. Her finger stops on Ms. Paint bandaging Jack's arm stump with fabric she tore from the top of her dress. What a waste of a nice dress. And on such trash, too. Ms. Paint should learn to respect herself a bit more. I'm sure we can all appreciate a good Samaritan but this is just a little bit questionable. As is her taste in men. Jack stares at her, stunned. He isn't entirely sure what to feel about this pretty lady tearing her pretty dress to patch him up but he's not going to stop her. Mainly because he's exhausted and missing an arm, but also because he's kind of enjoying it. Much like his (unbeknownst to her) dead counterpart, Ms. Paint thinks he's a handsome man and everyone deserves a helping hand, especially if they happen to have just lost one of their own. 

MAYOR: who...

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

MAYOR: who is attending him?

PM: I'm not familiar with her...

PM: I remember seeing someone similar during my parcel mistress work on Prospit but it could have been someone else.

PM: Either way, I think she is just a kind stranger helping someone in need.

MAYOR: well a concerned citizen performing stand-up civil duties cannot be reprimanded...

MAYOR: where are all his scary powers?

MAYOR: why does he not smite her?

==>

PM reaches into her robes and pulls out one ring. And then the other.

MAYOR: i see.

MAYOR: you have bested the slayer...

MAYOR: !

(Still not sure how he does that).

MAYOR: you have bested the slayer!

==>

He embraces her again, pulling her down excitedly to his level, patting her back furiously. She laughs and picks him up in her arms and begins spinning him around. Oh what a joy to have two arms again (as if she couldn't've done it comfortably with one anyway). After a few dizzying rotations, she sets him back on the ground, and he promptly begins eagerly fumbling within his robes. 

MAYOR: i believe i still have one prepared...

MAYOR: !

Seriously how the fuck does he do that?

He pulls out a medal. It has the same rustic charm as his sash and measuring spear but with a little more sturdiness that you'd come to expect from alchemized items.

MAYOR: medals for recognizing excellent behaviour and civil service of can town citizens!

He beams at her, eyes squishing up at the corners. He is a sweet mayor. 

==>

Eyes solemnly closed, head bowed, she kneels before him. It settles well around her neck, framing it with rust-speckled tin held by dark red velvet. A small raised cutout of a can sits in the center of the imperfect circle. 

MAYOR: for excellent service i award you the can town excellent citizen medal!

MAYOR: the small can on the front is made with original can town cans.

==>

She marvels at it, slowly turning it in her hand. Serenity's excited blinking glints off the shiny parts.

PM: I am honoured to receive such a distinguished award.

PM: It is a very pretty and special treasure.

PM: Thank you.

SERENITY: -.-. --- -. --. .-. .- - ..- .-.. .- - .. --- -. ... / - .- .-.. .-.. / .-.. .- -.. -.-- !

==>

MAYOR: a-and now...

MAYOR: now i-i...

Breathe in...

==>

MAYOR: i have some business i must take care of.

SERENITY: .-- .... .- - / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -.. --- ?

Breathe out.

==>

Fists balled at his sides, he marches - nervously at first, gaining a steadier confidence with a reassuring pat on the back from his tall, white entourage - towards the prone Jack. Ms. Paint turns and see the approaching strangers. 

SERENITY: -... . / -.-. .- .-. . ..-. ..- .-..

==>

MS. PAINT: O-oh!

MS. PAINT: Hello.

MS. PAINT: I didn't know we had more company.

MAYOR: what is your name, miss?

MS. PAINT: Ms. Paint.

MAYOR: i see.

MS. PAINT: Who are you?

MAYOR: i am the mayor of can town and i appreciate your kind work here.

MAYOR: which is why i must apologize for what i also must do now.

==>

He pushes her out of the way - gently, as a gentlemanly civil service member who cares about the well-being of the citizens under their care should do - and straddles the aghast Jack's chest. 

MAYOR: FUCK YOU!

A satisfying crack echoes around the forests of LOFAF. The Mayor brings his other fist back around, smashing Jack's head to the right. The scourge laid oh-so-low does nothing, taking both punches without resistance. He's seen infinite dead kids come back to haunt him for his murders - note, that this is a literal haunting, and not a metaphorical weight upon his consciousness because he still didn't actually care about killing those kids - but none of his previous victims have been quite as bold or ALIVE as this. He deserves this. He knows he deserves it. And the feisty man has really caught him unawares. Retaliating or defending himself hasn't even crossed his mind amidst the surprise. If anything else, he might even consider the feisty little man a tad attractive, in a darker way. Of course the Mayor actually just hates him, so this isn't a viable pairing, and will not be making an appearance at any point in the story that I'm aware of. Don't worry. I checked.

Serenity blinks furiously in the background.

SERENITY: -.-- . .- .... !

SERENITY: - .- -.- . / - .... .- - / .- ... ... .... --- .-.. . !

==>

The Mayor rises to his feet and glowers at Jack. Jack just blinks at him, mouth slightly bloodied, slightly agape. White eyes meet white eyes and stare each other down. 

JACK: Wh-

MAYOR: NO!

He points his finger at Jack's face and bares his blunt, plant-mashing teeth in the most fearsome way he can.

MAYOR: you do not get to speak.

MAYOR: you do not talk.

MAYOR: knowing what's best for you while we decide what to do with you.

MAYOR: is knowing you should just shut up.

==>

After some slightly more pleasant and thorough introductions between PM, Mayor, and Ms. Paint - interrupted by a variety of shushing and growling in Jack's direction every time he tried to shakily make a snarky comment once he began regaining his composure - our carapacians and their firefly friend met up with Jade, Calliope, and Karkat with the hogtied Clover. Together, they would fly off to the lilypad, which leads us to the present moment:

> Minutes in the future, a reasonable amount... 

And here we are. Between their stay on LOFAF and now, the 3 exiles and their sulking cohort have exchanged info on the past 3 years. Sorry to skip, but time is becoming a premium, and we already know most of that stuff. Hope you don't mind.

> Present moment...

MS. PAINT: What do you plan on doing with the queen rings?

PM: I knew this moment would come one day...

PM: I considered this question then too.

PM: I would love nothing more than to just get rid of them both forever. 

PM: Nobody should ever have so much power.

MAYOR: very true.

MAYOR: wise words wise woman.

PM: Thank you. 

MS. PAINT: Well you can't just throw them away you know.

MS. PAINT: Both are required for an important task. 

PM: Oh?

MS. PAINT: For the players to release the Genesis Frog, the rings of the queens of Prospit and Derse must be cast into the fire of the Forge.

MS. PAINT: I know it has been a while since I was in service of the queen but... 

MS. PAINT: Just something I remember reading about in a book.

PM: Well then that is what they must be used for.

PM: Everyone gets to accomplish their goals.

PM: But in the meantime...

==>

She pulls the rings from her robe. Stares at them. Jack eyes them too. She glares at him and he shrinks back, sneering.

JACK: Didn't want the stupid things anyway

JACK: Don't have enough arms to use one anymore

PM: Good thing you weren't going to be considered.

JACK: Thanks for that, bitch

PM: You're welcome.

PM: And lucky I did not remove more.

==>

In a flash of sour apple green and tart lemon sparks, wings spread from her back, and a muzzle - with a snarl pointed in Jack's direction - grows from her face. Jack blushes and turns away, rubbing circles of stump blood into the ground with his hand. PM turns to Mayor. She reaches out and holds his hand, closing his fingers around the second ring.

PM: I trust you to keep this safe for me, until it is time to destroy it.

==>

He looks up at her nervously.

==>

PM: Use it if you need to protect yourself.

PM: I may not know much, but I know that there are things scarier than Jack in this world.

PM: I have seen them...

==>

She closes her eyes. The Mayor slips the ring into his robes, scooches over, and rests his head against her side, wrapping his arms around her. A small, tired smile manages to work its way onto her face. When I say work, I mean work. You ever seen a dog smile? Ms. Paint smiles at them both. But then she sighs, brushing her dress absentmindedly. Looking between the humans, Jack, and herself, she begins to tap her fingers against her leg. She looks down at her hands. She clears her throat.

==>

MS. PAINT: What shall we do once the frog is released?

MS. PAINT: What's going to happen to us?

MS. PAINT: I joined the Felt on their travels because of my friend and the life of adventure, but nothing was discussed about what would happen after... whatever it is that is meant to happen.

MS. PAINT: The creation of the new universe.

MS. PAINT: Do we just get... left behind?

MAYOR: my friends will bring us to a new home.

MAYOR: we will construct a better scaled can town.

MS. PAINT: Friends?

PM: Yes, it's quite strange I know.

PM: But he has befriended the players intimately over the past 3 years.

JACK: Fuckin softy...

(Jack grouches in the background).

PM: Everything about everything is strange now though, so I'm not really surprised.

MS. PAINT: Oh!

MS. PAINT: That's interesting.

MS. PAINT: I wouldn't mind a change of scene either.

MS. PAINT: Are they all your friends?

==>

Mayor tilts his head and surveys the assembled kids, fidgeting with his sash. 

==>

MAYOR: w-well...

MAYOR: i've only really spoken properly with... 2 of them.

MAYOR: only because i was a bit shy!

MAYOR: the others were all very nice.

MAYOR: besides two people but it's okay because they aren't here anymore.

MAYOR: i'm not sure what they're doing but one is locked in a fridge.

MS. PAINT: What a pack of cards.

MS. PAINT: They seem friendly at least.

MS. PAINT: Have they said that they would bring us with them?

PM: They've planned to bring him with them and construct a livable Can Town, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we came with them.

MS. PAINT: What is this 'Can Town' you two keep talking about?

JACK: Probably some stupid juvenile bullshit...

(Jack continues to mutter to himself, continually ignored by the rest of civil society).

MAYOR: uh -

==>

Explaining your trauma and coping mechanisms, which, yes, many might view as frivolous and juvenile, can be really hard and uncomfortable when you're talking to new people. Thankfully, Serenity interrupts. 

==>

SERENITY: .-- . / -. . . -.. / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / - --- / - .... . / .--. .-.. .- -.-- . .-. ... !

MAYOR: what is it serenity?

SERENITY: .-- . .----. .-. . / .-. ..- -. -. .. -. --. / --- ..- - / --- ..-. / - .. -- . 

SERENITY: - .... . -.-- / -. . . -.. / - --- / --. . - / .- / -- --- ...- . / --- -. / .. ..-. / .-- . .----. .-. . / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / --. . - / - --- / .- -. -.-- / -. . .-- / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. !

SERENITY: .. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- 

SERENITY: -.-- --- ..- / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / -.-. .- -. .----. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. / -- -.-- / -... .-.. .. -. -.- .. -. --. / -.-. .- -. / -.-- --- ..- 

MAYOR: i'm sorry i don't understand blinking.

SERENITY: .-- .... -.-- / -.. --- . ... -. .----. - / .- -. -.-- -... --- -.. -.-- / ... .--. . .- -.- / -... .-.. .. -. -.- / .- .-. --- ..- -. -.. / .... . .-. . ?! 

SERENITY: .. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- 

SERENITY: .. / -. . . -.. / - --- / ... .--. . .- -.- / .-- .. - .... / .-. --- ... .

MAYOR: !

MAYOR: but i know someone who might!

==>

He holds out his hands and Serenity flies down into them. Hesitantly, he walks toward Rose. There are a lot of people there he's never spoken to... But he knows he has to do this. Something must be important for Serenity to be so excited. He can't be scared forever. Besides, he has good friends who have faith in him. Who can back him up. They're relying on him. Giving Jack the what for definitely boosted his confidence some.

None of the group, still busy talking strategy, notice him approaching. Rose starts and looks down to find the Mayor tugging softly at her pajamas.

ROSE: Oh.

ROSE: Hello.

ROSE: What would you like?

==>

He clams up quick. His eyes flit between Terezi and the sprites. Rose squats down and meets his anxious eyes, smiling at him.

ROSE: It's okay.

ROSE: You can talk to me.

MAYOR: i-i...

MAYOR: ...

==>

He sticks his arms out and unclasps his hands, allowing Serenity to hover into the space between them. Rose nods knowingly.

MAYOR: can you understand her?

==>

Rose rubs the top of his head and smiles again.

ROSE: I'll give it my best shot.

==>

Mayor pauses for a second before nodding and scampering back towards his awaiting friends. 

==>

ROSE: So...

ROSE: What would you like to tell us?

SERENITY: ... --- -- . -... --- -.. -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / - --- / -.-- --- ..-

ROSE: Who?

SERENITY: -.-. .- .-.. .-.. .. --- .--. .

ROSE: Ah.

ROSE: I see.

ROSE: And how exactly does she plan on doing that?

SERENITY: - .... .-. --- ..- --. .... / -- .

==>

The sun is bright. The cracks are bright. The void is not dark anymore. It's his fault. She peers through the 12D black, stained by multicolour fractures, up towards the green, green light. So green... A more comforting green than her skin, she finds. There is no heat, yet she still feels a warmth. Dead and dying Horrorterrors rasp and scream faintly in the indeterminable distance, but it's all just a soft, enticing whisper. It's his fault. This childish cat and mouse game will end. There is no more time or space with which they can chase each other through this crumbling reality. She holds a small white sphere in her hands. Faintly, a yellow light glows inside. She stares into its surface... and breathes. She may no longer have eyes, but she feels the black hollows where they used to be begin to swirl. 

CALLIOPE: hello serenity.

CALLIOPE: i have waited long enough.

CALLIOPE: let us begin the end.

==>

ROSE: When exactly is she planning on doing that?

CALLIOPE: .. / .- -- / .... . .-. .

ROSE: Clever trick.

ROSE: How exactly are you communicating through the firefly?

TEREZI: ROS3 WHY 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO 4 BUG

TEREZI: 1 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T W3R3 4LL 4 L1TTL3 STR4NG3 4ND TH1NGS 4R3 STR3SSFUL R1GHT NOW, SO 1F YOU W4NT TO H4V3 4 L1TTL3 LOONY T1M3 TO BLOW OFF SOM3 ST34M TH4TS UND3RST4ND4BL3

TEREZI: 4ND 1T W4S N1C3 OF YOU TO HUMOUR TH3 M4YOR!

TEREZI: BUT W3 DO G3NU1N3LY H4V3 SL1GHTLY MOR3 PR3SS1NG CONC3RNS 4TM, L1K3 TOT4L 1MP3ND1NG DOOM

TEREZI: 1T WOULD B3 COOL 1F W3 COULD G3T B4CK TO THOS3 CONC3RNS YOU KNOW?

==>

Rose turns to face her.

ROSE: Terezi, do not be silly.

ROSE: This is no mere bug.

ROSE: It is a bug containing the spirit of the alternate Calliope which successfully predominated her brother and was confined to an eternal life of isolation and irrelevance as part of a bargain made before her unfortunate death with Echidna during a dead session she could never hope to play.

ROSE: Due to my title and also my self taught proficiency in morse code from my younger days when I spent a long time attempting to establish a universal language for therapeutic communication with my cat, I can understand her blinking.

TEREZI: OH OK4Y COOL

ROSE: Yeah it is pretty cool.

ROSE: Anyway.

==>

She turns back to Alt!Calliope!Serenity. Homestuck is really a storyteller's exercise in how many Alt!Name!Titles we can compound to keep track of how many duplicates and fusions and possessions there are running around without the story's Sense Values dipping into the negatives, which is difficult to do when there are so many duplicates and fusions and possessions running around to keep track of which are really thrashing the Sense Meter.

ROSE: Is the firefly still conscious or is this a complete possession?

(Note that Calliope is not actually physically speaking through Serenity, continuing to blink. However, because Rose understands blink, we might as well just translate it now that what's getting said is plot-relevant. Charm would wear off a bit otherwise, don't you think?)

CALLIOPE: it would be better described as a sort of channeling of will.

CALLIOPE: i have not usurped their soul, i am merely sharing their body.

CALLIOPE: we are connected through our shared vessel.

CALLIOPE: i can use the juju to tap into their consciousness no matter where i may be in reality.

ROSE: I'll pretend that makes more sense to me than it does so that we may progress in a more timely fashion.

ROSE: You can explain it with greater detail when we have the time.

CALLIOPE: i will soon be erased forever.

ROSE: Well then I guess you won't later explain it in greater detail.

ROSE: Why shall you soon be erased forever?

CALLIOPE: i am going to tear a breach in the fabric of physicality and immateriality which will consume all of existence by creating a black hole from the 2 universe energy rich body of the green sun within which i can ensnare and destroy my brother.

CALLIOPE: i too will be consumed in the process.

ROSE: Thank you for verifying my assumptions.

ROSE: No apprehension then, towards your impending terminus?

CALLIOPE: no.

CALLIOPE: i will be glad to not exist.

CALLIOPE: but there is more to be done before i create the pocket, so i must stall for time, and you must organize your party.

CALLIOPE: and... i would not mind telling one final story before i conclude.

CALLIOPE: there are things you must be told and i believe i deserve some final small indulgence.

ROSE: And I would be happy to hear a story.

CALLIOPE: well then...

CALLIOPE: let me tell you about powers no individual should ever possess, a cherub named calliope who would usher in the end to stop the rampage of her petulant brother, and what must be done if reality's inhabitants wish to see themselves survive the unparalleled collateral damage of the choices made by those cherubs who should have never played this game in the first place.

==>

An endless stream of ghosts charge Lord English, a variety of weapons and energy blasts flying around like nobody's business, only to get disintegrated one after the other after the other after the other ad nauseum by a bunch of honks and death rainbows. 

CALLIOPE: i could never win this game.

CALLIOPE: fate said so, and so it was.

CALLIOPE: but my predetermined loss comes as no great surprise, as all i am is a failed offshoot born of a glitch in space and time who wasn't meant to exist anyway, but came to be and did the impossible once before in the form of predominating over my brother.

CALLIOPE: luck runs out.

CALLIOPE: while my brother is here, you cannot win this game either.

CALLIOPE: not naturally.

CALLIOPE: we all need more time, but that is unfortunately his domain.

==>

Some hang back, watching the destruction from a marginally safer distance. Some like Sollux and Aradia, surveying the endless casualty from above. Aradia promptly retreated to Sollux's side to recompose herself after choking out English and being blown back by his furious attacks for her efforts.

==>

SOLLUX: aradia.

ARADIA: yes? 

SOLLUX: what are we ACTUALLY d0ing 0ut here. 

SOLLUX: every0ne... just thr0wing themselves at him, as if it's actually g0ing t0 d0 s0mething. 

SOLLUX: y0u had y0ur m0ment with him.

SOLLUX: that was impressive and cool and all but we can't ever st0p him.

SOLLUX: that's his wh0le p0int.

SOLLUX: n0 matter h0w many purp0seless alternate selves and wayward gh0sts we burn thr0ugh, n0thing is g0ing t0 d0 anything. 

ARADIA: oh i know!

ARADIA: but this isnt entirely pointless you know

ARADIA: what do you think is happening right now?

SOLLUX: infinite meaningless and irrelevant gh0sts with errant think pans cl0gged by th0ughtless mush, bullshit, and permanent death wishes, are flinging themselves int0 s0ul-destr0ying energy beams t0 get t0rn apart forever because n0b0dy else here has anything better t0 d0 with their infinite meaningless time.

SOLLUX: we're all b0red. 

SOLLUX: and tired. 

SOLLUX: it w0uld be incredibly depressing if these pe0ple hadn't all 0utstayed their welc0me in these g0df0rsaken dreambubbles already.

SOLLUX: and if i also didn't particularly care about m0st of these pe0ple that i d0n't really kn0w 0r things like fucking 'gh0st murder.' 

SOLLUX: gh0st murder is t0tal fucking grade a lunacy by the way, which i w0uld like definitively on the rec0rd as my 0pini0n on such matters even if i pretend i d0n't think it's b0nkers n0rmally because i'm t00 busy n0t caring, f0r whatever time reality has left.

SOLLUX: y0u make peace with existence's asinine, friv0l0us n0nsense after y0u've fl0ated aimlessly thr0ugh the v0id with y0ur friends and watch y0ur d00med selves get 0bliterated t0gether for e0ns. 

SOLLUX: but it's still always unbelievably stupid under the surface.

ARADIA: yeah double death is a pretty silly concept if you think about it too hard i guess

ARADIA: but like ive said its just time cleaning up loose ends

ARADIA: and yeah youre right but youre thinking too literally here!

ARADIA: we arent JUST hurtling into oblivion because were bored

ARADIA: and he isnt entirely unbeatable!

ARADIA: so what are we doing here?

SOLLUX: why d0n't y0u just tell me s0 i can marvel at my incredible idi0cy f0r n0t figuring it 0ut myself s00ner?

ARADIA: it's simple, really

ARADIA: we're buying time!

==>

More than more-than-you-can-count ghosts double die. Again. Tavros and Meenah stand on the outskirts, brushing themselves down as sand sprayed from LE's relentless lasers whirls around them.

CALLIOPE: despite my fated traditional loss, i was still permitted to ascend to the god tiers, attaining my master class title as the muse of space.

CALLIOPE: every class in sburb has a unique and powerful ability which can be relatively simply defined by a single acting verb with which an aspect is channeled.

CALLIOPE: but each is equal in pure power level.

CALLIOPE: master classes, which are only awarded in obscure and virtually statistically and realistically impossible situations, fulfill a sort of administrative role and appear significantly more powerful than standard classes.

CALLIOPE: however, as our abilities are very trickle down in that they affect our respective aspects themselves, we consequently affect every other class equally in accordance with our actions.

CALLIOPE: we are harder to pin down... our 'action' can be described in many ways.

CALLIOPE: define, control, embody, represent, inspire...

CALLIOPE: one verb which consolidates these possible words, despite not having the simple crisp ring in exchange for comprehension and a conveniently situational pun in consideration of my brother's actions, is 'to delineate.'

CALLIOPE: lords are active, muses are passive.

CALLIOPE: lords delineate or delineate with/through their aspect.

CALLIOPE: muses invite delineation of or invite delineation with/through their aspect.

CALLIOPE: we all may shape reality in the image of our ideals and actions, but the master classes do so on a more fundamental and universal level.

CALLIOPE: either can be awarded to any individual, regardless of concepts like 'gender' as any class can, something i did not quite understand in my youth having been informed by small sample sizes and cultural biases i did not even recognize i had.

CALLIOPE: my brother is not always already here purely because of his immense time travelling abilities, but because he is fate itself.

CALLIOPE: he has defined inevitability by his existence, and thus the alpha operates to ensure his existence and dominion, events falling in his favour as part of the ultimate rigged game abused by a malicious administrator.

CALLIOPE: his garish coat juju does not merely represent the degradation of the timeline, but his integration and embodiment of time itself.

CALLIOPE: his winning of the session is due to his tenacity, yes, but also his self-fulfilling prophecy.

CALLIOPE: just like the wretched, floppy juju which serves as his vessel, he is much like a juju inherent himself: a cyclical journey through time with no start or end.

CALLIOPE: once his very existence was conceptualized by paradox space he was destined to come to be.

CALLIOPE: he could not have won his session if not for gamzee, his aid, who would not have become as he did if not for my brother's retroactive and simultaneously preemptive influence.

CALLIOPE: if he is inevitability in the future, it is inevitable that he exist and succeed in the past so as to reach the point where he can assert himself as an inevitability in the first place.

CALLIOPE: an achronological assurance, reinforced by the timeline's linear nature.

ROSE: Okay...

CALLIOPE: master classes tend to be more attuned to our aspects than standard classes.

CALLIOPE: not because we have a stronger or more intimate connection with them, but because of our tendency to naturally overembrace our aspect or submit to its inverse, struggling to understand and accept our aspect's shadow or becoming a victim to it in the process.

CALLIOPE: my brother enforces his will on the alpha timeline with an iron grip and disregards every other aspect as pitiful and unimportant, always degrading my fascination with art and exploration of self, only to make a variety of sad and desperate attempts at becoming an artistic soul himself.

CALLIOPE: i appreciated every aspect, but felt a strong bond with my own, which manifested itself in my artistic tendencies and wishful thinking with self insertion and modification, but i ended up relegated to eternities dead and lonely.

CALLIOPE: both iterations of myself were subjugated by time, and it scrubbed this version of me clean.

CALLIOPE: these behaviours and circumstances are typical of master class players and further amplified by the natural cherub order.

CALLIOPE: both share a desire to intimately connect with - and potentially consume or assimilate - their other half.

CALLIOPE: that is the simplest explanation i can provide as to the functioning of the master classes.

ROSE: Amazing.

ROSE: Tell me, Calliope...

ROSE: What can a Muse of Space do?

CALLIOPE: it is largely unimportant what i can do beyond what i am about to.

CALLIOPE: we are running out of time, im afraid, so i shant get into the minutiae of my abilities.

CALLIOPE: you can learn from the alpha calliope.

CALLIOPE: she has already used her undeveloped powers to inspire your friend roxy in the creation of the matriorb, and she will do so again that more important items may be created.

ROSE: God tier sacrificial slabs, like those found in the cores of the moons, correct?

CALLIOPE: correct.

ROSE: Should one be made for Calliope, or shall we just prepare for the trolls?

CALLIOPE: thats her choice.

CALLIOPE: i dont think it matters either way.

ROSE: Right.

ROSE: What else do we need to know?

ROSE: I can't imagine you'd go to this effort just to elaborate upon your brother's abilities.

CALLIOPE: while his abilities are many and strong, they are not the source of his unconditional immortality, and neither is the juju you may be thinking of as the ultimate boon awarded him by his denizen in congratulations of his success and ferocious combat.

ROSE: Oh?

CALLIOPE: the treasure you and your friends have sought is not the true, singular secret to defeating him, just as it is not truly the source of his unimaginable power and invincibility.

CALLIOPE: yaldabaoth gave him his clock.

CALLIOPE: and he broke it.

ROSE: His god tier clock?

CALLIOPE: yes.

ROSE: How?

CALLIOPE: an incredibly rare item: a juju breaker in the form of a crowbar.

CALLIOPE: not only is there nothing to decide his fate should he die, but he absorbed the energy of infinite possibility present in such jujus, the clocks powered by raw aspect power and something... else, which i do not understand.

CALLIOPE: for this reason, the only remaining piece of his clock, still theoretically able to influence the conditions of his immortality, is his only true weakness.

CALLIOPE: the cueball.

==>

Vriska eyes the fiery green mass in the sky, so close yet so far, sitting just above English's garishly flashing skull head. Ghosts just don't stop running into his clutches huh. Doesn't matter to her, though. They were a distraction when they were finding the treasure, and they're going to be a distraction until she deploys it. 

==>

CALLIOPE: many have attempted to weaponize it against him.

CALLIOPE: but i would not be confident in his permanent defeat unless there were a clock to arbitrate his judgement.

CALLIOPE: formalities run this existence, and this odd instance is no different.

ROSE: He broke the clock entirely?

ROSE: Nothing else of it remains anywhere?

CALLIOPE: yes.

ROSE: Right.

CALLIOPE: i believe it is within the capability of your party or the countless ghosts currently struggling against him in the farthest reaches of the furthest ring to obtain both objects.

CALLIOPE: no matter how it happens, my brother must be erased from this reality.

CALLIOPE: and so my personal story begins.

CALLIOPE: i was raised in my infancy by a friendly and 'relatable' being by the name of davepeta.

ROSE: Our Davepeta?

==>

Davepeta glances towards Rose, who waves them off. 

==>

CALLIOPE: the very same.

CALLIOPE: but beyond them, and my brother, i had nobody.

CALLIOPE: i was effectively, totally alone.

CALLIOPE: i never yearned for companionship, as i never knew how.

CALLIOPE: i had no childish delusions of cooperating with him, or faith in him or his willingness to engage in fair play.

CALLIOPE: i knew i had to consume him.

CALLIOPE: though we were both awake on our respective moons our whole lives, the carapacians in our session were quiet, solitary beings.

CALLIOPE: not much for conversation.

CALLIOPE: i predominated my brother with little trouble.

CALLIOPE: perhaps isolation weakened him as well.

CALLIOPE: there was little of anything to annoy him further than he already was since the day we hatched.

CALLIOPE: i personally killed my brother's dreamself after my assertion to remove his every trace.

CALLIOPE: i played the game.

CALLIOPE: davepeta, who i had not seen in many years, reappeared as my home was sucked through the black hole kernel before the red star that had lorded over me my whole life collapsed.

CALLIOPE: once inside the incipisphere, they led me to a curious terminal which i used to communicate with a mysterious being who referred to themselves as 'the narrator.' 

CALLIOPE: i am unsure of their true identity, or their purpose, but at one point they said they were a prince of mind from a session foreign to any of those involved within the events of the current alpha timeline, and that he was functioning as an observer of our story in a realm residing outside of our timeline.

ROSE: Curious indeed.

CALLIOPE: he spoke to me about many events, and hinted at what the future had to hold, elaborating upon visions i saw in the skaian clouds before they had clouded over, saying he would do his best to avoid 'causal spoilers.'

CALLIOPE: he directed me towards the task at hand: meeting echidna.

CALLIOPE: echidna initiated the first break, creating a session with a quest only my brother could ever win.

CALLIOPE: davepeta left, and i spoke again to the narrator, who directed me toward my quest bed.

CALLIOPE: once ascended, i spoke to echidna, who offered me the choice: attempt the impossible session or die and hide away within the void, waiting to be released from my dark shelter by the appearance of my more successful alpha self so that i may create a breach in the fabric of paradox space to put an end to my brother's destruction.

CALLIOPE: it was no choice at all.

CALLIOPE: i created a small, dark pocket of manipulable space to hide in, shrouded within the darkest and deepest parts of the void. 

CALLIOPE: as the space of my creation distorted the void around me, it became the oldest part as well.

CALLIOPE: it would be impossible for my brother to find me, as herculean and unachievable a task as me completing a session designed for an inexorable lord of time.

CALLIOPE: we all have a niche within which we can flourish, and mine was within the confines of my small, ancient world.

CALLIOPE: now i am free.

CALLIOPE: with the assistance of an individual who possesses an unwavering soul which reminds me of my brother's own, i shall create 'the pocket,' an anomalous black hole in not just space and time, but every aspect.

CALLIOPE: survive my brother's onslaught and you can take the opportunity to escape his alpha timeline of this reality.

CALLIOPE: the only conceivable way to pass through safely is the utilization of his ultimate juju, currently in possession of vriska serket in the dreambubbles.

CALLIOPE: bring through your universe and seal the breach between the realities.

CALLIOPE: populate and shape a blank space free of his tyranny.

CALLIOPE: live.

CALLIOPE: have fun.

ROSE: Thank you for your immense graciousness and generosity.

ROSE: You can never truly appreciate how indebted we are to you, or how grateful we are for the information and opportunity you have presented us with.

ROSE: But there is something else that must be done, isn't there?

CALLIOPE: yes.

CALLIOPE: someone must create a doomed offshoot of my brother's alpha timeline, so that his session may be scratched to create my own doomed timeline.

CALLIOPE: this is how davepeta raised me.

ROSE: Of course.

CALLIOPE: echidna granted me a juju which should assist them in these endeavours.

CALLIOPE: you can find this juju in your sylladex.

CALLIOPE: that is all the pertinent information time will allow me to share.

CALLIOPE: thank you for listening.

ROSE: The pleasure is all mine.

ROSE: Thank you for speaking to me.

CALLIOPE: goodbye, rose.

CALLIOPE: take care of me for me.

CALLIOPE: hahaha.

CALLIOPE: that was a silly sentence.

ROSE: I swear to protect and nurture her with everything I have.

CALLIOPE: thank you.

ROSE: You're welcome.

ROSE: Goodbye.

ROSE: Good luck.

CALLIOPE: -.-. .... . . .-. .. --- --..-- / .-.. --- ...- .

==>

Rose gently cups Serenity in her hands, the best imitation of a parting hug she can manage.

SERENITY: .... .- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / .... . .- .-. -.. / . ...- . .-. -.-- - .... .. -. --. / -.-- --- ..- / -. . . -.. / - --- ..--.. ?

Rose smiles, and nods, and lets them go.

ROSE: Thank you for your service, Serenity.

SERENITY: -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / .-- . .-.. -.-. --- -- .

==>

They fly back towards the carapacians.

TEREZI: WH4T D1D SH3 S4Y?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what was she saying about me?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Did she make any mention of our grand celestial plans?

==>

Rose pauses for a moment.

==>

ROSE: Call everyone to order.

ROSE: It's time to begin.

==>

Terezi walks to the center of the lilypad. She puts her hands on her hips. And she screams.

TEREZI: L1ST3N UP N3RDS, 4SSHOL3S, 4ND 4SSHOL3 N3RDS!

TEREZI: 1TS T1M3 FOR 4LL YOU B4B13S TO K1CK YOURS3LV3S 1NTO G34R, B3C4US3 W3 4LL H4V3 4 LOT OF WORK TO DO!

TEREZI: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 PR3P4R3D TO H4UL SOM3 4SS!

TEREZI: W3V3 D3C1D3D 3V3RYON3 H4S 4 F3W M1NUT3S FOR SOM3 F1N4L CONV3RS3T1ONS B3FOR3 W3 R3CONV3N3 SO W3 C4N 4LL L1ST3N TO BOSSY L4LOND3 G1V3 US 4LL 4 BUNCH OF ORD3RS WH1L3 W3 SM1L3 4ND NOD 4ND SH1T OUR W1GGL3R P4NTS B3C4US3 W3R3 4CTU4LLY GO1NG TO DO SOM3TH1NG 4 LOT B1GG3R 4ND FR4NKLY MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N 4NYTH1NG 3V3R DON3 BY 4NYON3 B3FOR3 4ND TH4TS SC4RY!

TEREZI: GO H4V3 YOUR POWWOWS 4ND PR3P4R3 YOURS3LV3S

TEREZI: TON1GHT, W3 BLOW THE 4SS OFF P4R4DOX SP4C3!

==>

And this is how we reunite: the alpha kids make eye contact, glancing slowly between each other, before darting to the pillow pile (Roxy taking an early lead) and leaping into it together. Terezi walks to a corner of the lilypad away from everyone else, Karkat and Kanaya hot on her heels. The carapacians stay where they are, relatively unfazed by the proceedings. Jasprose and Davepeta float back into the air. And the beta kids. Oh, the beta kids. The beta kids walk toward each other as casually as they can, their excitement smothered under a million layers of anxiety and attempted nonchalance. Each has their hands in their pockets, stealing glimpses of the others here and there.

And then Jade makes eye contact with Rose, and pokes out her tongue. 

And then Rose crosses her eyes. And she looks at John, and he pulls down an eyelid. And he looks at Dave. Dave wrinkles his nose and raises his eyebrows, bumping his glasses up and down. And now they're laughing. 

And they're laughing harder, and making every face they can think of, and now they're running, and running and running and their feet miss the ground every other step and now they're flying. Dave hits John first and they go down in each other's arms like a sack of bricks, just for Jade to dogpile and Rose to land on the top, and they all sit up and hold each other and they're still laughing. And now they're crying. They shove and jab each other, pushing and pulling. Squeezing tightly, burying heads into shoulders. And they're laughing. And they're crying. Tears stream down their puffed cheeks and the laughs are choked and gagged by the waterworks and sniffing, but they keep laughing anyway. Grinning. Laughing. Crying.

JOHN: hi!

ROSE: Hey.

JADE: were all here!

DAVE: man look at you babies cryin like a bunch of losers

DAVE: didnt we just see each other the other day?

JOHN: nice try cool kid.

JADE: youre not fooling me strider!

ROSE: Come on guys, his eyes are just sweating.

And they laugh.

And they cry. 

==>

JADE: were really all here

JOHN: we did it!

JOHN: we're still alive!

JADE: i didnt think id ever see you guys again

ROSE: We really beat the odds huh?

DAVE: after all the hoops that is definitely a fucking word for it

DAVE: weve been dunkin so many flaming pigskins at breakneck speed left and right out here to survive and earn our pay that the turf doesn't know how to not get dug up by all our fancy footwork

JADE: hehehe!

JADE: were skating bogeys around the other teams!

ROSE: Setting loves to push into an overtime kick.

JOHN: everyone's so mad they can't keep up they're doing hand spring arabesques off the scoreboard into the judges table.

JOHN: man sports is dumb

DAVE: preach

JADE: they do come up with a lot of silly words

JOHN: but i dunno maybe we just don't get it or something.

ROSE: No, it is the International Standardized Sport Organization who are wrong.

DAVE: sounds about right to me

JADE: because youre the sport authority right :p

DAVE: sport is absolutely wack

JOHN: who needs sports when you can have friends?

ROSE: Maybe the real sports are the friends we made along the way.

JADE: well thats okay because all i need is you guys!

JOHN: you guys are way better than sports.

DAVE: fuck yeah we are

DAVE: i dont see sports surviving the apocalypse and enduring the reset of a universe with fucking cancer

JOHN: we really have beaten this game, haven't we.

ROSE: We've weathered every single cosmic storm and broken through every single impassable obstacle put in our way.

DAVE: speaking of

DAVE: we need a fucking thorough catchup

DAVE: but were tight on time as it stands right now

DAVE: when theyre writing epics and hymns about us in the new world theyre gunna need to be able to check their facts on shorthand so lets consolidate our stories

DAVE: how about we stop crying and start talking

ROSE: Are you suggesting a rapid-fire autobiography of the past 3 years?

DAVE: that is precisely on the quivering tender plush proboscis of what it was that i was about to suggest

==>

Jade laughs and rubs her eyes with her knuckles, sitting up a little straighter.

JADE: y-yeah!

JADE: thats a cool game

JADE: who wants to go first?

==>

DAVE: well i was stuck on the ruins of a meteor laboratory as in a lab on a space rock not a lab for studying space rocks

DAVE: and i was there with rose and some trolls and a carapacian called the mayor who is cute and perfect and a little bit quiet but thats okay we helped him build and run this cool place called can town that i promised wed make to scale on new earth

DAVE: we floated through a lotta dreambubbles and hung out with a bunch of dead people like the most morbid field trip you ever did see

DAVE: and everyone just sorta chilled

DAVE: after critically analyzing the heteronormativity of circa 09 human society and its hypermasculine ideals i realized that my bro wasnt a hero he was just an abusive piece of shit that didnt deserve to be called any sort of bro at all, and also i like boys as well as girls

DAVE: i spent most of my time with karkat and after a year or two he started to mellow out a little bit and also were boyfriends now oops

DAVE: he might seem like a shouty knuckleheaded asshole sometimes but hes really important to me and i care about him a lot

DAVE: and then we arrived in the new session

JOHN: wow.

JOHN: sounds like you had a lot on your plate.

JADE: yeah...

JADE: im glad you were able to figure those important things out!

JADE: and im sorry about bro :(

JADE: its never good when family arent quite like what you remember them to be

DAVE: its okay

DAVE: i have a better family now

JOHN: awwwwww dave...

ROSE: Poignant.

JADE: dave no youre going to make me cry again

DAVE: good

DAVE: roses turn

ROSE: I met Kanaya, and I care for her very much too.

ROSE: She makes a very good girlfriend, and conveniently a very good lamp when necessary.

ROSE: We would often read by Kanaya-light together, quietly.

ROSE: I struggled with the onset of alcoholism for about a month or two before Vriska forced me out of it.

ROSE: She may be rather lacking in tact or empathy, but at least she's effective when she puts her mind to something.

ROSE: I became accustomed to her presence as she tried to insert herself into my relationship with Kanaya, and surely she had to be cognizant of her sometimes bothersome third wheel status.

ROSE: But I befriended her, Terezi, and the Mayor.

ROSE: Helped Kanaya look for Gamzee skulking in the air vents as juggalos are want to do when she was paranoid about him.

ROSE: And now here we are.

ROSE: John's turn.

JOHN: haha well, uh... well my story is a little unorthodox.

JOHN: i came from the original alpha timeline.

JOHN: basically i stuck my hand into lord english's ultimate treasure once vriska found it and ended up teleporting uncontrollably through space and time.

JOHN: i fought lord english except he was younger and had normal eyes but he was drawing this weird art about us and trying to make these really shitty drawing versions of dave and rose kiss?

JOHN: and then i zapped back to the session and everyone was dead and the all the planets were blown up and everything was filled with these weird floating pixels and... candy?

JOHN: so i had to fix everything.

JOHN: i talked to terezi and typheus who both sent me on a quest to fix things so i did by zapping through time and changing all these weird subtle things terezi wrote down in blood on her scarf which would apparently have these really big effects that changed things for the better?

JOHN: and then i brought lowas and roxy and i guess my nanna too with me to this new version of the timeline.

JOHN: we stopped off in this weird white dimension with nothing in it on the way i'm not really sure what that was.

DAVE: thats intense

ROSE: Thank you for ensuring our continued survival, John.

ROSE: Much appreciated.

ROSE: Jade?

==>

JADE: well...

JADE: i-i...

JADE: i dont think my 3 years have been interesting enough to share sorry

ROSE: Tell us anyway.

JADE: well... one day, early on our voyage through the yellow yard, which is what i called the interdimensional space we had to travel through on the prospitian battleship to escape the scratch...

JADE: i shrunk davesprite and john so they could go to lowas but then... it exploded

JADE: and they both died :(

JADE: i found out later that it was because of a choice another john had made with another typheus

JADE: i had nanna and jaspers and the consorts but i was always so lonely...

JADE: im sorry this isnt a very fun story at all

JOHN: oh no...

JOHN: jade i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i never knew typheus as going to do that, i swear.

JADE: its okay!

JADE: weve all had to make some tough choices

JADE: saving all of reality is a little bit more important than keeping me company for a few years!

JADE: one day i met the other calliope in my dreams, and she understood what it was like to be lonely in the way i felt so that was a nice change of events

JADE: i dont remember much about arriving in this session because the condesce took control of me as soon as she could to become her prison warden

DAVE: you know...

DAVE: it might not be as optimistic as our stories but thats still exciting and important and a valuable experience even if it was a bit fucked up so dont just discredit yourself like that

DAVE: its been a long time since we were dumb kids shitting around on the internet hyping up to play some beta nobody knew anything about which turned out to be sims 3 hyper realistic child murder edition

DAVE: and weve worked hard and changed a lot as people but you can bet that us being the best of friends isnt going to change like... ever, really, regardless of how we grow or develop differently as individuals

DAVE: because we are the surviving original earth unit

DAVE: and weve been through hell and back and came in first place and took a joyride victory lap and if we told anyone besides us and these alien nutcases what weve seen and done theyd probably lock us away 25 to life and melt the key down to make another lock on our cell door

DAVE: and i dunno if you nerds know this but...

DAVE: i love you guys

DAVE: so dont worry about being alone ever again man we are entrenched in this together forever from here on out and thats really all there is to say on the matter

ROSE: Amen.

JOHN: exactly!

==>

Jade pauses for a moment before sniffling, and then she snuffles, and then she starts crying again. Launching into the others, she knocks them all into the ground and lies on top, making sure to spread her tears evenly between the 3 of them.

==>

JADE: i love you guys too!!!

==>

Terezi breathes out her nose, the implication of quiet, tired, or sardonic amusement with none of the commitment.

KARKAT: SO THIS IS US HUH.

TEREZI: Y34H

TEREZI: TH1S 1S US

KANAYA: And Vriska

TEREZI: SOM3WH3R3 OUT TH3R3

KANAYA: Gamzee Too Should Be Somewhere Around Here But He Doesnt Get To Count

KARKAT: WELL HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT BUT I THINK HE GETS TO QUALIFY FOR THE BODY TALLY.

KARKAT: HE CONTRIBUTED TO US GETTING HERE AND FUCKING BULLSHIT MESSIAH KNOWS WHERE HE IS NOW BUT HE'S STILL ALIVE FOR WHATEVER INANE REASON PARADOX SPACE HAS DEIGNED TO SPARE HIS LIFE AGAIN AND AGAIN WITH.

TEREZI: H3S R1GHT

TEREZI: G4MZ33 1S TR4SH BUT H3 1S 1MPORT4NT TR4SH

TEREZI: TH3 K1ND WH1CH H4S SOM3 V4GU3 PURPOS3 W1TH SOM3 S3MBL4NC3 OF M34N1NG OR FUNCT1ON WH1CH MUST TH3N B3 D1SPOS3D OF W1TH GR34T C4UT1ON

TEREZI: L1K3 R4D1O4CT1V3 W4ST3 BUT NOT 4S FUN

KANAYA: I Suppose We Can Count Him Then

KANAYA: If Only Because I Dont Find His Case Worth The Time Or Effort To Argue

KARKAT: I DON'T BLAME YOU.

KANAYA: And If She Hasnt Done Anything Heroic Or Just While We Werent Watching Then Aradia Is Still Living Quietly As The Caretaker Of The Dreambubbles

KANAYA: Floating Around Like A Fairy Kindergarten For Dead People Advisor 

KARKAT: SOLLUX IS PROBABLY STILL HANGING AROUND HER NECK LIKE A ROTTING HONKBEAST.

TEREZI: 1 WOND3R 1F TH3YR3 ST1LL TOG3TH3R

KANAYA: Were They Ever Actually Official?

KANAYA: I Could Never Precisely Discern The Nature Of Their Relationship

TEREZI: TH3Y W3R3 4T ON3 PO1NT

KARKAT: YEAH IT'S COMPLICATED.

KANAYA: Ah Yes One Of The Worst Phrases In Any Language

KANAYA: One Day Something Will Be Just As It Appears To Be And It Will Be Satisfactory In Its Simplicity And Clarity

KARKAT: LIKE YOU AND ROSE?

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: Like Me And Rose

==>

They fall quiet.

==>

Terezi dangles her feet into the abyss, grabbing onto the edge of the platform.

TEREZI: S3V3N 1SNT SO B4D

TEREZI: 4FT3R 3V3RYTH1NG TH4TS H4PP3N3D 1M SURPR1S3D 1T T4K3S MOR3 TH4N 4 H4ND TO COUNT 4NYW4Y

KANAYA: Are There Any Other Bodies Floating Around Out There Weve Forgotten To Account For?

KARKAT: NOPE.

KARKAT: TAVROS BECAME A SPRITE.

KARKAT: EQUIUS BECAME THAT PERSPIRATION DRENCHED, NARCISSISTIC, SYNTHETIC ABOMINATION, SO IT'S AS IF HIS MALODOROUS BODY AND FETID PERSONALITY NEVER EVEN HAD THE COMMON FUCKING COURTESY TO FUCKING LEAVE WITH WHATEVER DIGNITY HE HAD IN LIFE AND THEN IN SUBSEQUENT, SLIGHTLY RELIEVING DEATH ANYWAY.

KARKAT: GROSS, SWEATY RACIST.

KANAYA: He Seems Much More Content With His Existence Now

KARKAT: YEAH I MEAN I'M HAPPY FOR HIM BUT HE STILL RADIATES INSUFFERABILITY WITH A POTENT REACH COMPARABLE TO HIS PUNGENT AURA.

TEREZI: H3S W31RD BUT H3S NOT TH4T B4D

KARKAT: YEAH. BUT STILL.

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: I Am Yet To Speak To Them But Nepeta Has Found Her Way Into A Squared Sprite Fusion With An Alternate Dave And A Bird So Thats Interesting

KANAYA: Shes Still Around

TEREZI: 4FT3R J4SPROS3S F4UX COY BULLSH1T TH1S D3V3LOPM3NT COM3S 4S NO SURPR1S3 TO TH3 COURT

TEREZI: N3P3T4 D3S3RV3D B3TT3R

TEREZI: D4V3P3T4 S33MS UN4POLOG3T1C4LLY H4PPY SO GOOD FOR H3R

KANAYA: Well I Guess That Makes Ten

==>

They fall quiet again.

==>

Karkat sits down beside her and rests his head on her shoulder.

KARKAT: NOT BAD.

==>

Kanaya does the same on her left.

KANAYA: Not So Bad At All

==>

Karkat and Kanaya turn to watch the beta kids weep into each other like 4 ply tissues.

==>

KANAYA: Cute

KARKAT: MOSTLY.

TEREZI: Y34H

TEREZI: 4ND TH4TS WHY W3R3 ST1LL H3R3

TEREZI: YOU GUYS 4R3 4LL... R34LLY COOL

TEREZI: BUT YOU TWO...

TEREZI: TH4NKS FOR NOT DY1NG

TEREZI: 4ND ST1CK1NG W1TH M3

==>

Her hands find theirs while she swings her legs, looking up into the darkness, quietly sniffing the black licorice expanse. She squeezes them both. They squeeze back.

==>

TEREZI: 1TS NOT SO B4D

TEREZI: JUST US

==>

ROXY: we made it!!!

ROXY: we waited and now were here!

JAKE: Its absolutely bonkers!

JAKE: I didnt imagine wed come so far.

JANE: After the never ending doldrums of waiting for anything to happen, it's amazing to think so many things I never thought would come to pass are happening so quickly.

JANE: I'm positively itching with the anticipation to finally get this show on the road once and for all!

DIRK: It's pretty unequivocally wild, yeah.

DIRK: I think it's a pretty safe call to make when I say that one more day of strained patience probably would've had me blowing more gaskets than can be counted with standard human mathematical systems.

DIRK: Doing nothing has never been so... tiring.

JANE: Well hopefully all of this action has given you a perky boost of energy.

ROXY: im def pumped as heck about everything rn so

JAKE: Likewise.

JAKE: I cant believe were gunna sock it to this nasty game!

JAKE: Karma has been a long time coming but that just means it will taste ever so sweeter to show it what for!

DIRK: And then we get an entire infant universe for us to explore, monitor, raise, and clean up at any point along its timeline.

JAKE: What a sweet bonus.

JANE: Not as sweet as all the celebratory confections I'm going to whip us up once we're ready to party!

JANE: The big bang is a big birthday after all.

ROXY: i wanna be real with u guys for 2.5

ROXY: u and all these new nerds r the best friends a lil ol girl such as myself could ever lil ol ask for

ROXY: this adventure has been the most exciting of times + the snooziest of times

ROXY: but im glad its given us the opportunity to plan a birthday party for a universe together!

ROXY: i love you guys a lot

JAKE: Awwwwwwww shoot buddy i love you too.

JAKE: Youre all real stand up folks and im so glad i can... call you all my friends.

JAKE: I-Im sorry if... i havent been the best one lately...

JAKE: But im going to do better!

JANE: Oh you and me both, English.

DIRK: Can I get a glass of this humilitea.

DIRK: I'm going to have to endeavour to do better too, don't keep all this maturity to yourselves.

ROXY: listen guys...

ROXY: we all made mistakes!

ROXY: we all did a lot of silly bullshit which im sure we regret big time!

ROXY: said a lot of things we wanna take all the way back and burn in a trash fire with sage where said naughty things belong

ROXY: so how about we just promise to be honest with our feelings and be more on the friend ball from now on?

ROXY: share when were down or somethin makes us upset

ROXY: no more ugly love polygons

ROXY: and well just... help each other through what we need help through!

JANE: Deal.

JANE: You always know just what to say, Rox, you really do.

DIRK: Agreed.

JAKE: Here here!

==>

Red juju chest still tucked under her arm, Vriska runs over to Meenah and Tavros.

==>

Armed with a new bodysuit decidedly lacking in titty windows, the Condesce pulls out her shellphone as she lounges atop her throne. The Draconian Dignitary is nowhere to be found, and he hasn't replied to her official summons, calls, texts, IMs, voicemails, or shouting. She screamed once too. Nothing. Perhaps he was tired of the Condesce. Perhaps be assumed her dead and decided it was time to fill a power vacuum while she was distracted with being dead. That said, it doesn't particularly matter. There's not much he can do to contribute to our story at this point. That would just be ridiculous. We don't have time for things like that. 

She opens eBubble to see what's happening in the Furthest Ring. Almost every post mentions an unnaturally large congregation of ghosts organized by one Vriska Serket. Apparently, they're leading a desperate, pitiful assault against English. Something deep inside grins grimly with a smug pride. She raised a race of warriors, after all. At least she was an effective role model/violent + cruel dictator. Don't forget stylish too, of course. Nothing screams style like 10 feet of unmanageable tentacley hair, cat eye goggles, and a black bodysuit. Truly, she is the peak of fashion. Anyone who disagrees with her can submit their grossly critical and incorrect review with a culling drone.

Vriska's always made a fuckin splash wherever she happened to stick her dumb blue ass. Making waves is her MO. She's the reason why the Condesce's plans got busted. She thinks it's time to give this Vriska a call. 

==>

VRISKA: Heeeeeeeey!

VRISKA: Guess what I goooooooot!

TAVROS: uHHHH, iS IT THAT RED CHEST, wHICH YOU'VE GOT UNDER YOUR ARM?

VRISKA: Good jo8 using your eyes on that one, Tavros.

VRISKA: Truly, you deserve a 8ig shiny medal for your valiant effort with that a8solutely impossi8le, super admira8le guesswork.

TAVROS: wHY ARE, yOU BEING SO SNARKY WHEN,

TAVROS: yOU'RE THE ONE WHO ASKED THE DUMB AND, uH, oBVIOUS QUESTION?

VRISKA: Okay, Tavros. You already answered the question, and we're moving on to 8etter, slightly more topical things.

TAVROS: i'M JUST, sAYING,

TAVROS: uSUALLY YOU DON'T, nEED A DUMB QUESTION TO LIKE,

TAVROS: bE A BITCH, sOOO,

TAVROS: iF YOU WANTED TO, gENUINELY HAVE A FUN MOMENT, yOU DIDN'T NEED TO BE MEAN ABOUT IT,

TAVROS: aND, uHH,

VRISKA: TAVROS!!!!!!!!

TAVROS: vRISKA,

VRISKA: ENOUGH A8OUT THE FUCKING QUESTION!

VRISKA: Of all the legitimately important things we could be discussing RIGHT NOW, like the impending desol8ion of our immortal souls, or the glory and victory aw8ting us for defeating the 8iggest 8addest un8eata8ble 8oss paradox space could EVER conceive of, you're wasting your time de88ting a STUPID QUESTION WE'VE ALL MOVED ON FROM!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Just drop it, okay?

VRISKA: I'll concede that you did a good jo8 with the army and all, 8ut that doesn't give you a free pass for 8eing an a8solute thorn in my fucking 8ackside.

MEENAH: yo how bout we all just clam down a lil bit

MEENAH: vriska you know i think youre a cool gill and all but like maybe relax and have some fin cuz youre over here yellin at this bullheaded doofish when hes done more to fight english than you have yet

MEENAH: bilgerat booty shorts stop flappin ya gums about her dumbass question like a fish outta water for no reel reason

VRISKA: Fair call, you're totally right.

TAVROS: i MEAN,

TAVROS: oKAY,

TAVROS: wHATEVER, i GUESS,

VRISKA: Anywaaaaaaaay...

VRISKA: I got the treasure 8ack from that weird orange guy.

MEENAH: yippee

MEENAH: gonna actshoally use it one a these days?

TAVROS: yEAH WE, wORKED OUR ASSES OFF TRYING TO, fIND THAT REMEMBER?

MEENAH: i mean im not opposed to standin here and watching some more ghosts get tidied but if ya got a weapon you might as well do somefin with it

VRISKA: Don't worry a8oat a thing, Meenah.

VRISKA: I'm almost ready and will deploy it momentarily!

VRISKA: The pro8lem is I have to get the timing right.

MEENAH: ugh krill me now more serket dramatic reveal bullshit

MEENAH: i can appreciate a moment but come on this is actually important to get done

VRISKA: No it's not like that.

VRISKA: There are some things that need to happen 8efore I can engage him properly...

VRISKA: I'm not totally a8reast of all the plans 8ut I know that once someone shows up to do something special it'll almost 8e time.

VRISKA: She has to keep him distracted, and those losers need to get ready to manage the collateral...

MEENAH: who needs to show u-

==>

Vriska's phone begins to ring.

She pulls it out of her pocket and stares at it. 

==>

VRISKA: Who the FUCK calls at a time like this?

VRISKA: Oh I have some messages from Terezi too.

VRISKA: Pro8a8ly wishing me good luck or some sanctimonious nonsense a8out 'good choices' instead.

TAVROS: hOW IS THAT EVEN, sANCTIMONIOUS, wHEN IT'S JUST TRUE?

VRISKA: Yeah yeah whatever.

VRISKA: I feel kind of 8ad, just ditching her like I did without a 8etter good8ye...

MEENAH: are you gunna like...

MEENAH: answer that oar...?

==>

She answers it.

VRISKA: You've reached the phone of Vriska Serket, hero extraordinaire, who the fuck is calling me at a time like this.

CONDESCE: who the fuck out here answering a phone like that

VRISKA: If this is some doomed Meenah then call 8ack l8r I'm a 8it 8usy right no-

CONDESCE: bitch who the fuck you callin doomed

VRISKA: I've called Meenahs 8efore, shouldn't your num8er 8e saved in my phone 8y now?

CONDESCE: i aint any meenah you eva met bitch

VRISKA: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

VRISKA: I get it there are a lotta dead Meenahs 8ut newsflash princess there's a lot of dead EVERY8ODYS right now so you're not special.

CONDESCE: im not a glubbin princess blue veined trash

CONDESCE: im a fuckin -EMPR-ESS

==>

Vriska thrusts the phone away from her ear and chokes.

==>

VRISKA: Is this the fucking Condesce????????

CONDESCE: Y-EA)( beach

CONDESCE: ITS M-E!

==>

Meenah's mouth drops open and she claps her hands to her face.

VRISKA: Why aren't you DEAD RIGHT NOW???????!!!!!!!!

CONDESCE: the FUCK you say to me guppy?

CONDESCE: minnow i could krill you easier than i file ma nails right hoe

VRISKA: UGH!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Did you kill my fucking friends?

VRISKA: I swear to god if you killed my friends AND you're trying to interfere with my plans I will pull you apart.

CONDESCE: id like to see ya try motherfuck

CONDESCE: dont worry ya little friends got away okay but im comin for them

CONDESCE: and i aint anglin to interfere with your plans

CONDESCE: the boss is a real slavedriver and the only thing that keeps him distracted is murder attempts so thanks for occupyin him for me

CONDESCE: not enough work for a royal pardon after ya nasty ass display a bad manners but...

VRISKA: Oh eat your heart out sea hag.

VRISKA: If you want to come help fight this asshole that's alright 8ut don't try to stick your nose where it doesn't 8elong.

CONDESCE: W)(-ER-E TH-E S)(-ELL IS YOUR R-ESP-ECT

VRISKA: You're a 8ITCH who made every8ody's lives HELL!!!!!!!!

CONDESCE: FAIR -ENOUGH BUT YA DONT GOTTA BE SO FLIPP-ERIN RUD-E

VRISKA: Listen, I've got 8etter things to do than humour you right now so I'm going to go and do tho-

==>

Meenah breaks herself out of her blissful stupor and shoves Vriska over, snatching the phone out of the air as it slips from her hands.

MEENAH: )(-ELLO?!

CONDESCE: shello

MEENAH: A)()()()()(!

CONDESCE: gill why ya so loud?

CONDESCE: i love a fan but fuck chill for a sec ive still got a headache

MEENAH: W)(ATS IT LIKE TO BE ME?!

CONDESCE: who in the...

CONDESCE: oh i see the business

CONDESCE: youre me from before the scratch huh?

MEENAH: )(A)(A)(A Y-EA)(!

CONDESCE: oh hey thats pretty cool

CONDESCE: so water you like... a scrappy teen or somefin?

MEENAH: i am!

CONDESCE: nice

CONDESCE: well its pretty cool ya know?

CONDESCE: in general im just an awesome person who rules

CONDESCE: thats really all there is to say on the matter

MEENAH: hahaha!

MEENAH: yeah that sounds aboat right!

MEENAH: so water you doing?

CONDESCE: imma gonna go punish some naughty kids who think theyre hot shit

CONDESCE: then imma get ready to inherit a universe

MEENAH: classic!

MEENAH: good luck with that!

CONDESCE: you gonna fight english?

MEENAH: yeah!

CONDESCE: i think you gonna need the luck more than me

CONDESCE: dont disgrace my name by dyin too quick

CONDESCE: poke a few good holes in him for us

MEENAH: i will!

CONDESCE: live long enough and ill drop by we can talk then if ya still paddlin

MEENAH: that would be great

CONDESCE: imma go now

CONDESCE: byeee 

MEENAH: byeeeeeee

==>

She drops the phone without hanging up and falls to the floor. Maniacal laughter and squealing can be heard all throughout the broken bubbles as she rolls in the sand without a care in the world, a heart filled with gold, and dreams of bodysuited badassery.

==>

Roxy spots them first. Dirk turns to see what she's pointing at discreetly over Jane's shoulder, and nods knowingly. His shoes clack very distinctively against the rock of the platform. Jane recognizes this distinctive clack, and raises an eyebrow, looking side to side for the source. Jake turns her around and points.

JANE: D-dad?

DAD: Jane!

JANE: DAD!

Small tears fly behind her as she runs to him. He runs to her. Arquius takes the opportunity to unceremoniously drop Cans, causing the platform to shake violently. Everyone jiggles and Jane and Dad fly into the air but they don't let a little tremor get in their way. Jane leaps at him and he catches her in his arms, letting the momentum carry them into an acrobatic pirouette, gradually slowing until he can throw her up and catch her, pulling her close to his chest.

DAD: Oh I've missed my little girl so much.

==>

He sniffs.

==>

JANE: I missed you too daddy.

==>

She sniffs.

==>

DAD: Are you okay?

DAD: Are you hurt?

DAD: Oh you've been through such an ordeal I'm sorry I wasn't there for you I should've done better...

JANE: It's fine.

JANE: Are you okay?

DAD: I'm alright.

DAD: Oh you've grown so much in so little time.

DAD: You're so strong and brave and pretty.

DAD: Oh I'm so proud of you.

==>

She laughs and squeezes him tighter. 

==>

And then John sees him.

==>

And he sees John.

==>

JOHN: d...

JOHN: dad? DAD: Dad?

==>

John scrambles to his unsteady feet.

==>

JOHN: i- 

He stands. Frozen.

==>

Dad lowers Jane and lets her go.

==>

Before anyone knows it, Dad has crossed the distance and hoisted the shocked John into his arms. He blinks. He looks at Dad. He blinks. And then his arms are wrapped tight, tight, tight around his shoulders, and his face is in the crook of his neck, and he's squeezing him like there's no tomorrow. Both want to say 'I miss you.' Neither do. They don't need to. Jane rushes over, and now Dad has a relation in each arm, hanging off his neck, but it's better that way, he feels. Both Nanna's hover over and join in from behind him, one putting her hand on Jane's back, the other on John's, both rubbing gently as the two sniffle quietly. They feel it's better this way too.

==>

TEREZI: 1 TH4NK 3V3RYON3 FOR TH31R CONT1NU3D COOP3R4T1ON

TEREZI: 1 KNOW P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON 4FT3R TH3 BRUT4L 3MOT1ON4L T4X4T1ON OF TH3S3 3NDL3SS LUR1DLY SW33T MOM3NTS 1S 4 CH4LL3NG3 BUT B34R W1TH M3 4 B1T LONG3R 

TEREZI: SP34K3R OF TH3 HOUS3 4ND CO CH13F STR4T3G1ST ROS3 L4LOND3 WOULD L1K3 TO FORM3RLY 4DDR3SS YOU ON THE COM1NG HOURS 

ROSE: Thank you, Terezi.

ROSE: A suiting introduction.

TEREZI: 4NY T1M3 >:]

ROSE: We have all fought tooth and nail, claw and fang, tirelessly, for many collective hours, for this game.

ROSE: The foundation upon which we stand now is built upon the blood and sweat and tears of these hours, but they are not all gone yet.

ROSE: Friends... We are standing upon the brink of our final countdown.

ROSE: Many here, undoubtedly, many a time discarded the notion that they would - nay, SHOULD - be standing here with us, arm in arm, on this lilypad.

ROSE: But each and every one of us here - human, troll, carapacian, sprite, strange felt man, and even firefly - have earned our spot atop this rock through our dedication, our grit, our spirit, and our determination.

ROSE: As I speak to you now, an alternate Calliope prepares to turn the Green Sun my brother and I died to make into a black hole with a double infinite density great enough to double kill every ghost in the bubble not already slaughtered in the ongoing fight against Lord English, and eventually tear apart all of Paradox Space.

TEREZI: 1T SHOULD HOP3FULLY GO W1THOUT S4Y1NG TH4T TH4TS PR3TTY B4D N3WS!

ROSE: It is!

ROSE: It is pretty bad.

ROSE: But it is with this black hole that she will ensnare and hopefully erase the alpha iteration of everybody's tyrant, Lord English.

ROSE: Through the breach she will create, known in hushed whispers and blinks as the Pocket, we will escape the confines of this dying reality and its alpha timeline bent to Lord English's will.

ROSE: If we hope to have a chance of surviving these violent, dark, uncharted waters, then we must each work together to complete tasks essential to constructing the best life raft that Terezi and I could devise.

==>

She turns to the alpha kids.

ROSE: Alphas.

ROSE: You must speak with your denizens.

ROSE: I'm not sure why, but do it anyway.

ROXY: quick q!

ROSE: Yes, Roxy?

ROXY: ive already spoken to nyx before!

ROXY: do i have to go again?

ROSE: Yes.

ROXY: cool cool

ROSE: Dirk.

DIRK: Hi.

ROSE: Your planet was almost entirely destroyed by a massive release of energy from Union Jack, the Jack Noir native to this session possessed by the spirit of Lord English, as some sort of allergic reaction to Caledfwlch, Dave's sword crafted from the same material as Lord English's only true non-glitch weakness.

ROSE: This created a black hole into Caliborn's session, delivering him Gamzee, the crowbar, and Yaldabaoth.

DIRK: Shoot.

DIRK: Guess I won't be talking to any monsters any time soon then.

ROSE: Not directly.

ROSE: You will accompany Jake and Karkat on their visit to Abraxas, after which you will rendezvous with Roxy to expedite your travel to the Furthest Ring where the ghost army is distracting LE.

==>

Karkat raises his hand.

KARKAT: HEY QUICK QUESTION NUMBER TWO.

ROSE: Yes, Karkat?

KARKAT: WHY IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK AM I GOING TO TALK TO THIS SESSION'S ABRAXAS?

TEREZI: B3C4US3 H3S YOUR D3N1Z3N TOO

TEREZI: TH3R3S NO H4RM 1N GO1NG TO SP34K W1TH H1M, 4ND HON3STLY TH3 SOUL S34RCH1NG M1GR41N3 1NDUC1NG SCR34MS M1GHT JUST DO YOU SOM3 GOOD

KARKAT: WELL OKAY WHY THE FUCK NOT I GUESS!

TEREZI: TH4TS B4S1C4LLY TH3 PO1NT W3V3 4LL R34CH3D, Y3S

TEREZI: GL4D W3R3 ON TH3 S4M3 P4G3

KARKAT: FANTASTIC.

JAKE: W-will... he want to see us?

ROSE: It's the entire point of his existence so I imagine so, yes.

JAKE: Oh...

JAKE: Well... alright then!

JAKE: Well do it.

ROSE: Good

==>

Now she sets her eyes on Jane.

ROSE: Jane, you and I must do something a little extra, but it shan't be anything too difficult.

ROSE: Or I mean it might be and we all end up dying whatever works I suppose.

JANE: No pressure.

JANE: What is it?

ROSE: I believe our quests are entwined, as is the standard of this strangely omniscient game, which somehow foresaw the circuitous and unpredictable path reality would take along the course of 2 scratches, a universe jump, and an unprecedented retcon.

ROSE: That or they're conveniently incredibly synergistic by the luck of god knows what and we're able to repurpose them in a more dynamic fashion to suit our ends.

ROSE: You and I will discuss our goal in more detail on the way to our planets.

JANE: Can do.

==>

ROSE: Dad and Nannasprites.

NANNASPRITEx2: That's us!

NANNASPRITE: Got any need for useless old birds like me?

ROSE: You will be far from useless.

ROSE: The three of you will stay on the lilypad to defend Bilious Slick from any would-be saboteurs once we're MIA.

ROSE: Once we've secured a safe zone in the dreambubbles, someone will pick you up.

DAD: Okay.

DAD: I am honoured to be entrusted with a role of such supreme importance.

ROSE: Good.

ROSE: Whatever enthusiasm we can all muster will be critical to our success.

==>

She looks at Kanaya and smiles.

ROSE: You will go straight to the dreambubbles with Terezi to be joined by everyone once they've completed their tasks.

ROSE: I think you'll find you'll become a valuable asset to the army.

KANAYA: Im Thrilled To Have A Vague And Slightly Ominous Use

KANAYA: Questionable Though The Idea May Be

ROSE: You'll see.

==>

She faces the Carapacians.

ROSE: Your jobs are simple.

ROSE: Any or all of you may deliver the queen rings to the Forge to release the Genesis Frog into Skaia.

PM: One final delivery it is.

The Mayor nods sharply.

==>

She looks at Arquius.

ROSE: You can do whatever you want really.

ROSE: You'd probably be of best use in the dreambubbles but... whatever suits you, I guess?

ARQUIUSPRITE: Cool

==>

She smiles at the eager Calliope sitting next to the eager Jade.

ROSE: You girls can also do whatever you want.

ROSE: Jade, you will be needed during the fight with English, and most likely some spatial rearrangement and transportation when the time comes.

ROSE: Calliope, it would probably be safest for you to stay with Dad and the Nannas until we are prepared to pick you up.

JADE: roger that rose!

CALLIOPE: hehehe!

CALLIOPE: i'm fine to remain here Until necessary.

ROSE: Good.

==>

DAVE: saving the best till last?

==>

She breathes in. She breathes out.

ROSE: Dave and Davepeta...

ROSE: I'm going to be honest: you have the hardest job.

DAVE: im sure its not that hard

ROSE: You must enter Caliborn's session through the black hole on LOTAK and scratch his session to allow alt!Calliope's existence.

DAVE: oh

ROSE: Davepeta will stay behind to raise the cherubs.

ROSE: Serenity will go with you, for what reason I'm not entirely sure.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so THATS what she was sayin about me

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sounds like fun!

DAVE: yeah this is like a real rootin tootin barn raising but can i have a quick question too?

ROSE: You may.

DAVE: how will we survive the scratch

==>

She tries to stop her face from falling too much.

==>

ROSE: We're working on it.

ROSE: Alt!Calliope has supplied us with some devices that should be of use in such a situation.

ROSE: Before you leave, speak to Hephaestus.

DAVE: will do

DAVE: gotta love a good gossip with a flaming snake monster

==>

Terezi puts her hands on her hips and steps forward.

TEREZI: W3 4LL H4V3 OUR 4SS1GNM3NTS

TEREZI: BUT B3FOR3 W3 T4K3 OFF TH3R3 1S SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 W3 MUST DO

TEREZI: ROXY

TEREZI: W3 N33D YOU TO M4K3 SOM3TH1NG FOR US

ROXY: sure thing!

ROXY: what are you in the market for?

TEREZI: YOU 4SC3ND3D ON TH3 S4CR1F1C14L SL4BS OF YOUR MOONS, CORR3CT?

ROXY: uh huh

ROXY: why?

TEREZI: 1 N33D YOU TO CR34T3 4 F3W FOR US

TEREZI: SP4C3, BLOOD, DOOM, M1ND

TEREZI: 4ND 1F SH3 1S W1LL1NG TO D13 4G41N WH1CH SHOULD B3 PR3TTY TR1V14L FOR H3R 4T TH1S PO1NT CONS1D3R1NG H3R TR4CK R3CORD 4ND CURR3NT 1MMORT4L1TY

TEREZI: 4 S3COND SP4C3 B3D FOR C4LL1OP3

ROXY: oh wow thats a tall order

TEREZI: C4N YOU DO 1T

ROXY: i...

ROXY: i think so

TEREZI: W3LL TH1NK1NG 1S 4 B3TT3R ST3P TH4N DO1NG SO W3R3 ON TH3 R1GHT TR4CK

KARKAT: TEREZI.

KARKAT: STOP.

KARKAT: WHAT. THE. FUCK!

KANAYA: What The Actual Fuck Terezi

KANAYA: Why Are You Even Attempting To Make Us Quest Beds

TEREZI: SO W3 C4N D13 ON TH3M 4ND CL41M OUR R1GHTFUL RUNGS OF TH3 GOD T13RS?

TEREZI: DUH?

TEREZI: SGRUB 101?

KARKAT: TEREZI YOU CAN'T IT... IT'S. IT'S WRONG.

KARKAT: WE CAN'T JUST FUCKING ASCEND WHENEVER THE FUCK WE GODDAMN FEEL LIKE IT.

KANAYA: Im Inclined To Agree With Karkat On This One Im Afraid

TEREZI: WHY C4NT W3?

TEREZI: WHY NOT HUH?

KARKAT: IT'S JUST NOT HOW THESE THINGS ARE FUCKING DONE!

KARKAT: THERE ARE PROCEDURES!

KARKAT: SPECIFICALLY, PROCEDURALLY GENERATED FORMALITIES, IN FACT!

KARKAT: IT'S MEANT TO BE... IT'S MEANT TO BE SOMETHING THAT YOU WORK FOR AND GET AS A REWARD DURING YOUR QUEST TO SELF ACTUALIZATION OR SOME OTHER TRITE, SPIRITUAL PYRAMID SCHEME.

KARKAT: THIS ISN'T HOW IT'S MEANT TO HAPPEN.

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW WH3N TH3 L4ST T1M3 YOU LOOK3D 4ROUND 4ND TOOK STOCK OF TH3 S1TU4T1ON 1S K4RK4T BUT M4YB3 1T WOULD H3LP 1F YOU D1D

TEREZI: N3WSFL4SH!

TEREZI: NOTH1NG 4BOUT TH1S 1S N4TUR4L!

TEREZI: W3 FOUGHT 4ND D13D 4ND SUFF3R3D 4ND CR13D FOR TH1S G4M3

TEREZI: FOR OUR SP3C13S

TEREZI: FOR OUR FR13NDS

TEREZI: FOR OURS3LV3S

TEREZI: OUR 1D34LS

TEREZI: W3 M4Y NOT H4V3 GROWN 4S D3P1CT3D 1N TH3 PUB3SC3NC3 4ND YOU: TH3 GU1D3 TO TRU3 S3LF 1NSTRUCT1ON M4NU4L TH3 G4M3 S3T OUT FOR US, BUT FUCK M3 1N 3V3RY S1NGL3 GODD4MN OR1F1C3 1F W3R3 NOT SOM3 SORT OF MYST1C4L H3RO3S

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 S33N SO M4NY TH1NGS K4RK4T

TEREZI: SO M4NY YOUS 4ND M3S 4ND POSS1B1L1T13S 4ND 4FT3R 1T 4LL YOU W4NN4 KNOW WH4T?

TEREZI: W3 H4V3 34RN3D TH1S

TEREZI: TH4TS WHY W3 4R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 TH3S3 QU3ST B3DS

TEREZI: B3S1D3S

TEREZI: DO YOU W4NT YOUR M4T3SPR1TS TO OUTL1V3 YOU BY COUNTL3SS 1NF1N1T13S?

TEREZI: CUZ 1 SURE 4S FUCK DONT!

TEREZI: WH4T 4N UNB3L13V4BLY D3PR3SS1NG 1D34

==>

The three trolls stare each other down. Everyone is silent.

==>

KARKAT: FINE.

TEREZI: 4NY OTH3R OBJ3CT1ONS FROM TH3 D3F3NS3?

KANAYA: Consider Me Thoroughly Convinced

TEREZI: GOOD

TEREZI: L3TS M4K3 SOM3 F4NCY ROCKS

==>

Everyone is sitting in a circle, Roxy at the head, Terezi opposite her, Calliope in the center between them.

CALLIOPE: is there any particUlar reason i'm in the middle?

ROXY: you... inspire me, i guess?

ROXY: something about you helps find the ideas faster

ROXY: helps bring them together

ROSE: What do you need?

ROXY: what do i need?

ROXY: ummmmmmm...

ROXY: if everyone can think of what their god tier business means to them, and the experiences theyve had with these magical death boulders

ROXY: that would definitely be a big help

==>

Terezi closes her eyes and begins to glow a soft teal. Slowly, everybody else lights up in a similar way. Roxy closes her eyes and puts her hands in front of her, wiggling her fingers. 

And she sees it. Thoughts and memories, pulled from the void. Thoughts of Space. Of Time. Breath. Blood. Life. Doom. Hope. Rage. Mind. Heart. Light. Of Void itself. Every aspect another coloured string surrounding and merging with every other to form a single, cohesive reality. And within each person, these strings run through them. One string in particular seems to dominate the colour of their tapestry, a dark red, a soft teal. A white. A black. They thrum with energy, resonating above all the others but they beat in harmony, sewn together to form a single, cohesive person, and their reality. And she sees the game. She sees the planets, the denizens, the quests. The trials and tribulations that every player - that she and her friends - had to face, big and small alike, to reach a point like this. A point where they must make the choice to take their life and become something more. To let the aspect inside them bloom. And it's hard. It's a hard choice. It's an unfair choice. But it's a choice nonetheless. A decision those in question are brave enough to make. She sees the beds, in all their shapes, forms, symbols, and colours. She sees everyone dying on top of them again and again. She sees her friends die. She sees herself die. She remembers it, too. The feeling of dying. And the feeling of ascension. Like the string is unwinding inside you and tying itself to the strings of the surrounding world and the electricity that runs through you. The lightness. The vast space and energy that fills it. Every connection made. And the beds. Formalities, more than anything. Slabs of rock. She sees them. Circular. She understands them. Altars. What they can do to you, if you let them. What you can do to yourself, if you are willing. How you can shape the world in a way unique to you, irreplaceable and so, so special. What everyone can become. Themselves. Something closer to becoming more intimately connected to your self.

Ascension.

==>

When everyone opens their eyes, the beds are there.

==>

ERISOLSPRITE: 2up.

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SERENITY: .-- --- .-- ! = WOW!
> 
> SERENITY: .-- .... .- - / .- / -.-. ..- - . / - ..- .-. -. / --- ..-. / . ...- . -. - ... ! = What a cute turn of events!
> 
> SERENITY: -.-. --- -. --. .-. .- - ..- .-.. .- - .. --- -. ... / - .- .-.. .-.. / .-.. .- -.. -.-- ! = Congratulations tall lady!
> 
> SERENITY: .-- .... .- - / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / -.. --- ? = What are you going to do?
> 
> SERENITY: -... . / -.-. .- .-. . ..-. ..- .-.. = Be careful
> 
> SERENITY: -.-- . .- .... ! = Yeah!
> 
> SERENITY: - .- -.- . / - .... .- - / .- ... ... .... --- .-.. . ! = Take that, asshole!
> 
> SERENITY: .-- . / -. . . -.. / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / - --- / - .... . / .--. .-.. .- -.-- . .-. ... ! = We need to talk to the players!
> 
> SERENITY: .-- . .----. .-. . / .-. ..- -. -. .. -. --. / --- ..- - / --- ..-. / - .. -- . = We're running out of time
> 
> SERENITY: - .... . -.-- / -. . . -.. / - --- / --. . - / .- / -- --- ...- . / --- -. / .. ..-. / .-- . .----. .-. . / --. --- .. -. --. / - --- / --. . - / - --- / .- -. -.-- / -. . .-- / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. ! = They need to get a move on if we're going to get to any new world!
> 
> SERENITY: .. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- = I...
> 
> SERENITY: -.-- --- ..- / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / -.-. .- -. .----. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. / -- -.-- / -... .-.. .. -. -.- .. -. --. / -.-. .- -. / -.-- --- ..- = You still can't understand my blinking, can you?
> 
> SERENITY: .-- .... -.-- / -.. --- . ... -. .----. - / .- -. -.-- -... --- -.. -.-- / ... .--. . .- -.- / -... .-.. .. -. -.- / .- .-. --- ..- -. -.. / .... . .-. . ?! = Why doesn't anybody speak blink around here?!
> 
> SERENITY: .. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- = I...
> 
> SERENITY: .. / -. . . -.. / - --- / ... .--. . .- -.- / .-- .. - .... / .-. --- ... . = I need to speak with Rose
> 
> SERENITY: ... --- -- . -... --- -.. -.-- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / - --- / -.-- --- ..- = Somebody would like to talk to you
> 
> SERENITY: -.-. .- .-.. .-.. .. --- .--. . = Calliope
> 
> SERENITY: - .... .-. --- ..- --. .... / -- . = Through me
> 
> CALLIOPE: .. / .- -- / .... . .-. . = i am here
> 
> CALLIOPE: -.-. .... . . .-. .. --- --..-- / .-.. --- ...- . = cheerio, love
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me for a YEAR. Wow.
> 
> \- AC


	14. Ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trolls ascend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's weird to be updating so soon, especially after that last chapter wow that was large, but I really wanted to keep the ball rolling while I could so here we are. W O W. I've been waiting to write these scenes for a while. And yes, it was V satisfying. Hopefully worth the bellyaching Jesus we've been talking so long I forgot things were allowed to happen. So here's some things! They're happening! On the house. This also means that the story is going to get progressively more prosey as there's more for me to describe beyond repetitive actions and scene transitions.
> 
> Meanwhile I really like writing Erisol haha.

It takes a moment for people to notice the neon green crisis that has painfully slowly drifted down from LOWAS. Terezi opens her eyes first. And because she's blind that doesn't do anything, and she had only really closed her eyes for the drama of the magic process, because closing your eyes and then opening them again when you're blind is totally redundant. So then she sniffs long and hard and sees in that cool way that she sees when she smells things and sure enough, there are some slabs! And then also, Erisolsprite. She isn't sure if that deserves a '!.' She isn't sure if we're at '?' tier either, because this might as well be what happened next. However, he is definitely deserving of a '... .' That much she is sure of. Rose sighs, rolls her eyes, and throws her hands in the air, crossing them across her chest and looking at Terezi pointedly from the side of the circle. Terezi just waves her off.

TEREZI: W3LL WHO TH3 FUCK 4R3 YOU

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG T3LLS M3 YOU D1DNT C4LL YOURS3LF L3MON L1M3 PUCK3R3D M1ST4K3 BUT 1 TH1NK 1 W4NT TO ST1CK W1TH 1T

ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat cantankerou2 a22hole greet2 dead friiend2 liike that.

ERISOLSPRITE: iif ii actually gavve a 2hiit about wwhatevver the fuck anyone here had to 2ay about my wwretched exii2stence, iignoriing the fact that iim a dii2sgu2tiing cretiinous 2hiit2taiin wwho iinarguably de2ervve2 evvery 2iingle petty iin2ult anyone could thiink to throww at me, then ii miight be offended riight noww.

TEREZI: 1 KNOW TH3 OR1G1N4L T1M3L1N3 W4S 4 D1S4PPO1NTM3NT 4T 3V3RY TURN BUT 1 N3V3R THOUGHT 1T GOT TH1S B4D

TEREZI: SOLLUX W4S COOL H3 D1DNT D3S3RV3 TO B3 D1LUT3D BY TH1S P4TH3T1C 1MPOT3NT FLOOZY >:[

ERISOLSPRITE: preachiin to the reprehen2iible choiir biitch.

TEREZI: FUCK

TEREZI: BLUH

TEREZI: 1M R34LLY NOT SUR3 HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT TH1S >:[

ROSE: Jesus Christ this is utter fucking nonsense!

ROSE: How many more corpse amalgams are planning on wheedling out of the fucking woodwork today?

ROSE: How am I meant to plan like this.

==>

Dad leans over to Jane and whispers, cupping his hand in front of his mouth.

DAD: I shan't complain because I know what teens are like, but your friends really do swear quite frequently.

JANE: Don't worry you'll get used to it.

==>

KANAYA: Oh Dear

==>

Everyone is quiet. And then Karkat leaps 5 feet in the air with his jaw on the ground and his brows so low they reach his chin. He points angrily. His finger viciously pierces the air as he waves it, trying to come up with some intelligent discourse, managing a few wheezes.

==>

ERISOLSPRITE: 2omebody2 dii2gruntled.

DAVE: karkat are y-

KARKAT: WHAT THE **FUCK** IS *THIS*!

KANAYA: Oh Dear DAVE: oh dear

TEREZI: OH D34R ROSE: Oh dear.

KARKAT: OH DEAR IN*FUCKING*DEED!

KARKAT: WHAT'S YOUR NAME.

ERISOLSPRITE: erii2ol.

KARKAT: SOLLUX.

KARKAT: SOLLUX CAN YOU STILL HEAR ME?

ERISOLSPRITE: ii hear you.

ERISOLSPRITE: iit2 a fuckin 2truggle to not wwhen ya 2creamiing hole2 through my auriicular fiin duct2.

KARKAT: ERIDAN GET OUT OF MY OLD BEST FRIEND SO I DON'T HAVE TO DIG THROUGH THE GROTESQUE MORBIDITY THAT IS YOUR VAGUELY ECTOPLASMIC, SHARED FACSIMILE AND WRENCH YOU OUT MYSELF.

KARKAT: CHRIST FUCK THIS IS WRONG.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww no lovve lo2t huh kk.

KARKAT: GOD IT'S SO WEIRD!

KARKAT: IT'S HONESTLY DISTURBING TO LOOK AT YOU.

KARKAT: IN ALL THE SWEEPS I SPENT HURTLING THROUGH THE VOID TO BE PRIVY TO ALL MANNER OF UNCANNY, UNCOMFORTABLE, REPREHENSIBLE BULLSHIT, THIS UNEXPECTED FREAKSHOW TAKES THE SKIN CRAWLING CAKE!

ERISOLSPRITE: calm dowwn.

ERISOLSPRITE: youre goiin twwo havve a coniiptiion and nobody wwants twwo 2ee your diisgraceful mutant blood haemorrhage out a your no2e.

KARKAT: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

KARKAT: SOLLUX NEVER WOULD HAVE GENUINELY SAID SOMETHING SO UNNECESSARILY INCONSIDERATE AND CASTEIST.

KARKAT: HE NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM AND NOW HE'S FUSED WITH A GENOCIDAL SEADWELLER!

KARKAT: I THINK THAT'S WHAT I LOATHE MOST ABOUT THIS CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION!

KARKAT: I... I'VE SEEN A LOT OF ERIDANS IN THE BUBBLES. I'VE SEEN OUR ERIDAN. AND I DON'T...

KARKAT: HE'S STILL A PATHETIC IMPOTENT FLOOZY AND HE'S STILL A WHINY CASTEIST ASSHOLE AND HE STILL KILLED MY FRIENDS BUT WE... WE NEGLECTED HIM AND TREATED HIM LIKE SHIT AND YEAH OKAY GIVEN HIS POSITION AS A SCOLDED AND SHUNNED 13 YEAR OLD, GENOCIDAL QUASIROYAL BRED TO ORPHAN FOR AN ELDERGOD LUSUS FACING DOWN CERTAIN DEATH, AND CONSIDERING HIS CLASSPECTUAL DISPOSITION, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT HE DID AND IT WAS STILL AWFUL BUT...

KARKAT: I DON'T... FORGIVE HIM? UGH, FUCK I MEAN. I KNOW I'VE DONE SOME BAD THINGS IN OTHER TIMELINES SO I DON'T KNOW IF THESE THINGS EVEN FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE PARADOX SPACE HAS SHOWN US ALL TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT NO MATTER WHO WE ARE HERE IN THE ALPHA THERE'S ALWAYS SOME TRASHY DOOMED GLOBEFONDLING SHITHEAD SKULKING AROUND IN THE BUBBLES WHO PROVES WE CAN ALL DO SOME FUCKING VICIOUS SHIT!

KARKAT: AND WE USED TO BE FRIENDS. AND HE'S GENUINELY REMORSEFUL ABOUT WHAT HE'S DONE.

KARKAT: I THINK A LOT OF HIS AGGRESSIVE BULLSHIT WAS JUST BRAVADO AS WELL.

KARKAT: I STILL HATE HIM BUT NOT WITH AS MUCH MURDEROUS INTENT I GUESS? WHETHER OR NOT HE CAN BE REDEEMED ISN'T MY PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE'S DEAD AND FLOATING SOMEWHERE WHERE I'LL PROBABLY NEVER FIND HIM AGAIN.

KARKAT: WE'VE ALL BEEN VICTIMIZED OR TURNED INTO PAWNS BY THE UNIVERSE AND ITS TWISTED AGENDA AT SOME POINT HE JUST CHOSE TO BE MORE OF A BULGESTAIN ABOUT IT THAN MOST PEOPLE.

KARKAT: AND FEFERI SEEMED TO RECONCILE HER COLD BLOODED DEATH WITH HIM PRETTY QUICKLY?

KARKAT: KANAYA HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?

KANAYA: Well It Was Ultimately For The Best Because I Became A Cool Rainbowdrinker And Also Had An Excuse To Saw Him In Half So I Guess Ive Made My Peace With It

KANAYA: Still A Tiresome Asshole Though

KARKAT: WELL OKAY THEN.

KARKAT: SOLLUX ALSO WASN'T ENTIRELY AS DISGUSTED BY HIS PRESENCE AS MUCH AS I EXPECTED HIM TO BE BUT SOLLUX IS A BIT OF AN EMOTIONAL ENIGMA SOMETIMES SO I GUESS IT'S A REAL ROLL OF THE FUCKING DICE WITH THAT ONE!

KARKAT: I JUST KNOW HE WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED THIS.

ERISOLSPRITE: coulda 2avved u2 from the gu2ty northern wwinds and tran2parent caliigiinous fliirtatiion2 blowwiin out of your gapiing rage chute 2000 knot2 a miinute iif you realiized wwe dont care about your moral crii2e2 or mii2placed provvocatiive iincliinatiion2. 

ERISOLSPRITE: you really dont havve to jus2tiify your loathiin of me.

ERISOLSPRITE: iim ju2t an all round regrettable experiience.

KARKAT: HOLY MOTHER OF FUUUCK I CAN'T EVEN TELL IF YOU'RE JOKING OR IF YOU'VE *SERIOUSLY* DELUDED YOURSELF INTO THINKING THAT I WOULD MELT INTO A PUDDLE OF HORNY ANGER FOR THE UNHOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING FRANKENSTEIN'S THAT IS AN ERIDAN AND SOLLUX MASHUP.

ERISOLSPRITE: chiilax iit wa2 a joke ii just wwanted twwo needle you a biit becau2e your funniie2t rage2 are wwhen youre feeliin ju2t a liitle biit 2en2iitiive.

ERISOLSPRITE: but you could nevver begiin too hate me a2 much a2 one of my halvve2 hate2 my other half hate2 my2elf and my halvve2 whiich hate2 my halvve2 hate2 me.

KANAYA: The Grammatical Legitimacy Of That Sentence Was Pushed To An Unnecessary Extreme For Some Dull Whining

KANAYA: I See Now That Eridan Unfairly Criticized My Taste In More Optimistic Literature Because On The Inside He Is Truly Such An Unfathomably Tortured And Brooding Soul That If He Were To Even Touch Something That Does Not Suggest Painful Self Hatred And Internal Agony He Would Positively Combust On The Spot

ERISOLSPRITE: kanaya can make some real good joke2 wwhen theyre not at your expen2e and ii feel she doesnt get enough crediit for that.

KARKAT: AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE MOST INFINITESIMALLY MINISCULE TASTE AND SENSE TO HOLD YOURSELF IN CONTEMPT.

KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?

KARKAT: *IS* SOLLUX STILL IN THERE?

==>

Jasprose rises from her position in the circle.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well that's an interesting question!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: There's no real consistent conscious division or individuality, but there is a self awareness. You could think of it like genotype and phenotype.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sollux - A - and Eridan - B - are the genotypes, with Erisol - C - becoming the phenotype.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As their own individuals A and B serve as both individual dominant geno and phenotypes but when combined to become C, they assume a recessive role and submit to the dominant C, occasionally 'mutating' and manifesting themselves separately.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: A lot of it depends upon the compatibility of the individuals and the natural strength of their personalities, cases of interspiritual dispute being like a wrestling match between a cat and a dog, or in the circumstances of this fine gentleman, two grouchy puppies.

KANAYA: Makes Sense

KARKAT: MAYBE THERE'S STILL HOPE.

==>

Erisol sighs into his hands and rubs his eyes.

==>

ERISOLSPRITE: okay foghorned a22hole ii wa2 2eriiou2 wwhen ii 2aiid chiil out a biit ya knoww.

ERISOLSPRITE: liike ye2 okay beiing a dete2table atrociity ii2 certaiinly 2omethiin that iivve been doiin to pa22 all my 2hiity borrowwed tiime recently after a na2ty panrotted clowwn threww my poorly preservved and kii22 defiiled corp2e part2 iinto a lame and iincompetent player2 2priite.

ERISOLSPRITE: that2 a thiing that ii am noww.

ERISOLSPRITE: and iim... wwell 'okay wwiith iit' i2 a fuckiing 2tretch 2o far all a your lou2y liimb2 riip outta theiir bleediing 2ocket2 and get piicked up to 2odomiize you wwiith but...

ERISOLSPRITE: ii dunno ii managed to outla2t poor 2wweet doomed fefeta and the mythiic mii2take that wa2 the 2uppo2ed 2hort liived tavvrii2 iim glad ii nevver got to 2ee evven iif theiir paiin a beiin an iin2ufferably fu2ed jacka22 wwould havve been a good bondiing exercii2e and al2o the clo2e2t liife wwiill evver come twwo bearably amu2iing anymore.

TEREZI: G4MZ33 FUS3D T4VROS W1TH VR1SK4?

ERISOLSPRITE: yeah.

ERISOLSPRITE: 2hockiing ii knoww.

ERISOLSPRITE: it2 a2 iif that ranciid clowwn ii2 the bull2hiit ma2ter wwho saww iit comiing.

TEREZI: 1M SUR3 TH31R COMP4T1B1L1TY W4S OFF TH3 CH4RTS

ERISOLSPRITE: they bleww them2elvve2 up pretty quiick apparently.

TEREZI: UNSURPR1S1NG

KANAYA: There Was A Fefeta And Nepeta Sprite Too?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i can kinda remember that actually!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < if i pawse to think about it...

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta used to be roxys sprite in the old timeline with feferi yeah!

KARKAT: WELL THAT'S A PRETTY SUSTAINABLE PAIRING.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < they had a lot of fun and became really mewovelous unexpected furriends in the bubbles after that even though they hadnt really talked all that much when they were still kickin it as alive folk

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fefeta occlawsionally had some alright conversations with erisol but the bar was on the lower side

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sometimes wed be purreaking our flexible backs just to shimmy under it and as we should all know felines are naturally bendy so if that paints a clear picture of how low the bar could be descending whenefur they ended up talking to each other...

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < he was just a bit whiny and mean B((

KARKAT: WHAT HAPPENED TO FEFETA?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < erisol and arquius were arguing and the kids were goin crazy with their cherub candy magic bullshit and she exploded herself because it was just too much fur her to deal with

KARKAT: OF COURSE. THE UNIVERSE DAREN'T PERMIT SOMETHING SO MEDIOCRE THAT IT'S ALMOST DECENT TO SUSTAIN ITSELF AND INSTEAD OF A FUN NEW PINK FRIEND WE GOT THIS GREEN MESS.

==>

Once more Karkat stabs his finger at Erisol.

KARKAT: WHY HAVEN'T YOU EXPLODED YOURSELF YET?

TEREZI: K4RK4T TH4TS NOT 4 V3RY POL1T3 QU3ST1ON

TEREZI: BUT Y34H WHY H4V3NT YOU BLOWN YOURS3LF UP Y3T?

==>

Erisol shrugs.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii almo2t diid once but then ii lo2t the motiivvatiion cuz ii gue22 ii cant commiit to do anythiing good wwiith my2elf.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii ju2t dont care.

ERISOLSPRITE: iim 2table iin how much ii hate my2elf and ii gue22 ii lovve 2ufferiin 2o much that iivve pa22ed the poiint of no return.

ERISOLSPRITE: maybe iim ju2t punii2hiing my2elf by punii2hiing my2elve2 by prolongiing my exii2tence or 2piitiing the uniivver2e for havviin the audaciity twwo havve me 2pawwned and then expectiin me to diie off agaiin at iits wwiitle22 beck and call liike my 2ufferiin wwere the on demand entertaiinment 2ervviice needed to 2atiiate 2ome demented clowwn tiime loop.

ERISOLSPRITE: all ii can 2ay for 2ure ii2 that ii hate my2elf but ii dont care about hatiin my2elf enough anymore to end anythiing becau2e on 2ome twwii2ted levvel ivve accepted it and 2tarted to enjoy iit.

==>

ERISOLSPRITE: 2o yeah.

ERISOLSPRITE: that2 me.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwe can all 2top wwa2tiin the tiime and energy iit takes two fliing our2elve2 off the deep end ovver me. 

KARKAT: YEAH OKAY WHATEVER.

KARKAT: I THINK YOUR WEIRD APATHY HAS LEECHED INTO ME.

KARKAT: BUT SO WE'RE CLEAR ON WHERE I STAND WITH THIS DEVELOPMENT, I AM... NOT... HAPPY? WITH IT.

ERISOLSPRITE: fanta2tiic.

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS YOU C4N... H4NG... W1TH US? 1F YOU W4NT?

ERISOLSPRITE: cool.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Oh my lord...

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Excuse my entirely half justified interruption, improper combination of nobility and psionic swine

ERISOLSPRITE: of cour2e thii2 me22 exii2t2 here too.

==>

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I STRONGLY request that your hefty silliness keep your haughty and shameful comments to yourself while I kindly demand that I may speak about something which I firmly believe to be of relevant importance because it is my opinion and what all you meatsacks have to say on such a sophisticated matter could never compare to the inestimable value of my STRONG intelligence and wisdom

ERISOLSPRITE: man do wwhatevver the fuck tiickle2 your creepy, 2wweaty fancy.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Thank you and also obviously I can do what I please you hold no power over me

ERISOLSPRITE: uh huh.

ERISOLSPRITE: wweiirdo.

KARKAT: THANK GOD YOU CAN RECOGNIZE THIS WEIRD, PERSPIRING CONCOCTION FOR WHAT IT IS.

ERISOLSPRITE: wword.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I am an exceptional individual

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> You are not exceptional and you confuse me, but perhaps you can find some solace in your strange existence vicariously through my own due to a perhaps similar situation

ERISOLSPRITE: oh boy.

ERISOLSPRITE: iim 2ure iill deriivve 2uch comfort from your bull2hiit.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> You will

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> It fills me with an emotion that you are cognizant of your position upon the hierarchy of life and that I won't have to explain such self evident manedane things to you

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> The constituent parts of my sick nasty being are both deliriously cool by themselves, and disparate in nature when compared, but when combined multiply their qualities exponentially

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> I love being me

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> My parts love being me, and I love my parts

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Ultimately after crunching the crass numbers on these logical relationships one can deduce that my halves harbour a certain understandable affection for one another, a conciliatory bond between two superior beings one might say also understandably borders on something... slightly more... flushed than pale, which is something I will say because trolls have frivolous categorizations for lewd emotions

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> In my objective reasoning, Erisol, maybe your halves are experiencing a similar concupiscent attraction in a darker shade

ERISOLSPRITE: ...

ERISOLSPRITE: okay.

DIRK: I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear any of that because things will be a lot better that way I feel.

DIRK: Like good for you dude but...

ERISOLSPRITE: yeah.

ERISOLSPRITE: 2ame.

==>

Karkat wrinkles his nose and pokes his tongue out further than it feels like he should be able to.

KARKAT: FUCK.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.

KARKAT: ARE YOU SUGGESTING YOUR EXISTENCE IS SOME SORT OF PERMANENT PERVERTED SELF MASTURBATION?

KARKAT: I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE ANYMORE UNSETTLING BUT HERE WE ARE ANYWAY, PARADOX SPACE FURTHER DEFYING ALL EXPECTATIONS I'VE HAD, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS OR UNREASONABLE THEY HAVE BEEN.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Call it whatever the heck you darn well please

ERISOLSPRITE: at thii2 poiint you miight be riight and hone2tly ii dont thiink iid evven care but iim pretty 2ure my 2elfloathiin ii2 entiirely platoniic and not 2ome me22ed up romance.

ERISOLSPRITE: iim a jerkoff not a jerk off.

ERISOLSPRITE: heh heh.

ERISOLSPRITE: that wwa2 a good one.

==>

Terezi presses her hands together, raises them to her mouth, and breathes in deep. She closes her eyes. Rose stares into the middle distance, her eyes glazed. Terezi holds it in. She may appear in prayer but there is nothing sacred left in this reality, (and also only purple bloods are anything resembling religious, but who's counting). This she knows. Everyone else exchanges a few confused and mildly grossed out glances. Terezi lowers her hands. She opens her eyes, and breathes out.

TEREZI: TH4T W4S LOV3LY 4RQU1US

TEREZI: TOUCH1NG 4ND R3V34L1NG, 3V3N

TEREZI: 4ND HON3STLY 1M H4PPY TH4T YOUR3 F1N4LLY MOR3 COMFORT4BL3 W1TH YOURS3LF 4ND H4V3 K1ND OF FOUND SOM3ON3 TO SH4R3 THOS3 SORTS OF F33L1NGS W1TH 3V3N 1F 1TS W31RD

TEREZI: SO!

TEREZI: 1M R34DY TO D13 NOW!

KANAYA: Yes

KARKAT: PLEASE.

==>

The trolls sit on their slabs. Kanaya on the left, Karkat in the middle, and Terezi on the right. The Doom slab made for Sollux has been captchalogued by Terezi. Everyone else stands in a semicircle behind them, waiting for someone to come to a decision. Karkat lies down, then gets back up. Kanaya taps a quiet rhythm. Terezi pats the rock, rubbing her finger over the small smiley face she drew with the last of her red chalk.

==>

TEREZI: 1M NOT SUR3 4BOUT YOU GUYS BUT 1M NOT G3TT1NG 4NY YOUNG3R 4ND 1M D3F1N1T3LY NOT F33L1NG 4NY SP1R1TU4L 3NL1GHT3NM3NT OR GODLY POW3RS COM1NG ON 31TH3R

TEREZI: HOW 4R3 W3 GO1NG TO DO TH1S?

KANAYA: I Feel It Would Be A Bit Gruesome For Me To Do It And Also A Bit Messy When I Have To Do It To Myself

KARKAT: ARE YOU LABOURING UNDER THE DELUSIONS THAT I WOULD LET YOU KILL YOURSELF WITH A CHAINSAW?

TEREZI: NO SH3S R1GHT 1TS GOT GOOD DR4M4T1C V4LU3 BUT W3 C4NT US3 TH3 CH41NS4W 1TS 1MPR4CT1C4L

==>

She looks at Rose expectantly.

==>

ROSE: Sorry.

ROSE: I know it's for a good cause but I'm not really in the mood to kill my girlfriend at the moment.

DAVE: just throwing my hat into the ring before anybody so much as insinuates their eyes even vaguely in my direction but im not really down to kill my boyfriend at the moment or ever either so

TEREZI: COW4RDS!

TEREZI: BUT F41R

==>

The Dragon Cane appears in her hands. 

==>

TEREZI: 1 SH4LL DO 1T MYS3LF

TEREZI: 1 D1DNT W4K3 UP TOD4Y TO K1LL MY FR13NDS BUT MY N3RV3S 4R3 4 L1TTL3 FR4Y3D 4T TH1S PO1NT

KARKAT: HEY NOT SO HASTY

==>

Homes Smell Ya Later appear in his hands.

KARKAT: ARE YOU LABOURING UNDER THE DELUSIONS THAT I WOULD LET YOU KILL YOURSELF WITH A CANE?

TEREZI: 1S MY C4N3 NOT GOOD 3NOUGH FOR YOU K4RK4T

TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NT TO DO WH4T3V3R 1T 1S YOU DO W1TH 4 S1CKL3 TO K1LL YOURS3LF TO KILL YOURS3LF TH3N B3 MY GU3ST 1 SUPPOS3

TEREZI: 1TS YOUR MOM3NT TOO SO 1 DONT W4NT TO B3 TOO CONTROLL1NG 4BOUT 1T

==>

Kanaya pulls out her lipstick and uncaps it.

KANAYA: Be Careful Where You Point Those

KANAYA: Lets Make Sure Nobody Does Anything Theyll Regret

KARKAT: KANAYA WHAT ARE YOU DOING

TEREZI: W3 JUST 4GR33D TH4T W3 W3R3NT GO1NG TO US3 TH3 CH41NS4W

KANAYA: I Know I Just Felt Like I Should Join In

TEREZI: C4RRY ON TH3N

KANAYA: Cool

KARKAT: IF ANYONE HAS TO STAB ANYONE THEN I'M WILLING TO DO IT FOR THE TEAM.

TEREZI: K4RK4T 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO H4V3 TO K1LL YOUR FR13NDS

KARKAT: I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO KILL YOUR FRIENDS EITHER.

KANAYA: It Seems We Have Reached An Impasse

TEREZI: K4RK4T 1TS SW33T OF YOU TO WORRY FOR MY S4K3 BUT 4LSO K1ND4 P4TRON1Z1NG

TEREZI: 1M JUST 4S C4P4BL3 4S YOU H3R3

TEREZI: 1V3 S33N 4 LOT OF FR13NDS D13 SO 1TS R34LLY NOT 4 B1G D34L

KARKAT: LIKEWISE.

KANAYA: Are We Seriously Going To Fight Over Whos Violent And Traumatized Enough To Kill Their Friends

KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!

KARKAT: ARE WE?

ERISOLSPRITE: iif iit get2 you nookliickiing dunderfuck2 to 2hut up about iit do you want me to do iit?

TEREZI: TH4NKS FOR TH3 GR4C1OUS OFF3R BUT TH1S 1S OUR SU1C1D3 4RGUM3NT

TEREZI: WH1CH 1SNT 4 R34L 4RGUM3NT B3C4US3 1M DO1NG 1T

TEREZI: 1F YOU GUYS DONT W4NT M3 TO TH3N GO 4H34D 4ND L1T3R4LLY K1LL YOURS3LV3S WH4T3V3R WORKS FOR YOU

==>

She sits back down and unsheathes the dragon-headed blade.

==>

KANAYA: Alright Then

==>

She experimentally moves the chainsaw up and down her body.

KANAYA: Im Really Not Sure What The Best Way To Go About This Is

CONDESCE: T)(-EN L-ET M-E DO IT FOR YOU!

==>

The Condesce rises over the edge of the lilypad, eyes flashing violently. Before the trolls can move, she fires.

==>

Dad pushes his way to the front of the spectators as soon as he hears her voice. He recognizes it from his time in the prisons of Derse, even if he only heard it once. The lasers consume the trolls before he can throw himself in between them, but he still has enough time to equip a max level Beagle Aegis to defend the rest of the kids. It withstands 3 seconds of sustained psionic fire before Roxy can frantically snatch everyone up into the void.

The Condesce touches down on the platform and screams.

CONDESCE: i fly ALL T)(-E WAY OV-ER )(-ER-E just so you can all )(ID-E?!

CONDESCE: nice try assholes

CONDESCE: cant hide ma girls from me foreva

She attempts to commune with Jade and PM, her powers struggling to breach the Void's veil. She growls and pushes harder. Sparks fly around her head and she grits her bared teeth. 

Rose turns to Jasprose.

ROSE: Get them out of here now.

ROSE: Keep yourselves moving, don't stay in one place.

ROSE: I'll message Jade when you can come back.

Jasprose nods and grabs a disoriented Jade and an angry PM - who manages to snag a panicked Mayor, who's holding onto a confused but excited Ms. Paint, who's holding onto a moping Jack - and throws them through a fenestrated wall, leaping through after them with a thumbs up. 

The Condesce stomps her feet as she senses the goddogs leave and no matter how hard she tries, she can't lock onto their signal. They just keep bouncing around and she has no time to hone into their minds.

CONDESCE: okay now im eeling reel fuckin pissed

CONDESCE: if ya wanted me to krill you slower you didnt need to push my fuckin buttons

CONDESCE: ya just had to ask nice

KARKAT: SHUT UP.

==>

Let's just zoooooooooom in on her face here. This is the face of someone who has made a mistake.

CONDESCE: shit

CONDESCE: thought they were decorative

==>

The raging psionic fire and the embers of smoldering, multicoloured rock fragments begin to die, and 3 hooded figures rise above the flashing flames licking the soles of their feet. 

Kanaya. So elegant and poised in her Sylph outfit, reminiscent of Hellenistic marble: shining white, with a cold and hard beauty which somehow still has soft ripples nestled among the angles of the rock. She looks stern and motherly. But then she bares her fangs. One hand on the handle and the other on the cord, her chainsaw blade rests across her chest. Her wings are testament to her lineage. Her grip around the chainsaw tightens when she remembers the matriorb sitting in her sylladex. Rainbowdrinker glow illuminates the inside of her hood.

Karkat - who once before might have been seen as just another petulant, wiry teen, hiding away in their slightly oversized sweater - suddenly seems more filled out in his god tier, looking angry with purpose (for once): steely and determined, Homes Smell Ya Later brandished in either hand by his sides, eyes boring holes into the enemy. There's a little sneer in his lip. It's funny, he thinks. A mutant like him facing down an empress. But he thinks it makes sense too. It might be up, but his hood can't contain his pointed fringe or messy hair.

Terezi is ready. Her feet are delicately hovering, but poised to assume a seasoned fighting stance to match her arms. Her body is loose and relaxed but she still looks dangerous. The red of her glasses barely peeks out of the bottom of her Seer's hood, with more than enough room below them for her sharp grin to be put on intimidating display. Wings as pointy as her horns flutter her into the air to join her friends. Red glints through grey fingers brandishing the blades of her cane, a strong hand resting atop the dragon's head.

==>

Sylph of Space.

==>

Knight of Blood.

==>

Seer of Mind.

==>

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I think this is a pretty exciting development.

==>

The Condesce ever so slightly squeezes her 2x3dent just a liiiiittle bit tighter. Nobody notices. Besides her, of course. If you asked her she wouldn't say that she was intimidated. She can beat 3 easily. 

==>

Everyone else appears behind them, weapons drawn. And they all look so serious. So serious and determined. Unwavering. I think they look unwavering. And they all light up in a wispy neon rainbow like someone's plugged them into the world's transformer. 15. She can beat 15.

==>

Oh look there's Sawtooth and Squarewave.

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect another update in a week. It could happen but I'm not holding my breath. I'm inconsistent AFFFFFF.
> 
> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	15. )(IC: Round Two!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trolls and Jane fight the Condesce in strife round two!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while to come out for something so simple but school got busy towards the end there. Anyway! Action! This is the longest fight scene I've ever written so hopefully it's coherent and the pacing is kinetic enough to sufficiently substitute the flashes we're used to. I know the Condesce didn't do much damage so sorry if you wanted to see her kicking ass. I hope we liked the GT powers because this was a bit of a taste of what we'll see the trolls doing in the future. Now we're really getting into the meat of things, and I hope to get a few chapters out over the next couple of weeks now that I'm on holiday, but no promises.

CONDESCE: who swinging firs-

Everyone's hair - including the Condesce's already unmanageable mane, which is a real sight at the moment - viciously whips around in the roaring wind from the fist of air smashing into the Condesce's chest. Her grunt is carried away by the breeze, and then destroyed, because the force of the spontaneous wind is immense and nobody can actually really hear anything besides a big whoosh. You know the one. No amount of psychic buffering prevents the wind from punting her ragdoll body off the lilypad and toward the approaching rapbots. Fuchsia droplets fly from her gasping lips. Sawtooth's cloak opens in the bluster and a volley of missiles send her careening back into the platform, bouncing everyone into the air as it tilts with the impact.

CONDESCE: guess i asked

Rose raises her needles with a frightful elegance, the soft glow at the ends growing brighter and harsher the higher she lifts them. Kanaya slowly places her chainsaw blade across Rose's chest and shakes her head. Dave freezes the Condesce mid-rise but Karkat puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back. Terezi floats forward, giving her blades some experimental swings and twirls. Jane joins her, clutching her fork in both hands. Roxy opens her mouth but Jane holds out her arm with a grim smile.

JANE: It's okay, Roxy.

JANE: You had your turn.

JANE: If there has to be a round two, I would like a better go at it myself, if it's all the same to you.

TEREZI: 4M3N

ROXY: well were here if you need us!

KANAYA: Thanks

KANAYA: If We Start Dying Feel Free To Bail Us Out

JOHN: will do!

==>

Terezi holds out a fist to Jane. She bumps it firmly.

TEREZI: W3V3 GOT TH1S

JANE: Fuck yeah we do.

==>

Everybody else drifts backward. Nannasprite hands Dad to Davepeta and drifts forward with Nannaspritex2 in tow, both clenching and unclenching their fists.

NANNASPRITE: Mind if we join you?

NANNASPRITEx2: We have our own scores to settle.

==>

KARKAT: HAVE AT IT.

==>

Once the Condesce staggers back onto her feet, she slings the 2x3dent over her shoulder with a jut of a hip and a swing of an arm. She points a sharpened pink nail at Karkat and grins. Despite the blood smearing her lipstick, it's still a menacing gesture. Maybe it's the eyes; wild and cold. Something cruel lies between the iris and the pupil, and it gets under your skin with her stare.

CONDESCE: all ma ghosts coming back to haunt me huh?

CONDESCE: i guess nows a good a time as any to cull you ya filthy mutant

CONDESCE: ya know splittin ups just gunna make this easeaier for me right?

==>

He draws a sickle across his throat.

==>

CONDESCE: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A!

CONDESCE: GOOD

==>

Another eye laser sends the group sprawling, trolls diving left and right to avoid the second psychic onslaught. Karkat dives under the attack and charges the empress down, cutting a shallow line across her midriff while she attempts to chase Jane down with her beams. The energy dies with a splutter as she puts a hand over the wound, tentatively probing for any potentially displaced organs. Karkat whirls around behind her, ending his slide across the rock with a front flip over her head. Before she can move to stave him off, his sickles bite deep into her shoulders. His feet slam against the ground and he throws her through the air across his back in a spray of blood and graceful acrobatic tumbling nobody would have expected from someone so raucous and clumsy. She skitters across the lilypad's surface and into Nannasprite's conjured oven.

NANNASPRITE: Suck on those eggs, you old hag!

CONDESCE: GOD I CANT B-ELI-EV-E YOUR-E STILL UPS-ET ABOUT T)(AT S)(IT

Red energy furiously pulsates around the oven and the door bangs open. An overly-bangled arm shoots out and its clawed hand gouges the rock below, struggling to find purchase. Nannaspritex2 frustrates the Condesce's efforts with a stream of freshly baked ecto-cookies, beating the scrabbling arm back into the oven. The door shuts it in again and the construct begins rattling. 

NANNASPRITEx2: You should know, Baroness, to not open the oven before the baking has finished!

CONDESCE: BITC)( G-ET R-E-EL

CONDESCE: YOU COD GIV-E M-E BAKIN ADVIC-E IF YA COD MAK-E SOM-EFIN B-ETTA T)(AN M-E FOR ONC-E

Golden prongs shatter the glass of the door and poke holes out the back, the window's shards dissolving into blue slime, followed by the disappearance of the rest of the battered construct.

CONDESCE: everyone needa learn some manners, fuck

Two quick laser bursts knocks both sprites out of the way. Jane and Terezi roll in together, front and back. Jane goes low and Terezi goes high. Terezi's first swipe is blocked by the 2x3dent, which swings down toward Jane as the Condesce spins to parry a stab from her fork. Terezi's second blade cuts through the front of the Condesce's shoulder. She flings the Seer away with telekinesis. Jane jumps and smashes the Skaian orb onto the Condesce's head, bringing it back around across her face, knocking her to the side. Finally, she pokes a few shallow holes in her side with the fork and roles away to stand beside the staggered Terezi. Karkat runs back in with Kanaya. He grabs her hands and they spin together, green energy radiating from their blurry bodies which very quickly achieve speeds not normally achievable by organic lifeforms. The Condesce blasts at them but the lasers just can't seem to reach their targets. Karkat flings Kanaya who slices through the top half of the Condesce's weapon with her screaming chainsaw blade. Karkat runs after her, slicing one of the Condesce's legs open and then the other on a return trip. She screams in frustration and picks him up with her psionics, neutralizing his increased speed. He struggles against her force but can't escape. She picks up the broken half of her weapon and flings it into his chest. He falls to the ground. Jane rushes over to heal him while Kanaya and Terezi scream at the enemy, pairing up to execute a a disorienting Largamente Mentality. Inexplicably, the space between the Condesce's thoughts increase, the empress unable to hold down her rapidly expanding mind. Empty space flashes in her widened eyes. She opens her mouth to speak but all that tumbles out are a grouping of sounds and accents which don't quite mesh.

KARKAT: TEREZI!

Resurrected Karkat rises to his feet. She nods. They initiate a Dissonant Judgement. Dark red chains erupt from the ground and ensnare the empress's limbs, forcing her to her knees. Cyan karmic energy begins to crackle around her, materializing a guillotine blade above her neck. She attempts to blast her way out the chains, but there's nothing she can do to break free from the bonds. The blade drops and passes through her neck. If she had a health bar, we'd be watching that motherfucker fly to the halfway like there was no tomorrow. Intergalactic dictators, as bad people, accrue a lot of karma easily exploitable by Mind players. Karkat and Terezi serving justice like no other. It's almost like Seers and Knights work well together or something, I dunno. They run at her together. Terezi foresees the now-plain-old-trident's stab and dodges out of the way, driving her cane into the Condesce's side. Karkat, without the foresight, cops a punch in the face that knocks him over. The Condesce pulls the cane blade out and snaps it in half, flinging the halves at the upstart teal blood with telekinetic aid. Both halves whizz past her head, scratching her cheeks. Terezi continues to foresee the woman's attacks, dodging kick after punch after kick after psychic blast, leaping into the air and roundhousing the empress, knocking out a couple of teeth for the road before backflipping away to retrieve her broken weapon. In a flash of green light, Kanaya reattaches the halves.

TEREZI: TH4TS PR3TTY FUCK1N S1CK

KANAYA: Yeah It Is Pretty Fucking Sick

KANAYA: Now Ill Do Something Else Admirably Radical

The Condesce hears the rumble of the chainsaw before she sees the glowing rainbowdrinker charging her down. She sidesteps one swing of the blade. Flexes out of the way of another. Telekinetically pushes a third away. Kanaya captchalogues the weapon and follows up with a fist into the Condesce's gut. Another into the face as the woman stoops over with the winding. Fangs bared and arms outstretched, she jumps toward the empress's throat. Her hands wrap around the Condesce's neck and - once she swings around onto a comfortable perch on the troll's back (slightly smothered by the hair) - bites into it.

CONDESCE: UG)( you nasty BITC)(

She bites harder. The Condesce coughs and gurgles, trying to swing the girl off her back. Kanaya releases her hold on the woman's hair and grabs her horns. She digs her feet into the Condesce's sides, driving her into the ground. She grunts and bucks Kanaya off her back. She holds the girl in the air with her psionics and jumps up with fists high above her head, smashing her into the ground, breaking a decent amount of bones. She lands back on top of her, punching her in the face, breaking Kanaya's nose and jaw. Jade blood splashes against the grey stone, mixing with the fuchsia. Neon green energy begins flashing around the rainbowdrinker's battered, luminous body. With a single punch, the Condesce pchoooooooo's into the sky, breaking a few ribs and leaving her glasses behind along the way. Jane flies over to heal Kanaya, holding out a hand and pulling her back to her shaky feet. Kanaya gently pushes Jane to the side and draws her chainsaw again, yanking on the cord with time to spare to cut through the Condesce's left arm on her return to earth. Fuchsia blood begins streaming from the stump. The Condesce screams and blows Kanaya away with her lasers. Jane puts a stop to that with another bonk of the Skaian orb. The Condesce butts her away with her horns and rises to her feet, brandishing her trident at the heiress. Jane thrusts, her fork caught in the prongs of the trident. The two step in close and the Condesce loses her footing in a slick of her own arm blood. Driving home the advantage, Jane headbutts her in the nose. She follows up with a leaping kick across the empress's face. Once more, they stab at each other with their forks, parrying again and again until the Condesce regains enough composure to psionically throw Jane's arm up, giving her an opening to stab her. Jane grunts and catches the trident with her fork, yanking it out of her arm and the Condesce's hand, flinging it over the edge of the lilypad. A giant blue hand mixer appears in the air and drives down onto the Batterwitch's stunned body, tossing her about and crushing her between the beaters as the Nannasprites operating it above cheer Jane on, throwing down cookies to heal the wound in her arm. Jane practically inhales one and the jagged holes begin to close, quickly aided by her own Life magic. Vomiting blood at this point, the Condesce stumbles out of baking appliance Hell and straight into the path of Jane's fist. The Skaian orb is driven into her gut, inciting another round of violent coughing. Jane twirls the fork around and stabs it into the empress's stomach. Without giving pause for thought, she yanks it back out and pokes some more holes in her chest and remaining arm.

==>

If the Condesce had a health bar right now, well you'd probably be wondering how she's still kicking. This is when the boss armour kicks in and they start nullifying damage. But just because her body can sustain some more beating doesn't mean her stamina and clarity can match pace. 

==>

With a twirl above her head and a furious battle cry, Jane swings the fork low and smashes the empress's legs out from underneath her. With a groan, she falls onto her back and slowly rolls onto her chest. Jane hops onto her back and drives the fork down, pinning the Condesce's neck between the gap in the prongs. Jane breathes, and cyan energy begins radiating from her body. Slowly, it snakes down her arm, gathering around her hand.

TEREZI: GOOD TH1NK1NG CROCK3R!

==>

Jane places her hand on the Condesce's back, the other holding her fork firmly in place, and envelopes the troll's body in blue light. 

==>

The Condesce manages to choke out a laugh (and some more blood), turning her head as much as she can to side-eye the girl sitting on her.

CONDESCE: oh no

CONDESCE: water you gunna do, heal me?

JANE: Yes, actually.

JANE: That's exactly what I'm going to do, and then some.

==>

The trolls walk up to the pair, Karkat pinning the empress to the ground with red bonds around her limbs reminiscent of the same ones she had placed on his ancestor millennia and universes ago. Terezi kneels down in front of her and pokes her in the face with her blade, earning a snare and blood spit in her direction.

TEREZI: 3W

TEREZI: WHO W4S 1T TH4T N33D3D M4NN3RS 4G41N?

She pulls the Condesce's tiara off and sets it down beside her.

==>

Kanaya stands to the side, taking a moment to reapply her smudged and bloodied lipstick before reverting the tube to chainsaw mode, holding the stilled blade flush against the prongs of Jane's fork, teeth poised against skin.

KANAYA: Do Try Your Best To Not Have Any Amusing Thoughts

KANAYA: For Your Sake Of Course

KANAYA: Im Perfectly Content To Saw Your Head Off If Needs Be So By All Means Tempt Me Please

CONDESCE: motherfuckers only beat me cuz i was feelin tired from the last fight

KANAYA: Underestimation Played Its Part

KANAYA: Frankly I Dont Particularly Care How We Won So Long As You Cant Get Your Cruel Hands On The Matriorb

CONDESCE: waterever

==>

The blood from her wounds suddenly stops flowing, and then the wounds themselves close up. But Jane keeps pouring energy into her.

CONDESCE: gill you know ya just makin me feel more alive than i have in sweeps right

JANE: Oh, don't worry. I am well aware.

JANE: I'm helping your body to substantially increase your metabolic rate, and it should start to feel something like a bit of a sugar rush soon.

==>

Everyone else floats down to the platform, cheering. Rose rushes up to Kanaya and hugs her tightly from behind, resting her face against the back of her neck, fluttering her eyelashes against Kanaya's glowing skin. She breathes in then looks down to fix the Condesce with the froziest toesiest stare that could ice Hell over that you've ever seen. Dave scoops Karkat into his arms and fist bumps him. The alpha kids, Dad, and the Nanna's gather around Jane, with Dad patting Jane vigorously on the back.

==>

DAD: Fantastic work Jane.

DAD: You make your old man so proud.

JANE: Thanks, dad.

DIRK: So uh... what exactly are we trying to accomplish with this overhealing, Jane?

ROXY: yeah good question!

ROXY: whats the game plan?

JAKE: Why dont we finally put fish hitler out of her wicked misery while we have the chance?

CONDESCE: who wanna risk inheritin this dumbass curse then?

CALLIOPE: well it appears yoU've dodged a bUllet there, roxy!

ROXY: mmmmm no nasty slave curse for me thnx

JANE: Don't worry, nobody is going to have to bother themselves over this putrid handmaiden nonsense.

JANE: Tell me, Batterwitch, are you feeling life catching up to you, per chance?

CONDESCE: whats that supposed to mean?

JANE: Perhaps with the valiant assistance of the knight Strider we can get this cake baking a little faster, and you'll see what I mean momentarily.

JANE: Dave, mind lending a hand for a good cause?

DAVE: ive got the time

JANE: Perfect. If you could share some with us that would be absolutely delightful.

==>

He looks at her for a moment and gives a quiet nod. A large red, geared clock appears around the Condesce's body. Slowly, the gears begin to turn with great speed, entangling the blue energy between their teeth, the hands of the clock blurring as they spin faster and faster and faster with a steadily clunking tick tick tick. Nobody notices it besides the scrutinizing Jane, who smiles in her quiet victory: the Condesce grows a grey hair. It starts with the roots, so it's a bit hard to see among the dense and growing ocean of hair, but everyone starts catching on soon enough.

JANE: Feeling it yet?

CONDESCE: youre...

CONDESCE: youre makin me old

JANE: Yes, yes we are.

CONDESCE: fuck if i care aboat a few greys here and there i can just dye that shit if i have to

CONDESCE: do ya know how long a fuchsia can live for?

CONDESCE: youll be here a while

JANE: I'm not so sure.

JANE: In fact, I think I can spot the beginnings of some wrinkles.

CONDESCE: whale thats not ma problem

CONDESCE: wrinkles can add character

JANE: Oh please, don't try to bluff with me, granny, because I'm not buying it.

CONDESCE: im not afraid to die

JANE: But you fought us so desperately to take control of the Earth.

JANE: You clearly have ambitions and dreams for a future as ruler of a reborn troll society.

CONDESCE: maybe so

CONDESCE: but thats just stickin around for the halibut

CONDESCE: i been around a long time, maybe im content to give up the crown to a worthy heiress these days

CONDESCE: waterboat that huh?

JANE: Unbelievable though it seems, perhaps!

JANE: Still... what an undignified death.

JANE: Withering away below the boot of your enemy until the only thing that's left is a pile of creaky old bones in a shitty bodysuit.

JANE: Nobody around to see or care.

JANE: Left here on this lilypad forever, dead of an artificial and inglorious old age after having your backside handed to you on a polished golden platter by a bunch of rebellious teens.

JANE: A shameful end, truly.

==>

Everyone falls silent for a minute. The Condesce closes her eyes. She can feel herself aging and she doesn't really care for it. Of course she's not just going to hand over the satisfaction of victory to these rebellious teens on a polished golden platter. But she can't feign nonchalance forever, even if fuchsia's are functionally immortal. She taps her fingernails against the ground and sighs, blowing hair out of her face.

==>

Tick. Tick. Tick.

==>

Tick. Tick. Tick.

==>

I don't think I need to make any more clock sounds.

==>

JANE: Well I guess you do truly have the fortitude to meet such a regrettable demise to have passed on through the generations of history.

A growl builds in the back of the empress's throat.

CONDESCE: fine im not fucking happy aboat it

CONDESCE: satisfied?

CONDESCE: what the FUCK do you want from me?

CONDESCE: do you want me to grovel? beg?

CONDESCE: fuck off bitch

CONDESCE: just get it over w and let me die with the little dignity i have left

JANE: It's not quite what I had in mind.

JANE: I'm not petty or vain enough to need such a pathetic display to validate myself you see.

JANE: No, I have a much better idea.

JANE: Something a touch more honourable than this too, might I add.

JANE: Would it not be fair to say revenge is well within your empress's wheelhouse.

CONDESCE: yeah you could say that i guess

JANE: My proposition is quite simple: I shall enlist you to fight Lord English while we prepare to do the same, someone of your power presenting an adequate distraction.

JANE: I doubt you'll come out on the other side unscathed by the time we arrive, but it's either dying in a blaze of glory making an attempt on the man who has enslaved you and curbed your will for so long, or we kill you now.

CONDESCE: jane youre a ruthless businesswoman

CONDESCE: youd make a fine empress if ya toughened up a bit

CONDESCE: i guess this is my only choice huh

TEREZI: Y34H TH1S 1S 1T

TEREZI: NOTH1NG 3LS3 4V41L4BL3 1M 4FR41D

==>

The Condesce considers Jane for a moment, locking eyes with someone she doesn't mind being beaten by quite so much anymore.

CONDESCE: shit

CONDESCE: ya drive a hard bargain

CONDESCE: ill accept on one condition

CONDESCE: put ma arm back on

==>

Jane lifts her fork from her enemy's neck and slowly rises into the air off her back. Karkat breaks the bonds holding her down, and Kanaya reluctantly lifts her chainsaw from her neck. The Condesce stands, looking between the faces of everyone who bested her, including Sawtooth and Squarewave who are now standing at Dirk's sides after not having actually really done anything besides that sneak attack at the beginning, which is fine. Jane holds out her hand. The Condesce shakes it.

JANE: Deal.

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	16. See You Soon, Talk To You Sooner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Condesce subdued without heroic or just casualties, and time slowly running away from them, the kids must depart for their missions. Some fly to confront their denizens that they may receive spiritual guidance. Others fly to the bubbles in preparation to aid the struggling ghost army. Some stay behind. All of them await the coming convergence of the forces of Paradox Space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 2 in 2 days. Haven't done that since the first chapters. Next chapter is going to be an intermission where we will take a trip to the bubbles and LOFAF. Hopefully it will be a bit longer than these previous 2. After that we'll do the denizens, and I'm not sure if I'll do one/chapter or what but we'll figure it out. These are not goodbyes.

The Condesce now has both arms and a replacement 2x3dent. Surprisingly, she's being pretty calm about it.

ROSE: Try anything funny and it won't matter an iota if you try to control her again.

ROSE: Not even Jade could divert us all before someone found a way to dispose of you.

CONDESCE: chill ya dont gotta tell me twice

==>

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at ??:?? --

TT: Hello Jade.

GG: hi rose!

GG: is everything okay?

TT: Yes, everything is fine.

TT: Nobody is hurt and the Condesce has been thoroughly subdued.

GG: yay!

GG: i knew you guys would be able to beat her

GG: i have such amazing friends

GG: sorry that i wasnt able to help out :(

TT: It's alright.

TT: It's not your fault.

TT: Besides, Jane and the trolls relegated everybody else besides the Nannasprites to cheerleading on the sidelines, so you didn't exactly miss any opportunities.

TT: You may come back now.

GG: okay!

GG: see you soon

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at ??:?? --

==>

Jade captchalogues the Junior Compu-Sooth Spectagoggles

JADE: i still think it would be a bad idea if they saw you right now

JADE: were all coming down to mission critical times and i dont think the emotional duress youd cause would help us pull all this stuff off!

JADE: in fact i think everyone would get upset and confused and itd throw a big fucking wrench into everything!

JADE: weve got more important things to deal with now than the stuff you did to us when we were younger

JACK: Well what the fuck are ya gunna do about it?

JACK: Just leave me behind, I don't need anyone to get things done around here anyway

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You really are quite the prickly customer, aren't you?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Perhaps you should invest in some self development time so you can learn to chill the fuck out and function as a member of society.

JADE: ive really had it up to here with assholes

JADE: jasprose is right take a time out and relax a bit

JADE: well decide what to do with you together once the dust has finally settled on this whole big adventure

JADE: practice being nicer for when that moment comes

==>

She holds out her hand, and in a flash of green light, Jack Noir finds himself on LOFAF once again. 

==>

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let's bounce!

A fenestrated wall appears and she throws her travelling companions through to the lilypad.

==>

CONDESCE: oh look its ma dog gill

CONDESCE: wazzup jade

JADE: rose i thought you said she was neutralized

JADE: but from where i am standing she doesn't look very neutralized in fact she looks precariously okay!

ROSE: We've twisted her arm into cooperating with us.

ROSE: Momentarily, she will be leaving us to join the ghost army in the bubbles to combat Lord English.

CONDESCE: about mothafuckin time tbh

JADE: well...

JADE: if you say so!

JADE: what if she turns against us in the bubbles?

CONDESCE: im not gunna lie i couldnt beat all the dead gods out there

CONDESCE: 1 vs infinity is a bit too much for me

TEREZI: COULDNT K1LL 4 GHOST 1F YOU W4NT3D TO 4NYW4Y

CONDESCE: we all got flaws

TEREZI: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS

TEREZI: J4D3

TEREZI: M1ND 3SCORT1NG OUR N3W 4CQU41NT4NC3 TO TH3 BUBBL3S?

JADE: not at all

==>

Rose looks at the empress, who - despite the somewhat tacky-chic taste - appears somewhat noble in her defeat.

ROSE: Anything you'd like to say before you go?

==>

The empress looks at Rose.

==>

CONDESCE: you kids might just beat him

==>

Jade holds out her hand, light growing in her palm. She sees the bubbles, the final battleground and resting place of so many in the struggle against the fearsome and garish cherub tearing space down around them, fixed under the emerald scowl of the Green Sun.

CONDESCE: sea ya on the otter side

==>

And she's gone. 

==>

ROSE: Well...

ROSE: We're all ready then.

ROSE: Let us depart.

==>

PM: We shall depart for the Forge.

The Mayor nods.

ROSE: Thank you.

PM picks Ms. Paint up by the hand and flies toward LOFAF with the Mayor in tow.

==>

ROXY: ill head off too!

Roxy hugs and kisses everyone gathered on the cheek. She noogies Calliope, who noogies her back with a quiet giggle. She gives Rose a slightly longer, slightly tighter hug, and floats into the air.

ROXY: good luck everyone!

She's met with a resounding chorus of well wishing and waving, the Strilondes all giving her their best thumbs ups. She points at Dirk.

ROXY: ill buzz u when im ready to pick u up k?

DIRK: Cool.

==>

And so she flies to LOPAN, preparing herself for another discussion with Nyx. 

==>

Dirk turns to Jake.

DIRK: Let's bounce.

JAKE: Good idea.

JAKE: It has been getting a bit stuffy under the collar around here.

JAKE: Karkat.

KARKAT: YEAH?

JAKE: Lets go see what this mystical snakeish guide has to say about our fulfilling spirit journeys or some such!

KARKAT: ALRIGHT.

==>

Karkat squeezes Dave's hand before walking over to Dirk and Jake and jumping into the air. Jake joins him, waving at his friends, quietly chewing on his smiling lips.

DIRK: Later y'all.

==>

They fly to LOMAX, Felt (now including Cans and Clover, who have been tied up on the side and ignored by everyone) stowed in the oven in Jake's sylladex. 

==>

Rose turns to John.

ROSE: You've done a lot of adventuring lately, so you don't need to worry about solving any puzzles or cracking any riddles.

ROSE: If you want, you could just leave for the bubbles with Terezi and Kanaya.

JOHN: i guess i might as well if there's no other important odd jobs for me to do for anyone.

ROSE: It would be best for you to wait for us all to arrive before any of you engage English, lest you end up doing something unfortunately heroic and get obliterated forever.

ROSE: I imagine Vriska will be hiding out among the ghosts where she can wait to make her move behind the meatshield.

ROSE: Find her and maintain the lowest profile you can manage.

JOHN: he won't even know we're there.

ROSE: Good.

ROSE: Bring Arquius and Erisol with you.

ARQUIUSPRITE: --> Okay

ERISOLSPRITE: wwhatevver ii gue22

ROSE: Might as well bring Dirk's rapbots too.

SQUAREWAVE: YO DOGG GONNA TAKE A TRIP TO SEE A BUNCH OF DEAD KIDS FUCKIN SICK

JOHN: oh boy.

==>

He looks at Sawtooth. Sawtooth looks at him quite stoically, because that's the way his face was made, and turns away, picking Squarewave up and flying into the air. 

==>

Kanaya kisses Rose.

==>

KANAYA: Are You Going To Tell Me What My Important Secret Job Is Yet Or Is It Still An Important Secret?

ROSE: Don't worry, that will come later.

ROSE: You might even figure it out before I get to tell you.

KANAYA: Okay

KANAYA: Off To Hide Among The Souls Of My Dead Friends As They Get Destroyed By A Rampaging Indestructible Star Eating Alien Then

KANAYA: See You Soon

ROSE: Talk to you sooner.

==>

Terezi punches Rose in the shoulder.

ROSE: You know roughly what you need to do?

TEREZI: UH HUH

ROSE: Good luck.

TEREZI: YOU TOO

==>

She pokes John in the ribs with her cane.

JOHN: hey!

JOHN: you might be blind but i know you can still like, tell where things are kinda and stuff.

JOHN: and that's way higher up than a cane is meant to go normally anyway, right?

TEREZI: H3H3H3

TEREZI: OH JOHN

TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU KNOW

==>

She hops into the air and starts flying away, holding up a peace sign.

TEREZI: L3TS ROLL OUT SQU4D

==>

John sighs with an exasperated and slightly errant furrow in his brow - and, oh, is that the beginning of a blush? - and shrugs at Kanaya, following Terezi into the air. Kanaya and the sprites follow close behind. Kanaya pauses and turns around one last time to wave at Rose before rejoining the group. Rose waves back with a smile and sighs.

==>

ROSE: They better not die before we get there...

JANE: Guess I better be on my merry way too.

JANE: Shall you message me first?

ROSE: Sure.

JANE: Rightio then.

JANE: Bye.

==>

She picks Dad up in her arms and squeezes him tight, the pair resting each other's faces in each other's shoulders.

DAD: Be careful, Jane.

JANE: You too.

JANE: I'll be fine.

DAD: As will I.

DAD: Enjoy your quest.

==>

She turns to go.

==>

DAD: One more thing before you leave, Jane.

JANE: Yes?

DAD: It's been something real special watching you become such a strong, independent young woman.

DAD: Even if I was in a lavish prison cell for a lot of it in the middle there.

JANE: Thanks Dad.

JANE: Love you.

DAD: I love you too, cupcake.

==>

She flies off to LOCAH, anxiously anticipating further instruction from Rose.

==>

Dad settles down with the Nannasprites, leading Calliope to the edge of the lilypad and sitting down with her to admire Skaia. 

==>

ROSE: Jade, standby with Calliope.

JADE: what?

JADE: isnt there something for me to do?

JADE: im sorry rose but im sick and tired of being left out of things because the universe works in mysterious ways or whatever

JADE: i want to help my friends!

ROSE: I know, I know, and I appreciate that and you will.

ROSE: You're going to be shifting a lot of things around, and I'm sure you'll be an asset in the fight against English.

ROSE: We're just not ready for you to shake things up yet.

JADE: well... okay

JADE: but youll call as soon as you need me right?

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: You won't be waiting long.

ROSE: Reckon you could shift a black hole?

JADE: oh wow okay :o

JADE: i think so

ROSE: Good.

ROSE: Talk to you soon.

==>

Jade hugs her and laughs.

==>

JADE: see you sooner!

She walks over to Calliope and sits beside her, putting an arm over her shoulder, equipping her goggles again and showing them off to her new friend. She takes them off with a wave of the hand and puts them on Calliope's head, who gasps and starts looking around frantically with a bounce in her body, waving her arms around.

==>

Rose stares at Dave. Dave stares at Rose. Jasprose stares at Davepeta. Davepeta stares at Jasprose.

DAVE: well be fine

ROSE: Yeah.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: In the end, it's just another Strilonde suicide mission, what's there to worry about?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We've managed just fine before and I'm sure we'll emerge without a single scratch.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < besides the one were going to make of clawse!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of clawse.

ROSE: I'm not sure how you should go about that, if we're being honest.

ROSE: I imagine the necessary materials are native to the session, so it will just be a matter of finding them.

ROSE: Aren't any creepy manipulative assholes or incomprehensible whispers to guide us this time.

DAVE: oh boy a treasure hunt

DAVE: the good lord knows i absolutely cannot wait to search through alien kidhitlers wonderland for this bs

ROSE: Yeah it's not the most thrilling of jobs, but somebody has to do it.

DAVE: i dont mind cuz it definitely beats hangin around to watch a bunch of dead kids die again at least

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but were still gunna have to escape when kitty litter hits the fan

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Luckily, the alternate Calliope has provided supplies for you to do just that.

ROSE: Again, not actually sure what they are, or how they work.

==>

A pair of white spheres appear in her hands. A small rectangular hollow is carved into the face of each from which jut a pair of Cassio-resembling keyboards. 

==>

ROSE: I can only assume these are time travel devices, and if the time travel devices of a given player mirror their native scratch construct, it's fitting that Caliborn's resemble a cue ball.

DAVE: pocketing a cue ball is called a scratch sportsways right

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah

JASPROSESPRITE^2: SBURB's terminology can be very literal sometimes.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but time travel isnt really gonna save us in a scratch rose

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and dave already has the timetables and time powers

JASPROSESPRITE^2: These will be for you to more adeptly jump around the timeline independently of Dave.

ROSE: You'll need them to raise Calliope.

DAVE: theyre right though this wont help us stop getting overwritten by a scratch

==>

Another orb appears in her hand. A faintly glowing, slowly spinning white spirograph can be seen within the murky darkness through its transparent surface. 

==>

DAVE: oh cool just a random thing

DAVE: we are just banking our chances on this black sphere thing

ROSE: Basically, yeah.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I like the odds.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its intriguing at least

ROSE: I trust that she knew what she was doing when she gave this to me.

ROSE: And I trust that you'll be able to do what needs to be done, and get back to us okay.

ROSE: You're both strong, determined people, right?

ROSE: If anyone can do it, I think you guys can.

DAVE: what about you?

DAVE: what are you going to do?

DAVE: probably somethin real lame right

ROSE: I'm going to play the rain.

DAVE: well that could actually be pretty cool i guess

DAVE: do you know what it will do or are you just really runnin out of options and crossin your fingers that it will do something useful

ROSE: Well it will do a few things, really.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: But it would take longer than we probably have to explain the hypothetical series of events so...

ROSE: I guess you'll just have to survive for no other reason than to find out.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < deal

ROSE: We'll just say that everything in paradox space can be reduced to a visual or substantive reproduction of some previous or circumstantially simultaneous event across some previous or circumstantially simultaneous timeline, and what I seek to accomplish is such an imitation.

ROSE: The catalyst for the reaction I seek to cause will be a little bit flashier than that of its ancestral occurrence too.

ROSE: Once, Kanaya said that she was surprised that my hubris had not collapsed upon itself into a lavender singularity.

ROSE: Maybe she wasn't wrong about that.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Didn't get the mass quite right, though.

ROSE: No.

ROSE: No she didn't.

DAVE: well thanks for giving me something to puzzle out on my way rose, really

DAVE: nobody helps work me out as much as you do

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Just ensuring a healthy neuroplasticity is all.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im certainly feline pretty stretched out alright

==>

They all laugh. And then they don't. And then they stare.

==>

DAVE: we should probably go consult my childhood web browser before everyone forgets we were meant to do somethin important and fall backasswards cuz we werent carrying the team fast enough

ROSE: Likewise.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i know this is intimidating but i do feel like were on the brink of something really pawesome right now

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Likewise.

ROSE: I'm glad we're all feeling faithful then.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < of clawse we are!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < were the strilondes

DAVE: raddest genealogy out there

ROSE: You fucking know it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We get shit done.

DAVE: fuck yeah we do

DAVE: we can totally do these things

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fuck yeah we can

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then I guess let's go do them!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < where doing it man

ROSE: Where making it hapen.

==>

She walks up to Dave and he pulls her into a hug. Jasprose and Davepeta do the same.

DAVE: i love you rose

ROSE: I love me too.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: She also loves you, seldom though the words dare grace her lips.

ROSE: I guess you could say that.

==>

She lets a softened smirk quirk the corner of her mouth, wrinkling her eyes a bit more like a smile.

ROSE: Stay gold ponyboy.

DAVE: see you space cowgirl

==>

They all let each other go, and without another glance, fly away.

==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is much appreciated, especially if it's about the characterization (although I would much prefer you suggested how to improve said characterization as opposed to just pointing out some flaws)!
> 
> As always, check out my HS fanfic blog at: http://homestuckficreaderascend.tumblr.com/
> 
> \- AC


	18. Hey! This Fic Isn't Dead!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead!

I just wanted to post this to say that I haven't died and neither has this project, I've just been really caught up with school and original projects and other stuff but the next chapter will come out before the end of the month, and after November I am free for another T W O so hopefully I can get some real work done in 8 weeks. I was really excited to finally get into the meat of the narrative and I still am but I kinda got swept up by other things but I haven't dropped it. The chapter that I'm working on is going a little slow even though it isn't that long ATM because I'm not SUPER sure on the direction I want to take for these few characters but I have basically everything and everyone else nailed down and will be able to chew through them once I've crossed chapter 17 proper.

I'll delete this once 'Considered A Career Change?' is ready.


	19. Hey! This Fic Isn't Dead But It Definitely Qualifies For Necromancy

Hey

It's 4/13! Happy Homestuck day. That's why I'm making this post now. I'm sorry to any fans (I'm not sure how many of you there actually are and if it's a bit presumptuous to assume you're dedicated to this) that I've kind of left out in the cold for the past long ass time. School became really busy for me because a lot of my projects got put at the start of the year instead of spreading out and I have a lot of executive-style duties and meetings as part of my senior role so I got a bit distracted and writing fell majorly to the wayside. 

I promised myself that I would finish this project and I do want to. So what happened? Well first, a year+ back now I'd think, I approached someone who I thought was making some cool theories and asked if they would be interested in helping me consolidate some ideas I'd had for my ending because it aligned with some of theirs (I'm not sure if I was actually talking to the OP or a reblogger because there was definitely some tonal dissonance between the two). Ultimately, they thought my work was trashy and misguided and eventually had their BFF start harassing my IMs too. After a good hour and a half wasted on these losers I was feeling pretty drained (which realistically I shouldn't've because it was pretty clear that they didn't really understand as much about the canon, meta, or characterization as much as they liked to say they did). But anyway I was pretty discouraged and that didn't change when I was comparing myself to things like Act Omega (love those guys go check them out! they're! upd8ing again!) who had the art, animation, and music to b back up their way better characterization. Around this time I decided to take a step back and focus on refining my ending, which I managed to mostly do. But I just wasn't feeling like writing it anymore. It was sloggish and I had (still have) so many original projects I wanted to do that I was just really not feeling great about this whole thing. The Jack Noir/Diamonds Droog chapter has been sitting in my drafts for at least half a year now. On top of that, I wasn't enjoying the writing style. Doing the conversations was cool, but trying to keep the conversational tone and decent description in the narrative was hard when trying to keep that Homestuck essence. Basically my lowkey imitation was kind of falling flat for me creatively. 

So here's what was going to happen: I was going to deal with the remaining MC members and sort out the Felt. The kids were going to talk to their denizens and if not get some important spiritual information, some important items. There was going to be the third scratch for Caliborn's session, creating alt!Calliope. There was going to be a loooooot of juju shenanigans with clocks, crowbars, and some soul fusion (and finally trying to sort out Serenity). Vriska was going to get a gun, the kids were going to get out, the alpha timeline was going to viably split in two, and there would have been a happy ending. I was going to self-insert fantastically, Doc Scratch was going to make a final return in the past, everything was going to pan out and every character from the story past and present was going to get 15 minutes of fame. Unfortunately it didn't work like that. 

I'm not sure how I intend to resolve this one tbh. I know I'm not dedicating myself to writing out full chapters again, but perhaps plot summaries with key scenes and conversations thrown in with maybe some author commentary? so there could be some sort of resolution to all this. I feel like this part of my creative life needs closure and I just know I can't give it the full write it deserves after becoming so detached from it, which was after a series of crippling insecurities and discouragements. So yeah, I'll think on that one. I'm not going to say when it will come out because that's the ultimate curse isn't it. 

Thanks

Sorry


End file.
